I’ve been re-discovering my favorite throwback tracks this week, and these lyrics from Fall Out Boy described my personal goals for 2017 pretty well. // It’s no secret that 2016 was a pretty shit year for…. obvious reasons. I think there’s a huge difference between resolutions and goals; a resolution is a decision to stop doing something or do something else more. While a goal is something you strive for, something you want to reach. I wish you a great 2017, and hope the new year allows you to set any goals you’ve been holding back.
****Long post alert***. This is primarily for the asks rotting in my inbox for months. Apologies! I have been MIA from Tumblr and the bowl for a while now (sick). Anyway, the title of this post pays homage to two seductresses I admire a lot. My sugar daddies who have been great mentors. The horrible men I’ve dated who have equally taught me a lot. And Robert Greene (author of Art of Seduction and Mastery. Great books. READ them!),You become a master by observing first. Analyze. Learn. Practice. Experiment. Apply. Transform. "When you learn the rules, you can dominate".
Lesson 1: Seduction is more psychological than physical. The physical aspect of it is important as well. That’s it’s own category. But when you understand what your sugar daddy truly wants, you can (dare I say, ) “manipulate” him better. Anyone can be seductive. From skinny to bbw to medium size to giant scar on your forehead. You can succeed as a sugar baby. You just have to understand how to play the game and yes, I do think it’s all a game. So next time your sugar daddy yaps about his robust, lazy wife who may or may not be fucking the foreign gardener and spends 9 hours at the country club; and his cocaine addicted son at Harvard, LISTEN. He wants a shoulder, so be that. The key here is to show that support, care, and understanding but at the same time, don’t tangle yourself in the drama that you become his on-call therapist. Don’t call him at 10pm at night to check up on him. Unless he’s willing to pay you $800 per hour. When you understand what a person wants/how their mind operates, you can cater to their needs/deal with them better. OBSERVE. When you master psychological seduction, you will be well on your way.
Lesson 2: Be mysterious/intriguing. If your mom kicked you out of the house when you were a fetus, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF, at least in the initial stages. If you dropped out of college when you were still in the womb, keep it to yourself. When you reveal too much of yourself, you tire/bore people and eventually become forgettable. Everyone has a story. So save your sob story and ex boyfriend drama for the struggling author down the street who has been having writer’s block for the past 15 years. What does Cleopatra,Marilyn Monroe, and Casanova all have in common? Mystery/leaving something to the imagination. These women/man armed themselves with an air of mystery that left those in their wake yearning for more. I’ve never seen Angelina Jolie as one of the most beautiful women on earth. But man there’s something about her that makes Hollywood go crazy. She shares bits of herself and her life but there’s always that edge of mystery. She leaves you wondering what’s going on behind the *is it fake or is it not fake* lips/smile. The key is timing. Don’t share too much. Keep them guessing. No need for your sugar daddy or pot to know what cards you have up your sleeves. By sharing too much, you make yourself seem needy and DESPERATE. No bueno.
Lesson 3: Don’t always be available. I used to make this mistake, especially when I liked a guy. Never lasted long in my opinion. So I learned and changed tactics and mannnnn things definitely changed. Sometimes, saying NO works more in your favor. I don’t care if you’re bored out of your mind at home and counting the cobwebs on your ceiling. An occasional NO will put a sugar daddy in his place. It will tell him that you’re not at his beck and call. It will also tell him that you have other priorities outside of sugaring. Your life/time does not revolve around him. If he’s that interested in you, trust me, he will reschedule and work with you. Don’t turn into Mrs.NO to Everything but learn how to use it when applicable. This ties in a bit with mystery. When you say no and he asks what your plans for the day are, cultivate a story if you don’t have legit plans! You can say that you’re going on a short getaway with a group of girlfriends, going on a spa treatment for yourself only, etc. The key here is to appear that you have a fun, adventurous life outside. Your time is PRECIOUS.
Lesson 3.5: Create respectable distance. This ties in with 3. By creating respectable distance, you are again putting a sugar daddy in his place. You need space because you have a life. It will command his respect. The thing about a lot of men is that they loveeee a challenge. Especially wealthy men, who are used to having whatever they desire. By giving him what he wants, whenever he wants it, he will exploit that and before you know it, he will detach and disappear (which a lot of guys do). When you challenge him, it will drive him crazy. It will keep him on edge. He will come back for more. So treat yourself like a rare gem. There are vultures out here. So when you play into his wishes easily, well… easy come, easy goes.And before they go, they will devour you completely. When you allow him to insert himself in every aspect of your life, he will probably take advantage of you. The key here is to create enough distance that he’ll keep wondering about you but not so much that he completely forgets you. This can be tricky but it is not impossible.
