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Kingsman Fanfic Rec List: 1

I’ve been spending a lot of time reading Kingsman fanfic because I am bored and obsessed, and I’d like to share a few of my favorite fics so far:

Merwin (Merlin/Gary “Eggsy” Unwin):

Please by Liarielle (tumblr is liarielle​)
euphoria by adecutegirlz
All Hail Scottish Jesus by violentcheese (tumblr is violentcheese​)
Summer Heat by Fabrisse
Routine by DictionaryWrites
Forgiveness and Permission by Anonymous
in sorrow to the harbor by syllogismos (+ the sequel: the ghost of a morning)
Show Don’t Tell by loved_ice (tumblr is loved-ice​)
Power and Control by loved_ice
Fallout by Whisper91
Enough For Now by GraphiteFox
Unprofessional by DictionaryWrites
A Lovely Afternoon by Fabrisse
Listening By Fabrisse
Baltimore by Fabrisse
5 Times Eggsy Wore Merlin’s Jumper by gaealynn
Corporal Punishment by Sexxica
Running Laps by sometimesilie (Serpentsign)
Murphy’s Cops Law #18 by Python07
A Wizard’s Touch (series) by lucelafonde
A Conversation (in your ear) by schweinsty
To Be a Boss by Andromeway (livin_on_borrowed_time)
To the Victor Go the Spoils by Mycroftergo
Desk Work by Andromeway (livin_on_borrowed_time)
Whispers as Loud as a Bang by anarchycox
Misunderstandings by Kaijuno (tumblr is kaijuno​)
Even the Strongest Will Always Break by liarielle

Cheggsy (Charlie Hesketh/Gary “Eggsy” Unwin):

All i care about is sex and violence by languageismymistress
Sway Me Smooth by BelaCinderella
Late Night Rivalry by BelaCinderella
Charlie’s problem by Lesatha

Kill Counts

These totals have been complied by counting the number of kills by each of the protags in solo missions (including Strangers and Freaks and character specific Random Events) and splitting the amount of kills made during play in missions with two or more active characters wherever the story/settings allows for variations on gameplay.

* = optional kills. ** = before switch is available. ~ = variable based on play style. °  = speculative.

Michael’s confirmed kill count is a minimum of  189 people.

  • Jay Norris (Friend Request)
  • At least 1 of the boat thieves (Father and Son)
  • 1 pathologist° and 21 IAA/security agents at the morgue (Dead Man Walking)
  • 4+ at the IAA building, plus 3 choppers, max 3 people in each (Three’s Company)
  • ~18+ cops/N.O.O.S.E (Blitz Play)
  • 1 alleged terrorist in Chumash (By the Book)
  • A minimum of 3 building workers (Mr. Richards)
  • Rocco Pelosi and Gianni (The Ballad of Rocco)
  • Pilot and passenger of plane (Caida Libre)
  • 2 O'Neil brothers (Predator)
  • 20+ IAA agents/scientists (Monkey Business)
  • 22 Triads (Bury The Hatchet)
  • **10 Triads (Fresh Meat)
  • **10 FIB agents at the Kortz Center (The Wrap Up)
  • 3+ Ballas (Lamar Down)
  • Molly Schultz (Legal Trouble)
  • 22 Merryweather agents (Meltdown)
  • Stretch and/or 10 Ballas (The Third Way)
  • Dr. Friedlander* (Abandonment Issues)
  • Abigail Mathers* (What Lies Beneath)
  • Tracey’s stalker* (Doting Dad)
  • 12+ Epsilon members* (Unknowing the Truth)

Trevor kills approximately a potential minimum of 426 people.

  • Cash depot guard (Prologue)
  • Johnny K and 24+ Bikers (Mr. Philips)
  • Ortega and 25+ Aztecas (Trevor Philips Industries)
  • 30+ Bikers (Nervous Ron)
  • 18+ O’Neil brothers (Crystal Maze)
  • 5+ bikers in (Friends Reunited)
  • ~8+ cops/N.O.O.S.E (Blitz Play)
  • 30 Ballas (Hood Safari) [if played solely as Trevor]
  • Javier - Madrazo’s Cousin (Caida Libre)
  • 10 Merryweather guards (Minor Turbulence)
  • 2 train drivers and 15 Merryweather (Derailed)
  • Floyd Hebert and Debra (Hang Ten)
  • Leon, the former owner of The Vanilla Unicorn (Hang Ten)
  • 45+ rednecks, 45+ Vagos, 50+ Ballas, 45 soldiers, & 30+ hipsters (Rampages)
  • At least 4 Merryweather (The Wrap Up)
  • Steve Haines (The Third Way)
  • Al Di Napoli* (The Last Act)
  • Joe and Josef from the border patrol* (Minute Man Blues)
  • Josh Bernstein* (Breach of Contract)
  • 11 Random Event characters who can potentially be delivered to the Altruist Cult
  • 15+ Altruist Cult Members*
  • 2+ unnamed victims in cut scenes

Franklin only racks up an approximate minimum of 231.

