creative and innocent

Mother, he touches me as if I am
the silver over which he rules.

Mother, he stares at me as if I am
more fearsome than all the creatures
in his kingdom.

Mother, he worships me as if I am the
only goddess he knows.

Mother, he holds me as if I am fragile
but kisses me as if I am stronger than
Atlas himself.

Mother, his eyes are precious stones
I fear they’re worth more than all my
flowers Above.

Mother, his rare smile shines brighter
than Apollo’s sun.

Mother, he tells me I am a queen and
places a crown of flowers and iron and
bones upon my head.

Mother, his laughter is water and I am
the thirstiest I have ever been.

Mother, his touch is golden and I am
rich.

Mother, his anger shakes our kingdom
whole and thrills my very bones.

Mother, he tells me rage is natural and
takes me to his Fields of Punishment to
scream it away.

Mother, he’s shown me even the dead
can bleed and given me control of
justice.

Mother, he’s watched me rip limbs from
the dead and kissed the blood from my
fingers and still found me beautiful.

Mother, his skin is ice and I am melting it.

Mother, he is a maze and I have lost
myself in him.

—  Kore
🌈 Colors of the Sky 🌈

Red-Orange; attraction, authority, change, courage, faith, harvest, ignorance, motivation, pleasure, power, self control, strength, stubbornness

Red-Orange-Yellow;  attraction, clarity, confidence, control, creativity, dishonestly, energy, excitement, happiness, insanity, inspiration, sensuality, opportunity, vanity, warmth

Red-Orange- Purple; calming, confidence, control, creativity, drama, enhancement, healing, independence, ignorance, luxury, moodiness, mystery, passion, protection, sickness, understanding, wisdom

Red-Yellow; change, clarity, comfort, courage, energy, enthusiasm, excitement, inspire, leisure, motivation, pleasure, vibrancy

Red-Yellow-Pink; attention, desire, emotions, energy, extremes, hatred, jealousy, love, lust, memory, physical, rage, revenge, romance, ugliness, vibrancy, vitality, wildness, wit

Orange-Yellow; carefree, clarity, comfort, happiness, health, education, enthusiasm, irresponsibility, intellect, joy, leisure, pleasure, mental clarity, rebellion, visions

Orange-Yellow-Pink; attraction, beauty, caution, caring, friendship, goals, inspiration, lighthearted, opportunity, protection

Orange-Blue-Purple; anxiety, change, coldness, control, depression, dreams, energy, focus, healing, independent, judgement, knowledge, loneliness, mystery, planning, sadness, spirituality, thought, tranquility

Yellow-Pink-Magenta; compassion, dependent, desperation, dominating, healing, heat, intensity, lively, love, passion, playfulness, seduction, sensitivity, outgoing, overbearing, weak, wildness, vulgar

Yellow-Blue; anxiety, awareness, discord, fear, insanity, justice, mixed signals, sickness, timidity, truth, unbalanced, unstable, weakness

Yellow-Blue-Grey; conservative, doubt, heartache, hopelessness, illness, isolation, logic, regret, restrained, quietness, sickness, sadness, sorrow

Yellow-White; bright, cleansing, creativity, freedom, harmony, innocence, learning, originality, peace, purity

Blue; calmness, communication, confidence, consistency, distance, healing, insight, knowledge, loyalty, patience, security, serene, solutions, wisdom

Blue-Purple; adventures, dept, faith, forgiveness, healing, intelligence, intuition, judgement, mediation, power, progress, protection, royalty, safety, sincerity, spirituality

Blue-Purple-White; calmness, cleansing, intuition, nostalgia, peace, perfection, safety, soothing, spirituality, understanding

Blue-Pink; affection, balance, caring, contentment, emotional healing, harmony, honor, nurturing, partnership, relationship, selflessness, sympathetic, thoughtfulness, unity

Blue-Black; banishment, beginnings, change, cleansing, endings, knowledge, learning, patience, power, protection, rebirth, telepathy, tolerance, unknown

