It’s been a while since I’ve talked to you, what with…well, being in the hospital and wrapped in a straight jacket. I’m glad I’m back on track, and what better season to that on than with Hearths Warming Eve. Sadly this year we have been busier than usual, so instead of getting a big bundle of reviews we will be doing just a couple of them.
I hope you’re all looking forward to them!
Thank you so much for being there, everypony. And now, if you excuse me, I have to go get my movies ready.
I have a headcanon that Emma and Killian eat lots of junk and Henry is all smug teenager about it and tells them off for it, and months and months ago @freyreh prompted me to write Killian trying cotton candy for the first time. For some reason this baby bit happened? I don’t know, guys. Captain Swan Believer fluff, quite literally.
(Also contains a terrible Pharmacy Tech pun, if you get it I will be impressed.)
~1k. Rated K.
Henry lets himself in, toeing off his shoes and sending his schoolbag
skittering across the polished floor with a touch of vindictive relish.
He’s not had the best of days. It had started with a request for a
‘chat’ with the principal, the thought of which had set his heart racing
and his palms sweating before he’d even had a chance to ask Violet for a
lunch date. That part hadn’t been all that bad, though as it turned out
spending most of the school year in other realms wasn’t doing much for
his GPA, and he’d had to swear blind to avoid all portals, magical
objects and anything else that wasn’t immediately relevant to the
curriculum for the foreseeable future.
Okay, so he may have had
his fingers crossed, but his more immediate problem was that he was
being kept awake at all hours of the night by baby Robyn’s colicky
screaming, since it’s pretty hard to concentrate on even the most
interesting lesson if you need to keep your eyes propped open with
parking lot carnivals where you can ride the ferris wheel in the rain. sit up at the top with a bucket of cotton candy and watch the cars shrink. leave with your tongue stained blue and something stuck in your hair.
malls with glossy cream-colored merry-go-rounds in the food court. an extra dose of magic if you get to ride on the zebra.
the house with the most halloween decorations. animatronic ghouls and intricate jack-o-lanterns lining the drive way. fake cobwebs in the trees. all glowing black and purple and green when the sun dims.
cul-de-sacs and dead end roads.
buying fishnet tights and vampira wigs at tent halloween stores. plastic sword fighting in the props aisle with child-sized scythes and daggers. pretending the masks don’t frighten you, not even a little.
old brick school buildings imprinted with teenage souls. haunted locker rooms, lights that turn on and off on their own, doors that slam shut in the middle of class. the fire alarm scream of a fourteen-year-old girl who thought she saw a ghost in the bathroom mirror.
cardboard boxes full of pumpkins in front of the grocery store
applying stage makeup to your best friend’s cheeks. fake bloody scars. fake eyelashes glittering with silver stars.
bats fluttering past streetlights. hell’s butterflies tearing toward an orange moon
Congrats to you and all your followers for reaching your milestone~ Glad to be a follower of yours, you're a very talented and sweet person C: I have a prompt idea - (oooh dear it's Nsfw but oh well) Johnkat - Them showing each other how to get each other off because inter species relationship difficulties.
The crash course alien anatomy 101 is proving to be, uh, educational. So far. Yes. Ahem.
You’re blushing aren’t you? Yeah, you are. Damn it. But! Karkat is, too. You’re pretty sure. Tipping your chin up and peering along the length of his body shows him sprawled on his back with an arm tossed over his eyes. Drama queen. However— you like the slow rise and fall of his chest, even controlled and deep as it is it betrays exactly how much this is affecting him. Looks really good like that, Karkat does. Flush on the bed, with only his lower legs hooked down over the edge, toes trailing along the floor. Sitting between his parted knees gives you an unprecedented view of him laid out for you, highlighted by the hazy glow of early evening.
And what a view it is.
It’s… interesting. There’s a, er, small tidy line between his legs and- yeah okay you have no idea what you’re looking at. Welp.
