crap moment

Can we please stop saying Luke’s character was assassinated because he was written in a way that didn’t allow him to cater to Han and Leia 24/7? 

And no, I don’t mean him vanishing to Ahch-To, although that’s a whole other Luke-bashing topic I’m regularly angry about. What I’m talking about is people giving Luke shit for going off for long periods of time to find Jedi lore. 

The fact of the matter is that, after RotJ, Luke has his own stuff he needs to do, and unfortunately his goals are not 100% aligned with Leia’s in a way that would put him in the same place as her and Han all the time. Look at it this way: Luke has to rebuild an entire Order…all by himself. He’s starting from the ground up, and aside from the occasional Force ghost, he has no one there to help him or give him guidance. There’s thousands of years worth of information Luke needs to get his hands on. There’s a whole entire galaxy worth of history to delve into that Luke likely finds useful. It doesn’t surprise me that he would want to find as much as he can, educate and train himself to his fullest potential, so that when the time comes to pass on what he knows, he is as qualified as he can possibly be with the knowledge and experience he’s acquired. 

The problem is that Luke is only one man, and there’s only so much time allowed to him before he passes on; it’s absolutely not ideal if he dies before establishing the new Jedi. And sadly, these new Jedi are supposed to be a fitting replacement for the Order that stood for thousands of years, with generations and generations of Jedi flying all over the galaxy. That’s a lot to place on the shoulders of one guy, don’t you think? So, Luke travels. He learns. He finds bits of history to help his cause. He’s gone for long periods of time because he’s hard at work educating, and training, and accomplishing his goals, and surprise surprise, his own goals are just as important to the fate of the galaxy as Leia’s are. They’re just different goals. 

I don’t think people realize just how pressuring and life-consuming Luke’s job was. Yeah, he wasn’t at Leia’s side 24/7, but he had very good reason not to be. That doesn’t make him a terrible brother or a horrible person, that’s just life, and life required Luke and Leia to aim at accomplishing different things for the galaxy. 

i’m so mad bc this book is shitty af but it contains one of my fave moments in finnish literature

“Greedily breathe in the air, Jussi,” Elias urged. “It carries the scent of European civilisation/sophistication. The mild aroma of liberty, equality and fraternity, and the rich perfume of the thousand-year history of this town.”

“Oh,” answered Jussi. “I think it smells like shit in here.”

To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before

I turned my head with an eyebrow raised as she stepped out of her apartment building for the last time. She had a bag packed, draped over her shoulder, and a smile that made my heart stop. She really was coming with me.

 It was then that I realize that she was exactly what I had been looking for all this time.

I’ve never been good at that lovey-dovey, chick-flick moment crap, but there have been a few girls in my life that I thought I loved. 

And I owe them an apology because it turns out that the feelings I had for them weren’t love. I thought they were, but now, knowing the way I feel for Y/N… I have only every truly loved her.

Cassie. She was firey and passionate, and she knew what she wanted. Ultimately, the minute I bared my heart to her, revealed my world to her, she dismissed me as though I couldn’t be bothered to tell her the truth. Even after years apart when she found out the truth, I thought I could love her still. I had really never stopped loving her, but something was missing. 

I didn’t know it at the time, but I know what was wrong now. 

She wasn’t you. 

Lisa. She took me in when I thought I had no place to go. She offered me a home and a life outside of this life. She loved me unconditionally and never questioned the broken mess that I was. She allowed me to love Ben which may have been her greatest gift. She was the hardest to walk away from. 

In the end, my reason for leaving would be Sam, but I realize now what I didn’t know then. 

She wasn’t you. 

Part of me wishes I could go back in time and undo the time that I spent with these women because it was time spent that I could have been finding you, could have been loving you. But I realize now that those experiences made me the man that I am today. Without them, I’m not sure if I would be ready to love you as fully as I do. Without them I may never have realized that you were what I was really missing. 

So, to all the girls I’ve loved before… thank you. Thank you for opening my eyes and making me see. Making me see that I am capable of a love that is greater than myself, capable of loving so deeply it hurts, capable of laying it all on the line once I really found the right reason to. 

And Y/N, that reason is you. I think you know that, or you wouldn’t be coming with me now. 

I just want you to know those women helped make me a better man for you, but I’m so glad that I finally have you in my arms because you are what’s right in my world. You pull me from the darkness. You saved me when I was lost. You are the love of my life.

You, I could never live without. 

I made a thing

The thing about getting so invested in something (in this case…ROBRON) is you can’t have the joy without the pain. That….just isn’t possible.

When you throw your heart and mind in to something, when you devote so much of your time to something (fandom), spend so much time talking about something, thinking about something, speculating or daydreaming about something…..that gives it such great power. I think a lot of people can be consumed by something without even realising the power it has. 

You feel such incredible highs!!! You have these moments of such joy, and it’s a joy you can share with all of your fandom friends; people who are in the same boat as you (or….on the same ship as you!) and it can almost be euphoric! 

