It’s hard to convince myself I don’t need someone by my side anymore.
For 5 months of my life I had you, to talk to, to love, to be loved by.
You consumed so much of me, took over so much of my life and without you so much was taken.
Your words were taken. Your body. Car rides curled into your side. Sleeping in your arms. Talking until late at night. Seeing each other in the morning. Getting into trouble together. Summer nights with all of our friends. Loving together.
The absence of you in a sense was the absence of me. You took pieces of my life that I thought had been set in stone.
But it was all temporary, you were temporary.
—  v.m
Tell me, am I finally losing my mind?
When I fell for you, all these years ago, there were so many things about you that appeared simply irresistible.
You used to care so much, about the people close to you but also those who had never met you before, you used to be able to sense someone’s sadness in a heartbeat and light up their whole day with a few genuine words and an honest smile.
I remember the way you greeted anybody with an adorable laugh and how you stood up for other people’s rights, not even tolerating a guy with a sexist shirt to breath the same air as you.
And god, you did not just meet all my standards; you are the one who set them for everyone that will follow.
You used to be my perfect secret example of all the good things in our wold and everything that is worth fighting for.
However, when I am looking at you now, I cannot spot any of these things any longer.
You literally do not care about anything any more and where used to be heartwarming empathy is now ignoring silence.
And every one of your ‘jokes’ about women actually breaks my heart because this is not you.
This is not the man I fell for, this is not the guy that I loved so much, with all these beautiful characteristics.
—  // so tell me, am I losing my mind?
Did you change so much or have I been blended by what I wanted to see in you for so long?
Am I no longer able to trust my judgement?

the world is a shatter-palace, 
and you consider yourself
king of broken windows 
and screams muffled
like murdered stars
in the night. 

here is a list of nothings:

  • blue unblinking eyes
  • lips chafed on massacre mouths
  • a mistake that you cannot seem to unmake 
  • an ocean that’s stealing all the heat you didn’t even know you had left to give
  • a boy whose bones are lies but whose skin is spring
  • a poem, a promise of “always, always, always” gasped between your storm-cellar bodies
  • the word “stay” carved into a gleaming key
  • the incendiary hum of traffic, cold air in the mornings
  • his fish-hook fingers entwined like summer vines with yours 
  • a smile reserved only for you and the night
  • a new city sprawling at your feet, cigarettes and drinks in between

nothing is a form of self-delusion & self-acceptance,
nothing is a secret kept from yourself and
biding your time before death

(nothing is the feel of his calloused
palms caressing your neck)

(nothing is a tear in your reality)

(nothing is forcing you to face your fear of
heights and the drop has never looked so fatal)

it is a static shock that festers like magma
beneath your skin and bleeding
in empty forgotten rooms 

his body is a temple and you get
your hands wet at the altar 

your body is a graveyard
and he raises your dead

he is the sky-high centre of 
your whole world and as
you fall and you fall, 
you are found. 


Holding on

What are we but lovers caught in a dream;
Entangled in a web of long gone wishes
Where only kisses breathe us alive,
We, trapped in a trance transcending time,
Locked is our distant gaze, craving eternity;
A single touch, what more could we want?

To remain close! – conjoined, is all we want:
Ethereal existence as in a dream,
Energy fusing in eternity,
We, longing to be but the sum of our wishes;
Sand never ruled by the hourglass of time,
Never falling, yet evolving, growing; alive.

I promise, our passion will forever remain alive,
This attraction fulfills the whole of our want;
We get lost in each other; in time! –
Skin to skin feels like a dream,
Let us stay drunk on love, high on our wishes;
Tightly clutched together for a sheer eternity.

This is destiny; our mortal grasp at eternity,
White sparkles inciting a flame forever alive,
Devouring us; stripping us of all wishes
Until we are consummated, free from want,
Absorbing the illusion of that lucid dream
Where your last kiss stops all time.

(Our moments will fade to memories in time.)

Us, promising and even expecting eternity;
Fools believe in such an idyllic dream! –
This last chance to keep you alive
Slowly slips away, wrenching my every want,
I see, only the heavens can grant wishes.

Bereft of hope, I whisper sweet death wishes,
Unable, no, reluctant to bide out my time
Now each waking day ends in the want
To gently slip into oneiric eternity,
The only place where I find you, still alive.

Alas, it is always just a dream.

Written by @denmysterywoman,
and @definegodliness

I have spent my good time
cultivating roses.
I’m weary
of being
For once,
can I be
the flower?
A daisy
would be fine,
I have always liked those.
—  In a field of clovers, by M.A. Tempels © 2017

he, of poison promises,
replaced me with him:
i was the only thing
hollow enough to
store his evil

he was my bones my blood my sinew
he was my breath
he moved me around like a puppet
picking all the words for me

somehow i thought
that was the way things
were supposed  
to be

i only went away
when i became too full
when i was too
heavy with his hatred—

i tried to purge it out
but it’s still there

i tried to bleed it out
but it’s still there

a year and a half later
and it’s still there