corn bags

Pavlov had it all wrong

I am a single adult human living in a house with two corgis. Got Girldog from a shelter when she was about a year, year and a half old maybe; got Boydog a few years later as an 8-week puppeh. And let me tell you something, from Day One, this has been a three-way psychological experiment. I no longer know who is manipulating who on a daily basis.

  • One of the first things I trained Girldog to do was not to bark at the dinner table; if she barked at me while I was eating, I put her in The Quiet Place (her crate) where she couldn’t see me. She learned almost immediately to subvocalize her barks, to let out a breath with just enough vocal cord vibration that I wouldn’t QUIIIITE consider it a bark and move her further away from the food. It’s a sound like this: “Hrrrr. Hrrrr. Hhhrahhh.” I didn’t realize how odd this was until my aunt came over and said, “That dog hissed at me.” “Yes,” I said, “she does that.”
  • Boydog learned to do tricks by watching Girldog. I never taught him to sit. He learned by watching Girldog get a treat for sitting. Once, I told both dogs to sit at the same time, while I held a treat in each hand. When Girldog didn’t sit quick enough, Boydog put his paw on her butt and pushed her down.
  • I hung a bell on the door and taught Boydog to ring it when he wants to go out. Girldog sees no reason she should ring the bell, as it is beneath her dignity, and she can get her way by barking instead. Boydog, however, will ring the bell for Girldog when she lurks around by the door, although he has no interest in going outside himself. Girldog has made Boydog her personal slave in this matter.
  • Boydog rings the bell when he doesn’t need to go out but thinks I have been at my computer too long. By the time I get to the kitchen, he’s nowhere near the door, but hey mom, as long as you’re up, let’s play! He obviously does not believe I can see through this extremely clever ploy.
  • Girldog once climbed onto a sofa, crossed the back of it, leapt from the sofa to my desk chair, leapt from the chair to the desk, and knocked all my stuff off the desk. (I wasn’t there, but it was obvious from the trail of destruction what route she had taken.) Then she got down and proceeded to ignore the bag of corn chips she’d encountered and focus her attention on biting my phone charger in half, chewing up a USB memory stick, and eating a pen. I still have no idea how she could be so smart and so dumb at the same time.
  • Boydog will chase a laser pointer (not uncommon for dogs introduced to them as puppies! Pro tip) but only when Girldog is not around, because she hates it for some reason and will tackle him for it. Girldog also likes to be outside while I want to be in, and Boydog prefers to have us both inside. Boydog will lead me to the laser pointer, pester me until I get it down, and then run around chasing the laser and barking madly. No matter how stubborn Girldog has been about staying outside, she wants to know what he’s barking at and immediately comes inside. (It is always the laser pointer he’s barking at, Girldog. Always.)
  • There is a chair in my bedroom that I cannot sit on. The dogs take turns sleeping on it, depending on who gets there first. The only hard and fast rule is that if the human sits on the chair, they will both lose their cool. The chair is for dogs only. I have not even tried to sit on the chair for about six months now.

I suspect I’ll be adding more of these as the three of us continue to train each other.

Proximity (02)-Just My Neighbor

Prompt: Sebastian meets his newest neighbor and immediately finds her to be an interesting and genuine person. Before he knows it, he’s developing feelings for his much younger friend that he tries not to act on because of their age difference, only the proximity of their lives has other things in store for the couple.

Tags: @sebstanwassup, @starkxpotts, @kyleannsmut, @joshuad-n, @bucky-bear-barnes, @camely09, @metal-arm-red-star, @kitty11223, @one-of-the-boys, @dammnnbucky, @crystallimythium

Warnings: some language, a little angst, some fluff


Proximity (00)-PrologueProximity (01)-My Place at Six, Proximity (03)-Forty Percent, Proximity (04)-Writing My Goodbyes, Proximity (05)-If You Want, Proximity (06)-Oblivion, Proximity (07)-IDFCProximity (08)-Last Night, Proximity (09)-Boo at the Zoo pt.1, Proximity (10)-Boo at the Zoo Pt.2Proximity (11)-Girlfriend 


Sebastian decided to stay at the coffee shop for a few more minutes after (Y/N)’s phone call, but a few minutes turned into a few hours of intensive research and pouring over the script while occasionally smiling for fans selfies as they recognized him slumped over in the corner, angrily chewing on a pen cap. Just as he was about to lose all track of time, an older, retired woman who worked as a barista full-time made her way toward the table he sat at.

“I overheard your conversation, honey,” she said while placing a gentle, maternal hand on his shoulder. “It’s five-fifteen. You don’t want to keep your wife waiting.” Sebastian’s throat constricted as he looked at the array of empty cups scattered on the table in front of him. Frantically, he checked his phone, realizing that the woman was right.

“Thank you very much for telling me,” he began while folding his notebook closed, shoved his script inside, and jammed his pen into his back pocket, “but I wasn’t talking to my wife; I’m not married,” he awkwardly explained while showing her his ringless left hand.

“Oh, well then your girlfriend,” she tried again.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Sebastian uneasily laughed. “She lives in my building below me; she’s just my neighbor” he tried to explain.

“Well people don’t talk to one another so domestically with someone who’s ‘just their neighbor,’” the woman smirked before helping him toss the cluttered cups in the trash. Once he finished, Sebastian hurried toward his building, only a couple blocks from the coffee shop, and made his way up to his floor.

Seb Stan: Just got back

He hurried to open the door to his apartment and left it unlocked as he kicked off his shoes and took his belongings into his bedroom. He tossed his notebook on the desk beside his bed and dropped his shoes in the closet before quickly tidying up the few misplaced objects in his living room and kitchen: a few newspapers he picked up, a couple of books left lying about, and the dirty cereal bowls that he intended to wash that morning.

         Cute Neighbor: Mind if I show up early?

