coz i miss you

I hate myself for
loving you.
I hate myself for
caring about you.
I hate myself for
always thinking of you.
I hate myself for
constantly missing you.
I hate myself for
overlooking everyone
coz I still hope it’s you.
I hate myself for
knowing you’re not coming,
yet still waiting for you.
Untitled

We both fell in love, but was soon diminished
We haven’t started, but how come it finished?
I sat on the bed, you rest on my lap
You started to cry, thinking we can never go back.

Hours went by, and still we couldn’t accept
That we have to let each other go, because it’s for the best
Here comes the part, of the day that I fear
I need to let you go now, with my eyes full of tears.

I’m sorry for being weak, but I have to let go
I’m hurting you bad, I need to let you grow
My heart is blinded by fear, my mind’s drowning in doubt
Struggling to be free, I’m looking for my way out.

My dreams are filled with your soft gentle kiss
I wake up and cry, coz it’s you that I miss
I long for your touch, and your warm embrace
The look in your eyes, and the smile on your face.

Our memories together were few but they’re true
I cherish them all, more than you knew
I love you, my prince, and I will always will
I love you then, and I love you still.

3

When Leo (he didn’t know they were being filmed) came to corner Ravi and Ravi reminded him that they’re being broadcasted live 🔥🔥🔥 GDI LEO WHERE IS YOUR CHILL?!!!!! I AM N 😭😭😭

I hit 2k a few weeks ago, in the middle of my giant, unannounced hiatus, and I just wanted to say thank you all sososo much for putting up with me through all of this :) A lot of the people I followed before my hiatus had totally changed their blogs and stopped posting about SPN completely. I had to go through and unfollow a lot of people (I followed over 300, now I’m under 200), and it was hard, but my dash is a lot easier on the eyes now :) I apologize in advance if I missed anyone! 

**no italics coz you’re all my faves**

♛ Special people who encouraged me a bunch ♛

@scentofyesterday | @deanxheart | @perfectopposite (hallowedbecastiel) | @sherlockfalls | @lemondropsonice@maturecas

❤️  # - B 

@16pc | @24601-in-the-tardis | @achillecas | @acklesass | @addictedtosamndean | @adoringmisha | @alcoholicsammy | @allforsammy | @archangeles | @arousecas | @asksamstuff | @askteamfreewill @astrologycas | @beautifuldean | @beekeepercain | @blueskysammy @bowleqs | @bowtiehour | @boykinqs | @briightsam

❤️ C - D 

@capturingsamwinchester | @casteile | @casthewise (?) | @castielpimpofthelord | @chaoticcas | @charliegradbury | @cherrymish | @chevroletdean | @clairvoyantsam | @cuddleswithcas | @cyanidefirefly | @daddycain | @daisyjared | @dancewithmejensen | @darlingjared | @deamoncas | @deanswaywardsoul | @deanwcaps | @deanwinchesterprays | @deanxheart | @deanyw | @dearjensen @destroycas | @devoutdean | @doofcastiel | @dothefamilybusiness | @dragonsilverring | @dreamyjensen | @dutifulsam

❤️ E - G

@elegantcas | @elvisdestiel | @enochcian | @envydean | @euclase @faithfulsam | @fangirlxfatale | @fazedean | @featherlesscas | @feistymeg | @flexiblesam | @flockstiel | @fluffydestiel | @gabricl | @galaddriel | @galaxybriel | @gcdreel | @grandpacain | @green-circles | @grimmsam

❤️ H - K

@hallowedbecastiel | @happysamdaily | @hellblazerdean | @heroicsammy | @holyackles | @hugsamdaily | @huntingsammy | @hvnterdean | @idijt | @ilovethemoose | @imperfectcas | @itsokaysammy (?) | @jaredgrrl | @jaredperfectpadalecki | @jarpadsmile | @jensennjared | @jensens14thfreckle | @juicyjensen | @justjensenanddean  | @kansahs | @kaz2y5-imagines

❤️ L - N

@laoih | @leemajdoub | @lemondropsonice | @lipglosskaz | @lotusdean | @macabresam | @markedpellegrino | @maturecas | @moondorqueen | @mooseleys | @mostly-jensen | @mxshcollins | @neverlandcas | @novakandwinchester | @novakscas | @nowthatweareinfinite

