as long as we're talking about stiles as hale bait, can i just say that i've always wanted to find an au fic in which stiles finds out that he accidentally has dated/slept with like half the hale family? like he and derek meet and start dating and it's totally love and then derek takes him home and oh shit. there's his first highschool girlfriend who things ended awkwardly with aka cousin malia. who has her mom's last name since her parents never got married.
and then cora comes downstairs and oh hey cora! awesome. they dated for a bit in college but there wasn’t much of a spark so it only last a few months and then they actually became total bros. like he’s still really good friends with her? he probably should have made the connection between hale and hale, but he met cora at berkeley and she doesn’t talk about her family that much so it didn’t occur to him. still this is getting kind of weird? and then there’s “cousin” (packmate) erica who stiles
had a brief friends with benefits kind of thing with last year. no big, right? and then oh shit why does that older guy sitting next to derek’s parents and leering at him look so familiar? or right, he met him at a club one time when he was in between significant other’s and they hooked up in the bathroom. and apparently he’s the father of his first girlfriend. awwwkward. stiles has never felt so uncomfortable and confused in his life. why is this happening to him?
what is up with this family and him? is he some kind of hale-sexual or something? he’d been operating under the assumption that he was bi, but apparently all the people he’s ever been attracted to are part of this family. derek meanwhile has wrapped himself jealously around stiles and is glaring at everyone is his family including his parents (who honestly do not have any designs on their son’s boyfriend) and laura. who has not stopped laughing since they figured out what was going on.
I need to read a long fic on this!
Because at first Stiles is like, “Derek, are you punking me?”
And Derek is all, “What?”
“Are you punking me?” Stiles eyes grow wide. “Oh my god. Is this an intervention? Do I do something weird in bed and you all got together to tell me to stop it?”
“Do you do something weird in bed.” It’s not even a question. Derek has no idea what the fuck is going on at this point.
“Derek! These people are not your family.”
“They are,” Derek says.
“Oh. My. God.” Stiles is three shades paler than usual. “Derek, I have slept with all of these people.”
“What?” It’s Derek’s turn to go pale.
Stiles points them all out. “Malia, hi, haven’t see you since high school. Nice blonde girl from the bakery whose name escapes me now and I am so, so sorry, hello.” He swallows and his throat clicks. “Hot older dude from the club.”
“Peter,” the man says, extending his hand. He flashes a wicked smile. “Peter Hale. I’m Malia’s father.”
Derek bats his hand away and growls.
“Um, Cora, yep, really should have put that together, I guess,” Stiles says, raking his fingers through his hair. “Um, Isaac, right? From my political science class last year. And…” His jaw drops when Laura grins at him.
“Laura lives in New York,” Derek growls. “She literally lives in New York.”
“Second stall in the Terminal Three bathroom at LAX, right?” Laura asks, and gives Stiles the finger guns.
“Oh god,” Stiles says.
All in all, it’s one of Derek’s most interesting family dinners. Alan Deaton thinks it has something to do with their wolves being drawn to Stiles, in knowing that he’d be a good fit for the pack. Stiles is mortified, but Derek’s surprisingly okay with it.
He’s just glad that when his parents finally made it downstairs that Stiles didn’t recognise them too…
He takes quite a lot of comfort in that, actually.