coolest name

i remember when i was like ten years old or so i made up a fantasy character called Garlios and i thought it was the coolest name ever and my dad told me that if you spelled it backwards his name was Soilrag and i felt like my entire life had been ruined

sweet flips fanfic
  • carey: when we get married you can keep your last name if you want babe idc
  • killian: that's really nice of you and i love that you respect my right to choose in this situation but also i literally cannot wait to be named killian fangbattle. is that not objectively the coolest name ever
  • carey: it's great i just don't want you to feel-
  • killian: babe. KILLIAN FANGBATTLE
  • carey: you're right that is cool

feel free to adjust sentences to make it fit your muse better!

  • ❛ Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… me! ❜
  • ❛ I had another Liam Neeson nightmare. I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn’t having it. ❜
  • ❛ You’re probably thinking, “Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie”? ❜
  • ❛ You guys going for a bite? Early bird special? ❜
  • ❛ Fuck, you’re old. ❜
  • ❛ Fake laugh. Hiding real pain. Go get Silver Balls. ❜
  • ❛ What the shit? That’s the coolest name ever! ❜
  • ❛ Now, I’m about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90s. ❜
  • ❛ A fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break? That’s like, sixteen walls. ❜
  • ❛ My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie but that guy in the suit just turned that other guy into a fucking kabab! ❜
  • ❛ Well, I may be super, but I’m no hero. ❜
  • ❛ But some of the best love stories start with a murder. ❜
  • ❛ Looks aren’t everything. ❜
  • ❛ Hashtag drive-by. ❜
  • ❛ Ugh, stupid, stupid. Worth it! ❜
  • ❛ That’s right! You’re about to be killed by a zamboni! ❜
  • ❛ Tell me where your fucking boss is or you’re going to die! In five minutes! ❜
  • ❛ I should’ve come and found you sooner, but the guy under this mask, he ain’t the same one that you remember. ❜
  • ❛ After a brief adjustment period and a bunch of drinks, it’s a face… I’d be happy to sit on. ❜
  • ❛ Time to make the chimi-fuckin’-changas. ❜
  • ❛ Oh, I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex. ❜
  • ❛ Whatever they did to me made me totally indestructible… and completely unfuckable. ❜
  • ❛ Star in your own horror films. Because you look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah. ❜
  • ❛ Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief commercial-like breaks of happiness. ❜
  • ❛ Finish fucking her the fuck up. ❜
  • ❛ Suck a cock. ❜
  • ❛ This guy’s got the right idea. he wore the brown pants. ❜
  • ❛ I’d go with you, but… I don’t want to. ❜
  • ❛ I’ve never said this to anyone before, but don’t swallow! ❜
  • ❛ Your right leg is Thanksgiving and your left leg is Christmas. Can I come and visit you between the holidays? ❜
  • ❛ Maximum effort. ❜
  • ❛ I didn’t just get the cure to el cancer, I got the cure to el everything. ❜
  • ❛ Ahhhh. I’m touching myself tonight. ❜
  • ❛ Ahhh! Your poor wife! ❜
  • ❛ Wanna get fucked up? ❜
  • ❛ Daddy needs to express some rage. ❜
  • ❛ Shit. Did I leave the stove on? ❜
  • ❛ Well I hate to break it to you, but your forty-eight minutes are up. ❜
  • ❛ Right up Main Street. ❜
  • ❛ Have you decided what you’re gonna say to her? ❜
  • ❛ I bet it’s going to feel really big in that hand later… ❜
  • ❛ This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers. ❜
  • ❛ Why such a douche this morning? ❜
  • ❛ Have you seen this man? ❜
In second grade they had one of those in classroom toilets so if you farted people could hear you

I once sat in the bathroom for like thirty minutes and I guess the teacher figured out that I was reading a book in there cuz she banged on the door and forced me to come out.

She called me “princess” and let me tell you something.

I’ve always had a problem with female pronouns and names.

I got really pissed.

