crawl-in-a-hole

I walked up to the bar and the crowd of mostly people I know was outside smoking and as I was approaching my friend Katrina said “Hi, Matt”, which I heard as “how’s it going, Matt?” and answered “wonderful. How are you guys doing?” Then she called me out. “I just said Hi, I didn’t ask how you are…” and now I want to crawl in a hole and die. She was just messing with me, but I’m still fucked up over it. Like this is the literal nightmare.

Why when I’ve just started seeing someone and I’m dead happy do like the 2 boys I held a torch for FOR YEARS decide to message me. I don’t get it. Crawl back to your holes you terrible people.

I think what gets me the most about the Hardy/Miller ship is that when they meet and fall in love (platonically or romantically, whatever you prefer), they are both at their absolute worst.

Hardy is an outcast, a pariah and a cuckold. He’s a national joke. He’s cut off from his family. He’s alone and isolated and riddled with terrible trauma, PTSD and trust issues. He’s cold, rude and unapproachable. He has a literally broken heart that’s killing him.

Miller is a woman who’s just lost everything. Her home, her friends, her job, her husband, even her son. She’s going to counselling sessions and is struggling with guilt, trauma and trust issues of her own. She’s withdrawn into herself and both craves and fears intimacy. She can be cold and violent sometimes. She’s a mess.

Both of them have hit rock bottom. All their deepest flaws and insecurities are exposed. They’re hurt and hostile and irritable and unpleasant to be around. They are, quite simply, broken, in almost every way.

And they fall in love anyway. They fall in love with the worst versions of each other because somehow they’re able to see who the other really is underneath, and who they have the potential to be. More than that, they heal each other. They get better because of each other and they get better for each other. They were both broken fucking messes who tried and failed to fix themselves, but somehow they managed to fix each other.

Miller falls in love with a broken Hardy. Hardy falls in love with a broken Miller. And because of that love, neither of them are broken anymore.