craft bartending

3

So, in honor of midsummer and the summer solstice I’ve teamed up with @witches-of-ouroboros and will be posting some seasonal witchy libations! First off is the most time consuming component of one of my cocktails, an infusion for summer vodka. Really it can be made or drank anytime if you have the ingredients and the time.

Supplies: rose petals and buds, chamomile, and elderflower, vodka, and a Mason jar.
The amount of each varies depending on the size of the Mason jar, but for the purpose of my example, I will be using an 8oz Mason jar.

Clean the jar well, even if it’s new. Hot water, soap, more hot water until all the soap is gone, and because I’m me, I pour a little vodka, and a splash of absinthe and swirl this all through the jar an lid both to give a final disinfection and, the absinthe adds a little more magical oomph. But absinthe is a topic for another day;)

I measured my dried* roses about a third if the way in the jar. Next a heaping tablespoon of chamomile, and another of elderflower. I added another few rose buds so it was just below the halfway point.
Top with vodka until you get a little bit below the rim!
Close tightly and shake once a day for the next 5-7
*dried flowers and herbs infuse faster and use up less space than fresh. If you have access to a large amount of fresh, food safe flowers and herbs for your infusions, have at it!

Almost forgot, taste it after five days and see if you want it stronger. It should have a delicate but noticeable flavor. Strain and store in a clean jar.

Roses have had their fair share in the histories and cultures. Used in love spells, prosperity and other rituals, the focus and intent of roses actually comes from a Greek legend concerning Aphrodite, the rose was created when the foam of the sea fell off her naked form, and her tears dyed the roses red. The rose represents a duality in love. Love of self, and love of another. New love and lost love.

Elderflowers are used to relieve emotional burdens and that feeling of being stuck, creating joy, and inviting prosperity and health into your life.

Chamomile is added for purification, prosperity and tranquility.

Roses are associated with water, vodka with earth, elderflower with the sun, and chamomile with fire.

Today’s witch cocktail for the solstice is another original. It can only be done if you’ve made the rose floral vodka I shared last week.
https://barberwitch.tumblr.com/post/161749102126/so-in-honor-of-midsummer-and-the-summer-solstice
The Rose of Verona
2 oz Rose Vodka
1 oz simple syrup*
Grapefruit (or lemon) sparkling water
Garnish can be cucumber and rose (I added mint because I can) or, a lemon twist
Mix simple syrup and rose vodka in a glass with ice, stir, don’t shake. Strain into martini glass and top with grapefruit sparkling water. Garnish and serve.

*If you don’t have simple syrup, take about 2 oz water and add in 4 barspoons or 4 teaspoons of powdered sugar and stir until dissolved.

It’s a simple but elegant cocktail, super refreshing and will taste almost like a floral iced tea with some bubbles. No burn or bite of alcohol.

I mentioned the herbal correspondences of the vodka, but adding citrus is the final step. Like in Yule, oranges, lemon, and grapefruit represent the sun. And as the longest day of the year, a little extra sun is needed for the cocktail.

Thanks again @witches-of-ouroboros for inviting me to make some cocktails for you guys! Cheers to you, and cheers to the solstice!

So at the end of every Off Topic, Michael sets up a new name for Gavin in the credits. I was curious about all the titles so I decided to look them all up. So far we’ve gotten:

  • Assistant Producer
  • Creative Director Here
  • Bartender
  • Craft Services
  • Stand-in for Mr. Jones
  • Weenie Inspector
  • Fart Archivist
  • Magician’s Assistant
  • Dentist for Mr. Dooley
  • The Law
  • Gurt Miser
  • Helmet Boy
  • Finger Holster
  • Peef Rimgar Superfan
  • Witch In Training
  • Inflatable Flesh Sack
  • Dan Gruchy’s Assistant
  • Sphintical Aroma Therapist
  • Funhaus Intern
  • The Guy who is Going to Beat Jeremy to a Million Views
  • Smuggest Prick
  • Beaver Expert
  • The Guy from Cloudy with A Chance of Meatballs
  • Anal Baguette
  • Deported
  • He is the Clit Commander
  • Ron Weasley
  • Human Excrement
  • Dead and Forgotten
  • The Real Mr. Blobby
  • My Boi
  • EU Secessionist
  • Left the EU
  • Podcaster Extraordinaire
  • Executive Platinum
  • A Nose in the Darkness
  • Savage As Fuck
  • Patrick Stewart Money Maker
  • GAV.I.AM
  • National Schnoz Nozzle

