I need to express.
Something is eating me inside.
I need to write.
I need to dance.
I need to draw.
I need to shout.
I need to get this thing out.
I need to express.
I must create.
Something is killing me inside.
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“[E]xposure often erases or invisibilizes a population of queer people, and especially trans women of color, who are actually creating these cultural expressions,” Imp Queen says. “So it felt like an important time to gather a group of queens and trans women and try to make something about the history of drag and trans culture.”
These cartoonish sunflowers have brightened the field in Tokyo, as well as many visitors, after workers created a smiling expression on them by removing pistils on their surface. According to metro.co.uk, among the nearly 20,000 sunflowers in the field, there are only a few that are able to smile. Can you spot them all?
I had the great pleasure of arranging and performing “It’s Over, Isn’t It?” for the episode Mr. Greg. This was my first time being involved at the early stages of a lyrical song! Since the song was focused on Pearl’s emotions–and I compose and perform all of Pearl’s piano parts–Rebecca and I collaborated to create an expressive instrumental track for Deedee Magno Hall to sing over. Rebecca first sent me her ukelele demo, and I drafted a piano accompaniment based on it, creating the main piano riff (measures 18-21 of the sheet music above). We passed my piano recording back and forth to solidify the musicality and tempo changes, so the song would breathe “naturally”.
After I recorded the piano part, we encountered a problem: the song was too long for the episode! To make it fit into our time constraints, we sped the piano recording up and had Deedee record Pearl’s vocals over it. She knocked it out of the park and gave a stunning performance!
But that led to another problem: the sped up piano arrangement now sounded way too aggressive. The song reached me again a few months later, for the composition/scoring phase of Mr. Greg. I decided to draft a new piano arrangement and re-recorded “It’s Over, Isn’t It?” along to Deedee’s vocals, with more restraint and space between chords to heighten Pearl’s loneliness. To give more pain and tension to the music, I gave the chords some darker colors and unresolved notes. I collaborated with Rebecca and storyboard artist Joe Johnston to decide what parts of the first arrangement to keep.
To represent Rose’s lingering presence, I added strings to the arrangement, performed beautifully by Jeff Ball. For those of you keeping score, this is Rose’s motivic instrument! I wrote them in 4-part string quartet style, so that this song could easily be performed by a string quartet, pianist, and vocalist.
Notes on the Sheet Music
Recently, Deedee and I performed “It’s Over, Isn’t It?” at San Diego Comic-Con! These are the sheets that I used on stage. It’s almost exactly what I played in the episode.
In measure 56, I didn’t feel like writing the entire arpeggio that I played (too many notes)–so where it says, “A MAJOR ARP”, you can just squeeze as many A major arpeggios in there as you feel like!
The two “D”s that I wrote are something that Deedee and I worked out for the performance, where I would follow her voice during the opening and ending, and she would follow my tempo throughout the rest. “D” for Deedee!
air sign defenses can be purely intellect. the gemini, libra, and aquarius tendency to conduct words between feelings, fill the empty space with thought, and process emotional stimulus intellectually creates an expression of detachment, an escapism from sitting with uncomfortable feelings. rationalisation can occur, it detracts from the experience so they don’t fully have to acknowledge it.
the rationalisation defense can be more pronounced in earth types. taurus, virgo, and capricorn can fill the substance of experience with rationale, attempt to articulate and explain, in such a way that its diminished and they can ignore what is unsettling, it sort of creates a blockage.
water signs can hinder their own success or readiness to experience something new or scary by self contempt, diminishing their own talent, expertise, worthiness, and intellect. cancer, scorpios, and pisces can tell themselves again and again that they are unequipped, too weak, or they will get eaten alive. scorpio can experience this on a greater scale during melancholic phases and then highs of self grandiosity, both escaping from the actuality of the situation
fire’s greatest defense can be movement. aries, leo, and sagittarius can motion the body, mind, and spirit into exhaustion, focusing so hard and obsessively, nothing else can enter the experience. they create crisis through drama, conflict, and theatrics to throw flames into the situation, to try and burn away what really hurts inside.
tfw when you’re black, queer and a woman and you don’t know what the outcome of the election means for you and others like you.
Been quiet about all of this because I feel like I’m still processing things. I just know that I am scared but also very privileged to be living where I’m living (Bay Area/Hawaii). This is an assignment for one of my classes where we had to create a piece that expresses what we’re feeling in the present moment (in light of recent events). I guess overwhelmed would be the appropriate word. Overwhelmed but trying not to be and trying to hide it. Hiding it by constantly drawing because it’s the only thing I can do right now and be somewhat at peace and focused. I’m not the most articulate person so I’ve just been keeping a lot of things to myself which is probably not healthy. But I’m around a lot of great people so that makes me feel better.
on the same track of thinking, i’ve been wondering about what it is that DOES make theater and the arts so gay, because, let’s be real, everybody involved in theater and the arts is super gay. it’s made me think about lying and the art of selfhood and expression. gay kids growing up are inundated with images of how their life is supposed to be and how they’re supposed to behave, and i think the participation in this inauthentic performance (for the acceptance of others!) would make someone more prone to believe that they would be able to act (and give them lots of practice) as well as create a longing for an expression of the authentic self through art
It seems commonplace for many Aries to enter psychoanalysis or psychiatric fields. If this is not a profession, the mind’s activity is likely an intriguing interest. This could relate to the Aries assignment, to integrate a personality, to thread an expression with the building blocks of experience. Aries rules the first house of self radiance and activates the entire light of the sun at the moment of first breath. It is the cosmic duty of Aries to create an identity which can express the whole solar light. The experience of Aries associates closely with Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. This being the pattern of attaining Psychological needs, Safety, Love and Belonging, Esteem and Self Actualisation for one’s Self. Aries focus their energy attaining primitive experience to development of individualisation. Abraham Maslow was appropriately so, an Aries.
