cosmo tip

other ancient tumblr culture things 

  • peasants 
  • greeting every new follower with a gif 
  • the anger over wonderballs being banned in the us 
  • i still see this every once in a while but adding “and then the fire nation attacked” to every post talking about how something used to be 
  • i see this everyone once in a while too but the “you tried” star 
  • nigel thornberry 
  • personifying social media (or making them dresses or whatever else) 
  • actually just personifying anything not even remotely human
  • and then shipping them
  • #coulsonisalive 
  • hatred of 12 year olds 
  • remember when everyone loved john green?
  • the “not as much of an asshole as you could have been” award
  • that post with every one of those girls late excuses
  • reblog as a link 
  • “3d” gifs 
  • when everyone loved robert pattinson for hating twilight 
  • “night blogging”
  • those horrifying barbie pictures where everyone would pretend not to notice the gore 
  • how shitty the video system was for so long
  • that post where mom dinosaur plays pretend w her son to distract him from the comet that killed the dinosaurs 
  • this is a genuinely good meme and we should bring it back: cosmo sex tips 
  • “i like your shoelaces” “thanks i got them from the president” 
  • repeating the same comment over and over just bolded and italicized differently 

POPULAR TEXT POSTS + ASK MEME  (  PART 3  )

❛ i need a reasonable paying job, something like $2,000 an hour. nothing too wild. ❜
❛ idc (i do care) ❜
❛ ‘are you taken?’ yes bitch, taken for granted ❜
❛ half of me is a hopeless romantic and the other half is, well, an asshole ❜
❛ you’re yelling? at ME? the one person who has never done anything wrong ever?????? ❜
❛ you will find your home, you will find your place. you will find your people. give it a little bit of time but it will happen. ❜
❛ in order lead a happy life i’m gonna have to disappoint my parents a bit. ❜
❛ any body else here not good at anything??? ❜
❛ you can’t force people to appreciate you. ❜
❛ *puts on baseball cap* i am the dad now… ❜
❛ i fake smart.. like i’m honestly a dumbass idk shit but i know how to seem like i do.. i’m smart-passing.. ❜
❛ every straight woman who ever called her platonic friend her ‘girlfriend’ owes me $50 ❜
❛ i am a professional at misreading tones and overreacting to problems that most likely don’t exist ❜
❛ honestly if i survive the next 3 years of my life, i will be impressed with myself ❜
❛ you can’t cure sadnesses with a shower but honestly there is no purer place to suffer ❜
❛ patiently waiting for a kind soul to come along and make everything a little softer, brighter. ❜
❛ honestly i don’t even play an active role in my life, shit just happens and i’m like oh this is what we’re doing now? ok ❜
❛ no offense but if i die and no one uses a ouija board to keep me updated on memes i will literally haunt you all ❜
❛ imma start charging people for hurting my feelings $3 an hour ❜
❛ i have finally reached the age of most young adult protagonists yet my life is still uneventful??? where is my cool story??? my cool talents??? @ universe i’m pissed ❜
❛ hello, police? i accidentally stepped on my cats foot and need to be arrested ❜
❛ *tries to watch 45 minute episode in 20 minutes ❜
❛ please don’t just come in my life, take my heart and leave. please don’t do that. ❜
❛ concept: me, 10 years from now, living in a pretty house with my love, sipping a hot cappuccino on a rainy autumn afternoon. our dog curls up next to me in the window bench while our cat snoozes on the bed. i’m financially stable and i’m never tired anymore. the bees are safe. ❜
❛ i can’t believe what walkie talkies are called ❜
❛ the gorilla could have died and been done with in like a week but none of you know how to be normal ❜
❛ me: *is bitter but is also right* ❜
❛ just saw a girl in high heels long boarding to class. godspeed, my queen. ❜
❛ i’ve never belonged anywhere, i’m always just in between ❜
❛ too young for unnecessary stress, i gotta live ❜
❛ i may not be beautiful but at least i know a lot of useless information ❜
❛ i’m like always sleepy. i feel like i should be used to this by now and stop complaining about being sleepy but i can’t. always, i’m sleepy. ❜
❛ lmao no offense… but what’s the point of being mean to people for no reason ❜
❛ drunk me is the me i really want to be. confident, hilarious, and most importantly, drunk ❜
❛ “alcohol isn’t supposed to taste good” buddy watch me drink the fruitiest/sweetest shit i can find and enjoy it because i don’t hate myself enough to even begin to consider drinking like.. beer ❜
❛ tfw you’re already fully aware of the unnecessary self destructive bullshit you’re doing but you can’t bring yourself to do anything to stop it ❜
❛ hey sorry for not replying i didn’t want to ❜
❛ honestly how am i gonna make it in the world???? i get a little teary eyed any time someone compliments my personality ❜