Blue-White; calmness, cleansing, constancy, hope, guidance, patience, peace, protection, tranquility, trust, truth

Purple-Pink; attention, cool headed, enchantment, friendships, harmony, humble, luxury, optimism, relationships, sociable

Purple-Pink-White; aggressive, envious, extravagant, fear, immaturity, innocence, naive, weakness, wildness

Purple-Black; development, forgiveness, intelligence, justice, logic, mystery, pride, rebirth, releasing, safety, unknown

Purple-Grey; balance, clairvoyance, growth, healing, horrors, influence, neutrality, power, progress, security, spirituality

Black; closure, curses, death, destruction, endings, grounding, protection, repelling, reversing, transformation

Black-Grey; change, chaos, doubt, endurance, grounding, intelligence, knowledge, restrained, safety, solidness

**My personal correspondences

remember i made that post about barakamon-inspired au

what is this au, you ask?

it is an au where old retired hitman reborn moves to japan and is immediately adopted by the local kidlet gang and hijinks ensue. that’s about it. that’s really all i got.

My younger sister is only 10 years old
And already she knows what it means
To hate oneself and, if you ask her,
She can tell you right away what depression is.

My younger sister is only 10 years old
And she comes up to me asking me
Whether or not she is beautiful-
There are boys in her class who whisper
And she cannot find it in herself to keep her head up.

My younger sister is only 10 years old
And the weighing machine has become her best friend,
She steps onto it every day 
Asking me if the weight shown on the scale
Is the ‘ideal’.

My younger sister is only 10 years old
And when people call her pretty she casts her eyes downwards,
Mumbles a meek 'thank you’ and tells me
She thinks they did it out of courtesy.

My younger sister is only 10 years old
And already people are telling her
That 'if you don’t try to dress pretty people won’t like you’-
I’ve seen her look at my dresses and sigh
That she wished she was pretty enough to pull them off.

My younger sister is only 10 years old
And when I told her I was leaving to college
She cried for hours and told me that people were right
And that no one was going to stick around to love her
Because she wasn’t what people wanted.

My younger sister is only 10 years old
And her heart has been broken too many times
Despite her tender age and status as a child
And you ask me why I’m climbing on rooftops
Screaming 'let children be children’
Because, what people are taking is their innocence
And my younger sister is only 10.

—  s.r. // my younger sister

She is not beautiful.

No, she is a riot of emotions, tumbling forth from the darkest clouds like a thousand heavy raindrops, ready to drown you in an instant, should you step too close.

She is the sun shining on your face that makes you believe in fairy tales although you swore you outgrew them in fifth grade and that they were stupid.

She is the wind, too stubborn to let you pass in a blizzard, too proud to let you win. And yet like the cool summer breeze she will calm your mind, extinguishing in the process the very fire she burned you with.

She is strong like diamond, formed in the extremest of conditions, yet she is also weak like crystal, easily broken and hard to mend.

Her sobs will break your heart and her laughter will heal it again, and you’ll wonder how someone so happy can be so sad at the same time.

Her words will be crafted so eloquently you’ll wonder where she learnt to speak like this and to disguise her emotions so well. And you will search, under the many layers of contradiction that she hides, to find the lost and frightened girl from long ago.

And if you’re lucky enough that she lets you in, past the fortresses and walls; if you’re lucky enough to see a side to her which is vulnerable and unguarded; innocent and trusting, don’t take it for granted or treat her like she’s insignificant.

She’s complex and a mystery. But if she gives you her heart she will love you fiercely and without exception.

She is not beautiful. But she hopes you will love her just the same.