Lesson 4: Confidence. I’m one of those people who believe that while some have innate confidence, others have to learn it. So if need be, LEARN confidence. It takes time and patience. Trial/error. Note what your shortcomings are and practice on bettering yourself. It could range from repeating daily mantras to yourself to changing a specific look about you, practice! practice! Note what your strengths are and USE it to your advantage. Again practice! Marilyn Monroe wasn’t always a sultry, seductress. In fact, from her appearance, her voice, her make-up, to her persona, she had to practice it all to master it, especially in public. It took her years, but she eventually morphed into one of the most iconic seductresses of all time.
Lesson 5: Be bold/ assertive. There is a fine line between boldness/assertiveness and Mrs.Yes. It is okay to voice your interests, opinions, dislikes, etc. It is equally okay to disagree with something your sugar daddy says/wants. The key is to do it respectfully. Don’t try so hard to please him that you agree to everything (including things that make you uncomfortable). If he wants you to have sex with his bald, hairy micro-human friend from the country club and the idea makes your vagina retract in disgust, SPEAK UP. Don’t be Mrs. Yes because it can be dangerous to you. Plus you will give him the upper hand.
Lesson 6: Be playful. You don’t have to be serious 24/7. Make effective use of body language by using eye contact, touch, smiling, etc.Position your posture in such a way that you appear comfortable but not slouching. Engage him in fun activities sometimes. Show him what you enjoy doing/try to learn what he enjoys as well. I remember when I first took my sugar daddy to a rave. He was soooo out of place with his expensive ass suit but we had such a good laugh. It was fun. It is also okay to flirt and tease but do not over do it. . If he tells you of his former beauty queen ex wife who divorced him, took half his wealth, and got full custody of the kids, it will NOT be a good time to start flirting then or batting your eye lashes. The key is to know when to be playful and when to engage in a serious conversation with him.
Lesson 7: Stroke his ego occasionally, especially when he’s a good boy. Let him know you enjoy his company, his time, what he gives you, etc. It’s tough to balance but you don’t want to seem like you can’t do without the lifestyle he grants you. Remember, you are accustomed to a luxurious lifestyle. Men like feeling like protectors, especially wealthy men. So stroke that big fat ego and let him think it. When he misbehaves, adjust accordingly.
Lesson 8: If all else fails, create/channel an alter-ego. It sounds somewhat extreme but I have one. I created a whole new persona for myself. When I first started out four plus years ago, I appeared too innocent. And that was my biggest weakness. My naivete showed and definitely I was taken advantage of and cheated but I learned. FAST. Soon after, I stopped telling men I was inexperienced. I stopped allowing myself to appear innocent. I became a chameleon.The person I am with sugar daddies/ on pot dates is completely different from the girl I am at home/school/work/with friends. With these men, I am a worldly, experienced WOMAN. I am used to ultra-luxury and deserve nothing but the best. Of course at home/elsewhere, I am a girl/ nursing student who studies a bit too much, curses a bit too much, enjoys being wild with friends and plans on attending medical school to become a psychiatrist. Find what works for you and channel her. We all have inner goddesses and seductresses in us.
Lesson 9: “Be nice, be nice. Until it’s time to stop being nice…" Okay, this sounds psycho meets fatal-attraction-esque but no worries! know when to curse a pompous, disrespectful son of a bitch out. Seriously, know when to walk away. Channel your inner Cleopatra/Bitchery and crush his ass. Do not be afraid to stomp an arrogant asshole out of existence (figuratively of course). I don’t care but no amount of money is worth being disrespected. If you allow a man to disrespect and treat you like a common commodity, he will not stick around for long. He will use, abuse, and break you. And frankly, You DO NOT deserve that. If he calls you a racial slur ( and claims it’s a joke, LIES), forces himself on you, disrespects you in anyway hurtful and dehumanizing, among other things, WALK THE FUCK AWAY and report the incident to authorities if the action warrants it. And let your middle finger do the rest of the talking.
**All in all, I hope this helps someone out here. Remember, what works for one person make not work for you. But you can still learn from others around you** And that my friends, is the most important lesson of all.
Kevin’s Kwan’s novel, Crazy Rich Asians was released in 2013 and quickly became a best-seller. Dubbed the Asian version of Pride and Prejudice meet The Devil Wears Prada, the book follows the life of a successful professor named Rachel, who’s engaged to a down-to-earth professor, Nick Young, whom, unbeknownst to her, comes from a wealthy/snobbish Singapore-based family that comes with a lot of drama.