What do you mean “bomb shelter”? What do you want me to do with this? What are you talking about? This isn’t a movie, it’s a…it’s a plant with lights on it, and presents. I mean, thank you so much, it’s a very pretty tree, and it ties the booth well together, but I can’t review this, maybe a botanist will get more out of it than I could.
And now, if you excuse me, I have to get to the real Holiday movies. Let’s get this train a-rolling!
Seriously though, this movie is, for lack of a better word, outrageous.
I don’t know what I find more insulting: The blatancy of the spank material with the five girls dressed in frilly outfits and always looking sexy; the nonsensical storytelling and messy structure of reality within a dream within a hallucination; the obnoxiously loud soundtrack that made me want to cover my ears more often than not; the protagonists that have a personality smaller than the size of their miniskirts; or the fact that this movie could have been absolutely fantastic was it not plagued with more flaws than frames.
I’ll give it one thing, though. It looks great. It has a lot of memorable visuals, inventive action set pieces, and a lot of personality. But that’s what kills me. This is why I know this movie could have been amazing. It’s like the director only focused on making it look pretty and then disregarded everything else.
So, I’m sad to say this but I can’t recommend this movie. It feels more like a waste than an investment. If you can put up with loud music and exploitative overtones, then be my guest. I won’t be re-watching it anytime soon.
And now, if you excuse me, I need to find the way out of this scenario. And out of this outfit. It’s very itchy.
As for this movie, I think it’s remarkable how they managed to adapt a book that, by its own nature, is practically impossible to adapt to the big screen. But somehow they did it, and with flying colors I might say.
This might be one of the most beautiful movies I have ever seen in my life. It kept me interested the whole way, at no moment I felt bored or like it was too long. I got really invested in the story of Pi and Richard Parker, and their struggles to survive the ship wreck. Perhaps the only flaw I might take out of the movie is that, sometimes, it focuses way too much in how pretty it looks rather than trying to do more with its simplistic narrative structure. It does a lot with the visual department, but as far as story it doesn’t do so much.
But, really, that’s a nitpick. The movie is definitely worth your time. It’s gorgeous, it’s emotive, it’s interesting, it’s fantastically acted, the music is great, and it has one of the most soul-crushing endings ever written. Give yourself a treat, and check it out.
And now, if you excuse me, I have to figure out a way to take me, my cousin, and this massive Chimera back to land. Where is that darn map anyways?
Seriously though, this movie is quite something. It has a lot of charm, a very catchy soundtrack, great acting, and quite a powerful message behind it, you know the one: “Don’t stop smiling, regardless of how dire your situation might be”. It’s kind of funny how this can get lost in the great choreography and fantastic singing.
Also, some people say that the rain in the movie was a mix of water and milk to make the raindrops show up better on camera. This is false. Nopony is crazy enough to do this in your world. Now, on my world though…
And now, if you excuse me, I have to go drain my cinema…again. No more rain related movies! This just keeps happening!
Seriously though, what in the wide wild world of Equestria happened last night?
I think I can relate to these guys though, despite how irredeemably unlikeable some of them are. I will be fair though. This movie is pretty brutal, pretty silly, and it does have some of the weirdest characters I have ever seen in a while. It does go too far in many occasions, the rhythm is quite uneven, and when a joke falls flat it really makes an impact the size of Las Vegas.
But, to be honest, I kind of like it for many other reasons. The acting is pretty excellent from everyone involved. The jokes that are effective are very memorable (like the tiger in the room, or anything involving that Mike Tyson guy). All the characters have a proper arc they go through and they come to the end as a tight group of friends. And I actually really like how the movie is structured. It’s like solving a mystery, piecing it together to figure out what happened from one day to the next.
Still, I find it hard to recommend it, but I guess if you are into excessive comedies and have a strong stomach, give it a watch.
And now, if you excuse me, I need to take this Chimera out of my cinema. I have no idea how did it end up in here.