creative 365

The best parts of me aren’t real. I’ve created this person for you to love and I’m a little too tired tonight to bring her out.
Yeah I know this isn’t what you signed up for but I told you what you were in for darling.
I’m giving you a way out now, handed you the eviction notice to our love. Take it and run.
You don’t need me and I don’t love you.
—  (184/365) by (KJ)
To be truly happy, you must first admit what you deserve
and you deserve the snow atop the highest mountain peaks
and a message in a bottle that traveled the seven seas
and you deserve love in every form, love that tingles your toes
and breathes new life into you, expanding your fragile lungs
and you deserve to be content, to push open your eyes at
the break of dawn and say this is my life and I am happy.
—  Leigh, day 250
Day Four Hundred Six.

i want you to
walk me down the aisle
of the grocery store
when we’re old and grey
our shaky hands intertwined
hearts still beating 
together as one
i want a love 
that lasts forever
survives through 
every hardship
shares every beautiful moment
i want to sit on our front porch
wine glasses clinking
smiles illuminated by the light
of the moon and shimmering stars
reminiscing about how we met 
how far we’ve come 
all that we’ve accomplished
i want a love that lasts a
life time
and i want it
with you

We were depressed but because we had each other we pretended that we weren’t.
We pushed it down the same way we pulled our sleeves down over our arms and hoodies over our heads hoping no one would notice.
But that was the thing, we couldn’t fix each other.
We needed to fix ourselves.
We needed real love, love within,
love for ourselves before trying to love each other.
I let him go.
He let me go.
He found himself at the bottom of a bottle of vodka and
I still walk around at night hoping that I’ll see something familiar, maybe a glimpse of myself.
—  (188/365) by (KJ)

there is a story of mine
I’ve been wanting to tell
it’s written in my head
but my mind
is beginning to swell


it’s a story you’ve heard before
about a girl who is afraid
she stays in her room and
writes poetry about her
longing to be saved


but this one ends a little differently
it’s not quite a fairy tale
she never learns the world
is missing her because
she’s too afraid to fail.

—  Leigh, day 363
We were drinking pink wine,
and from time to time
I’d look up
to find your eyes
locked into mine.
Was that the wine
or 
had you finally fallen
after all that time.
Day Four Hundred Ninety Four.

for a fleeting moment,
i wondered if maybe
our beginning was
too short lived,
too far away,
so long gone
the magic slightly tainted,
the memories worn in and
faded, like the soft teal hue of my
favourite cotton sweater.-

maybe our first kiss wasn’t met with fireworks
and an acoustic soundtrack,
instead it was yearning lips
making small talk until finally
finding each other in the moonlight.

we are dinner dates and late night calls,
karaoke car rides and dances in the kitchen.
we start too many movies we’ll never finish,
and you never get mad when i accidentally fall asleep.
while my favourite place is in your arms,
i’ll always be the first to say you take up too much space;
but i will always pull you closer anyway.

when you fall in love with your best friend,
beginnings are only a fraction of the big picture.
every day we reinvent our own kind of fairytale and
the best part is,
every day, i get to live it
with you

I couldn’t fight it anymore.
I didn’t want to fight the feeling anymore.
I gave in.
I picked up that razor and I went hard and fast,
trying to rid the ugly pieces of me.
I surrendered.
I quit.
I picked up that bottle and drank until
I couldn’t feel the blood dripping down my wrists.
I caved in.
I don’t want to wake up tomorrow.
—  (190/365) by (KJ)
please don’t make me beg
for you to listen
I cannot give any more signs than
the ones I am giving with
my eyes, baring my soul
like a rose does when it blooms
—  Leigh, day 234
I want to break up,” i said, not looking at him when I did.
“Why?” He asked, voice like a still wave finally breaking against the shore.
“Because I love you to much, because you break my heart. Because I love you enough to let myself be miserable, and I don’t want to be miserable anymore,” for a long moment there where only the sound of the whirring tires against the road.
“I don’t want you to be miserable either.”
We looked at each other and finally i said, softly,“ thank you.
—  A soft goodbye
Pause.
We took so many pauses.
So many breaks and stops and red lights and u-turns just to get through the night.
And its funny because in the end he left, put his foot on the gas and never looked back. I think he said we were too stagnant or maybe we were like two ships passing in the night.
I can’t remember
I think I was drunk when he left.
I think I was drunk throughout the entire relationship.
I think a lot lately mostly about myself and what I’m doing now, without him. I think he loved me though, truly loved me.
I think I broke his heart.
—  (181/365) by (KJ)

It stings between my fingers
the weathered spots on my skin
where his hands used to live
and every time I think of him
the pain sharpens
and I can feel it on my hands
my neck
my shoulders
my heart
every place he once touched me

he made sure to leave a scar.

—  Leigh, day 359