crapuls

mentalfloss.com
16 Weird Forgotten English Words
  1. ASTROLOGAMAGE
    a medieval astrologer
  2. CRAPULENCE
    denoted intestinal and cranial distress
  3. EYE-SERVANT
    a servant who who did his duty only lazily except when within sight of his master
  4. FLITTERWOCHEN
    a honeymoon
  5. FRIBBLER
    he’s really a lady, but just won’t commit (behavior of a fribbler was called fribbledom)
  6. GROANING-CHEESE
    a medieval version of an epidural, except cheese
  7. GROG-BLOSSOM
    a gin blossom
  8. LETTICE-CAP
    A medical device, a hair net filled with herbs for curing headaches and insomnia
  9. MUMPSIMUS
    an incorrect opinion that someone clung to
  10. NIGHT-HAG
    a nightmare
  11. NIMGIMMER
    a surgeon who specialized in curing pox or the clap
  12. NUMBLES
    animal intestines and internal organs, which were eaten by peasants in a dish called garbage pye
  13. PETTY-FOGGER
    attorneys were willing to quibble over insignificant legal points … or use unethical practices in order to win a case
  14. PIGGESNYE
    a sweetheart (from the phrase “pig’s eye”)
  15. PILGARLIK
    a bald head, which apparently resembled peeled garlic
  16. RATTONER
    a exterminator
18th century dirty words that need to be brought back now
  • crapulous - full of crap
  • crapulence - the effects of a hangover, which can include crap
  • flapdragon - an std
  • groggified - drunk
  • bagpipe - blowjob
  • mantrap - vagina
  • whirligigs - testicles
  • fuckster - one who fucks (pretty self explanatory)
  • arsy-varsy - head over heels
  • wap - have sex
  • riding St. George - a woman “uppermost in the amorous congress”
  • sow’s baby - how you say “fucking pig” in polite company
  • gobble-prick - slut
  • velvet - or tip the velvet, french kissing
  • huffle - blowjob
  • Johnny Bum - how you say “jackass” in polite company
  • member mug - toilet (chamber pot)
  • backgammon - gay sex
  • box the Jesuit - to masturbate (“a crime it is said much practiced by the reverend fathers of that society”)
  • cock alley - vagina
  • make a coffee house of a woman’s cunt - “to go in and out and spend nothing”
&$%^# WRITING

My favorite is when I get up the courage to tell someone I’m writing a novel and then they laugh at me and patiently point out all the reasons why this is a pipe dream. And then I realize that I’m kind of a cliche and that’s really sad, and I decide that my writing’s crap. Because it might well be; the fucking book’s not published yet or anything and I can’t re-read any part of it myself without changing something.  Fuck.  But, then I realize that DESPITE THE CRAPULENCE I’m still going to finish the fucking thing anyway because I care about these characters and I’d be an asshole to just leave them there. I dream about them. I talk to myself in the shower in their voices. I fucking empathize with them.

So, here I am continuing with the solitary, doubt-ridden, possibly crappy writing that will never EVER get published.

Because I might be a cliche, but I damn well am not an asshole.

We’ve all learned from documentaries and mediocre animated features that penguins congregate in absurd numbers when it’s time to get their egg on. We also know, from that time we left our car parked under a tree over the weekend, that birds can produce an equally absurd amount of shit. Well, turns out that when these two forces of nature team up, it can produce a feculent stain on the landscape that’s actually visible from space.

The penguins actually found a way to make that wanton crapulence work for them, though. Their incessant turd production helps to melt the surrounding snow so that the ground is suitable for nesting. It’s not just the direct contact that does it – the contrast of brown-on-white absorbs heat from the sun faster than the surrounding snow. They seem to have it down to something of a science, too, as you can see sort of a pattern forming in this bit of time-lapse filthiness.

he 6 Most Insane Pooping Strategies Dreamt Up By Evolution

s’extasier - to go crazy about, to go nuts for

souiller - sully, to make dirty

reluisant - gleaming, glowing

endeuiller - to plunge into mourning

se barder - to deck oneself out, adorn oneself in

une crapule - a low life 

le logeur - landlord

papoter - to chat, to gossip

des charbons - coal, charcoal 

regimber - to balk at something, to make a fuss about something 

Vocabulary taken from Sans verser de larmes, by Jean Failler. 

