craft beer snob

college cammie headcanons that literally no one asked for

  • slob. slobslobslob. nothing ever really rots or stains (it smells and she’s not paying for that maintenance) but if you think she didn’t have to scramble to clean when Rachel and Joe came to visit then think again because it was def Cam trying to fit three hours worth of deep cleaning into sixty minutes 
  • takes Bex to all the best parties when she comes into town, though they always end up somewhere completely different because they’re spies for shit’s sake and big parties make them paranoid
  • plaid and leggings all the time. and when it’s not plaid and leggings, it’s workout clothes. also acquired a lot of these bullshit current fashion hipster shit shirts with aliens or succulents or cacti on them that people peddle on this site, you know the ones
  • rock wall. rock wall all the time at the gym (you can take the girl out of P&E but you can’t take the P&E out of the girl) followed by smoothies.
  • BARISTA. this girl worked as a barista for a year probably and learned all her regulars’ names 
  • sometimes Cam visits Liz at Harvard, and other times Liz visits Cam at Georgetown, and occasionally they meet in the middle
  • “messy hair don’t care”
  • the quietest person in the world during sex when she has to be, because as fantastic as Zach is in bed, she doesn’t want to be known as “Three Floors Morgan” anymore after The Incident during her sophomore year…
  • protein bars. protein bars everywhere in every room and every purse or backpack
  • netflix watcher. it’s totally Macey’s account but Cam uses it more–Stranger Things, Orange is the New Black, Arrested Development, Gilmore Girls
  • decor is christmas lights, way too many plants, random artwork and family photos, pops of color everywhere, gossamer/linen curtains. 
  • craft beer snob sorry 
  • psych student and absolutely beloved by the department faculty. also two Gallagher alumni work in that department and one of them knows Abby extremely well, but Cam didn’t know that, so imagine her shock when she was meeting said professor for coffee and Abby was just fucking there like “Hey there, squirt!” 
  • wears Zach’s t-shirts as pajamas. she’ll never give them back
  • meat lover’s pizzas. that is all. 
  • “mom can you stop sending me care packages” “well I was worried that you were running out of canned soup! it’s full of sodium but it’s better than nothing” “mom I promise you I will never run out of soup”
  • “hey cam, how’s your car running” “joe I swear it’s fine” “nothing wrong with the engine? tire pressure still even?” “joe there is NOTHING wrong with my car now can I please talk to my mother for a second”
Headcannon: Ordering at the Cantina

Light Trio:

Poe: He’s all about shots, tequila, rum, and jaeger. Especially group shots with his squadron after a successful mission. He would also love drinking games.

Finn: He screams Rum& Coke or vodka soda to me. Both have a bit of edge but go down smoothly and generally easygoing drinks. Prefers to be the least drunk so he can take care of his friends.

Rey: Margatias, all the way. Especially strawberry. She’s so used to bland foods and drinks that the zest of the lime or the sweetness of the strawberry would be right up her alley. She would try to decorate bb-8 with the little umbrellas after a few drinks.

Dark Trio:

Kylo Ren: He would be the craft beer snob. He would especially like light beers such as IPAs for the fact that they are more bitter than dark brews. He doesn’t see why that’s funny. Would also be the kind of person to try and brew his own.

Hux: He would keep things nice and clean when it comes to drinks. White Russians, Gin and Tonics, or just brandy neat. He’s such a calculated person that he would have no patience for the sugary type drinks that come with fancy garnishes. He does not like ice in his glass, at all.

Phasma: she would be the queen of red wine. Holy hell this woman could kill you with one hand you best bet she loves a nice heavy merlot.

Low key I love how Kara drinks even tho it doesn’t work on her. Like, way to blend in Danvers, way to behave like your craft beer snob millennial peers.


I recently went to a little house party where there were a couple of guys kind of holding court on their hagiography in the craft beer ‘scene’ dating back to the late 80’s. Hearing the great lengths they had to go to, driving nearly a 1000 miles to DC for beer runs, planning their own beer swap meets and all sorts of other crazy things most of us wouldn’t put 1 millionth of the energy into was kind of cool. On the flip side, talking about what beers are their go –to’s, what new breweries they’re into etc. . It was all crazy barleywines and ultra-rich Christmas ales, nevermind those impossible to find oak barrel aged whatever’s from 10 years ago, and it made me sad.

Most of us started out drinking PBR, or Labatt’s or whatever you could get for less than $1 a can; in the woods, or corn fields or wherever we thought we could get away with it, and while some started drinking the good stuff early most of the rest of us have just gotten to the party within the last 5 or 6 years. We came up in a world where we’re not stymied by crazy prohibition era laws (mostly)and can regularly spy a new tap handle at our local.

It’s great to find a new lawnmower beer, or that beer that makes you close your eyes and think ‘man this is the PERFECT beer to drink this time of year’. It’s about the adventure, the sharing with friends and the memories of a certain place and time that the flavor can evoke and instill in you. It’s not just about pursing the most extreme palette singeing flavors or the rarest bottles. The beauty of beer and all food really is in the journey it takes your senses on not just the acquiring your holy grail. So that if you get to that point, like these guys had,  where it’s just about the acquisition of the brew, you start to lose out on a little of the magic.

So to all the craft beer newbies that those beer snobs would look sideways at: YOU’RE the lucky one!

If you’d started drinking when these guys did you’d have had to drink a LOT of not so great homebrew, driven a LOT of miles to get ahold of a craft beer, and quite frankly  you’d be BORED with all the AMAZING stuff that’s going on in the craft beer world right now. Craft beer in the U.S. is a Valhalla those bitter old beer snobs couldn’t have imagined, with that brewpub you love down the street or the local place that’s started brewing their own, or that barber/stylist that hands you a scrumptious homebrew while you’re getting a cut.  Taste it, try it, ENJOY it and try not to get jealous of those friends who get to try a beer for the first time that you’ve loved for years. There’s always a new beer, a new adventure, a new memory right around the corner.