Sebastian had just finished drying his hands from washing the dishes in the sink and a tiny smile formed in the corner of his mouth without him realizing. 

Seb Stan: Fine by me :)

         Cute Neighbor: Good, because I’m here

Just after he heard his phone go off, there was a knock at the door. He pulled it open and couldn’t help the soft smirk that rose to his lips as he shook his head at her. “You’re a dork,” he laughed.

“I’m the dork?” she laughed while entering his apartment for what had to be the hundredth time. “You’re asking me what one of the most self-explanatory sports on earth is,” she laughed. “Drive fast, turn left, don’t crash.”

“Thanks for the info, I guess you can leave now,” he teased while pressing himself against (Y/N), pretending to force her out of his apartment.

“Nooo,” she called out. “I walked all the way down the stairs for this, don’t make me leave.”

“Oh my, you took the stairs for me?” Sebastian huffed mockingly.

“The elevator was already on the first floor again,” she grumbled as Sebastian stepped aside and closed the door with both of them inside the apartment.

“Well,” he sighed as he walked into the kitchen, “I guess you can stay.” (Y/N) smirked as Sebastian leaned back against the kitchen counter beside his stove.

“Thanks for making that sacrifice,” she laughed while wandering toward his pantry and scouring for something to cook. “Why do you have a shit-ton of beans?”

“What do you mean ‘a shit-ton of beans?’” he asked while walking toward her. (Y/N) pulled out two massive cans of pinto chili beans and held them up to him, displaying her case. “That is not a shit-ton of beans,” he huffed. “Do you even know what a shit-ton looks like?”

“Well if you eat this many freaking beans, you’re sure to shit a ton,” she explained while setting the cans on the counter and started to rummage through his spices.

“Why do I hang out with you?” he laughed as he started to manually open the chili beans as (Y/N) gathered a huge variety of spices, some of which Sebastian hadn’t even opened yet.

“Who else would tease you about your bean collection?” she laughed while pulling ground turkey meat out of his freezer and beginning to defrost it in the microwave.

“Fucking weirdo,” he laughed while taking a step back and watching her.

“You’re the one with a bean collection, ya fucking weirdo,” she laughed, mimicking Morgan O’Mally’s voice from Good Will Hunting. “Okay, that probably made me weird,” she laughed at her attempt to draw reference to the movie.

“Just a bit,” he laughed in response. “Did you finish all of your homework?” he asked.

“Yes, Mom,” she grumbled at him, rolling her eyes the whole time. She hurried to cut up an onion and threw it and some garlic into the cauldron she had heating up o the stove. 

“Sorry I care about your education,” he muttered while smirking at her from across the kitchen.

“You’re forgiven,” (Y/N) laughed and looked over her shoulder toward Sebastian. Again, the smile of admiration and gentle nod of disbelief flooded her sight. Quickly, she turned her face back to the pot of chili, hoping she could play off the blush on her face as the heat coming from the stove.

“Can I help?” Sebastian asked as he made his way closer toward her. Gently his hand traced along her back as he passed her.

“You can brown the meat,” she offered, trying to hide her now red face from him. Glad to help her, he completed his task and then added the meat to the mixture of beans, onions, garlic, tomatoes, green chillies, and spinach. (Y/N) then added the spices as Sebastian handed them to her.

“Cumin? Tumeric? Chili Powder? Cholula? Do you really use all of this?”

“Is it sitting on the counter?” she asked back sassily.

“Did I ask for sass?” he teased, a smirk on his face as he handed her the glass bottle of cumin. (Y/N) finished adding the last bit of spices and grabbed a bag of corn chips from a cupboard as Sebastian starts to dish out their dinners. “I figured we could watch a thematic movie,” he said while settling onto the couch and grabbed the remote that (Y/N) found less than a week after them meeting.

Slowly, she lowered herself beside Sebastian on the couch, feeling his hip against hers as they leaned against one another’s shoulders. Instantly, her head dropped as she saw his choice of movie. “Really, Seb,” she grumbled. “Of all the racing movies in existence you chose this one?”

“What’s wrong with Talledega Nights?” Sebastian asked with a laugh.

“You could have picked one of the eight Fast and the Furious movies, Days of Thunder, I would have even taken freaking Cars over this,” she grumbled.

“I didn’t know you were so picky, (Y/N),” Sebastian smirked while nudging her with his shoulder. (Y/N) laughed as Sebastian put his arm around her shoulder and rested his dinner between his knees.

“I’m not picky,” she groaned while scooping chili with a chip and popping it in her mouth.

“My movie just isn’t good enough for you is it?” he asked while teasing her and scraping the chili from his bowl. “This is really good, (Y/N). Thank you very much,” he added.

“You’re just trying to flatter me so I’ll give in to your stupid movie,” she grumbled. “You can look at me with those big blue eyes all you want, Sebastian, but I’m not going to say this movie isn’t shitty.”

“I wasn’t trying to do anything with my eyes,” he said with a smirk, “but since you’re looking,” he said with a sultrily teasing tone. Suddenly, (Y/N)’s heart pounded in her chest as she realized their proximity to one another. His arm rested across her shoulders, his tight muscles and tender skin grazing the back of her neck as she folded neatly into the side of his body, like two pieces of clay moulding together. Her side was pressed against his and she could feel his obliques tighten with each laugh, and she was certain Sebastian could feel the wire of her bra poking into his ribs. Part of his thigh covered hers as she slumped into the curve of the couch cushions and their legs were twisted together and propped on the coffee table in front of them. Quickly, she pulled herself up onto the cushion and sat on her feet, trying to keep herself from touching him and invading all parts of his personal space. “Is everything okay?” Sebastian quickly asked as (y/N) readjusted her position on the couch.

