courtesy,

8

“WELP! Can’t let Tai ever hear about this. God, I’d never hear the end of it.”

This week in “Sean over analyzes a single look from Qrow” theater… Seriously hope this isn’t becoming a vice or something. But I do look forward to seeing what kind of relationship Qrow and Tai had as students. Friends/Rivals? Hopefully.

Also RIP Tyrian’s stupid god damned face.

Hey folk, please respect the private lives of your favorite animal bloggers. We do what we do help you because we want to, and most people do it for free. Which means when they’re not available, please be respectful of that.

@wheremyscalesslither is currently on vacation, and because she’s not responding to tumblr, people have been searching out her personal Facebook and her other online activity to send questions.

That’s not cool. Don’t do that. That’s how to drive an animal blogger offline or make them choose to only take paid requests. WMSS - and all your other animal bloggers - put in a ton of time doing free education because they think it is most important that people have access to accurate information. They deserve to be treated like professionals and be able to take breaks from work. Please allow them that courtesy; your question can wait (and if it can’t, you should be talking to a vet and not a blog).

Wait! Before You Reblog The Thing With Your Added Commentary

Ask yourself a few questions.

- Do I actually care about the issue? Or more about being right?

- Would I listen to myself if someone wrote exactly what I was about to write?

- Would I say it to this person’s face?  Really?  I mean really?

- Is there a better way I can say this?

- Can I just sit on this for thirty minutes to think about it?

- Am I making big presumptions about this person’s intentions?  Do they really have the evil motives I think they do?  Are they really the one-dimensional villain I’m portraying them to be?

- Am I just piggybacking off a popular blogger?

- Am I getting hung up on semantics or an innocuous word?

- Am I diminishing their post by setting up a weak parody of their argument, aka straw-man?

- Should I privately message this person to ask what they really mean?

- Could this person actually be right about a few things and isn’t totally wrong? 

- When was the last time I ate?

- Am I just being a total a-hole right now?

- How can I use my blog for the good of humanity?

- Should I take a nap first?

- Should I maybe roll back my chair or get off my phone and step outside and breathe in the real world before reblogging some faceless blogger who is a human being with the same hopes and insecurities as me?

- Would it be the end of the world if I just scrolled past this and walked away?

- Could I just write my own ideas instead?

Please Help Maintain the Fantasy: Visiting Sean and I at the Faire

Hey friends…. this is a thing I have not felt the need to say through tumblr before but a recent situation has made me realize that it may be a thing that more people need to know. 

As many of you may have picked up on through my posts, I am a professional performer at Renaissance Festivals around the country.  It is a GENUINE PLEASURE to meet Tumblr peeps at the festivals I perform at, but I need you all to understand a couple of key things about my work (and @thatseanguyblogs ‘s work) at Renaissance faires. 

For both of us, the idea of “fantasy” is a particularly important aspect of our faire characters. We literally sell to patrons the idea that we are single, available, and interested. Both of our characters are highly flirtatious and patrons who are interested in engaging in this fantasy are quite literally a huge part of our tips. If you know what Sean does out at the faire, his job’s use of this fantasy is particularly obvious. What this means is that while you who know us from Tumblr know that we’re married, our marital status is a thing we work VERY hard to keep absolutely secret from patrons who only know us through our festival work. We maintain as much character integrity on site as possible. If asked directly by anyone who does not know us personally or from Tumblr, we both will adamantly deny we are married. 

We NEED people like you to help us maintain this illusion by not spreading the information to fans who only know us through faire. Not only because it ruins the fun for faire patrons who want to engage with our characters through this fantasy, but because it literally cuts down on the amount of money we make on a faire day. I.E. it cripples our income when people know we are married. 

You are NOT doing either of us a favor when you tell people we are married. You are hurting our character presentation, the festival patron experience, and our pocket books. Part of why our marriage works so well is because we both understand this idea and method of fantasy creation. We are happy to provide a genuine love to patrons who need a few minutes of feeling desirable. We were both ostracized and bullied as children. We know how precious the emotion of feeling wanted is. While we may not be actually interested in a festival patron romantically, we do want to genuinely make them feel loved and desired. We wouldn’t be able to love each other if we felt jealousy for the way our characters interact with patrons. Rather we love each other because we understand the value of the fantasies our characters provide to patrons and the more mercenary money-making side of this fantasy creation. 

