Day One Hundred and Twenty-One
-A woman confided in me about how rude and unhelpful the service was when she called to activate her Target REDcard. This comes as a great shock to me, as I have always considered the automated directory that handles activations to be as sweet and compassionate a computer as they come.
-While rolling by my register, a toddler stared at me and froze up, pointing and screeching, “GAY! GAY!” I am absolutely flabbergasted that this toddler is so uncool as to blow my cover and out me in this way.
-A five year-old looked at me and squeaked, “Pikachu!” With minimal hesitation, I gave the previously agreed-upon countersign, a curt nod and half of a smile. As planned, he picked up his stuffed Pikachu, hugged it closely, whispered about how soft it was, and walked away. We have successfully completed Protocol 25 flawlessly, pulling it off without a hitch. This bodes well for Phase II.
-Tonight, I find the store flooded with guests from abroad. Hailing from all parts of Europe, Asia, and South America, we have now become a United Nations retailer. I am excited to be a part of this progressive new world and look forward to spreading stickers around the globe.
-Three gangly tween boys did not bother hiding their excitement as they purchased a few pieces of sour candy, discussing their plans of recording their painful experiences and uploading it to YouTube. These boys were steadfastly sure of their oncoming viral fame. I admire their confidence and wish them the best of luck and view counts.
-As I went to clock out for the night, I let out the slightest of sneezes. This echoed around the store with tremendous force to the point that I could hear distinct repeats of the noise even after my sneeze had concluded. This was a troubling moment for me, as the high fidelity of the echoes made me momentarily worried for the surrounding invisible men and their crippling allergies.