coursework-actually

Harry Potter...

And Flubber.

Yup.  You read that correctly, just hear me out for a second.

A Muggleborn who has been a fan of Robin Williams movies for as long as they known how to walk and talk.

They’ve been slugging away in potions class, making as many “what the fuck is that” potions as they have the correct ones assigned to class on any given day.

They go home for Christmas or some other holiday and of course watch Flubber again with the family and/or friends and then they realise… hang on a second.  Is this possible???  Has this been done???

So they take out extra reading from the library when they return and when that doesn’t turn up any answers they ask some of the older students in their year, and when they don’t know they pluck up the guts to go talk to Snape.  He doesn’t even know what Flubber is, so of course it hasn’t been done.

They spend months upon months of researching which spells to use, which potions to use, which ingredients would be best but only if you sprinkle a dash into the concoction, which ingredients might be a good second choice but how the fuck are they supposed to get their hands on this vague as fuck thing from a very dangerous animal and in that quantity?  They put their heart and soul into their research and even take it home with them when it spans over the course of their year (because hey, actual coursework comes first) and finally, finally they reach the testing stages.

There are a few mishaps.  A few singed eyebrows.  A few melted cauldrons and shoes that are now stains on the floors rather than, y’know, footwear.  There’s a week or so when a very strong odour follows the student wherever they go and has literally turned some students green (Madam Pomfrey is very confused but manages to clear up the problem), but the student is close to a breakthrough.  They know it.  The last batch of… goo… was vibrating in the cauldron before it exploded.

Success is a sweet, sweet thing to be savoured when their cauldron wobbles on its stand for a solid five minutes in the wee hours of the morning, multi-coloured smoke issuing from the concoction inside, and there are noises coming from it.  Promising, high-pitched, squeaky noises.

Flubber bursts out and ricochets off the ceiling and bounces all around the room until the student thinks to use the Accio spell to get the creature slapping into their hand.  It’s not quite the same as in the movies (it’s an eye-popping bright yellow for one, and the student’s positive there are a pair of eyes in that goo somewhere, or not… eyes because there’s not eyeballs but like… a pair of lights that might be eyes?  or slits in the goo?  but then it could just be their eyes playing tricks on them because they’ve vanished again and it is really early/late and they’ve hardly slept), but there’s no denying that it is, indeed, a Flubber.  A Flubber that giggles and wiggles when petted.

Fast forward to their next potions class where they proudly announce to the jerk that is Snape (being ratty to Hermione or Neville again) that THIS is a Flubber, and THIS is what it does, and they pelt Flubber off the floor.  There’s a squeal of delight from the little Flubber and off it goes rocketing through the classroom and causing absolute mayhem as it knocks vials and cauldrons and books over and bursts through a table and sprays that day’s potions absolutely everywhere because little Flubber is also super absorbent and can expel whatever it carries at will, and takes Snape’s legs right out from under him when it slaps into the back of his knees.  Student inevitably gets detention but the look on his face as he slowly used his desk as a brace to get back on his feet while cautiously peering over its surface was so goddamn worth it.

It’s not a dangerous creature so much as a hyperactive one that can be settled down for “sleep” if the student casts Accio and catches it in the pouch/pillowcase/bag they’ve stitched up for it and hums to it for a couple of minutes, so the student gets to keep it.

Fast forward to flying lessons and student is still super salty over how some of their classmates just toss their brooms aside like they’re worthless and useless.  So they bring out that bag and whisper to Flubber.

“Little buddy, I think it’s time you and I have some fun again.”  And so Flubber gives the student tiny totey pieces of their Flub-dub (think size of a thumb-tack) and student marches around picking up all the broomsticks and shoving them into their fellow students’ chests while lecturing them to treat them properly and with respect for goodness’ sake.  What the students don’t know is that the Flub-dub has been secretly stuck to the very tiptop of their broomsticks, and so the next time any of them chuck said broomsticks in a fit of anger or annoyance, BAM.  It bounces back up off the ground and whacks them in the face.  Again and again and again until they think to clap their hands on it again and treat it nicely and lay it down on the ground gently.  Flubber is very good and doesn’t let out a giggle, not even a peep, but if anyone is paying attention, they’ll see the student’s bag is having a right fit behind their back because Flubber’s shaking with hilarity in there.  Mischief managed indeed.

Student getting super pissed at Malfoy and his “Mudblood” or “Potter” and enlisting Flubber’s help - chucking it full-force at Malfoy’s retreating back and cheering when their buddy hones in on his head and goes splat right into that blonde hair so hard that he faceplants.  Promptly following by boinging between the skulls of Crabbe and Goyle until they, too, sink to the floor and raise their arms above their heads to try and ward off the crazy ball of whoop-ass goo.

Peeves and Flubber.

Fred and George and Flubber.

Quidditch and Flubber (bouncing between the bludgers).

Umbridge and Flubber (though that escalates into most of the student body working together to keep her from destroying the creature, every person taking turns smuggling the little one around and about the school).

Just.  Hogwarts and Flubber.

okay but rapple au where apple’s working on her chemistry phd and raven’s in year three of a two-year mfa because she keeps foregoing actual coursework in favor of playing in some punk rock band because she never even wanted to go to school, never mind grad school, but her mother insisted she get an education even if she refused to go into law, and apple’s parents end every phone call by telling her they’re disappointed she hasn’t left school to take her rightful place in high society and gosh apple did you know daring’s still a bachelor and he was asking about you at last year’s regatta, and meanwhile apple’s just sitting there sighing and gripping a pencil so hard it almost breaks and raven puts down her guitar and goes over to apple’s desk gives her a little side hug, and apple finally interrupts her parents (who, she can picture, are hovering over a single speaker phone) to say, “you remember my roommate, right?” and her mother says, “i should say so” and her father says something like, “so uncouth,” and apple says, “we’re dating,” and there’s at least forty-five seconds of stunned silence before apple’s mother says, “oh, well, then what about daring’s little sister?  she’s single too” and her father asks, “what’s this raven girl’s pedigree?” and apple is kinda shocked that they took it pretty well and she’s smiling but raven, who has heard most of the phone call, says, “you know they’re not exactly supporting us,” and snow white says, “oh, dear, is she standing right there?” and raven rolls her eyes and says, “don’t worry, mrs. white, my mom’s a rich snob too” and apple gasps and raven feels guilty for a moment or two but then apple starts laughing so hard she has to tell her parents she’ll call them back

don’t worry, the whites get over it when apple and raven agree to let them throw some disgustingly lavish wedding, and raven’s dad was always on board, he doesn’t care, he liked apple from the day he met her and only liked her more once he saw how happy she and raven were together

they all lived happily ever after (except for raven’s mom)

Usually, I try to keep things lighthearted when I talk with students on here, unless they come to me with issues. And since Kink Club things are out of the way, and elections almost over, it’s time to discuss actual coursework for my class.

Every year during the second semester, I have a claim project that I require every single one of my students to do. It’s a good chunk of your final grade for the year, and it will only last for a month or two at most. Thankfully, I’ve been given permission to do things a little more intensely than I usually would. That only means that we’ll be requiring a journal to be written, demonstrations to be performed - which you should be used to in my seminar - and new for this year we will be requiring you and your partner to room together for the duration of this project.