—  Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #19
Younger Eyes

Younger Eyes
W.E. Leigh

Everything you see
Makes you laugh; makes you smile
Because there isn’t anything in the world that’s old to you
Everything’s exciting; everything’s fresh, and nothing’s what you can’t leave
Nobody is someone who you can’t trust or had to bereave
The distant stars are all still within your reach
And touch is something you still feel
Not what you’re scared by
Watching clouds that waft in the sky
I wonder – is there a place for an unmarred mind?
For a view which has yet to harden, and is still soft to the touch?
Does no situation in my life have any more room for that which isn’t corrupted?
Hardened, cynical – or was my initial frame somehow disrupted?
Crushed down by the harsh realities of the universe
How much light lies within my shadow?
Was that all there ever was?
Lies which I fed to some fabricated cause?
No – I believe in my life and all the lessons that I’ve learned
But you taught me, sometimes, to know the most
Is, in reality, to know nothing at all
Then, if a dire knot is spun
Then it is nothing, and you are one

Laura Marling // Semper Femina

There is a line from Virgil’s epic poem The Aeneid that nearly a decade ago Laura Marling decided to have tattooed on her leg: “Varium et mutabile semper femina” it runs, translating roughly as “A woman is an ever fickle and changeable thing.” Realizing that the line was a little long for the limb, at the very last moment she opted instead for an abbreviation: “Semper femina” she chose: “Always a woman.” It makes a fitting and fascinating title for Marling’s sixth album — an intimate, devoted exploration of femininity and female relationships, and among her finest work to date. Written largely on the tour that followed 2015’s Short Movie and recorded in Los Angeles with production from Blake Mills, it is at once a distinctive and musically compelling collection of songs, run through with Marling’s fierce intelligence; a keen, beautiful and unparalleled take on womanhood.

“I started out writing it as if a man was writing about a woman,” Marling says. “And then I thought it’s not a man, it’s me — I don’t need to pretend it’s a man to justify the intimacy of the way I’m looking and feeling about women. It’s me looking specifically at women and feeling great empathy towards them and by proxy towards myself.”

The songs grew out of what Marling regards as “a masculine time” in her life. “A certain time when I’d sort of gone on this trip of abandoning any sexuality,” she says. “Now in retrospect I was hopped up on the times, but I was living in LA, and LA does have an amazing knack for removing sexuality. I found it quite scary; I was scared of what I perceived to be the disappearance of my feminine side. But it gave me an ability to look at women in a different way and consider how I’d been looked at.”

In retrospect there was a precursor to this strange period of her life — Short Movie had been concerned with the breaking down of the ego, “And then I guess piecing back together an ego you get to see it in all its parts,” she says. “And tied in with this was the magical realism of living in LA.” Having spent several years in Los Angeles, Marling now splits her time between the UK and California. “And LA makes me feel very different to England,” she says. “Now my love affair with LA is at a point where I don’t really leave my house and all my friends are English. It’s a great place to be, but it’s not an enticing fantastical adventure anymore, and I think the election has brought that home.”

Marling’s exploration of femininity is as broad as it is tender. On tracks such as Wild Once she was interested in the archetype of the wild woman and her unrestrained physicality. “In the more masculine phase of my life I got really into hiking and bouldering, scrambling up trees or whatever,” she explains. “And I just hadn’t exercised that part of myself for such a long time, and it was felt fantastic. It touched something that was really sweet and innocent. At a time when I couldn’t really find that center, I was touching on it running through a forest by Big Sur with no shoes on.”

Elsewhere she’s looking at “What’s been forbidden to me in female relationships in all forms, and at female empathy between each other, and friendships that have been really intense.” On The Valley, for instance, a track she calls “a bit of an English nostalgia trip” she writes about “broken female friendships, and how that feels to be betrayed or betray a friend or a woman in any way.”