Colleges being nothing but grooming schools for the middle-class non-identity which usually finds its perfect expression on the outskirts of campus in rows of well-to-do houses with lawns and television sets in each living room with everybody looking at the same thing and thinking the same thing at the same time, while the Japhies of the world go prowling in the wilderness to hear the voice crying in the wilderness, to find the ecstasy of the stars, to find the dark mysterious secret of the origin of faceless wonderless crapulous civilization.
—  Jack Kerouac - The Dharma Bums
Colleges [are] nothing but grooming schools for the middleclass nonidentity which usually finds its perfect expression on the outskirts of the campus in well-to-do houses with lawns and television sets in each living room with everybody looking at the same thing and thinking the same time while the [wild ones] of the world go prowling in the wilderness to hear the voice crying in the wilderness, to find the ecstasy of the stars, to find the dark mysterious secret of the origin of faceless wonderless crapulous civilization.
—  Jack Kerouac, The Dharma Bums 

Prowling In The Wilderness

“colleges being nothing but grooming schools for the middle-class non-identity which usually finds its perfect expression on the outskirts of the campus in rows of well-to-do houses with lawns and television sets in each living room with everybody looking at the same thing and thinking the same thing at the same time while the Japhies of the world go prowling in the wilderness to hear the voice crying in the wilderness, to find the ecstacy of the stars, to find the dark mysterious secret of the origin of faceless wonderless crapulous civilization.” ― Jack Kerouac, The Dharma Bums
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SIGNS AS FUN WORDS #3 :)
  • Aries: Rutilant - having a reddish glow; Obloquy - a strongly condemnatory utterance or abusive language; Adulation - excessive admiration or praise
  • Taurus: Schwarmerei - excessive sentiment; Bucolic - pastoral, relating to shepherds or rural life; Glade - an open or sunlit space that is surrounded by woods
  • Gemini: Lollygag - to spend time idly, aimlessly, or foolishly, to dawdle; Nonplus - perplex; Flocculate - to coalesce into small lumps or loose clusters
  • Cancer: Chary - discreetly cautious, hesitant about dangers or risks; Importune - to persistently urge or beg; Hamartia - a tragic flaw that brings about downfall
  • Leo: Bucketshop - a gambling establishment that formerly used market fluctuations; Crapulous - sick from excessive alcoholic indulgence; Lionize - to treat as important
  • Virgo: Devoir - duty or responsibility as a citizen in society or a certain clique; Quondam - former, sometime; Advertent - giving attention, heedful
  • Libra: Tutoyer - to address with undue familiarity; Ne plus ultra - a perfect example of its kind; Insipid - lacking flavour, weak or tasteless
  • Scorpio: Peach - to inform against, cheat, tattle or betray; Esoteric - only understood by a small number of people; Cicatrix - scar left behind by a healed wound
  • Sagittarius: Tourbillion - a whirlwind; Panglossian - marked by the view that all is for the best, excessively optimistic; Amalgamate - to merge into a single body
  • Capricorn: Solon - amember of a legislative body; Fugleman - one at the head or forefront of a certain group or movement; Misprision - incorrect performance of an official duty
  • Aquarius: Risorgimento - the 19th century movement for Italian political unity; In silico - in or on a computer; Specie - money in the form of coinage
  • Pisces: Zoomorphic - having the form of an animal; Hoke - to give a contrived or falsely impressive quality; Saponaceous - resembling or having the qualities of soap
colleges being nothing but grooming schools for the middle-class non-identity which usually finds its perfect expression on the outskirts of the campus in rows of well-to-do houses with lawns and television sets in each living room with everybody looking at the same thing and thinking the same thing at the same time while the Japhies of the world go prowling in the wilderness to hear the voice crying in the wilderness, to find the ecstacy of the stars, to find the dark mysterious secret of the origin of faceless wonderless crapulous civilization.

A man came over from the house across the street and asked about the cause of this musical crapulence. He seemed soft at the edges, like a melting camembert, but thankfully not as smelly. 

Ulysses suspended torturing the bunny guitar and introduced himself as the new neighbour.

The man didn’t seem to much enthused about the prospect to have any neighbour at all. His forehead veins began twitching and pulsing in applaudable syncopation while he reluctantly gave his name away like an important state secret.

“I’m Geoffrey Landgraab, and the imposing mansion over there belongs to my family for generations. We never had neighbours because their houses tend to block our view. I hope you won’t disrupt this great tradition." 

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Colleges being nothing but grooming schools for the middle-class non-identity which usually finds its perfect expression on the outskirts of the campus in rows of well-to-do houses with lawns and television sets in each living room with everybody looking at the same thing and thinking the same thing at the same time while the Japhies of the world go prowling in the wilderness to hear the voice crying in the wilderness, to find the ecstasy of the stars, to find the dark mysterious secret of the origin of faceless wonderless crapulous civilization.
—  Jack Kerouac, The Dharma Bums
Je garderais toujours ton sourire en mémoire pour aller mieux et pour ne pas oublié que malgré ta vie, aussi difficile qu'elle soit, tu ne t'arrêtes pas de sourire. Et puis je t'avoue que tu es craquante quand tu souris, crapule.