crazy to adorable

Humans are weird

So I have an addition to Humans are Weird.

So you all know that urge we have when we want to hug the living shit out of adorable creatures? Well, this is actually a real scientific reaction called “cute aggression” (source) and the behaviour springs up even more when we actually can’t touch the cause of Cuteness.

Can you just imagine the aliens’ reactions to the fact that humans are pretty much brain wired to kill things we find cute? And that a lot of them are baby animals that grows up to be vicious creatures that could probably kill us?

Like, the aliens are having a live sending about the most dangerous animals in the known galaxies and they have numerous teams all over the place. They are filming it from afar and have studied them as much as possible and they’re like:

Narrator

This is a Fantolus cub that will grow up to be most deadly predator on the death planet Moss. A fully grown Fantolus spews poisonous gas and can kill you i- what the-?

           Narrator breaks off in confusion.

On screen, tiny figures are approaching the cub. The cub looks harmless and innocent. The alien film crew zooms in. It’s a group of humans. They have sound.

Human with fancy space hat

           Human looks into camera.

Hey, how ya doin’? Look over there, right there. That’s a Fantolus cub. If the mother finds me this close, and I’m gone!

I’m gonna pick it up.

           Human hugs it to death. The other humans sigh enviously.  

Clean Me, Daddy | 30.03.17
  • Phil: "Why aren't you cleaning us?" said Candice. Oh...
  • Dan: Excuse me?
  • Phil: Last time I did a live show, I accidentally ordered 300 cleaning wipes.
  • Dan: I know. I've seen them.
  • Phil: So, you can have the honour of cleaning them.
  • Dan: Excuse me?
  • Phil: The webcam. It's a bit grubby, so you know give them a clean. Give them a wipe. Someone just said "clean me, daddy".
  • Dan holds the cleaning wipe with regret. Phil burst out laughing and Dan starts speaking in a high pitched voice.
  • Dan: Yeah, I read that too. What is this?
  • Phil: It wasn't this weird when I did it!
  • Dan: There's a section of your live show where...
  • Phil: No, it's not a section!
  • Dan: ... you clean them?
  • Phil: No, I'm just saying we're slightly blurry and they'd like to see us in 1080pHD quality.
  • Dan: No, you planned this. It's a section where you clean the audience. Now everyone is saying "clean me".
  • Phil: They liked it. Just do it! I'll make the sound effect.
  • Dan: There's dozen of tens of thousands of people saying "clean me" right now.
  • Phil: Dan, clean them. Clean them!
  • Dan: Jesus Christ.
  • Phil: Do it! It's what you signed up to do.
  • Dan suppressing a regretful chuckle, Phil grinning so damn wide.
  • Dan: Oh my God, stop! The chat! Frick. Even the YouTube comments are going to be ruined. Oh, whatever you fricking..
  • Dan wipes the webcam while Phil makes the sound effect.
  • Phil: That's the noise of the cleaning wipe. Look how clear we are now though. My pores are here.
  • Dan: And yet, I feel dirty.
Can we all agree dance practices where no one takes it seriously are the best dance practice videos