So to sum up: help us keep our secrets when visiting us at a renaissance festival! If you want to mention anything related to our personal lives, start a conversation by mentioning you know us from tumblr. Use our character names rather than our real names when talking to us. Make sure other patrons are not nearby if you want to chat about our relationship. And please do not tell other festival patrons that we are married. 

P.S. Some of you may be at this point wondering “why are they so public about their marriage on the internet if they don’t want people to know they are married at their job?” 

You would be SHOCKED how many people, even those we work with, do not recognize us out of costume when they only know us as our characters. Even people here on Tumblr think Sean is a different guy in all those photos on our Wonder Woman/Superman relationship thread on the spin post. We have a lot of anonymity as characters, but it can be very easily stripped away if people who know us personally point it out to people who don’t. 

P.P.S. It is also a literal safety issue that patrons not be informed we are married. Sean received a very disturbing message this summer from a patron who wanted him to run away with her. This woman had found out he was married and stalked me out at my show and decided I was not worth Sean’s time and told him she knew he was in a “loveless marriage.” There are some very disturbed people in the world, please do not arm them. 

A routine for interrupting someone

Here is something I used to do with my friend Nicholas that I really, deeply miss.

When in conversation with someone and they are talking, if you have the urge to interrupt them, follow this routine:

1. Say, “Pardon me, may I interject?”

2. Listen to what they are saying until they say, “yes, go ahead.”

3. Remember what they were saying.

4. Go off on your tangent for however long you need to.

5. When you are done, say something like, “OK, thank you, now, as you were saying… ” and repeat the words or the gist of the words that you remember them saying when you interrupted.

A lot of people fall into different camps when it comes to interrupting. The common convention is to just not do it. It’s considered rude. But, NT and ND people do it alike. When NT people do it, I’ve noticed, it’s a clear indication that they are bored with you, and that’s why it’s considered rude. When ND people do it, it’s more along the lines of a compulsion. We have something we really need to say, otherwise we can’t concentrate on what you’re saying. Interruption is an import part of our process of communicating and processing, well, everything.

But, when a ND person interrupts another ND person without using a procedure of courtesy like above, it can totally demolish the original speaker’s train of thought and they may never get it back. I personally find it extremely distressing and actually downright abusive or traumatizing.

When I first went on a long walk with Nicholas, and we started one of our long conversations and I interrupted him the first time, he stopped me and told me about the above procedure and explained why it was important. Thinking of it as a procedure that would improve things made it easy for me to adopt it. And, we had a lot of practice after that.

I found that being able to relax about interruptions because we were both keeping track of each others words and thoughts made it *easier* to keep track of both my thoughts and his thoughts. It made socializing fun, instead of a chore. And, I found I wanted to talk and listen to him far more than I wanted to with anybody else.

My wife and her family never did this, and neither did any of her friends, and it took a huge toll on my confidence as it became more and more clear that my words just didn’t fucking matter to them (even if they did in their way). It contributed enormously to my PTSD and autistic burnout.

I really think we should spread this convention around as far and wide as possible (maybe with some addendums for people it doesn’t quite work for?). I think it would help in so many relationships and spaces, from marriages to support groups to business.

Washington’s Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation (part 1)

Here we are, after a ridiculous result on the election. The times to come will be hard and complicated, and most probably there will be people with a total lack of respect for others since the chosen president shows that about half of the USA supports being disrespectful, racist and intolerant.

But not us. No, sir! We all know that this is the very right time to behave like real ladies and gentlemen, and treat all people as equals in the most civil ways. So here are the 110 rules that the 16 year-old George Washington copied by hand from Francis Hawkins’ “Youths Behavior, or Decency in Conversation Amongst Men” (published in 1640, and taken from the French Jesuits composition from 1595), and they are still as universal now as they were in the 18th century, even if they sound a little outdated. I’ve added some notes taken from the Foundations Magazine” to some key rules for all of us to follow and divided the rules in two parts so we’ll have two long posts and not one super-long post XD.


