“How many times in your life have you seen some drunken dumbass stand up on a table at 11:59 on December 31, and proudly proclaim to the world, ‘This is my last cigarette!’ And you’re all like, 'Get down from there, Mom! And that’s a dildo.’” – John Cheese #CrackedClassic

5 Reasons Your New Year’s Resolution Is Going to Fail