cow-ant

Guys, I'm going to take a moment to tell you about the worst thing nature has ever done.

Cow.  Fucking.  Ants.

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These bastards.  They are neither cows nor ants.  They’re flightless wasps.  And they’re often called cow killers, mostly because they can seriously fuck up cattle. They are my mortal enemy, and they haunt the woods of Georgia, specifically where I stayed out in the field for a week during basic.  They are large.  They are belligerent.  They are armored to the point of nigh-invulnerability. And they are everywhere.  Not everywhere enough to be visible at all times, though.  You still have to keep an eye out of them.  They bite like hell.  Enough to temporarily incapacitate a grown man.  I saw it happen to a guy.  But that’s not even the worst of it.

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That isn’t it, either.  But that is, however, a .75 inch stinger that they will use to fuck you up.  A bite will incapacitate a person.  A sting just ruins everything.  All of the things.  Nothing is safe.  It doesn’t have any real problem going through gloves or, for that matter, any tight-fitting clothing.  Your only options to protect yourself from that stinger are plate mail or parachute pants.

I said these things are armored?  They are.  Your foot and a rock will not kill them.  Your bare man/lady hands will only enrage them.  The only way I’ve found to kill them is with a pair of pliers, as pictured above. And we had fucking guns.  You have to snatch them off the ground with the pliers and best them in their ensuing struggle for freedom, before crushing their abdomen with your mighty mechanical advantage.  But I haven’t gotten to the worst part.

They scream.  They really do. No shit.  Screams.  Like people screams. When you remove them from the ground.  It’s like hate-terror, but their fear makes you afraid.

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SCRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!