The nature of female friendship has been a long-standing interest for Marling. “And again it’s blurred as you open up the boundaries more,” she says. “But the falling in love that you experience with friendship is so less defined than romantic or sexual love. I’ve been obsessed with that always I think,” she says. “Because I have sisters maybe, and a mother. And I think because of that there’s a high standard of trust and care that I place on myself and that I feel in my female friends as well — we have quite a high empathetic standard for each other. So I feel when that’s broken it’s so powerful. And I’m guilty of that in many respects because I’m so absent-minded. Until now I just hadn’t really thought about that being a subject matter for a song, but when I tapped into the sadness of that, or the regret, or the feeling of being on the other side of that, I found that quite a fruitful well of stuff. So there’s a lot of that on this record, that trying to make amends for those sort of broken channels.”

She also became fascinated by the life of the psychoanalyst Lou Andreas-Salome. “I came across her by accident through a love letter that [Rainer Maria] Rilke wrote,” Marling says. “I was obsessed with Rilke, and he wrote about her being the only tangible thing that he’d ever encountered in his life — the famous quote is ‘You alone are real to me’.” Marling read about Andreas-Salome extensively — from her upbringing in Russia, through her intellectual and romantic relationships with figures such as Paul Ree, Friedrich Nietzsche and Sigmund Freud, her unconsummated marriage to Friedrich Carl Andreas, and her passionate affair with Rilke which led to his Duino elegies.

Rather than her relationships with famous male figures it was Andreas-Salome’s own psychoanalytic research that Marling found particularly interesting: “Just before Freud died she wrote him a letter saying ‘I’ve been doing some research into the feminine psyche and I think you’ve got it completely wrong. Penis envy is an invention of man because women’s sexuality by its nature is internal and self-perpetuating, so there’s no lack of this or need of that. It’s this internal, inherently creative thing without men.’ And Freud wrote to her and said this is amazing and this is true, but he died two months later so it never got published. And that blew my mind. Imagine! It would’ve changed the entire psyche of the western world.”

These thoughts were shaped further by Marling’s ongoing podcast project Reversal of the Muse which saw her interviewing women from across the music industry — from famed singers such as Dolly Parton and Emmylou Harris to female sound engineers, and guitar shop owners, discussing the nature and shape of female creativity. “I would say that feminine creativity, the feminine part of the brain is in both sexes, but is inherently different to the masculine,” she says, “I had a lot of chats with Blake about how we started playing guitar,” she says, “and he said ‘I started playing because I wanted to impress girls- though I suspect that was a flippant remark rather than the whole truth. But it worked as an example as that was obviously so different to why I started playing guitar — that was never in my brain to impress boys; “and for me, playing guitar has always been tied up with my identity, it’s always been involved in myself, rather than enticing people in.”

Having produced Short Movie herself, Marling decided to enlist Mills as producer for Semper Femina. “I really enjoyed producing but it’s just not my calling,” she says. “I’d love to do it for someone else, but for myself it was too difficult to play both roles. Making the podcasts I discovered I play off the vulnerability of being a solo human being, playing a very vulnerable song in front of a microphone with six people in a control room. It’s a weird dynamic, but it has always worked for me. A lot of songwriters I know can’t bear to be overheard when they’re songwriting, but I quite like it — I write in venues or dressing rooms when there are eight people in the room. There’s something thrilling and weirdly voyeuristic about it. But I like the idea that it will be heard, and if I’m producing it feels like it might only be heard by me.”

Looking for a producer, and already a fan of his music, she was told that Mills had written a list of people he wanted to work with and that her name was on it. This is not to say recording was always straightforward, and working with a new, male producer brought familiar challenges for Marling. “I think Blake was very sweetly not sure what to do with an English girl,” she says. “It took a week or two to shake off the very set image of what I was in his mind — a very romping through the countryside delicate character from Emma. And I’ve had that so many times. And in some ways I’m think you can keep that image of me, but in other ways I have to break it in order to get work done, because it’s a really heavy block between you and what you want to get done. And also because I’d just come from producing a record myself I had to get rid of that idea of delicacy.”