❤️ P - R

@padaleckhi | @padaleckisdaily | @padaleckiwhat | @palejared | @papajensen | @paranoiacas | @perfectopposite | @perfjensen | @priestwinchester | @prongsdean | @pumpkincastiel | @puppyjared | @puppymish | @purgatorysurvivalguide | @queenrowena | @radioactivedean

❤️ S

@sam-winchester-admiration-league | @samgirlsclub | @samhellbound | @samifeur | @sammichgirl | @sammyscreencaps | @sammywcaps | @samspurpletoothbrush | @samsweetchester | @samuletsam | @samuletz | @samwinchesterappreciation | @samwinchesterblog | @savemedeanwinchester | @savingchesters | @scentofyesterday | @semperdean | @sexygabriel | @shadesofspn | @sherlockfalls | @sleepyosric | @slutjensen | @soredean | @sparksflycastiel | @spnaturalcaps | @spnaturalscreencaps | @spncapsdaily | @starfallencas | @starfallendean | @starsdean | @starshinedean | @summerboysam | @sunrisejensen | @sunshinesamwinchester | @superevilregal | @supernaturalapocalypse

❤️ T - Y

@tattooeddean | @temptingdean | @thecwspn | @thestrugglesofamusicmajor | @thewinxesters | @timelesscas | @tipsysam | @ughdean | @unacceptablejensen (?) | @voicelesscas | @wellcometothedarkside | @wincestbrotherssoulmates | @winchestears | @winchesterandwinchester | @winchesterdelight | @winchestersinthedrift | @winchesxer | @winterplaidsam | @yaelstiel

AAAAAND that’s it! I apologize AGAIN if I missed anyone, or didn’t label you as a mutual. It’s just been so long since I’ve made new friends here! Happy Monday, and have a wonderful rest of the week!

I thought I had moved on from you.
But I now think this is far from the truth.

There are still days I can’t breathe coz I cry so hard as I miss you terribly.

There are still days I can’t feel anything coz my heart is encrusted with more pain than it can handle.

There are still days I can’t foresee living on without you coz heaven is a place on earth with you.

There are still days I can’t help but feel that everything in my life happened to lead me to you coz we belong together.

There are still days I can’t believe that my heart still yearns for you despite bleeding in pain for three whole years.

There are still days I can’t understand why despite all the tears, pain and turmoil you caused me, your name is still the only one engraved on my heart.

So today my best friends had a go at me in the school cafeteria saying its “unfair to the rest of the school” that I get to go home when I’m not in lessons, coz they’d all “love to be able to ditch off any lesson for no reason and go home to do work”. When I then explained that I always have a reason for missing school coz, you know, I’m chronically ill, they just kept on saying how it’s unfair to them. I can appreciate how it must look to them when I’m missing school for apparently “no reason”, but I was trying to get them to understand that I never just miss school because I can, that I always have a health reason for it. Especially in the last month or so as there’s a lot of outside stress that’s affecting my health and school work/attendance. I’d love to be able to be in full-time education and take 4 A-Levels and be able to stay in school all day in lessons and socialising, but I physically, mentally and probably emotionally can’t, and I don’t see how that’s unfair to the rest of the school. They then proceeded to pointedly ignore me for the rest of the day. Fun.

You are my 8am thoughts when I wake up hoping I woke up next to you.

You are my mid morning thoughts as I pause from my work to wonder what you’d be doing.

You are my lunch time thoughts in pockets of time that I’m not chatting with anyone.

You are my mid afternoon thoughts as this was the time you used to send cute texts when we were together.

You are my 6pm thoughts as I listen to songs that remind me of you on my way back home.

You are my 8pm thoughts as I wish it was with you I was having dinner with.

You are my 11pm thoughts as I try to fall asleep without your warm embrace.

You are my 2am dreams that jolt me awake from my sleep coz I miss you so much.

You are my 2am tears that roll down and scald my cheeks.

You are my 2am thoughts when I can’t fall asleep.

You are my 2am thoughts as I try to fall back asleep.