“Uh, yeah,” she said softly. “I thought I was going to spill,” she tried to laugh through the tension she caused and chastised herself for not being more careful. This had started out as being friends and she had intended for it to not go any further. It didn’t make sense for them to be anything besides neighbors. After all, she was hardly twenty-one and he was almost thirty-five. It wasn’t as though she had an issue with age gaps when it came to love, but she figured it would be easier for her to just be friends with Sebastian. He was more than she could handle in more than one way. She didn’t want to hold him back from anything he hasn’t accomplished and she still had a few years left in her before settling down would become a serious thought and not a ‘maybe someday’ ideology. Quietly, she continued eating until her dinner was almost gone.

“Oh, um okay,” he tried to chuckle. “We, uh…we don’t have to watch this movie if you want to,” Sebastian tried to change the conversation as he wondered what had caused (Y/N) to start acting strangely. The night had been going well and he was excited to get to be spending time with her. He was fascinated with her dry humor and sassy personality and the continual banter kept him on his toes. He liked to listen to her talk even if it was to tease him, and wasn’t quite ready for her to leave him.

“No, it’s fine,” she said as she hurriedly scraped the remainder of food left in the bowl. “I actually forgot I have a group paper due Wednesday and I have to work on my half.”

“Wait, are you leaving?” Sebastian asked, his voice faltering as (Y/N) rose to clean her dish. “(Y/N), what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Seb,” she said softly. “I just forgot I have some work left.”

“(Y/N),” he said in a soft, almost begging tone.

“I promise,” (Y/N) told him, turning back around and flashing him the largest smile she could muster. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Hesitant to believe her, Sebastian agreed halfheartedly.

“Okay,” he managed to say loud enough for her to hear him. Upon leaving Sebastian’s apartment, (Y/N) hurried downstairs and locked herself in her bathroom. After filling the tub with steaming water, she lowered herself in, allowing the water to float along her skin and travel up to her collarbones. Slowly, small tears of frustration trailed down her cheeks, mixing with the beads of sweat formed from the steam. Falling for Sebastian was all too easy and she knew that immense pain would come from forcing herself to deny her heart that happiness, but she would take the pain of denial over the humiliation of rejection any day, and if she continued to pursue Sebastian Stan romantically, she was sure rejection would be all she received.

I Remember that one time

When I had a dream, and I was in my kitchen and the heathers, Jd, and Veronica were there too. And Jd was making a smoothie with, a slushee and drain cleaner. And then Veronica added spaghetti. And then Heather Chandler added a bag of corn nuts. And then Ram and Kurt ran and roller skated in and dumped like five Jell-O shots. And then Martha skipped in with a bag of jiffy pop and added that. And then jd turned on the blender. It was weird

Blake's Fat Filled Halloween

Blake was too old for Halloween. It was quite rare for 18 year olds to go trick or treating, but he didn’t care, he just wanted tons of candy. He enjoyed to just eat and eat and didn’t care what people thought about it. He pulled down host black zombie shirt of just costume as it started to ride up his belly.
‘Hey Blake! Look at this house!’ Blake heard his friend shout. He followed the voice to an old dark house to find a bowl of candy sat on top an old damp wooden chair wth a note attached reading 'Take one candy’. Blake laughed as he grabbed a handful and placed it into his bag.
'Can’t you read you fuck wit, it says take one’ moaned his friend as he placed his candy corn in his bag.
'It’s their fault. Place a bowl outside without their supervision, then it’s bound to be empty in a matter of minutes’ replied Blake as he grabbed another handful of candy.
'Whatever. Hurry up then’ Said the friend as he left to the next house. Blake smirked as he continued to grab handful after handful of candy. Lollipops and gummies fell into the growing bag. After a few seconds, Blake had completely emptied the bowl. He smiled and turnt to leave the garden.
'Hungry?’ Blake froze. He turnt back round to find a tall young looking boy standing in the door frame. Blake gulped.
'I see you took everything’ said the boy as he lifted the baron bowl 'Looks like you like to eat’ the young boy rubbed his soft cold hand across Blake’s flabby belly which had escaped from the tight top. Blake blushed and pushed the boys hand away.
'Stop! Your such a perv!’ Screeched Blake as he stepped back. Without noticing, Blake found himself in the young boys hands.
'Let me go!’ Screened Blake as the boy bought him into his house and slammed the door shut.

Blake fluttered his tight eyelids open. His eyes scanned across the Snow White ceiling and squinted down. There he found he was in his underwear, strapped at the ankles and wrists on a operating table. Blake panicked as he pulled against his restraints. His fingers clenched as he pushed against the tight ropes.
'It’s not worth it’ came a voice as it echoed into the room. Blake glanced across the room to see the young man who bought him into the house.
'You! What do you want?! Why am I tied up!’ Blake screeched as he continued to try to slip out of his constraints.
'I want you’ The boy squished Blake’s belly with his two cold damp hands 'to get bigger’
'What?!’ Blake struggled even harder 'You fucking crazy?!’
'Yes’ the boy placed a funnel into Blake’s mouth. Blake tried to spit it out, but found he couldn’t even move any longer. The boy picked up a large bucket of Halloween candy and poured it into the funnel. Blake felt candy pour into his mouth. He tried his hardest to not chew, but he gave in to the force of the amount of food falling into his mouth. He chewed the food, closing his eyes. 'This isn’t happening’ thought Blake as more and more candy fell into his crumb filled mouth. The boy smiled as he picked up another bucket full of candy. Blake’s cheeks quickly fell a shade of red as he noticed his belly expand as more and more treats were consumed. Blake closed his eyes. He felt the young boy continue to caress his belly.

Blake’s eyes opened to find a familiar looking ceiling. Blake sat up, but found it extremely hard. There sitting on his lap was an even larger and softer belly. Blake gasped as he clutched his hands against the much larger belly. He slapped it And watched it wobble for longer. He stood up to find it now hung even lower than usual. He noticed that his underwear was skin tight and was near to ripping. Blake squished his now rounder butt. He blushed as his butt bounced back. Blake waddled to the bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror. He shook his head. No more trick or treating for him.

