The best parts of me aren’t real. I’ve created this person for you to love and I’m a little too tired tonight to bring her out.
Yeah I know this isn’t what you signed up for but I told you what you were in for darling.
I’m giving you a way out now, handed you the eviction notice to our love. Take it and run.
You don’t need me and I don’t love you.
To be truly happy, you must first admit what you deserve
and you deserve the snow atop the highest mountain peaks
and a message in a bottle that traveled the seven seas
and you deserve love in every form, love that tingles your toes
and breathes new life into you, expanding your fragile lungs
and you deserve to be content, to push open your eyes at
the break of dawn and say this is my life and I am happy.
i want you to walk me down the aisle of the grocery store when we’re old and grey our shaky hands intertwined hearts still beating together as one i want a love that lasts forever survives through every hardship shares every beautiful moment i want to sit on our front porch wine glasses clinking smiles illuminated by the light of the moon and shimmering stars reminiscing about how we met how far we’ve come all that we’ve accomplished i want a love that lasts a life time and i want it with you
We were depressed but because we had each other we pretended that we weren’t.
We pushed it down the same way we pulled our sleeves down over our arms and hoodies over our heads hoping no one would notice.
But that was the thing, we couldn’t fix each other.
We needed to fix ourselves.
We needed real love, love within,
love for ourselves before trying to love each other.
I let him go.
He let me go.
He found himself at the bottom of a bottle of vodka and
I still walk around at night hoping that I’ll see something familiar, maybe a glimpse of myself.
for a fleeting moment, i wondered if maybe our beginning was too short lived, too far away, so long gone the magic slightly tainted, the memories worn in and faded, like the soft teal hue of my favourite cotton sweater.-
maybe our first kiss wasn’t met with fireworks and an acoustic soundtrack, instead it was yearning lips making small talk until finally finding each other in the moonlight.
we are dinner dates and late night calls, karaoke car rides and dances in the kitchen. we start too many movies we’ll never finish, and you never get mad when i accidentally fall asleep. while my favourite place is in your arms, i’ll always be the first to say you take up too much space; but i will always pull you closer anyway.
when you fall in love with your best friend, beginnings are only a fraction of the big picture. every day we reinvent our own kind of fairytale and the best part is, every day, i get to live it with you
I couldn’t fight it anymore.
I didn’t want to fight the feeling anymore.
I gave in.
I picked up that razor and I went hard and fast,
trying to rid the ugly pieces of me.
I picked up that bottle and drank until
I couldn’t feel the blood dripping down my wrists.
I caved in.
I don’t want to wake up tomorrow.
I want to break up,” i said, not looking at him when I did.
“Why?” He asked, voice like a still wave finally breaking against the shore.
“Because I love you to much, because you break my heart. Because I love you enough to let myself be miserable, and I don’t want to be miserable anymore,” for a long moment there where only the sound of the whirring tires against the road.
“I don’t want you to be miserable either.”
We looked at each other and finally i said, softly,“ thank you.
We took so many pauses.
So many breaks and stops and red lights and u-turns just to get through the night.
And its funny because in the end he left, put his foot on the gas and never looked back. I think he said we were too stagnant or maybe we were like two ships passing in the night.
I can’t remember
I think I was drunk when he left.
I think I was drunk throughout the entire relationship.
I think a lot lately mostly about myself and what I’m doing now, without him. I think he loved me though, truly loved me.
I think I broke his heart.
It stings between my fingers
the weathered spots on my skin
where his hands used to live
and every time I think of him
the pain sharpens
and I can feel it on my hands
every place he once touched me