corrections dept

Rabid Raccoon

Officers respond to a report of raccoon jumping at the homeowner. When they arrive it is flopping around, sick. They call animal control and trap it in a trash can. A little later they close it no report. So I asked them what happened….this is via message.

Officer 1: “No comment! Ask Officer 2.”
Me: “What happened?”
Officer 2: “Animal control took it. Ask Officer 1 what he did.”
Officer 1: “I ran away.”
Me: “No you did not.”
Officer 1: “I’m not ashamed. That thing was huge like a German Shepherd.”
Me: “Did he really run away?”
Officer 2: “Fast and far. Screamed, ran, and hid in the complainant’s house.”
Me: “Did you scream?”
Officer 1: “I ran over and knocked and very manly yelled ‘Open the door!’ It was intense.”

Seafood Dinner
  • Dispatcher: "Police non-emergency, how may I help you?"
  • Caller: "Hi. This is going to be a freaky question..."
  • Dispatcher: "Go ahead."
  • Caller: "There's a lobster in my pool."
  • Dispatcher: "What?"
  • Caller: "I was draining my pool and there's a lobster at the bottom. A living lobster."
  • Dispatcher: "Are you sure it's not a craw dad? Those are indigenous..."
  • Caller: "No, it's a lobster, I know a lobster when I see one!"

On Monday, the 16th of July 2012, we published an article entitled: “The Eight Dumbest Things About The Daily Mail’s Laughing Gas Article”.

In the article, we erroneously implied that The Daily Mail’s use of the term “hippy crack” was both lame and inaccurate:

“There are few things in this world more horrifying than when a Daily Mail journalist attempts to use slang. Over the course of the article, the term ‘hippy crack’ is used three times, and 'sweet air’ once. Which is more times than either of them have ever been used by an actual genuine young person, ever.”

Many of you have since been in touch to let us know that this is simply not the case:

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In light of this feedback, VICE Media regretfully acknowledge that our claims were false.

Unfortunately, all members of our global slang fact-checking department were away on the day the article was made live (through a combination of illness and pre-booked annual leave), so the article was unable to be scrutinized to our usual standards.

We at VICE strive to substantiate any and all claims made by our editorial staff on our website and in print, but sometimes mistakes do happen. And for this, we apologize.

In lieu of this oversight, we decided to head out onto the streets to apologize.