crash tests for dummies

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To commemorate the end of Car Boys I put together a playlist of all the music that appeared in it (mostly according to the credits). I also designed some rudimentary album art for it. Please enjoy one of my favorite OSTs from one of the best tv shows/let’s plays/cinema events I’ve ever seen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6iHJdLXfsE&list=PLK5IdMJY5aoWO-qTEAKA7ReX_5sg0g-Pf

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when i was a kid i had a green Crash Test Dummy toy, and it was my genuine thought that Sigma from Megaman X was also a Dummy, and that he became evil because he was tired of being smashed and crashed in cars and wanted revenge on the humans that did this to him.

  • Theo: Then why don't you ask some other girl out?
  • Draco: Like who?
  • Theo: Like Pansy?
  • Pansy: Okay, wait! I'm not some crash test dummy you guys can use to try out your dating skills.
  • [to Draco]
  • Pansy: You, if you like Granger so much, why don't you just ask her out and get it over with.
  • [to Theo]
  • Pansy: And you, stop acting like a Vegas bookie picks your dates. And both of you, treat me better.

You hit the concrete hard, and skid a few inches or so, you’re not really paying attention to that. But the important part is the impact; that’ll leave bruises and break bones, or maybe not. Maybe you’ll stay mostly whole. [boot across your ribs like a landslide.] Maybe you’ll even stay alive.

Rewind back an hour and you’re fighting even though you’ve been drugged even though the world makes more sense diagonally now you’re fighting because [punches connect] you can’t go quietly cant quit cant [hands tied behind your back. gagged. blindfolded] do anything now useless

Rewind even further and you can see this deal is going south, you’re a kid with a temper like dynamite, there’s nothing nice about you, you should have brought the golden boy but he’s off in the clinic bleeding gold because of them and the door locks behind you. You lunge but [needle in your arm] you hit the floor instead and get back up

Back to now, [rope burn] you can taste salt in the air, everything’s still woozy but you know there’s weights tied to you. The docks. Or a cliff. There’s an ocean here definitely. There’s a car pulling up and you hear gunshots and [knife through your thigh, pinning you like a butterfly] before everything is quiet. Everything is bright again [blindfold is peeled off, the gag is removed, ropes are cut.]

Fast-Forward. You and the golden boy recover together, scar but remain whole. You sit beside him one night and [a kiss, feathered against your cheek] everything is fine.

—  BREAKING LIKE A CRASH TEST DUMMY

machyne  asked:

What is Car Boys?

oh my god what isn’t car boys

Car Boys is a polygon dot com web series on youtube presented by media luminary Griffin “two watches” McElroy (you may know him from the equally excellent series he does with his brother Justin, Monster Factory) and professional video boy and anime liker Nick Robinson. they play a fun little car simulator called beamNG.drive and have a good time

car boys is one of those series that goes from zero to soft existentialism in the blink of an eye. in episode one they laugh at how when one car hits the other they both get hurt, and in episode 8 the crash test dummy has uncreated and recreated the universe within its body and if you look close enough you can see us, and in episode 21 we gently wave goodbye to the drawbridge as it perambulates across the matrix towards the city

if someone was like “what is the best video game content on youtube” i would direct them to the final pam trilogy and also car boys. updates every thursday. i genuinely can’t recommend this series enough. (do start at episode one though, so you can see the development of a new religious canon in real time)

imaginationpheonix  asked:

okay but have you ever heard Crash Test Dummy by Reed Deming? It seems like a very Lance song, especially him talking to someone else on the team. Like, every time I hear it I think of my son and cry a little because it's so perfect????

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssss this song is so good I love it, Lance this is Lance.

10

WELCOME TO JACKASS | Whiplash Crash Valley #2! :D

Such a fun video! xD It’s such a blast watching Seán dick around in this silly game and seeing the crash test dummy flying around all over the place. This video really reminded me of his goat simulator videos and those are always a ton of fun to watch as well. I loved Seán’s commentary and Robin’s editing in this video too. What else can I really say in all honesty? I just had a lot of fun watching this video. ^_^

CLAIRE DE LUNE

Namesake: Song by Claude Debussy

Appearance: Claire De Lune takes the form of a Crash Test Dummy used for safety testing in cars. The dummy is a light brown covered in yellow and black hazard sticker with joins made of metal tubing.

Power: A

Speed: E

Range: 10 Mile Radius from Stand User

Precision: C

Staying: A

Learning: E

Abilities: 

CAR BOY

The stand user is able to summon a vehicle that does not have offensive abilities on its own (such as a tank or fighter plane). The user is able to control this car without being inside of the car, but must be in working condition, within 10 miles, and within eyesight of the stand user. The user can summon multiple cars, but may only control one at a time.