  • 14 gang members (Repossession)
  • At least 2 boat thieves (Father and Son)
  • 4 of Madrazo’s men (Marriage Counseling)
  • 25+ Ballas (The Long Stretch)
  • **6 IAA agents and one chopper (Three’s Company)
  • 28+ in Merryweather Heist (Freighter)
  • 18 in Merryweather Heist (Off Shore)
  • 30+ Ballas (Hood Safari) [if played solely as Franklin]
  • 2 guards, ~18+ cops/N.O.O.S.E (Blitz Play)
  • Brett Lowery (Hotel Assassination)
  • 4 jury members (Multi Target Assassination)
  • 2 in (Vice Assassination)
  • Issac Penny (Bus Assassination)
  • 13 guards and Enzo Bonelli (Construction Assassination)
  • 1 actress (Deep Inside)
  • 1 O’Neil (Predator)
  • **24+ Triads (Fresh Meat)
  • 8 agents (FIB Raid, fire crew
  • **10+ N.O.O.S.E (The Big Score, obvious approach)
  • 10+ Noose Agents, Wei Cheng and 8 Triads (The Third Way)
8

Chestnuts in DBS 16 Last part.

EIGHTEEN’S GENTLE SMILE AT THE END KILLS MEEEEE♥_____♥, SHE IS STERN YET GENTLE IN THIS SCENE AND IT’S FRIKKING AMAZING AND THIS IS MY FAVE EPPIE FOR OBVIOUS REASONS BY FAR!!!!♥♥♥♥

My thoughts on the PLL Summer finale.

“Summer of Answers” HAHAHA Summer of answers MY ASS.

First. Cece Drake is A. Is Charles Dilaurentis. Ok, I accept it. I liked her being A. It was unexpected by almost every PLL fan. So I liked to be a shocking reveal. But after that, EVERYTHING IS A MESS.

Before my thoughts, here you have the ages of the liars and Cece in the show.

The age gap between Alison and Cece is 7 years. So explain how this is Jason, Charles/Cece and Ali.

It’s IMPOSSIBLE. That girl can’t be 7 years younger that the kid in the middle. There’s only two possible things here: 1) That girl is Bethany or 2) The writers made a huge mistake.

When they found Bethany’s body, the cops said she was 18 when she died. So she was 18 in 2009. That’s a 3 years gap between her and Cece. Tell me how Bethany looks older than Charles/Cece in the flashbacks when she was younger. Another mistake, Marlene.

AND HERE GOES THE BIGGEST MISTAKE!!!

If the episode “The First Secret” Toby said his mother died in 2007. 2007!!
Cece was 19 and Bethany 17. THIS KIDS LOOK LIKE 19 AND 17??

So in the story Cece tells, Marion Cavanaugh died when she was a kid. Toby and Alison must had like 5-7, more or less. OKAY? SO EXPLAIN HOW MARION IS AT HER HOUSE WITH HER TEENAGER SON AND HIS TEENAGER FRIEND!

With that story I felt so dissapointed because I think the writers don’t pay attention to their own show.

Let’s move with the motive of Cece/Charles torturing the girls.

Cece really tortured them for three years because they were friends of Ali? Because the felt “”good”” when she was “dead”? Didn’t Cece see all the things the girls did to protect Ali from A, from her? The girls cared a lot about Ali when they found she was alive. They did everything to protect her and make her feel save enough to come back to Rosewood. It doesn’t make any sense.

Ok, she entered Radley when she was 8-9 (the baby Alison wasn’t more than 1 and half) and Cece said the next 7 years she was alone. So it makes an age of 15/16. Charles died at 16 so that makes sense. YAY.

Twelve. Alison had 5. This little girls is not 5. She looks like 7/8. 

____

C’mon Mona. You’re the smartest one, you knew you didn’t kill Alison because you were the one who helped her to fake her death. You’d must known you hit/killed another girl. Another mistake?

Sure he knew, then why he could sabotage Aria’s exhibition and why he showed up at Dilaurentis’ looking for Kenneth?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??
That was the thing that disappointed me the most. HOW SUCH IMPORTANT AND MYSTERIOUS CHARACTERS WE’VE BEEN THEORIZING ABOUT IS THE SAME FUCKING CHARACTER WE’VE SEEN IN 10 EPISODES AND HAS BEEN IN THE SHOWER 5 OF THEM AND FLIRTING WITH EMILY THE OTHER 5???? I’M SO MAD WITH THAT.

THANK YOU EMILY. THANK YOU. WE ARE ALL EMILY. 

