Go Dad

My dad is crazy. He was getting ready for work, and I was going to see if he wanted me make something for his lunch, but I couldn’t find him. Eventually I found him back in my parents room standing under the fan. I asked what the hell he was doing, and straight faced as can be he said “I’m drying my hair”. Well okay then.

Happy Father’s Day to the coolest & literally wisest dad in the whole wide world! 😜 I love you forever & ever Erps! Will see you soon when I come home to Canada! Super dooper miss you!!!! Mwah! 😘😘😘 #CrazyFamily 😂

The night my parents went crazy

When I was in the seventh grade, I found out my little brother, who was 6 at the time, was raped by a family member. Clearly this did not sit well with any one of us. A lot of things happened after that day; my parents divorced, my older brother was constantly drunk or high off of something, and I was experimenting, my little brother blocked it from his memory. 

Over the years, my parents got back together but never remarried, because who really wants to go through another divorce. My older brother rarely talks to any of us, he’s too busy with his own life. I am either at work, with my boyfriend, or at church because home hasn’t been home in a long time. My little brother is a freshman in high school, participating in golf, and in the Christian club, I am very proud of him because at his age I was a wreck.

Over the weekend, my parents had been drinking with a family member and some close personal friends. They walked my family member home (the relative that raped my little brother lives there). This relative that I’m speaking of is not much younger than I am and he is into so many drugs it’s unreal. He gets high in the garage and as they walked by the garage he had said something about killing them. Although I don’t think he said it in a serious matter, it became serious to my dad who ran to the garage and beyond that, I have no clue what happened other than the two of them yelling about killing each other. My mom and my great aunt who I consider my grandma, got into a fist fight. The cops were called and they visited my house after my parents left my family members house. I was at my boyfriends house the entire time this was happening and I had gotten a phone call that I needed to head home. So, my boyfriend came with me, as protection and as a shoulder to cry on because he knew I would need it. I heard the story from my moms point of view and I heard her say hurtful things about my entire family even people who had nothing to do with it. My little brother heard the entire thing and at one point, before I came home he had to chase my mom down the street because she had a gun and was on her way to shoot the person who had threatened them. A 15 year old boy having to take a gun away from his mother…let that sink in. The anger that arose inside of me felt so unreal. How could they let things get so out of hand, how could they potentially ruin their lives. The entire time, my dad was sitting at the top of our stairs and I could see the anger in his eyes, I knew he wanted to kill somebody. 

I have not been able to look at my parents the same and I try to avoid them as much as possible. I know that isn’t right but the things that I heard my mom say.. they really do not sit well with me. I cried and I prayed and I only slept an hour that night. I haven’t felt safe in my own house, in my own bed. There are a lot of other things going on right now and every time I see one of my parents I begin to have panic attacks because I keep thinking they really are going to kill that person and my brother and I will not be able to be with them again. 

Graduation cards

Just graduated from undergrad, and I had a graduation dinner with my immediate family and my grandparents and all my aunts and cousins. They gave me cards that said things like, “Whatever it is you choose to do in this life, we support you” and “You’re impressive, smart, talented and capable of doing anything you put your mind to”

I wonder if they would give me those same cards if they knew I was a sex worker. It’s honestly funny reading those cards, and knowing that each one should have an added addendum at the bottom the the page that reads *with the exclusion of sex work

“We support you! *with the exclusion of sex work

“We’ll be proud of anything you choose to do! *with the exclusion of sex work

“Whatever the next step is in your life, we’re with you! *with the exclusion of sex work

When I read those cards, thats what I say in my head at the end of each one “*with the exclusion of sex work”, like a little joke to myself about my family. They are an opinionated bunch; They are judgmental, and harsh, and not very open minded. And so making little jokes like silently through out dinner makes me laugh inside– Because despite what they would say about me if they knew what my side job and interests were. That’s my family, they will always be in my life, and I love them anyway. That’s what family means to me. Loving them anyway <3

Does everyone have a crazy sister?

My sister just put a horrible post on facebook about how she would have taken care of me while I was sick.  She didn’t even call or text the whole time I had chemo, much less visit.  I need to remember how she really is not quite sane.

Id like to wish this crazy loving, control bearer, hard worker of a mom for dealing with all of us through out the years and keeping us healthy and sane. I love you mom. Dont ever change or be any different from who you are now. #crazyfamily #mothersday #danhanddiep family #picstitch