Aries contains impulsive energy that is largely raw and primitive. Their self, psycho introspection is not so much driven by knowledge, but by the need to understand the human condition, appropriateness, and behaviour to model. The archetype of Aries is the child. They can largely lack the ability to self reflect or objectively analyze their character. Aries seem to acutely study other people and their reactions. Their curiosity can span into all forms of psychology and the why’s and how’s of human behaviour. Aries can be acutely sensitive to abandonment because they rely so tremendously on other people to model their self actualization and understand typical reactions. This reflects their duality Libra. The sense of ‘unrealness’ or nonexistence when other people are not present. Aries individuals are constantly reforming themselves. There is no collective past or bleary trauma. Nothing exists but a clear sparkling canvas, ready to be coloured into a cosmic rainbow. Researching psychoanalytic fields satiates the Aries process of developing insight into human conduct. The Aries personality seeks to understand social cues. There may be largely confusion when confronted with social demeanour. It could be typical for the Aries to be perceived as flamboyant, hyperactive, and elaborate, or sometimes inappropriate and offensive. They will try all things to see, discover, and learn how to be.
Aries people commonly psychologically test love ones and friends. They can create continual crises and conflict to understand boundaries and expectations. Aries are threading the fragments of a new personality. A brand new galaxy taking its first baby steps on earth. The Aries lives multiple lives in one. It can be typical of Aries to frequently change positions, opinions, and values, contouring a new self to align with what has been learned and experienced. Aries can throw this inflammatory internal conflict into external reality, and the individual may need a fair amount of counsel or psychoanalysis to understand their own conduct. By the time we move onto Taurus, we begin to fixate on the universe more deeply, concreting the past and containing the personality. Sometimes I think Aries get so many headaches because their vessels are constantly bursting with new experiences and sharp threads of a new personality being stitched together.
• Rose Quartz • The classic love stone. Stimulates love of all kinds, not just romantic love. It activates the heart chakra. A stone of unconditional love, gentleness, and emotional healing. It promotes self-love and care.
Sharing a love stone today in honor of today’s love + equality. Love is love.
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I use this a lot when storyboarding a first pass of a sequence. Placing hands in the right, most appealing position can be tricky. In order to create a clear silhouette for the hands, I often draw them “floating in the air”. Then, using my general knowledge of anatomy, I just “fill in the arms”. This way I can create a much more expressive and clear pose than if I was just radiating out of the torso. That’s when structure and anatomy can get in the way of a clear message. And hands carry a lot of meaning, so I want to make them as clear as possible for my audience to see them. I would say the same applies to life drawing. Since they often don’t carry the body weight (legs most often do), I feel like i can take the freedom of changing their position slightly to make a better visual statement. -n
The Houses of astrology are temples that we can express our divine cosmic order, the qualities of the signs and planets through
First House: The soul seeks to express itself through the ego and learn about its special features
The experience of the ego through creativity and the threads we can
hold in our hands. Finding soul intimacy with material reality
Third House: Creating a language that expresses the movement and fabric of the soul through the mind
Understanding the journey of the soul through many lifetimes, to
acknowledge and recognise the birth of the ego with the birth of the
soul at the beginning of universal history
The ego learns to express it’s ‘true self’ in this very moment, and
acts as a vessel for the soul dance. The ego experiences the delight of
Sixth House: The soul is centered in the present moment. The ego seeks to understand time, ritual, and comfort within bodily confines
The joining of male and female (or male/male, female/female) for the
facilitation of a new soul to enter. The ego seeks to understand a
Eighth House: Ego consciousness and soul are united, divine truths are discovered. Ego is confronted with the needs of the soul, the soul of another is craved for joined ascension
Ninth House: Consciousness seeks to understand and relate its experience through natural laws and the higher mind to generate wisdom. A quest for the Source.
The ego seeks to radiate its identity as powerfully and presently as
the Sun so the soul can show people what it came here on Earth to do. The physical purpose of the soul dance
Eleventh House: The ego’s identification with the collective. Molding the jewels of the inner world into the outer
Twelfth House: The ego seeks to experience itself through the soul and complete evaporation and intimacy into the Creator
Troye Sivan. Betty Who. Heaven. 2017.
This video has so much importance for so many reasons and it honestly brought me to tears. Here is an artist using his voice and influence to educate generations about the LGBTQ community in every single one of his videos. The Heaven video is a highlight because it involves the history of this community and the amount of effort that went into gaining the liberties we have today. Troye is bringing the recognition to the people that have faced so much ignorance and hate for who they are, have faced oppression and used it to change minds and change attitudes.
Without these people in history to shape the way the LGBTQ community is perceived, videos like Heaven and the whole Blue Neighbourhood Trilogy would never have been created. They have fought for self expression and in their wake they have left freedom for our generations to create, act and express ourselves anyway we want.
This video is so much more than just a music video, so much more than the music video where he confirms his relationship with Jacob.
Thank you Troye for being such an amazing role model, thank you for teaching people to be themselves and have no shame and thanks for showcasing the people that have fought for so long for the freedoms we have today. Thank you for Heaven and thank you for the masterpiece that is the video.