❛ true bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing ❜
❛ *touches your hand and looks seriously into your eyes* i am a piece of shit ❜
❛ lets play ‘how rude can i be until you realize i don’t like you’ ❜
❛ i love drunk me but i don’t trust her ❜
❛ hate when i am wearing makeup and still look shitty like what else am i supposed to do? get enough sleep? eat right and exercise??? as if ❜
❛ i’m not on a high horse. i’m not even on a horse. i’m face down in a ditch on the road of life ❜
❛ i hate when people ask me what i would do in their situation because 9 times out of 10 i would literally never be in that situation in the first place ❜
❛ i barely remember the last 6 months honestly like am i even alive ❜
❛ you had me at ‘hello’ and lost me at ‘i think your friend is cute’ ❜
❛ i’m pretty sure by now ‘tired’ is just a part of my personality description ❜
❛ wow i really liked that song now i think i’ll listen to it another seventy times in a row ❜
❛ ‘shit it’s 2 a.m.’ i say every day at 2 a.m. as if i’m surprised ❜
❛ i’ve been stressed out since like the third day of second grade ❜
❛ telling other girls they look pretty is like cracking a glow stick full of positivity and female friendship ❜
❛ i want to be sun kissed and also people kissed ❜
❛ about me: glowing, eating peaches, drinking wine in lingerie, not texting your desperate ass back  ❜
❛ i highly recommend never having feelings ❜
❛ due to unfortunate circumstances, i am awake ❜
❛ i’m gonna solve mysteries so fucking good ❜
❛ what did people even wear in 2008 ❜
❛ i’ll just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  my way through life ❜
❛ you know what sucks? everything bye ❜
❛ me? overreacting? probably ❜
❛ people asking me what kind of music i like is such a stressful experience ❜
❛ honestly if i survive the next 3 years of my life i will be impressed with myself ❜
❛ if you listen carefully you can hear me whisper ‘shut the fuck up’ at least once every five minutes ❜
❛ any time you like a boy just know you played yourself. always keep that stored in your mind for later ❜
❛ hopeless romantic with trust issues and a sex drive out the roof ❜
❛ what i lack in personality i make up for in…….. nothing ❜
❛ me? cancelled ❜
❛ an app that tells you how raven something is ❜
❛ be with someone who will take care of you. not materialistically but takes care of your soul, your well being, your heart, and everything that’s you ❜
❛ i love the infinite multiverse theory because that means there’s a universe where i’ve pulled every single fire alarm i’ve ever seen ❜
❛ name a more iconic duo than the lengths i’ll go to both get attention and to avoid it… i’ll wait ❜
❛ i just want to be treated very gently and smell like vanilla and wear only matte dusty rose lipstick ❜
❛ 2017 is going to be a very healing year because it’s going to force us to accept that 2007 was ten years ago not three and i think that’s the root of our collective issues ❜
❛ i just wanna do cute things with you like crush the patriarchy, fight for gender equality, and help to destroy racism ❜
❛ i may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented… i forgot where i was going with this ❜
❛ how is 2016 already almost over?? like this bitch came in, fucked us up, then left like she gave us a gift ❜
❛ supercalifragilisticextentialcrisis ❜
❛ stop breaking your own motherfucking heart ❜
❛ co-napping is a beautiful thing. knock out with me so i know it’s real ❜
❛ *on the verge of tears* ok not that i care, but ❜
❛ it’s not you…. it’s your zodiac sign ❜
❛ i want to be loved so bad it’s pathetic and embarrassing ❜
❛ my heart is filled with hate and swag ❜
❛ ‘i don’t care’ i say, caringly, as i care deeply ❜
❛ i highly recommend never having feelings ❜
❛ we all ugly to somebody, don’t trip ❜
❛ do i have a crush or am i just idolizing this person for being vaguely nice to me? ❜
❛ my parents were arguing today and my mom said that justin timberlake wouldn’t treat her like this ❜
❛ kissing is hella rad but no one is kissing me so that makes me hella sad ❜
❛ everyone’s having their mid-life crisis at like 19 ❜
❛ there are just people out there that are the embodiment of the sun like the things they say do light up the world and make you feel warm they are human sunshine ❜
❛ dermatologists HATE me… everyone hates me. i’m so alone ❜
❛ you know when you realize and you just… realize ❜
❛ a girl can respect herself and still take booty pics wtf y’all talkin about ❜
❛ i’m not badass i’m sadass i cry about everything ❜
❛ inspired by animal crossing, i’ve started doing this thing where i mail my best friends a framed picture of myself and then never speak to them again ❜
❛ i didn’t know double texting was such a big deal?? i have a lot to say ❜
❛ can someone please just be proud of me like fuck i’m trying ❜
❛ cosmo sex tip #367: when you’re in the mood, tell you partner ‘my spidey senses are tingling’ ❜