I worked at a corn stand when I was 14. My tip jar said “College Fund” because well, Med School is expensive guys. All those quarters help.

This lady stops by, gets some corn (which I bag for her) and then points out my tip jar.

“You know, college isn’t the best thing to do with your time.”

I kinda look at her funny, trying to register what she said. Because it’s 2 pm, I’ve been in the sun with nothing but corn and customers since 10 am.

“You’ll never have fun in college.” She insists, unbagging her corn to make sure I didn’t poison it or something idk

So I explain my plans for med school, thinking that this lady figures I want to go to college for sororities and parties or something and should travel with that. My plans were pretty impressive plans for a 14 year old, by the way.

“Well you ought to travel, that’s how you’ll learn.“cod

It hits me. This lady is what we in the Finger Lakes call "Lake People.” People who come down from the cities to the lakes to spend the summer, people with oodles of money to spend on $0.50 an ear corn.

“No ma'am, I couldn’t afford to do that. I’m becoming a Doctor.”

“Well what if that doesn’t work out?” She demands, manicured hands now stuffing the corn back into the bag. It doesn’t fit now. I’m not helping her.

I look her in the eyes, a sickly sweet smile on my face as I clench my shorts. It’s 90 degrees. I’m sunburned, tired and now I have to deal with this lady, who thinks my ambitions are a waste of time.

“If it doesn’t work out, I’ll marry a rich man and bear him many babies.”

I hand her an extra bag.

Ingredients

For the Sauce:

  • ¾ cup Butter, melted
  • ¾ cup Brown Sugar, packed
  • 2 Tablespoons Vanilla Extract

For the Mix:

  • 1 box Rice Chex [365g (12 oz)]
  • 1 bag Bugles [213g (7 oz) bag]
  • 4 cups Pretzels
  • 1 heaping cup Candy Corn
  • 1 heaping cup Candy Corn Pumpkins
  • 1 bag Reese’s Pieces [230g (8oz)]

Instructions

  1. Preheat the oven to 275°F.
  2. Melt the butter in the microwave in medium bowl or measuring cup.
  3. Add the brown sugar and vanilla extract and whisk well until combined and dissolved.
  4. In a VERY large bowl, add the Chex cereal, pretzels and Bugles.
  5. Pour the sauce over the cereal mixture and toss gently until evenly coated.
  6. Line two large baking sheets with parchment paper.
  7. Divide mixture on the two baking sheets and spread in even layers.
  8. Bake for 45 minutes, stirring every 15 minutes.
  9. Remove from the oven and allow it to cool. Then add it to a large bowl, along with the candy corn, pumpkins and Reese’s Pieces. Toss to combine.
  10. Store in airtight container.

Grantaire being indoctrinated converted by Bossuet and Joly (1.2 k)

Bossuet chains his bike to the fence with three locks. He really likes this one, he’d hate to lose it. He trots up the stairs, whistling between his teeth, but when he reaches Joly’s floor he stops. There is a boy standing in the gallery. His back is turned to Bossuet but he seems to be staring at the closed front door. It’s covered in random stickers, a staple of student housing architecture.

“Excuse me,” Bossuet asks. “Are you lost?”

The boy turns around. Actually, he doesn’t look that much younger than Bossuet. Hell, maybe he’s older. His face says twenty, the shadows under his eyes say forty.

“We are all lost,” he replies, his voice level. “Lost in the empty space of existence.”

Okay, that’s different. Bossuet gives him a bemused smile.

“No, I’m not lost,” the other replies. “I live here.”

Bossuet takes in the messy hair and the green checked shirt and his face lights up. “You’re Grantaire!”

Grantaire raises his eyebrows. “Okay that’s creepy, can you tell me my purpose in life too?”

“I’m Joly,” Bossuet says, extending his hand. He shakes his head. “I mean. I’m Joly’s friend. Bossuet.”

“I was going to say,” Grantaire says, shaking his hand with a lopsided grin. “There can’t be two Joly’s. I’m surprised there’s even one.”

Bossuet doesn’t know what he means by that, but he gives Grantaire a friendly grin. “Joly told me you made a great first impression.”

“On him, apparently, yeah,” Grantaire grimaces. “Not sure about the others.”

Bossuet laughs, but suddenly he frowns. “Wait, Joly said you were a math student.”

Grantaire gives him a blank stare.

“Shit, really?” Bossuet gulps. Grantaire does not look like a math student. He grimaces. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he says, feeling a little ashamed. “I-”

“Oh no, I agree,” Grantaire says bitterly. “I should not be a math student.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

We've had ears of corn on sale and this woman puts her bag of corn up and pulls one and says "this one isn't quite as big as the others but I wasn't going to leave it behind so if you want to charge me for a 7th go ahead" I just stared at her and said "I have to. Otherwise it's stealing."

All I care about - Tom Wilson

Requested by anon: Can you do a tom Wilson imagine where you’re married and have 3 kids and you surprise them to see their dad play. The game has been intense the whole night and your husband gets in a fight which scares your kids and you have to comfort them. By the end of the game you’re furious and all your children are sleeping so you go to the locker room to see your husband. When you guys get home a serious talk is in order for your husband and kids.

A/N: I’M BAAAAACK. Okay, I don’t know how I feel about this and I changed it slightly, so I hope you still like it. Let me know what you think!

Word count: 1454

Warnings: angst, swearing, fighting, mentions of blood.

Master list

Originally posted by pucksbeforefucks

“Michael Thomas, stop doing that.” You say to your oldest son, looking over to the seat right besides you to check that he hasn’t spilt anything on his jersey. Stella, who is sitting on your other side, chuckles and takes a big bite of her hot dog, getting ketchup all around her mouth.

