crap pipe

  • Captain Cold: so who broke it? I'm not mad. I just want to know.
  • [Silence]
  • Captain Cold: Trickster?
  • Trickster: Don't look at me. Look at Heatwave.
  • Heatwave: What?! I didn't break it.
  • Trickster: Huh. That’s weird. How did you know it was broken, then?
  • Heatwave: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken!
  • Trickster: Suspicious.
  • Heatwave: No it’s not!
  • Pied Piper: If it matters, probably not....Glider was the last one to use it.
  • Golden Glider: Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!
  • Piped Piper: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
  • Golden Glider: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Piper!
  • Heatwave: Alright, folks, lets calm down. There's no reason to get all 'fired up' over thi–
  • Captain Cold: No. Who broke it?
  • Weather Wizard: I don't know, but M.M's been awfully quiet......
  • Mirror Master: Really?!
  • Captain Cold [narrating]: I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now, they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
Little Puff

A next generation SnowBaz fic for the Carry On Countdown

When Cherry Snow-Pitch started showing signs of strong magic at the age of two, Simon and Baz were overjoyed.  Of course, they had decided early on that they would never hide their own magic from their adopted child, whether she shared their power or not, but for some reason Cherry’s magic made them happier than either of them had ever imagined they could be.

Even though it meant they had to part with her for months at a time when she became old enough to attend Watford.

           “Now, are you sure you have everything?” Simon fussed, straightening the collar on Cherry’s blouse.

           “I’m sure,” she sighed.  He’d already asked her the same question at least four times. Cherry loved her dad, but he did tend to worry when it didn’t seem necessary.

           “Are you really certain you don’t want us to come on the train with you?  There’s still time to get some last-minute tickets -”

           “Simon,” Baz murmured softly, taking his hand.  “She’ll be fine, won’t you, Puff?”  Cherry nodded, smiling.  Simon turned to Baz like he wanted to beg him to let them all go on the train together, and Cherry looked away out of habit.  Sometimes it was gross how visibly her parents loved each other.

           But sometimes it was cute.

           “I’ll be alright, Dad,” she promised, “and I’ll make sure to call you as soon as I get off the train.”  She brandished the flip phone they had given her for school. It didn’t text, it didn’t play games, and it only had one number saved: home.  But Cherry didn’t mind.

           “I know you will, sweet,” Simon clasped her little hands in his strong ones “and I know you’ll have an amazing time.”  He smiled at her, trying to pretend like he wasn’t on the verge of tears.  She smiled back, pretending the same thing.  She didn’t want to admit it, but as excited as she was for her first year at Watford, she was nervous to go.  

           A gust of wind hit them as her train pulled up to the platform.  Cherry’s stomach suddenly went cold as the reality of what was happening hit her. She lunged forward into Simon’s warm embrace, and she felt Baz wrap his long arms around the both of them like he was holding them together.  A lump formed in her throat.

           Simon pulled back to look her in the eyes.  “Now, you remember,” he said in his Dad-voice, “study hard, do all your homework, make new friends, don’t go into the Wavering Wood at night -”

           “I promise,” she laughed, tears starting to glisten on her long lashes.

           “And if the Crucible gives you a crap roommate,” Baz piped up, “try to give her the benefit of the doubt.”  He winked at Simon, who blushed.  Cherry marvelled at them.  They had been married for fifteen years and they still acted like schoolchildren in love.

           Simon gave Cherry another hug as the whistle blew and Baz pressed a long kiss to her forehead.  “Go on then,” he whispered.  “Carry on, Little Puff.”  

She kissed both their cheeks, picked up her suitcase and climbed onto the train, turning to flash them one more of her signature fearless grins before disappearing from their view.

           Simon and Baz waved frantically when the train chugged away, and they remained on the platform, staring after their daughter and holding onto each other for dear life.  Simon finally let go of the tears that had been threatening to escape all day. He buried his face in his husband’s chest, clinging to that little bit of Cherry’s scent that lingered on Baz’s coat. They rocked back and forth gently, Baz stroking Simon’s back and hair soothingly, grounding them.

           “I know, love,” Baz whispered, kissing the top of Simon’s head.  “I know.”

South Park Sentence Meme (NSFW)
  • My sister, in Minnesota, put a hat on a snowman and it tried to kill her!
  • Don’t call me fat, buttfucker!
  • Hey, that kind of looks like…Tom Selleck.
  • Follow your dreams, you can reach your goals, I’m living proof.
  • If dolphins are so smart, why do they get caught in those fishing nets all the time?
  • Okay, each of you young'uns take a gun, a beer, and some smokes.
  • I would never kill somebody. Unless they pissed me off.
  • Dolphins, Eskimos, who cares? It’s all a bunch of tree-hugging hippie crap.
  • You butt pipe! This is the time of year you’re supposed to share!
  • Howdy-ho!
  • I don’t care, you sound like a little bitch to me!
  • I’m such a non-conformist that I’m not going to conform with the rest of you.
  • You see, I was working for Wall-Mart all along!
  • I’m the biggest whore!
  • It’s Critter Christmas, dude! It sucks ass!
  • Dude! Dude, did you see the news last night?