The joy we felt in SSW and after the wedding was so pure and it was such a beautiful thing to be apart of, the almost party-like atmosphere in the fandom that for me personally carried on into my real life; after SSW especially I was on a high for quite some time, I really got a rush that put me in a good mood - a really good mood - for days. That was when, for me, I realised the power Robron had over me, and at that point in time I loved every moment of it and I’m pretty confident that many (most?) other fans felt the same!

But……you can’t feel that level of “high” without giving the thing you’re in love with the power to really give you some serious lows. And man…the lows are low. That’s why it’s so messed up, because you literally can’t have one without the other. It just doesn’t work that way.

My issue is….I’m in love with Aaron and Robert’s love. I have been since day one. Their love has given me so much happiness and it has broken my heart (in good ways and bad ways) and just…..the hold it has over so many of us is so real and even though they have always been a flawed and sometimes unhealthy couple, we have never lost sight of their love and it has carried us through some pretty shitty times. It has been beautiful to watch and I know it’s a cliche but it’s been a total ~rollercoaster with so many ups and downs that have given us rushes of pure joy and adrenaline and lows that have made us want to vomit!!!! But good and bad, it has - and will continue to be - a massive TRIP. 

As low as things have been lately, and as sickened as we all were when the Episode of Dread™ hit us the other week, I never don’t want to be in love with them?? Because I never want there to be a time where the highs aren’t really, super fucking high and powerful. I never want to lose that sense of joy.

BUT it gets all messed up at a time like this when things are going wrong and when we’re not sure how it’s all going to pan out. Because I/we don’t want to feel those lows, we don’t want to feel that pain - a pain that is probably unhealthy for many of us but it’s also real even if this is “only” about a fictional couple - BUT I’m also not ready to let go of it, because by letting go of giving Robron the power to cause us pain, we’re also letting go of the power to give us pleasure

I mean, of course there are ways to enjoy something a “normal” and healthy amount that doesn’t make us feel physically ill and keep us up all night lmao, but so many of us are in too deep with Robron to let the bad times - the really bad times, I mean - pass us by.

I don’t know if I just went into Survival Mode after *that* episode and shut myself off from Robron in a way to sort of….shield myself from the horror I felt. Because by god, I felt horrendous that Thursday night and all of the next day. Like genuinely awful. And I resented the fact that I had allowed myself to let a fictional couple have the power to make me feel so utter crap. Because in that moment, nothing about loving this ship was fun. It was just horrible and seeing all these posts from people feeling exactly the same, seeing all these people that used to be filled with positivity so sad and angry (justifiably so) was really upsetting and it just made it worse.

And in that moment, I wanted to stop caring. I wanted to not give a shit (or….at least somehow step back enough to enjoy them a Normal Amount) because it hurt too much and hurting isn’t fun.

But now things have sunk in a bit…..I don’t want to let go?? I still feel like I’m in Survival Mode. I haven’t watched any past scenes of theirs since that episode. Not wedding stuff, not the goodbye, not nothing.

A spark has gone for me right now, as I think it has for so many people, but my issue is…..I don’t want it to stay gone. I want that spark to come back. Not just for me, but for everyone. I wish we could have the joy without the Pain™ but….we can’t. Not really. Not that sheer level of joy, anyway. 

This post is a mess, but I guess what I’m saying is…..however bad it is now, I hope somehow we can get back to a place where we can allow Robron to give us the joy they have given us in the past. And yeah, that means that we will inevitably have to suffer the Low™ at some point in the future again (hopefully way in the future but……….it’ll probably be sooner rather than later) BUT I just hope that somehow we can survive this. That somehow this can make us stronger. Than even when things really suck the next time (for whatever reason), and however much it hurts…..I hope we’ll still be able to bounce back.

And I guess that’s what this post is about. It’s about caring too much and loving too much but having that love knocked by a horrible incident that sort of shatters our faith and confidence and ruins our enjoyment. BUT I want us to be able to bounce back from this. I know some people won’t be able to, but I hope most of us are somehow able to move on from this and go back to feeling the love we felt before, to have that spark, to allow them to have the power to fuck us up all over again - in a good way AND a bad way. And when the bad way happens again (which….it will), hopefully we’ll have learnt from this in some ways, hopefully it’ll have made us stronger (this remains to be seen tbh) and just…….we’ll get over it. Fingers crossed.

Because I may feel numb about Robron right now, but I still believe that deep down they still have The Power™ over me. And as shit as they have made me feel recently (well…not them, but Emmerdale ugh) I don’t think I ever really want them to not be able to make me feel shit? Because if they can’t make me feel like crap, then they can’t make me feel such incredible happiness too.

And some of us really really need that happiness. We need that joy and sunshine. And I just really hope for all of our sakes that we get some of that again soon. 

Fairy Tail Chapter 534 Review

Oh Boy this chapter…

We start with a cover page of Tower of Heaven. I really like it, I just wish that there was more a visual on the tower.

We open on Jellal who is fighting Acnologia in the air. Okay this Jellal hitting Acnologia I’m okay with. It’s believable that the force of his collision on solely Acnologia’s head while using meteor would actually do a little bit of damage.