Keep reading

RECIPES

Apple Pie Filling (55kcal):

-½ an apple

-½ teaspoon of splenda

-¼ teaspoon of cinnamon

-1 tablespoon of water

Directions:

-heat up water, splenda, and cinnamon in a pan, chop apple into small pieces and add to the warm water. Cook for 9 minutes or until the apples are soft.

Fried Bananas (67kcal):

-½ banana, sliced

-dime-sized amount of olive oil

-½ tablespoon cinnamon

Directions:

-Heat a pan on low, spread the olive oil on the pan, and then sprinkle on the cinnamon. Fry and scoop onto plate when lightly brown.

Hot Chocolate (20kcal):

-2tsp cocoa powder

-3tbs skim milk

-1tsp splenda

-280mL hot water

Directions:

-Heat water and mix in ingredients.

Cookie Dough (78kcal):

-2tbsp almond flour

-2tbsp low fat milk

-1tbsp brown sugar

-1 tbsp dark chocolate chips (optional—without chocolate chips, there are 25 fewer calories in the recipe)

-½ egg white

-a pinch of salt

Directions:

-Mix and enjoy.

Strawberry Sorbet (50kcal):

-1 cup of frozen strawberries

-Water (varies)

-¾ packet splenda

Directions:

-Put the frozen strawberries in a blender and add a little water. Blend, turning the blender on and off so it doesn’t break because the strawberries are hard. Blend until you get the consistency you want and mix in the Splenda.

Cinnamon & Sugar Bananas (83kcal)

-¾ banana, sliced

-1 tbsp cinnamon

-1 tbsp Splenda

-Cooking spray

Directions:

-Heat a pan well, spray, and then slice and cook the bananas until both sides are golden brown. Sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar.

Vegetable Soup (30kcal / cup)

    -6 boullion cubes

    -6 cups of water

    -3 carrots, chopped

    -1 med. cabbage, chopped

    -1 onion, chopped

    -3 cup fresh tomatoes, chopped

    Directions:

    -In a saucepan, dissolve boullion in 1 cup of boiling water. Combine other ingredients (including remaining 5 cups of water) with bullion. Simmer for 45 minutes until soup thickens.

    Vegetarian Chili (85kcal) - recipe serves 10

      -Large head of cauliflower

      -1 small onion chopped

      -1 can of black beans

      -1 large can of tomato sauce

      -½ bag frozen corn

      -1 ½ tbsp paprika

      -½ tbsp of chili powder

      -1 tsp garlic powder

      -2 vegetable boullion cubes

      -3 cups water

      Directions:

      -Throw everything into a crackpot and cook until everything is tender.

      Shockingly Simple Pt. 2 (Peter x Reader)

      Request: anonymous asked:
      Hi can you please do a peter parker x reader where they are best friends, but she is tony Starks daughter. And after a mission goes wrong she gets powers and freaks out, she starts sneaking out and making wrong choices but peter helps her get through the tough time. Sorry if this doesn’t make any sense 😊

      Word Count: 2,381 

      Warnings: Some swearing

      A/N: Here’s part 2! (And it’s my 100th post apparently… whaaatttt??!!) Anyway sorry it’s long I got a bit carried away but i’m really happy with how this turned out! also part one has like over 90 notes, holy crap guys! unfortunately this isn’t proofread much so if you find grammar and spelling errors then wups :/

      Once again thank you to the anon who requested this I had a lot of fun writing it (as you can see lol)  anyway hope you guys like it ❤️

      Tag(s): @davros2004

      Part 1




      Four months.

      Four months since you didn’t listen to your better judgement. Four months since you felt yourself ripped apart. Four months since you felt like your life was ripped apart as well.

      You leaned against the subway pole as it lurched to a stop. Careful to keep your head down, you stepped onto the empty platform and headed for the stairs leading to the buzzing city above. Walking into the cool evening air, the buzzing got louder and louder. You could practically feel the electricity around you screaming, pushing towards you. You tried your best to calm down, to repel that energy away. You hoped no one else could notice the lights you approached grow just a few shades brighter, then dim back down as you passed.

      Trying to appear casual, you shoved your hands into your pockets. You normally hated doing this, as it felt like you were an easier target with your hands trapped. As you approached the crosswalk, you noticed Delmar’s was still open. You saw the owner counting the day’s earnings on the counter. The ‘Open’ sign felt warm, even from this far, and you were oh so tempted. Was it worth the risk? A fresh corned beef on rye with crisp pickles in exchange for your exposure? You knew your dad wasn’t surveilling this place; it was too obvious a place for you to go. But another red-clad hero… your name was sure to come across his ears sooner or later if you went in.

      Ah fuck it, you thought. You hadn’t had a decent meal in ages. As you walked through the door, you sensed the sign’s hum slightly quicken, and like your mood, lit up just a little brighter.

      “Miss (Y/N)!” Mr. Delmar greeted.

      “Hey Mr. Delmar,” you responded timidly, forcing your smile to shorten into a grimace. Keep it quick, (Y/N). Keep it quick. “Can I just get a number seven, please?”

      “Coming right up!” Mr. Delmar turned to the deli slicer. “Haven’t seen you ‘round here much lately,” he called back to you.

      You tilted your head up just a little. “Yeah, been kinda running around a lot, busy,” you shrugged.

      Mr. Delmar reached into the cabinet for the pickles. “Well you gotta come ‘round more often. Miss seeing you and Parker. I mean I know you’re busy but you gotta make time for your friends, too, you know.”

      “Does he not come here as often?” you asked, confused.

      “Nah, started coming less and less a little after you stopped showing up. Same excuse as you, busy.”