More than anything on Semper Femina Marling addresses the space between the perceptions and realities of being a woman, the space in which women are not frail but powerful, creative and abundant figures. “When I was a teenager in my head you were either this delicate tragedy or you were a muse,” she says. “And they’re both such horrifyingly subjugated roles. But our culture loves female tragedy. That’s just been so ingrained over and over again, and there haven’t been enough examples of a written alternative. My main focus is re-writing the idea of tragic woman.”

If Marling sounds galvanized it’s because this album marks a shift in her career. “The time and the political climate that we live in, we’re coming to a point where there’s no need for this sort of artistic expression that I’ve been a part of,” she says. “Innocent creativity had a little flourish in the last ten years. But also I’m getting older and now I think ‘What use is that?’ It’s not rooted, not pointed, not political. For me right now I feel like it’s more important that I have a practical use.”

Its funny how ppl still think Phil is this innocent little flower, when really he’s 30 soon, he drinks, has sex, masturbates, he has kinks just like Dan and is a dominant guy!  and yet ppl only see this small part of him.. the ‘childish’ side.

There is so much more to Phil than being cute and adorable and tbh everybody should have a crash course in Phil’s old videos to see what he’s really like!

Zen Poem #1

Zen Poem #1
W.E. Leigh

I think I’m five
My hair is some kind of bowl cut
And my eyes are a much brighter blue, one of innocence
And of trust
I’m sitting in an airport terminal
A small one, which would be cramped with more people
I’m eating cheese fries, and her rough dress feels smooth on my younger face
And she asks me if I’m scared
To ride on a plane
I know people have died on such things
But I tell her I’m always a little scared, because we could always die
When I asked my mom if a meteor would blow up our house, she would always say “No”
My dad was far more realistic
He said “Probably not”
Never a man for universal preferences
She scoffed at me – her son, the parrot – but said nothing else
I buried my head deeper into her arm
The cheese fries were good
And even if I could die, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t

Tenets of Freyja

These are the personal tenets I’ve come up with for my religion dedicated to Freyja.  This isn’t nearly all of them, but the ones I think are most important. 

1.  Honor and protect beauty in all its forms.  Find what you hold personally beautiful and protect it.  Defend it.  Honor it.  Remember that beauty if in the eye of the beholder.  It is everywhere.  Its in the rain as it nourishes the ground.  Its in the life giving sun and the words that grace a poet’s lips. 

2. Uphold the value of love.   Remember to love yourself and treat yourself with respect.  Try to love others because the world is cruel enough without feeding hatred into it.  As followers of the goddess of love, we are responsible for spreading love into the world. 

3.  Be a warrior.  Fight for what you believe in.  Freyja is a goddess of war.  Her armor shines as she flies on sacred air.  We are her swords and shields.  Through her grace, we can become warriors.  The strength and will to fight is within us.  We just have to find it. 

4.  Nature is the force from which we draw our greatest inspiration.  It birthed us and unto her will shall return.  Draw strength and inspiration from this.  Protect her.

5.  Create.  Freyja is a patron of love poetry.  She, as a driving force of nature, can fill us with inspiration and the will to create.  So do so.  Write, paint, draw, sing, play a sport, create a new gameplay.  Do something to honor her and furthermore, honor your creative skills.  

6.  Defend the Innocent.  Help to protect others that can’t protect themselves.  Recognize injustice and fight against it.  

7.  Magic is a gift.  Freyja is a goddess of magic and as such can grant us immense magical gifts.  We must learn to use these gifts wisely.  What is wise is determined by us, but keep it in mind that there is a balance in nature, not a right and wrong, but a balance nonetheless.  Never use magic to hurt someone who has never done anything to you or those you love.  

8.  Protect your loved ones.  I don’t think this one needs much explaining. 

9.  Honor the spirits of nature.  The ones that dance among the sky, that sing in the ocean, that grow in the trees.  They are in everything.  Through them, we can connect with a fundamental part of the world around us.  

10.  Honor Freyja above all others.  She is the one who gives love and strength, peace and power.  Thank her for the wondrous gifts she has given you.