in general I just have this slight distrust of birds, they make me uneasy, there’s something ABOUT them that’s just… menacing, they’re these flighty little psychos really, I mean THINK if they decided to TURN on humanity, they would be everywhere – EVERYWHERE and they could totally take us on, we would be done for, there would be nothing we could do, nowhere we could hide, unless we took to the underground! - they are ticking time bombs I tell you, I mean, have you ever looked into a bird’s eyes? SOULLESS, DARK CHASMS OF EVIL, I SWEAR. I simply do not trust them, I do not
One time I was staying at my friend Kim’s house while my parents were out of town cuz I had to be there for band camp.
Anyway I had a really bad headache and it was just awful (learned later that I had inter-cranial hypertension meaning that the fluids surrounding me brain were either being produced too fast or not draining properly MY HEAD WAS GETTING SQUEEZED OK THE WORST) and kim has a hot tub so kim and suzzie were like “ok let’s sit in the hot tub n maybe you’ll loosen up n feel better”
and I was like “well that sounds lovely except for the fact that i physically do not own a swimsuit.”
Kim said I could borrow hers.
This was a lovely plan.
Except for the fact that I am rather heavy up top, and she is not. As in, not even along the same range at all.
So I put on her swimsuit that was perfectly practical and modest on her, and it exposed all of my cleavage. All of it.
I went downstairs and Suzzie was like “hey does it fit?”
and I went “well yes but im a little uncomfy im glad it’s just us” and took off the towel wrapped around my shoulders.
She kind of glanced over, and then did a double take and I’m pretty sure that’s the first time anyone has stared at my boobs.
When Kim came downstairs Suzzie immediately demands “WHY DID YOU GIVE HER THE BOOBIE ONE?!” And Kim looked kind of horrified and said in this absolutely shocked voice that “It doesn’t do that on me…”
and we all stared at my cleavage for a long time and just like “woah mree you have cleavage” and then when her dad was coming downstairs she was like “marie can we just” and pulls my towel up around my shoulders again.
so basically it was a good thing it was nighttime bc I was like falling out and it was really embarrassing for me at the time and that’s why i don’t think I’ll borrow kim’s swimsuit again.
1. A tuna melt with ranch instead of mayo in the tuna– surprisingly good
2. A hollowed out cake with fruit by the foot inside– just as bad as you would imagine
3. Mac and cheese with powdered milk instead of normal milk– just go borrow milk, kids.