Originally posted by swisskriss355


1. Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present. (Treat everyone with respect.)

2. When in Company, put not your Hands to any Part of the Body, not usually Discovered.

3. Shew Nothing to your Friend that may affright him. (Be considerate of others. Do not embarrass others.)

4. In the Presence of Others Sing not to yourself with a humming Noise, nor Drum with your Fingers or Feet.

5. If You Cough, Sneeze, Sigh, or Yawn, do it not Loud but Privately; and Speak not in your Yawning, but put Your handkerchief or Hand before your face and turn aside.

6. Sleep not when others Speak, Sit not when others stand, Speak not when you Should hold your Peace, walk not on when others Stop.

7. Put not off your Cloths in the presence of Others, nor go out your Chamber half Drest.

8. At Play and at Fire its Good manners to Give Place to the last Comer, and affect not to Speak Louder than Ordinary.

9. Spit not in the Fire, nor Stoop low before it neither Put your Hands into the Flames to warm them, nor Set your Feet upon the Fire especially if there be meat before it.

10. When you Sit down, Keep your Feet firm and Even, without putting one on the other or Crossing them.

11. Shift not yourself in the Sight of others nor Gnaw your nails.

Originally posted by thatwetshirt

12. Shake not the head, Feet, or Legs roll not the Eyes lift not one eyebrow higher than the other wry not the mouth, and bedew no mans face with your Spittle, by approaching too near him when you Speak.

13. Kill no Vermin as Fleas, lice ticks &c in the Sight of Others, if you See any filth or thick Spittle put your foot Dexterously upon it if it be upon the Cloths of your Companions, Put it off privately, and if it be upon your own Cloths return Thanks to him who puts it off.

14. Turn not your Back to others especially in Speaking, Jog not the Table or Desk on which Another reads or writes, lean not upon any one.

15. Keep your Nails clean and Short, also your Hands and Teeth Clean yet without Shewing any great Concern for them.

16. Do not Puff up the Cheeks, Loll not out the tongue rub the Hands, or beard, thrust out the lips, or bite them or keep the Lips too open or too Close.

17. Be no Flatterer, neither Play with any that delights not to be Play’d Withal.

18. Read no Letters, Books, or Papers in Company but when there is a Necessity for the doing of it you must ask leave: come not near the Books or Writings of Another so as to read them unless desired or give your opinion of them unask’d also look not nigh when another is writing a Letter.

19. Let your Countenance be pleasant but in Serious Matters Somewhat grave.

20. The Gestures of the Body must be Suited to the discourse you are upon.

21. Reproach none for the Infirmities of Nature, nor Delight to Put them that have in mind thereof.
22. Shew not yourself glad at the Misfortune of another though he were your enemy.
23. When you see a Crime punished, you may be inwardly Pleased; but always shew Pity to the Suffering Offender.

Originally posted by wadeewilson

24. Do not laugh too loud or too much at any Publick Spectacle. (Don’t draw attention to yourself.)

25. Superfluous Complements and all Affectation of Ceremony are to be avoided, yet where due they are not to be Neglected.

26. In Pulling off your Hat to Persons of Distinction, as Noblemen, Justices, Churchmen &c make a Reverence, bowing more or less according to the Custom of the Better Bred, and Quality of the Person. Amongst your equals expect not always that they Should begin with you first, but to Pull off the Hat when there is no need is Affectation, in the Manner of Saluting and resaluting in words keep to the most usual Custom.

27. ‘Tis ill manners to bid one more eminent than yourself be covered as well as not to do it to whom it’s due Likewise he that makes too much haste to Put on his hat does not well, yet he ought to Put it on at the first, or at most the Second time of being ask’d; now what is herein Spoken, of Qualification in behaviour in Saluting, ought also to be observed in taking of Place, and Sitting down for ceremonies without Bounds is troublesome.