      You felt a pang of guilt. You knew his ‘busy’ was him busy searching for you. You wanted to reach out to him, you really did. To tell him that you were okay, that you could do so many cool things, but also how lost you’d been feeling, how lonely it was.

      Mr. Delmar appeared at the counter, holding the long-awaited plastic bag. “One corned-beef on rye, extra pickles,” he smiled.

      Reaching over, you grinned, a whiff of the amazing decadence catching your nose, “Thanks, Mr. Delmar.” You pulled a bill out of your pocket, careful to not let the others spill out.

      He leaned on the counter. “Hope to see you soon, (Y/N),” he called to your back.

      You turned your head back, replying, “Me, too!” You felt the door swing closed behind you. “More than you know,” you muttered.

      As you rounded the corner, you felt a small surge of intense energy rushing down behind you. Before you could turn to confirm what it was, the ground left your feet, and your breath was lost in the wind. You felt the excited energy around you yearning to leave the shiny red metal and enter you. So you let it. Slowly. Just slow enough to cause your rise to turn into a descent. You could vaguely hear the warning alarms in the helmet advising low energy. Your captor glided to a nearby rooftop, and you shoved his hold on you off.

      “Should’ve known,” the face of the helmet disappeared, revealing the baggy-eyed, worried-eyed, clearly-not-getting-enough-sleep-and-is-worried-grimace of your dad. “You were always a sucker for Delmar’s.” Okay, so maybe he was surveilling the shop. “Is that your usual?”

      You clutched the bag in your hand tighter. “What do you want?”

      “What do I want?” he blinked. “I need you to stop running around like some vigilante—”

      “It’s no different that what we did before!”

      “It is when you’re an unsupervised kid, running around with some freaky electricity powers, playing judge, jury, and executioner!”

      “I haven’t executed anybody! And don’t call me ‘kid’ when you let me go on Avenger’s missions—”

      “You wanna tell that to the two robbers in the ICU?”

      “They shot innocent people!”

      “So what, an eye for an eye? That’s not how the system works, (Y/N)!”

      “Since when did we care about the damn system?!”

      “Since we signed those accords!”

      “I didn’t sign them!” you retorted. “And I sure as hell won’t be now, because they’re a stupid and a waste of time! I’m not letting some politicians with an agenda to make themselves look good use me, and compromise what should be done for the good of others!”

      “That’s not the point of bringing you in!”

      You blinked and took a staggered step back. “So you were gonna turn me in,” you murmured. You would’ve never thought your own dad, even out of fear, would’ve turned you in to be imprisoned and tested like some lab rat.

      “No, (Y/N), I was going to relocate you so we could figure out—”

      Relocate me?!” you screeched. You could feel your fingertips tingling with a thousand molecular needles.

      “So we could help you!” Tony howled in desperation.

      “So locking me in a rubber room, that was supposed to somehow help me?” you squinted at him, not believing the shit coming out of his mouth. You clenched your fists. Nearby the street lamps flickered oh so slightly. “You’re supposed to care and nurture me, and tell me everything’s okay and help me deal with what’s happened! Not banish me to solitary confinement as if I’m some disease! Not have me poked and prodded and isolated from my life!”

      Your dad stepped towards you, but you kept the distance between you the same. “I didn’t want anyone getting hurt,” he solemnly explained. “I didn’t know what would hurt you or what would happen if certain things got too close to you—”

      “What like, like, a fucking lightbulb? You thought I couldn’t at least have some control?! I know I wasn’t supposed to have this shit done to me, but you could—”

      “Damn right it wasn’t supposed to happen, (Y/N)! You weren’t supposed to directly touch that thing!”

      “It was supposed to be simple; I didn’t think it’d turn me into a lightning bolt!”

      “I thought I raised you to have better judgement than to—”

      “Better judgement?!” you cried. “Is that what you were using when you pretty much imprisoned me?”

      “I didn’t know what would happen! How you would handle it!”

      You scoffed. “Well then you obviously don’t know me,” you seethed through clenched teeth. You turned away from your dad and stepped onto the ledge, holding out a hand behind you to stop him from advancing any further. “Thanks, dad. Really. I thought this conversation was going to go horrible but it wasn’t all that bad. At least now I know it’s not worth it to consider going back,” your placid voice dripped with sarcasm, betrayal, and anguish.

      “(Y/N),” Tony warned. You replied by drawing in all the energy from his suit. You felt every last spark fly from him to you. Mustering this new energy, you surged it within you. You tensed, feeling the pulsing become more frenzied, more excited, and that familiar heat spread through you. You concentrated a little harder, and heard a softer hum that sounded much farther away.

      You turned your head back to look at your dad one last time. “Bye, dad,” you sighed. You released the pent up stress, fear, and resentment in the form of white-hot electricity. Your body dissipated into a million tiny currents, rushing to that far away, soft hum as if it were a magnet.

      Once you had re-formed into a (somewhat) normal human being next to a dim street lamp, you were grateful to find that you had managed to reform with your clothes and your precious sandwich. The first few times you had used your new powers to ‘teleport’, it didn’t go as smoothly. You also noticed that transporting via — electricity? — was less painful this time. Maybe it was because the pain of the past four months overshadowed it.

      You walked over to a bus stop a few yards away and immediately crumpled onto it, plopping the bag next to you. Knowing you hadn’t traveled far, it wouldn’t take your dad long to find you. You were debating whether to rest up for a long jump, or just jump a few more short distances, when, for the second time that night, you were whisked off your feet.

      “Oh for FUCKS SAKE!” you yelled into the night.

      You relaxed, ready to let in the electricity again, but felt nothing. It was then you realized the familiarity of the comfy cotton hugging your cheek, the sturdy arms clutching your waist, and the soft scent of cookies and faint cologne. Your heart rate picked up again, and your stomach dropped even further.

      Once your feet felt a sturdy ground beneath them, the arm around you loosened, but didn’t drop.