GODSTRENGTH

The stand user is able to launch a car at extremely high velocities in any direction the user chooses. The car may still be driven as long as it is in working condition, within 10 miles, and within eyesight of the stand user.

BUSTO

As a last resort, the user may allow the stand itself to appear. The stand is stagnant and unable to move of its own accord. When struck by a vehicle, the stand with violently split apart and rend any object within six feet of it until the stand is recalled by the user. The stronger the impact, the larger area the rending will be active in up to a 10 mile radius when combined with GODSTRENGTH

Notes: Based off of Polygon's Car Boys with Nick Robinson and Griffin McElroy

jackeddaw  asked:

Where do I start with all the McElroy's? Like, it all looks super funny, where do I begin with them? :)

Tbh there’s no wrong answer!! But they do a lot of things, so it’s probably best to start with whatever you feel would engage you most. If you like here’s the order I’ve gotten into their stuff so far:

  1. Monster Factory: YouTube gaming series on Polygon where Justin and Griffin take games with character customisation, completely fuck with its limits, then attempt gameplay with their precious new child. Best known on Tumblr for “Just Like Bart”
  2. MBMBaM (the McElroys’ main gig): Advice podcast that includes other brother Travis, where they give dubious advice to both listeners’ questions and random Yahoo Answers. They usually go off on completely nonsense tangents that has little to do with the original question
  3. The Adventure ZoneD&D podcast the McElroys play with their dad Clint. Griffin currently DMs, while the other three play goofy Chaotic Good boys, including a canonically gay elf that uses an umbrella as a wand and a dwarf that fucks plants worships Pan
  4. Car Boys: Another Polygon series Griffin does with Nick Robinson in BeamNG.drive; where again, they just fuck around crashing vehicles and toying with a temperamental crash test dummy they named Busto
  5. CoolGames Inc.: Griffin and Nick’s podcast where they take listener submissions for video game ideas and attempt to flesh it out into something completely absurd
  6. Interrobang with Travis and Tybee: A cool tangential podcast Travis does with his friend Tybee Diskin, where they rant about stuff in the world; but it’s always got like a basis in compassion and acknowledging privilege.

They all do a bunch of other things; like Griffin has two more Polygon series, and all three brothers have another podcast each they do with their wives that I’ve yet to get into. But it’s all contained on their website, so that’s worth a look!

it wasn’t until a few years ago that carmakers began regularly testing female crash dummies in drivers’ seats. For 30 years, it was just assumed that using male crash test dummies would suffice, even though women are typically smaller than men and the smaller a person is the less force they can tolerate in a crash. That cars were not tested to be safe for female bodies helps to explain why women are killed and injured in car accidents at disproportionately higher rates than men. It’s because women were not included in the analysis—at all.

crash test dummies are one of my favorite bands ever and like their songs are so fucking hilarious and genius if you really listen to the lyrics. like some examples:

god shuffled his feet: god invites a bunch of people to a picnic and they ask god deep questions and he replies with vague weird answers and they’re basically like what the fuck, god and he’s like shrug shuffle idk

overachievers: a woman wants to be totally devoted to god so she prays to god to make sure dudes aren’t attracted to her. so he gives her a beard.

two knights and maidens: two fuckboy knights are pestering the maidens to have an orgy in the garden. the maidens give them hallucinogens and let tigers into the yard. the knights think the tigers are hallucinations so they just sorta laugh while the maidens watch them with the tigers. i suppose you’re left to imagine what happens next but it seems obvious.

anyway i wish someone would like make a comic of these songs, that would be amazing.  

livingdeadpunker  asked:

Being new to MBMBAM, and currently unable to access Youtube. Could you explain what Car Boys is?

I would love to!


it starts out as just Nick Robinson and griffin Mcelroy playing a physics based driving game. And thats just it. Its just these two good boys playing a car game.  
The first few episodes are just them playing it like any other gameplay overview type game but as it went on it slowly started to generate a bit of lore around it. In episode 1 they were just crashing trucks together, but about eight episodes in they are trying to contain a crash test dummy they believe is evil and is trying escape and kill them. Then by episode 27 a huge and dramatic …thing… happens and it starts gaining a lot of traction in its lore being kinda centered around eldritch horrors and the time/space continuum.

Then the last run of episode 32-38 are the craziest episodes and some of the greatest that lead up to an amazing finale. 

It’s a silly video series but the creators have put in a ton of work making it into something so much more. So you have fans, such as myself, who like to add on or try to give the lore even more life. 

What I love most is its just a fun series about two good boys driving some cars. Yes it does have a story to it, but it doesn’t take itself too seriously. 

The story and any theory around it has plot holes but thats just part of the fun of it all.

I would highly recommend watching it if you ever get the chance!