The book garnered strong reviews and was a bestseller, spawning sequels, the last due out in 2017. However, unlike similar bestsellers–Gone, Girl, Girl on the Train, The Devil Wears Prada, The Nanny Diaries–the book failed to be optioned by a Hollywood studio.
You may wonder why this is important. The film version of the novel comes at a crucial time for the debate surrounding diversity and representation in Hollywood. Variety reports the USC 2014 study, citing that only 5% of speaking parts in film, television, and digital programming were played by Asian actors in all of 2014. The news comes in light of Alan Yang’s Emmy speech citing low Asian-inclusiveness, and controversial castings of Emma Stone in Aloha, and Scarlett Johansson in Ghost in the Shell.
The entire cast of characters in the book is Asian, including the American-Born Chinese protagonist, Rachel. Crazy Rich Asians is an opportunity for Hollywood to cast Asians in meaningful roles, and to cast an Asian male actor (Nick Young) as a romantic lead. Moreover, the behind-the scene agents will also be Asian. The film will be directed by Jon M. Chu. The screenplay will be written by Adele Lim (Fox’s Lethal Weapons).
Read more about the author, Kevin Kwan and the inspiration for the book via Vanity Fair.
Before I moved to NYC, a good friend of mine lent me one final word of advice: “If there is anything — anything at all — you can do in this world besides acting, do that instead.” Film and television are industries notorious for churning out iconic silver-screen legends and spitting out the rest who couldn’t make the cut. Actors routinely face rejection and criticism in the audition room and are constantly compared to their contemporaries, from their skills to their looks. The stakes feel even higher when you find yourself grouped into a niche typecast. That is to say, you are easily lumped with other actors who fit a particular descriptor — blond, tattooed, old, or in my case, transgender.
As a transgender actress, opportunity comes on a double-edged sword. If a film or show is seeking transgender talent, you have a considerably better chance of getting the audition than the majority of cis actors out there. However, the roles available to transgender artists, while certainly growing and improving, are often limited to archaic stereotypes and unsavory characters. It was not until my fourth or fifth audition as a downtrodden, junkie, crossdressing prostitute that I fully understood the gravity of my friend’s earlier advice.
Typecasting, frustrating and limiting as it can be, has also allowed me to meet just about every other trans actress working on the East Coast, because we all end up at the same casting calls. There is comfort in being able to confide in other women who not just relate but empathize and experience the exact same struggles. It is a tight and fiercely supportive community to be a part of, because each of us knows that our only chance to make change in this competitive and cut-throat world is if we speak as a unified whole. Progress is an often slow and uphill battle, but just in the past year alone we have seen amazing trans-positive and trans-collaborated works like Her Story and Transparent rise to recognition. It is deeply affirming to see girls like myself making headway, but there is still so much work to be done.
It was about this time last year I felt particularly defeated about my career and seriously considered abandoning acting, the city, and the dream I followed so far from Missouri. I questioned my strength to face another stereotype or demoralizing role and doubted my ability to bring face and change for my community. I was beside myself, but then, all golden bright and shiny, there was the 2016 Emmys. When Jeffrey Tambor was awarded for best actor in a comedy series for Transparent, he took his place on stage to say…
Hendley (who did some DRAG while in college), got famous in the trans media for being handpicked to star in an indie movie by Eric Schaeffer, Boy Meets Girl (not to be confused with the two British TV shows) based off watching her YouTube videos. Her “biggest” roles to date since then have been costarring in the short Soless and as Daisy in Rachel Bloom’s Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (I think that role was cis).
I’m not a Sendrick shipper. Personally I think the whole idea of shipping real people is weird. BUT. I do adore the friendship that Anna Kendrick & Brittany Snow have (along with the other Bella’s cast obvs).
Like, they’ve blates had their own hardships in life. Hollywood is a crappy bubble to be in at times (believe me, I’ve been there, I’ve seen things, I know how awful it can be once you delve beyond its ‘perfect aesthetic’).
Kendrick and Snow have both been in the industry since they were kids. They’ve both undoubtedly battled with their own demons physically and mentally (who hasn’t eh?). But I love that they have found each other and the rest of the PP cast and are together part of such a tight, supportive little family. Because support and close friendships in the crazy Hollywood limelight is so important.
Plus for 6 months of the year they’re the same age. I mean, that’s nice <3
“Oh, yes… I had to have a part in that, teaching her, yes.” – Fred Astaire, in a 1980 interview for ABC, when asked if Ginger Rogers was “a good dancer”. (Photo is a 1930 publicity shot from Broadway’s Girl Crazy, on which Fred worked as Ginger’s choreographer and teacher for the first time.)