(  you can find the other popular text posts memes on my old blog: 1, 2 )

a compiled list of my favorite posts in the "cosmo tips" tag
  • Right before climaxing with your female partner, scream at the top of your lungs “Go Go Gadget, Ejaculate!” 
  • After a handjob, use the semen on your fingers to wipe across his forehead as you whisper, ‘Simba…
  • if he comes before you, run away while screaming “curse you perry the platypus”
  • Fuck a republican, get pregnant, and see how fast he turns pro-choice
  • When eating your partner, tell them that they taste good but not better than a dead baby. 
  • When he gets his pants off, point and sing “Put that thing back where it came from or so help me” 
  • Put a doughnut over his penis and eat it off slowly while licking the tip occasionally, that should get him extra hard and wanting to fuck even more.
  • Fake an English accent during your encounter and when you are about to reach climax scream ‘the British are coming, the British are coming’
  • After taking his virginity he has kept for religious reasons, lean in close to him and whisper “Where’s your God now?” 
  • Secretly use super glue instead of lube so you can be together forever
  • If you are going down on a girl, make sure to go down on her like a fat kid that hasn’t eaten food in a month
  • During sex, surprise him with an extremely sexy orgasm moan by making the THX theme sound at the top of your lungs
  • When you’re about to put it in, whisper, “Objects are larger than they appear”
  • as you near your climax, count down from 10 and then yell “ready or not, here i come”
  • The first time he tries to touch you, slap his hand away and shout ‘UNHAND ME PEASANT’.
  • WARNING: Asians will moan answers to math problems during climax. 
  • When your partner says “Tell me what you want” reply with “I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, really, really wanna zigazig ah” 
How To Get A Guy to Like You

@pencilwalla mentioned Viktor using Cosmo magazine tips, so have this comparison of how well Viktor does at “how to get a guy to like you”, taken from Cosmo’s website. Vitya does super great on some, and not so hot on others, but it just goes to show that he definitely read some of these magazines. All ten under the cut.

1. Primp and tap into your inner Kate Upton

Show up naked, hair flawless, abs out. Viktor only read this article twenty times.

2. Get him talking about something he loves

You’re… you’re doing less great, Vitya

Keep reading

I’ve realized I don’t actually believe it’s possible to “teach” someone a language.

You can provide resources, but the student needs to use them.

You can answer questions, but the student needs to ask them first.

You can point at a word and say “This means that.” And then the same again for the next word. And then again, and again, and again. But a dictionary can do this too.

You can give a long awkward explanation of all the grammatical exceptions to the rules, but you’ll probably leave them even more confused than when they started.

What you can do is inspire them, give them passion – the longest-lasting and most useful gift you can give someone who wants to learn a language. If you ignite the flame of excitement within them to pursue the language on their own, they will continue to learn for the rest of their lives, even without you.