corpse river

Karin:  Hmm I can’t find Sasuke…

Suigetsu:  I got this *puts hands over mouth*  Itachi sucks and has ugly hair!

Sasuke: *Destroys Konoha*  YOU DARE SPEAK OF ANIKI IN FRONT OF ME!

Suigetsu: Found hi-shit.

Naruto: *Bursts through ground* WHOEVER SAID THAT IS DEAD!  BELIEVE IT!

Suigetsu: Uhh-

Shisui: *Drags reanimated corpse from river*  Let me tell you something about my cousin…

Sakura: *Rips apart trees* HOW DARE YOU!?!?!!?!

Kisame: *Raises from the dead* ITACHI- SAN HAS BEAUTIFUL HAIR AND A WONDERFUL ASS!  I’LL KILL YOU!

Suigetsu: I was just-

Kakashi: *Bursts through wall*  I heard Itachi and ass.

Itachi: *Floats down from heaven*  Rude.

should you fight this renaissance figure? a guide

michaelangelo buonarotti: yes. punch him right in his smug face, throw him off his scaffolding in the sistine, kick his ASS. please. 

pico della mirandola: arrogant and really hot, but you could probably beat him as long as you don’t let him talk.

caterina sforza: you will lose and probably die but tbh i’d thank cat sforza for beating my ass any day?

leonardo da vinci: you…could? but i don’t see why you’d want to? leonardo is sweet, leave him alone. don’t fight leonardo.

niccolo machiavelli: arrogant, could use a punch in the face. again, you’d probably win as long as you don’t let him talk. fight machiavelli.

cesare borgia: no, you’ll die.

lucrezia borgia: no, you’ll die and cesare will throw your corpse into the river tiber. don’t fuck with the borgia sibs.

william shakespeare: he’s a hipster and you could probably win but like…you’d have more fun going and getting a drink with him? don’t fight shakespeare, get smashed with shakespeare.

lorenzo de’ medici: lorenzo was a. pretty athletic, b. filthy rich and c. loved by basically all of florence. and he was also? a pretty cool guy? don’t fight lorenzo de’ medici, you’ll have an entire city of pissed-off merchants to contend with.

pope julius ii: pound his ass into oblivion. please. for me.

pope alexander vi: you might win but you’ll probably die of a mysterious sudden illness a few days later so no, don’t fight alexander.

petrarch: you could probably win but? petrarch just wants to read and write poetry and do the humanism thing, he is sweet and kind and good. don’t fight petrarch, you will feel awful and i will fight you.

marsilio ficino: no! see above.

dante alighieri: dante wrote love poetry and so gets a rap for being a lot sweeter than he actually was but you can basically sum him up with that bit in hamilton where jefferson quotes his own writing in a cabinet debate so fight dante, it’ll be good for both of you.

5 Books to Spook You in Springtime

Some readers are in it for the creep factor. You prefer goose bumps to giggling, consider having your heart race from turning the page adequate cardio, and Halloween is your jam. We know you’re eager for October but in the meantime we’ve rounded up 5 YA novels to sustain you…evaluated by how many lights you’ll need to keep on while reading.


1. Between the Devil and The Deep Blue Sea by April Genevieve Tucholke

A dark-haired boy who takes naps in the sun, who likes coffee, who kisses you in a cemetery… who makes you want to kiss back, and might be the devil.

Creep factor: download the flashlight app and confirm that your phone is at 100% charge.


2. Imaginary Girls by Nova Ren Suma

Secrets, sisters, and a corpse found in the river. 

Creep factor: acquire multiple nightlights, like the kind you had when you were four. Ask your mom where they are. She’ll know.


3. The Name of the Star by Maureen Johnson

Noted: moving to London when someone is mimicking Jack the Ripper’s murder spree is not the best idea.

Creep factor: install a skylight above all possible chairs, couches, and beds you might read this in. 


4. Paper Valentine by Brenna Yovanoff

Summer is supposed to be relaxing, but that’s difficult when someone is killing girls in your neighborhood and your best friend’s ghost is haunting your bedroom.

Creep factor: ensure that all lights in the building are on; disregard energy bill.


5. The Merciless by Danielle Vega

Five teenage girls in a basement. Two trying to escape. One exorcism.

Creep factor: read exclusively outdoors in an open space at noon when the forecast is 75 and sunny.


What books would you add to this list? 

  • what i say: i'm fine
  • what i mean: arya stark almost died trying to save her mother's life but all she could do was pull her desecrated corpse out of a river, via her wolf, where it was then found by the same man whom arya had made SWEAR he would reunite mother and daughter. catelyn was then resurrected into a shell of the woman she was before, a tortured soul who cares about nothing but revenge. arya's consumed with grief herself and believes revenge is the only thing she has left. if the two of them could just met they would both find peace and closure. catelyn would learn that most of her children are still alive. arya would finally realize that her mother loved and wanted her. she could give lady stoneheart the gift of mercy and return her mother's body to the river with the proper tully funeral she deserved. lady stonehearts reign of terror would be over and arya would understand she can't rely on revenge to ease her pain. it would be the perfect ending and i need it more than air

Dear Vincent,

 i’m really sure you bothers you the first name but don’t worry, is fine.

You know, i’ve thinking in leave our friendship….i….i can’t continue with this, you and I built this pizzeria…..but since you are a little strange, you scared me, im sorry Vincent, but you can call me “Friend” ‘cause i’ll Call you “Best Friend”

And please don’t call me for carrying a corpse to the river, or a cliff, please, I do not want any part of it

She’s supposed to be your wife?

I know you’re angry, but please, I promise I will not tell anyone, just beg you to come back to Renata and Brandy and let me live with my family in peace

I have enough for my son your “best friend” is gone, please call me if you need me okay?

Edgar 

9

himuro would never kill somebody and have murasakibara throw the corpse in the river, how dare you even consider something as awful as that. shame, lots of shame on you all

Being an artist means not having to avert one’s eyes.
Akira Kurosawa

{on witnessing the aftermath of the 1923 Tokyo earthquake, and the ensuing riots] Amid the expanse of nauseating redness lay every kind of corpse imaginable. I saw corpses charred black, half-burned corpses, corpses in gutters, corpses floating in rivers, corpses piled up on bridges, corpses blocking off a whole street at an intersection, and every manner of death possible to human beings displayed by corpses. When I involuntarily looked away, my brother scolded me, “Akira, look carefully now”. Looking back on that excursion now, I realize that it must have been horrifying for my brother, too. It had been an expedition to conquer fear.
Akira Kurosawa