Ladies and Gentlemen, a summary of mister Gavin Free

50 Things To Do Instead of Going to See 50 Shades of Grey
  1. Watch the Red Shoe Diaries movie starring an exceptionally young (and foxy) David Duchovny and available on HuluPlus
  2. Tweeze your own pubic hairs out one by one
  3. Pet a dog
  4. See how long you can hold your hand on a hot stove
  5. Take a bubble bath
  6. Drink until you can’t feel anymore. Anything. At all.
  7. Mani/Pedi!
  8. Call your mother and get some clarity on why she never got your those horseback riding lessons that she promised when you were 10
  9. Ooh, cupcakes
  10. Finally go in for that root canal
  11. Homemade lip balm
  12. Test out your pepper spray. On yourself.
  13. Learn the Single Ladies dance
  14. Handcraft an iron maiden and use it as your bed for 3 months
  15. Read Taylor Swift’s tumblr out loud in a British Accent
  16. Build a bonfire using the only photo of your first dog as kindling
  17. Pancakes for dinner
  18. Ask a ‘craft cocktail’ bartender to make you a rum & Coke
  19. Grease sing-a-long
  20. Catalog all the times you have said something stupid and send the list to Perez Hilton
  21. Take a cooking class
  22. Apply for a job that you are way overqualified for and do nothing until they call you back oh wait they never ever will
  23. Did somebody say SANGRIA?
  24. Look at yourself naked in a full length mirror and use a Sharpie marker to highlight all the places on your body where your ex-boyfriends new girlfriends are thinner than you
  25. Treat yourself to a professional blow out
  26. Like one of your high school crush’s Facebook photos from 2004
  27. Make your own earrings
  28. Change all your profile pictures to that one photo where your arm looks really fat and you have a double chin and also your sister is standing next to you looking like so hot and you can tell that your boyfriend was thinking about having sex with her right at that moment and then eventually he did. That photo. You know the one.
  29. Knit a scarf for your niece
  30. Watch every episode of Intervention and then google the participants to see if they’re still sober or what
  31. Honestly, a professional facial is so worth it.
  32. Go on Craigslist’s Casual Encounters and see if you can figure out which postings are from your boyfriend who is totally not gay but still likes to jerk off with other guys in the same room
  33. New shoes? Why not! You deserve it.
  34. Buy that special bitter nail polish that’s supposed to help you stop biting your nails and just drink it.
  35. Plan a sleepover with your besties!
  36. See how many pens you can hold between the bottom of your breast and your body. Make a spreadsheet and repeat this test every month until you die.
  37. Staycation
  38. Apply for an American Express Card and learn that it is actually possible for an internet submission form to laugh at you.
  39. Spend all day reading
  40. Send a Facebook message to your best friend from elementary school finally confessing that you told her 3rd grade boyfriend she had an abortion
  41. Order a pizza and eat the whole thing by yourself!
  42. Finally find your dad?
  43. Splurge on that new eyeshadow palette.
  44. Make a YouTube video where you list all your past sexual encounters and rate them on a scale of 1 to oh who are you kidding you would give anything to just be in the same room as a naked man right now
  45. Buy strawberries from the Farmer’s Market and dip them in chocolate
  46. Make a cocktail with hot tub water
  47. Who says you can’t buy your own engagement ring!
  48. Leave the house with wet hair and drive directly to your ex-boyfriend’s apartment
  49. Three Words: Hot Stone Massage
  50. Start a post about one thing you can do instead of watching 50 Shades of Grey and then turn it into 50 because you are an idiot who will do anything to avoid working.