      “Peter?” you breathed, barely audible.

      “Yeah.”

      You flung your arms around his torso, squeezing as hard as you could, and nestled your head on his shoulder. He wrapped his other arm around you, pulling you close, resting his head in the crook of your neck. As you took in his scent, you squeezed your hands into fists, to stop the tingling that was growing in your fingers. You concentrated on the even breaths you could feel warming your neck.  

      Warnings nagged at the back of your mind. Dad could’ve sent him. How’d he know where I was? Dad probably did send him.

      “Why are you here?” you mumbled into his shirt.

      “To make sure you’re ok,” he replied.

      “How’d you find me?”

      Peter didn’t answer right away. He knew where this would lead once he revealed it. After hearing what happened between you and Tony, he was afraid of what might happen between you two. But he couldn’t avoid the question.

      “Your dad—”

      Your arms went limp, and you stepped back from the embrace. You glanced up at his dark eyes that were full of relief and worry.  

      “Look,” he pleaded. “All he did was say that he found you at Delmar’s. I just went there then followed you.”

      You crossed your arms, frowning, “So you heard all of that?”

      “Only a little,” his head drooped.

      “Are they hearing this now?”

      “No,” he muttered. “This old thing doesn’t have coms,” he gestured to his old ensemble.

      You took a deep breath, “Look, I know you’re probably gonna try to convince me to come back and all that, so let me save you the effort.” It was your turn to lower your head, avoiding eye contact. “I’m not going back. Okay? I just… I just can’t. Especially after what I’ve done. I mean, I hate to admit it, but my dad had a point. I’ve taken it too far; not like I can’t control… this—” you gestured to yourself, “—but…” You walked over to an air condition unit and plopped down. Suddenly you remembered, “Shit, where’s my sandwich?!”

      Peter shuffled over and sat next to you. He fumbled with his mask. “So, what’re you gonna do then?” he whispered. “I mean, what about school? You know? What about Ned and Michelle? What about the team? What about m—” he suddenly halted his panicked ramble.

      “I dunno,” you furrowed your brows, shrugging. “I’ve lasted this long…” But you were wondering what would you do? You remembered how lonely you’d felt, how scared you’d been. You’d constantly have to hide and be on the run, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to live like that for the rest of your life.

      Peter took a deep breath and swiveled to face you. “Well, um, I know you’re really serious about not going back to the team and your dad and all that, and pretty much cutting yourself off, but… well… I’d hate for you to just be constantly running and hiding, you know? Not knowing whether you’ve been caught or not.”

      You cocked your head at him, “So?”

      “What if…” he began, “you maybe… I dunno. What if you just, kinda, lay low at my place for a while?” His voice rose a few octaves at that last word, his question full of sincerity but unsure. “I-I mean, May wouldn’t mind, like at all, I know that. And no one would know! I wouldn’t tell anyone, and neither would May…”

      You considered it for a moment. It all sounded so promising, but part of you was doubtful. That nagging voice in the back of your head, that voice you should’ve listened to four months ago. But it was quieter now. Maybe you should ignore it again. After all, what stakes were you facing now? Nothing but a friend to lose. Nothing much more to gain, either, but still…

      “Come on,” Peter begged. “At least until we figure something out, like what to do, who to talk to…?”

      Your eyebrows raised just a little, a little hopeful, “No one else would know?”

      “No one else,” Peter shook his head. “Simple.”

      You let go a breath you hadn’t realized you had been holding and gave in. You shifted your body completely to face Peter and pulled him into another tight embrace. His arms once again enveloped your torso, and you both nuzzled your heads on each other’s shoulders. “Alright,” you sighed. He pulled you closer and you did the same. You turned your head, your nose touching his neck. You whispered, smug, “But first, you owe me a sandwich.”

      STAR VS THE FORCES OF EVIL AU IDEA (HEAVY SPOILERS FOR BATTLE OF MEWNI)

      DUDE I JUST THOUGHT OF A REALLY GOOD IDEA FOR AN AU.

      Ok, ok, so we’ve got EVERYTHING canon up until Ludo has both Toffee and Star inside him, you know, this?

      What if, ok, and I know this isn’t technically supported and I’m not entirely how to work out the logistics, but imagine if… in this option… Toffee regenerates just like he did, coughing out Ludo… and just as promised, this time, he does keep Star alive. They’re not sure what he means, where is she?

      … She’s still inside Ludo

      But the magic well has split in half now that Toffee left the wand; the wand goo is now half golden and half Toffee, representing all the magic in the universe; it’s suddenly half and half; it’s up to Star.. and Ludo… technically, to overthrow Toffee’s control on that half of the magic.

      The AU now gives me a chance to mother hen all over Ludo, a story opportunity for both Ludo and Star, and keeping Toffee as the main villain;  the AU has a purpose. Fix the magic and end Toffee.

      But mostly, it’d be shenanigans.

      Star is only able to keep control of the body half of the time, and under the general realization that Ludo is suddenly, by proxy, being made into the beloved Prince(ss) of Mewni who everyone has to deal with because half of him is their beloved Princess Star Butterfly… he’s ok with this! He has adoring subjects now! And a wand-partner! And magic lessons! And a mother and father figure!

      (Moon is a mothering type, River is VERY CONFUSED by this development and is trying his very best but WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!?)

      Star can stay in charge for a day, more if she stays dormant for a while, but she’s found Glossaryck in the goo, and built herself a weird magical goo hut type thing (her words) so she’s going to work with this, because it’s better than being dead! Star is the MASTER of looking on the bright side of life.

      Marco does not know what he’s going to do now with his best friend (and the girl who has a crush on him and he has confusing feelings for) who is now the monster he’s been fighting for like a year, and soon after a month they figure out what’s going on, because Toffee no longer has the wand in him, he doesn’t have the power, along with how he’s on Mewni, now it’s safer back on Earth. 

