So this is kinda an update as to where im at atm or more correctly me freaking out over my future. (Sorry but I’ve spent like the last 8 years not bothering to think about it because i never thought id have a future.)
Its nearly August… *internal screaming* i am turning 20 (on the 13th which just happens to be seb stan’s birthday too ♡). My parents are putting their house on the market. I need to work out what im going to do next year. Where am i going to move to? Do i want to take out a house loan and buy a house? Or take out a student loan, rent and study next year? Do i want to pursue a career in movie special effects makeup? Or stick with a boring, safer more anxiety free job? If i decide to study the makeup course which uni is the best? There is so many all over the country? Or should i go overseas to study? Someone recommended moving to California to study as i would be able to gain contacts in the industry. If im going to travel overseas… how on earth am i supposed to survive in a country where i have no family, no idea how the rules work and no self-confidence whatsoever!? Im probably not even talented enough to do it. I mean yeah i can work hard when i want to. I can research the living daylights out of something if i have to. I am not very creative tho. And i have severe social anxiety and severe trust issues. Like even if i studied and graduated how am i supposed to get a job? There is hundreds of more talented and more socially experienced people than me. No director in their right mind would hire me.