28. If any one come to Speak to you while you are are Sitting Stand up though he be your Inferior, and when you Present Seats let it be to every one according to his Degree.

29. When you meet with one of Greater Quality than yourself, Stop, and retire especially if it be at a Door or any Straight place to give way for him to Pass.

Originally posted by anorangedeathandblackstrawberry

30. In walking the highest Place in most Countries Seems to be on the right hand therefore Place yourself on the left of him whom you desire to Honour: but if three walk together the middest Place is the most Honourable the wall is usually given to the most worthy if two walk together.

31. If any one far Surpasses others, either in age, Estate, or Merit yet would give Place to a meaner than himself in his own lodging or elsewhere the one ought not to except it, So he on the other part should not use much earnestness nor offer it above once or twice.

32. To one that is your equal, or not much inferior you are to give the chief Place in your Lodging and he to who 'tis offered ought at the first to refuse it but at the Second to accept though not without acknowledging his own unworthiness.

33. They that are in Dignity or in office have in all places Precedence but whilst they are Young they ought to respect those that are their equals in Birth or other Qualities, though they have no Publick charge.

34. It is good Manners to prefer them to whom we Speak before ourselves especially if they be above us with whom in no Sort we ought to begin.

35. Let your Discourse with Men of Business be Short and Comprehensive. (When you speak, be concise.)

36. Artificers & Persons of low Degree ought not to use many ceremonies to Lords, or Others of high Degree but Respect and highly Honour them, and those of high Degree ought to treat them with affability & Courtesy, without Arrogance.

37. In Speaking to men of Quality do not lean nor Look them full in the Face, nor approach too near them at lest Keep a full Pace from them.

38. In visiting the Sick, do not Presently play the Physician if you be not Knowing therein.

39. In writing or Speaking, give to every Person his due Title According to his Degree & the Custom of the Place.

Originally posted by massiveobserver-blog-blog

40. Strive not with your Superiors in argument, but always Submit your Judgment to others with Modesty. (Do not argue with your superior. Submit your ideas with humility.)

41. Undertake not to Teach your equal in the art himself Professes; it Savours of arrogance.

42. Let thy ceremonies in Courtesy be proper to the Dignity of his place with whom thou conversest for it is absurd to act the same with a Clown and a Prince.

43. Do not express Joy before one sick or in pain for that contrary Passion will aggravate his Misery.

44. When a man does all he can though it Succeeds not well blame not him that did it. (When a person does their best and fails, do not criticize him.)

45. Being to advise or reprehend any one, consider whether it ought to be in public or in Private; presently, or at Some other time in what terms to do it & in reproving Show no Sign of Cholar but do it with all Sweetness and Mildness. (When you must give advice or criticism, consider the timing, whether it should be given in public or private, the manner and above all be gentle.)

46. Take all Admonitions thankfully in what Time or Place Soever given but afterwards not being culpable take a Time & Place convenient to let him him know it that gave them. (If you are corrected, take it without argument. If you were wrongly judged, correct it later.)

47. Mock not nor Jest at any thing of Importance break no Jest that are Sharp Biting and if you Deliver any thing witty and Pleasant obtain from Laughing
thereat yourself. (Do not make fun of anything important to others)
48. Wherein wherein you reprove Another be unblameable yourself; for example is more prevalent than Precepts. (If you criticize someone else of something, make sure you are not guilty of it yourself. Actions speak louder than words.)

49. Use no Reproachful Language against any one neither Curse nor Revile.

50. Be not hasty to believe flying Reports to the Disparagement of any. (Do not be quick to believe bad reports about others)

The Proper Side of the Sidewalk

When you are walking arm on arm with someone. Whether your Lady, a child, the elderly, or otherwise. Always walk on the side most exposed to danger. If there is a danger of being struck by a vehicle, walk on the side closest to traffic. If the danger possibly resides in dark alleyways, walk on the side closest to those. Always try to keep your dominant hand free, if possible. Keeping your dominant hand free can help with anything from opening doors to striking an assailant.

Remember, your job is to Protect and Provide.