      So it ends up with Star back in school and since she’s only able to come out every day, and Ludo never got a formal education, what the hell, they can’t reject Star from the school; they kept Ms. Skullnick and she’s literally a troll. Along with another trunk of gold and suddenly now everyone’s dealing with Ludo in school.

      Brittney and Ludo become BFFs again (in reference to ‘Brittney’s Party’) and Starfan13 starts dressing in corn bags (must always look the part) and Ludo attaches onto her too.

      And then you add in the Diaz’s, who are 1000% chill, they’re ok with this, it’s cool, they have no problem with this. They’re legit almost incapable of being thrown off. It’s just ‘ok, Star is now the monster she fought who is also now Star’ and they’re ok once it’s been explained. Seriously, the Diaz’s are supernaturally chill I love them.

      Dennis finds his brother because the second he heard that his brother took over Butterfly Castle, he set out to find him, and refused to leave. Now that they’ve rebuilt Star’s extra home addition (which now has a side for Ludo), Dennis refuses to leave and now lives with Ludo, and so do Bird and Spider, who all follow Ludo/Star around everywhere they go like a little flock because Dennis doesn’t want to lose his big brother again and Bird and Spider are too attached to their master. Rafael and Angie are fine with this as long as Star is.

      Everything is super weird and they’re all dealing with it, Glossaryck possesses Ludo’s body to write down the spellbook and attend High Commission meetings (the wellsprings flow with Star’s magic, not Toffee’s). Life goes on in weird ways as slice of life continues awkwardly, sometimes Ludo wakes up in a pretty pink dress because Star forgot to get out of it before bed and he has to admit he looks good in it, but overall, everything’s… well, it’s different, but the same?… It’s definitely different. But not necessarily bad.

      Meanwhile, Toffee continues his plans for revenge, slinking in the background and waiting for the chance to strike, not sure why this didn’t turn out as he had planned for it to…




      no this AU isn’t just an excuse to let Ludo be happy and healthy and have a family, it’s totally a legit idea!… 

      But also Ludo gets a happy ending as a bonus

      PLEASE LET THIS BE A THING!!!!

      *posts Halloween fic in July*

      the installment of orange and grapefruit verse you’ve all been waiting for! where Cas – a human-harpy hybrid – finds out about Halloween, midterms happen, and Dean helps Cas celebrate Halloween to his best abilities. ~3.5k

      [AO3]

      They’re just about done with their groceries, and Dean is making sure they got everything they need, when Cas decides to stop in front of a mechanical ghoul doll that says step here. One of those things people put on their front lawns for Halloween.

      Cas reads the sign, and politely steps onto where it tells him to. The ghoul shrills ominously.

      Dean stops him from almost ripping the ghoul’s head off.

      Keep reading

      26-9-17

      Aries: What are you doing? That is not what that is intended for. Put it down.

      Taurus: If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, sounds like a duck…then it’s probably a flamingo. Don’t let those bastards fool you.

      Gemini:  If you are going to set fire to the world, use at least one glitter bomb at the start to make it a more festive occasion.

      Cancer: Despite what you think, chickens will not actively seek your demise unless you antagonize them. This does not only apply to Gallus gallus domesticus, though.

      Leo: Tiny wasps are still wasps.

      Virgo: Kitty Litter is Kitty Litter because it will someday contain the fecal litter of a kitty. Without it, it’s just clay/corn/sand and “Big Bag of Clay for Your Cat to Shit and/or Piss In” just doesn’t have the same advertisement value as a title. Learn from this.

      Libra: The time-space continuum is not for you. 

      Scorpio: Honesty is not the best policy when it comes to flamethrowers.

      Sagittarius: If you close your mouth for exactly 63 seconds and listen very, very closely you will hear the voice in the back of your head saying, “For the love of all things, please don’t eat the cheetos.”

      Capricorn: I don’t know where you came from, but I’m pretty sure its government was overthrown by sentient potatoes. Sorry.

      Aquarius: Good Things come in Small Packages. Unfortunately for you, so does sarcasm, a bad temper, and verbal diarrhea. Avoid everything small including humans.

      Pisces: Everything will eventually be alright. Eventually. Meaning you probably won’t live to see it, but there’s a certain comfort in that, too.

      #171 - For anonymous

      Filling the prompt “Can I request more "bad boy” Van? Leaving it more open and free to whatever you want to write about"

      Note: You may have noticed this at the top of the request list for a while. That is because I couldn’t work out how to fill the prompt without making Van an absolute fuck, like, in a proper way. I’m in the business of sunshine, people. So… Idk. This is probably more lighthearted and fun than you wanted, Anon, but I hope you’ll like it anyway! 


      The house was already trashed. Last time you checked the time it was only a quarter past midnight. It was a full moon though, so maybe people were infected with a little lunacy. Or, in the case of the group of guys sitting on the floor in the hallway, a lot of lunacy.

      There were five of them all up. There was Adam, who you worked with at the club on weekends. It was his party, and next to him was his housemate. His name was somewhere in the depths of your memory, but booze and time had laid a heavy mist over it. The other three guys were strangers.

      “You guys want some chips?” you asked, holding out a bag of corn chips.

      One of the strangers took the entire bag from your hands and started to eat from it, not even a thank you. He had a leather jacket on and messy brown hair.

      “Share,” the guy next to him said.

      “Y/N, that’s Van and Larry. This one’s Bondy,” Adam introduced.

      Larry and Bondy looked up from the ground and waved, saying hi. Van did not.

      “Can I have my chips back?” you asked him, swaying on the spot and leaning on the wall to stabilise yourself. Van looked up.

      “You said we could have them,”

      “Said I’d share,”

      “So, sit, eat,” he replied with a shrug.

      Keep reading