It’s hard to convince myself I don’t need someone by my side anymore.
For 5 months of my life I had you, to talk to, to love, to be loved by.
You consumed so much of me, took over so much of my life and without you so much was taken.
Your words were taken. Your body. Car rides curled into your side. Sleeping in your arms. Talking until late at night. Seeing each other in the morning. Getting into trouble together. Summer nights with all of our friends. Loving together.
The absence of you in a sense was the absence of me. You took pieces of my life that I thought had been set in stone.
But it was all temporary, you were temporary.
Tell me, am I finally losing my mind?
When I fell for you, all these years ago, there were so many things about you that appeared simply irresistible.
You used to care so much, about the people close to you but also those who had never met you before, you used to be able to sense someone’s sadness in a heartbeat and light up their whole day with a few genuine words and an honest smile.
I remember the way you greeted anybody with an adorable laugh and how you stood up for other people’s rights, not even tolerating a guy with a sexist shirt to breath the same air as you.
And god, you did not just meet all my standards; you are the one who set them for everyone that will follow.
You used to be my perfect secret example of all the good things in our wold and everything that is worth fighting for.
However, when I am looking at you now, I cannot spot any of these things any longer.
You literally do not care about anything any more and where used to be heartwarming empathy is now ignoring silence.
And every one of your ‘jokes’ about women actually breaks my heart because this is not you.
This is not the man I fell for, this is not the guy that I loved so much, with all these beautiful characteristics.
// so tell me, am I losing my mind?
Did you change so much or have I been blended by what I wanted to see in you for so long?
Am I no longer able to trust my judgement?
What are we but lovers caught in a dream; Entangled in a web of long gone wishes Where only kisses breathe us alive, We, trapped in a trance transcending time, Locked is our distant gaze, craving eternity; A single touch, what more could we want?
To remain close! – conjoined, is all we want: Ethereal existence as in a dream, Energy fusing in eternity, We, longing to be but the sum of our wishes; Sand never ruled by the hourglass of time, Never falling, yet evolving, growing; alive.
I promise, our passion will forever remain alive, This attraction fulfills the whole of our want; We get lost in each other; in time! – Skin to skin feels like a dream, Let us stay drunk on love, high on our wishes; Tightly clutched together for a sheer eternity.
This is destiny; our mortal grasp at eternity, White sparkles inciting a flame forever alive, Devouring us; stripping us of all wishes Until we are consummated, free from want, Absorbing the illusion of that lucid dream Where your last kiss stops all time.
(Our moments will fade to memories in time.)
Us, promising and even expecting eternity; Fools believe in such an idyllic dream! – This last chance to keep you alive Slowly slips away, wrenching my every want, I see, only the heavens can grant wishes.
Bereft of hope, I whisper sweet death wishes, Unable, no, reluctant to bide out my time Now each waking day ends in the want To gently slip into oneiric eternity, The only place where I find you, still alive.