But Acnologia shows off why you don’t fuck with Acnologia! Wait, you’re using a breath attack? Huh. Couldn’t you have used that earlier when chasing the pegasus.

Also on Christina, Anna struggles to open the ravines.

We cut to the guild hall where Zeref has turned the gates of Fairy Tail into the gates for Neo eclipse…. HOW! No seriously how? What was the point of the ravines of time? You can apparently just make a portal anywhere!

Oh so you do keep your memories from the previous time, okay. Thank you for not revealing that till now and letting us ponder f you can actually not just relive the same life over.

Cut to Magnolia… Ugh this scene.

So from Natsu’s damage the letters start changing but it’s okay, Lucy can rewrite them.

I hate this scene. I will defend Lucy having some skill in letter magic afterall we saw it in the daybreak arc where she broke the letter magic there. But here’s the thing, this is a fucking ancient magic for life that was crafted by the most powerful wizard in history and Lucy is able to rework it perfectly. There’s a difference between, “hey Lucy’s a writer” and re writing this ancient spell. This would actually make sense if Anna actually did this, after all she knew Zeref and comes from that time period. OR we could get Fairy Tail’s resident letter mage, Levy. The one who specializes in learning ancient language and writing, but nope lets just give it to Lucy.

We cut to the christina.

USELESS! YOU ANNA ARE THE MOST FUCKING USELESS CHARACTER HERE! Like seriously first she introduces the deus ex machina but not only that, she gets locked out of it and it’s not even her power to open it up! God you are waste of time.

With the Ravines Visible, Jellal Using Meteor says he’ll push Acnologia in. Umm okay I said I was okay with meteor being used on Acnologia’s head as it’s an area away from his bulk and can be targeted for damage, but here it looks like he’s going to strike him in his mid section. It took Giant Makarov and Igneel to actually push around Acnologia but now you’re telling me that this guy with only extreme speed is going to do it too?

We cut back to the guild where natsu is alive and well. Big shock.

Cut to Magnolia

Okay this last page. I’ve seen multiple reactions to this chapter and mostly it’s beern, “I was ok but oh man that last page is pretty tense”. And for me the this last page, just screws this chapter over from being average. This is horrible and let me also explain my problem with Lucy in this arc as well as this. This whole final arc Lucy has been nothing but a tool for other character development and none of here own.

Her with Brandish was understandable as it was a way of developing a new villain which is fine, but since then Lucy has been a tool for Natsu’s character. “Lucy be worried about Natsu, Lucy strip for Natsu to keep him alive, Lucy defend Natsu, Lucy pretend be dead so Natsu can go END, Lucy wax on about how Natsu is still Natsu, Lucy sit in this park and save Natsu’s life with rewriting. None of this is about her. People will argue that Lucy is a kind caring person so this all makes sense but Lucy is more than just emotional support.

But none of this about her, this is the last arc, the conclusion for her character. This is suppose to be all about her development but nothing this arc has focused on her development, but all she’s used for is nothing of what makes Lucy the character she was and that development: nothing about her, keys, her spirits, her family, her father, using a magic she doesn’t specialize in, and this is suppose to be her big character moment? Bull crap! I mean say what you want about devil slayer Gray and his whole END subplot, at least it was tied into his character and his development that came before hand, no matter how poorly executed. None of this is about Lucy.

Also here’s the thing, this would kinda be okay if Natsu and Lucy were a couple like Gajeel and Levy or Haru and Elie. While at times they can act as tool for the others development it made sense as that as a couple has been a part of their characters, but no. Lucy and Natsu aren’t a couple, they are their own characters, this isn’t about some arc they share together and right now none of this about Lucy.

So aside from that, it looks like a strange force is affecting Lucy. Now I’ve heard two theories, first is this is the curse of contradiction as Lucy brought Natsu back to life thus breaking Ankherseram’s law. And the other is Lucy’s body has the organic link transferred to her. Both of these again are just so unfair, I mean again Lucy is just becoming this tool for something that doesn’t involve her. “What will her bond take her?” Simple being being screwed over.

Post Chapter follow up: Well that was fast. Okay good stuff first Acnologia is once again proving how badass he is and Jellal is being useful.

Also unlike others, I’m not angry at Natsu being alive. I mean we knew the main character wasn’t going to die. So I’m not mad and I’m glad they didn’t drag it out.

Another good thing, is the pacing of the chapter, it really does handle the multiple threads well.

Cons now and there are a lot of them. First Zeref just being able to open the gates right there, I mean seriously what the hell. Also Anna is USELESS. I still predict she’ll get a pointless sacrifice but my god this woman can’t contribute anything.

That whole Lucy thing. People say Lucy doesn’t deserve this curse or whatever this is and I agree. Lucy doesn’t deserve any of this crap.

This chapter would’ve been average but that last page god…

Final Verdict: 3/10

  • Good Pacing
  • waste of characters
  • what the hell is going on at this point