The craziest night of my life
So I had an actual insane night the other day and I want to share it. This is probably gonna be a long story so this is only if you have nothing better to do but laugh at me for the next five minutes.
So the story starts when I’m getting ready to go on a date with this guy from tinder and his profile screams sugar daddy. His bio literally said “Date me cause your boyfriends broke.” So I’m like hell yeah POT date! And as I’m getting ready I’m like, hmm I wonder if my fellow sugar baby friend has been on a date with him. So I text her and she’s all like, DO NOT GO ON A DATE WITH HIM, HES SUCH AN ASSHOLE. I was taken so off guard so I called her and I’m like wtf I’m leaving for our date in 20 minutes! And she tells me how they went on a date (to the same restaurant) and he was such a douche and tried to finger her in the restaurant, AND he’s not interested in sharing his wealth at all. So I’m like… well fuck its a free meal. LOL. So I go and of course he was such a douche. He was on the phone when I got to our table and he was on his phone for like half the date. The first thing he asked me was for my IQ score. And I was like… Um I don’t know? So he took that as me being stupid because I haven’t taken the test. He didn’t let me ask him any personal questions because he’s ‘too important to display his life to random people’. Like I asked if he had kids and he was like, “Thats not an appropriate first date question, is it?” And I was just like what the hell am I supposed to ask you on a first date then!? I could vent about that date all day but thats not the point of the story.
So during the date I’m texting Blue and telling him how awful of a date I’m on (Yes we have a very open relationship). And he told me that he put his kids down to sleep and wanted me to come over for drinks. So I uber over to his house and we start drinking some vodka drinks on his patio. I’m telling him all about my awful date and how disrespected I felt, and he just kept making me drink after drink. And soon enough, I realize I’m kinda drunk. Actually, I’m really drunk. So we both decided that I shouldn’t spend the night cause I don’t want to cross that line with his kids so I uber back to my apartment. And I finally made it back to my place after this crazy night and all I want do is smoke and go to sleep.
So I got to my cabinet where I hide my paraphernalia and realize ALL MY WEED IS GONE. My grinder, pipe, and like literally everything I have is GONE. So my first thought is that my apartment complex confiscated it because I requested a light bulb change and gave them access to enter my apartment when Im not there. FUCK. So I search my whole apartment and my stuff is no where. So I freak out and call my mom. Yes, I called my mom about my weed (keep in mind its midnight and I’m drunk af) and I’m all like “Mom someone stole my weed!” and freaking out on her and she’s just all like “calm down, the maintenance man probably took it knowing you can’t do anything about it, just buy more, go to sleep.” And I’m like, “Noooo mom that was my favorite pipe, I love that pipe, we had such good memories” and I’m spilling my guts to my mom. And I’m thinking I want to catch this guy who took my weed! There’s cameras in the hall! So I look in the hallway to see if there’s cameras in there, and theres some kid sitting at the end of the hallway looking at me like I’m crazy.
So I finally accept that my weed is gone, and go sit on my couch and look over AND MY WEED AND EVERYTHING IS SITTING RIGHT THERE UNDER MY TV. So of course, I smoked a celebratory bowl lol. And as I’m chilling drunk and high af, I hear a knock on my door. And I’m all like OH SHIT ITS THE FUZZ (cause I’m faded). So I open the door… And it is the most attractive male I have ever seen in my life (that might be an exaggeration but everyone is the most attractive person you’ve ever seen when you’re as fucked up as I was). And I realize it was that kid that was sitting at the end of the hallway! And we have this conversation that goes like this…
Him: hey I locked myself out of my apartment
Me: oh that sucks, did you call the emergency number?
Him: yeah no ones answering.
And he totally knows I’m high cause I’m giggling at everything lol so I decided to just be upfront with him…
Me: hey do you smoke?
Me: wanna come in and smoke a bowl?
I SHIT YOU NOT IT SERIOUSLY WENT LIKE THAT. So he comes in and we smoke and get to know each other. We had to ask what each other’s names were like five times lol. And were totally vibing off of each other and the rest of the story is explicit😉 But long story short, were seeing each other tonight! So yeah, that was my crazy story about my crazy night. And that was the short version! lol