C R Y I N G

MORE TEARS

WHAAAAAAAT??? SHE IS MARRIED??? OR SHE CHANGED HER LAST NAME?

WHAT WHO??? WHOS COMING??? OH ALISON YOU LOOK STUNNING BUT WHO’S AFTER YOU NOW???

WHY? WHAT’S HAPPENING?? HANNA STUNNING TOO.

WHO’S HERE?? WHO?? HE??? DON’T YOU DARE TO LEAVE ME LIKE THAT UNTIL JANUARY FUCKING 2016.DON’T.

Ship Names

I was discussing this with my brother last night, but how come all the DBZ ship names are just the names of the characters mushed together (GoChi, Tiencha, Bulgeta, K/18, etc)? Why can’t we have dumb punny ship names like the Pokemon and TF2 fandoms do? I DEMAND GOOFY SHIP NAMES FOR ALL MY FANDOMS.

Therefore I recommend:

  • Science and Slaughter (Bulma/Vegeta)
  • Devil’s Rice (Gohan/Videl)
  • Robo-Cop (Krillin/18)

I can’t think of any others but feel free to add

18 year old black girl threatens to kill people, has a knife, refuses to leave, threatens more people, resists arrest. Gets arrested by FORCE: = Cops are racist


Yeah okay, you people need to fucking get off this planet.
Yes this force happens to everyone who resists arrest and is violent the only reason you see this more is because people only care if it’s a black person. To try and make an issue where there isn’t one. You wanna get stabbed because the police didn’t arrest this girl? or anyone else for that matter? Be thankful towards police, most of them are fine fucking people.

100 People, and in some cases Things, that would make a better President than Donald Trump

1. Me
2. Beyoncé
3. Beyoncé’s 3 year old child Blue Ivy
4. Franklin Roosevelt
5. Abraham Lincoln
6. George Washington
7. Nicki Minaj
8. Nicki Minaj’s butt
9. Chris Pratt
10. Fetty Wap
11. Mariah Carey
12. Velma from Scooby Doo
13. Daphne from Scooby Doo
14. Scooby Doo
15. Ariana Grande
16. Ariana Grande’s hair extensions
17. Paul Blart: Mall Cop
18. A jar of mayonnaise
19. The cast of Empire
20. The cast of SpongeBob SquarePants
21. Mr. Rogers
22. Big Bird
23. Mickey Mouse
24. Elmo
25. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich
26. A toothbrush
27. A spoon
28. Ellen Degeneres
29. Bill Nye the Science Guy
30. Myself & I
31. You, probably, depending on who you are
32. Steven Spielberg
33. Harrison Ford
34. Han Solo
35. Princess Leia
36. Batman
37. Superman
38. Wonder Woman
39. Mr. Incredible
40. Mrs. Incredible
41. Jimmy Fallon
42. Jimmy Kimmel
43. Jimmy Neutron
44. Carl from Jimmy Neutron
45. Shaquille O'Neal
46. Michael Jordan
47. The movie Space Jam
48. Bugs Bunny
49. Daffy Duck
50. The number 50
51. A Mexican American, including but not limited to:
52. George Lopez,
53. Ricardo Montalbán,
54. Eva Longoria,
55. or Salma Hayek
56. Will Ferrell
57. Steve Carell
58. Amy Poehler with auburn hair
59. Amy Poehler with blonde hair
60. Sir Mix-a-Lot
61. Will Smith
62. Jaden Smith
63. Willow Smith
64. the song Whip My Hair by Willow Smith
65. The entire population of the state of Hawaii
66. Marty McFly
67. A doorstop
68. James Bond
69. A wax figure of Gwen Stefani
70. Tupac
71. 2pac
72. Shakira
73. A high-heeled shoe
74. A martini
75. Miranda Cosgrove
76. Josh Peck
77. the song We Belong Together by Mariah Carey
78. Beyoncé saying “Onika” in the Flawless Remix
79. Dory from Finding Nemo
80. Meryl Streep
81. Jodie Foster
82. Jennifer Lawrence
83. Bianca Del Rio
84. Leonardo DiCaprio
85. An Academy Award Statuette
86. Adele
87. Roman Zolanski
88. The Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show Performance
89. A soup ladle
90. A pair of Crocs
91. Nicki Minaj’s verse in Monster by Kanye West
92. Cher
93. A trash can
94. Moderate to severe plaque psoriasis
95. A minivan
96. The Abominable Snowman
97. Adam & Eve
98. Adam & Steve
99. Michelle Obama
100. Bernie Sanders

  • Pyro: we should watch The Room as well as Mall Cop
  • Cuteosgay: this is on the record now.
  • Cuteosgay: you can't back out of this
  • Pyro: I somehow feel I have signed up to something I was not prepared for
  • Cuteosgay: THE CONTRACT IS SEALED