She then said “one day when you’re wrinkled you’ll appreciate not having to spend thirty minutes on the toilet.”

And I just blurted out “I won’t be wrinkled, I’m not white like you.”

Anyway that’s the story of how I met the vice principal and she became my hero cuz she laughed her ass off.


Because i keep making my friends like the bruins so i made this for @mattmartln.

Left out:

  • Jimmy hayes - i don’t care about him he has no importance
  • Joe Morrow - honestly who???
  • Peter Cehlarik - i know he exists but !! i have like a 25 game minimum on this thing
  • the other rookies - listen rob o’gara has the coolest name i know but the 25 game minimum thing applies to like every rookie i didn’t talk about
  • JML - this was a total mistake and i feel bad i’m sorry @ JML

seriously no nerds allowed


. Neon City Nights .

Driving through the neon night lights of the city with some drunk loser on the backseat passed out with his cigarette in his mouth. Just cab driver things. 

Okay I just love neon stuff tho it hard.

anonymous asked:

michael x reader maybe?

who hogs the duvet: Y/N. Michael is just always warm, so he doesn’t mind.

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: Michael, and he usually does it in the form of really dumb yet cute memes.

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: Y/N (but she usually gets help from Jeremy shush)    

who gets up first in the morning: Michael. He doesn’t get out of bed, but he does get up first. He kinda just lays there, looking over at Y/N and smiling. 

who suggests new things in bed: Michael. He knows about a LOOOT of things, and likes to test them out every now and then with Y/N

who cries at movies: Both of them. They both sob in practically every movie they watch. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 was particularly heartbreaking.

who gives unprompted massages: Michael. Y/N gets super stressed from the work for her double degree, so Michael makes it his aim to surprise her with massages. It works.

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: Y/N. It’s rare that Michael gets sick, but when he does Y/N hardly leaves him alone. (He loves it)

who gets jealous easiest: Y/N, surprisingly. If someone so much as looks at Michael with more than friendly intent, Y/N zooms over to Michael and just latches onto him, and doesn’t leave until the other person is gone.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: Michael, all the way. This boy loves not only Bob Marley, but also Mariah Carey, and for some reason, the Jonas Brothers. Y/N never lets him live it down.

who collects something unusual: Y/N. She loves buying those giant movie posters from the cinemas. Michael has no clue why, but he lets her buy them happily.

who takes the longest to get ready: Y/N. Michael sometimes just randomly joins her in the shower bc he knows if he doesn’t, he won’t get a shower.

who is the most tidy and organised: Michael. Alas, his girlfriend is the opposite of tidy and organised, and it kills Michael.

who gets most excited about the holidays: They’re both excitable puppies when it comes to the holidays. They go all out for Halloween. A small child once cried when she saw their house and costumes.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: They switch it up, bc Michael is so soft and constantly warm, but he also really loves being held by Y/N. 

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: Michael. Playing any kind of game with him is a gamble, bc he can get so violent my God.

who starts the most arguments: Michael, but they’re mostly really dumb arguments when he’s hella stoned.

who suggests that they buy a pet: Y/N. She wants a dog, but Michael is allergic, so they buy a parrot instead. They teach it to talk, and it’s the coolest thing. It’s name is Zelda.

what couple traditions they have: They have an annual Mario Kart competition, with Jake and Rich, Brooke and Chloe, and Jeremy and Christine. Jenna is invited as well. They also see whatever Marvel movie is out on their birthday (if there’s no Marvel, they settle for DC).

what tv shows they watch together: I feel like they watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette to poke fun at just how wild it is (Michael actually gets really invested in it after a few episodes).

what other couple they hang out with: Jeremy and Christine. Obviously Jeremy is Michael’s best friend, and they love going on double dates with their beautiful girlfriends. (Y/N and Christine just exchange funny stories about the boys the entire time).

how they spend time together as a couple: They absolutely adore just lying down on the couch and cuddling up together, before chatting about their day (bc Y/N is at college a lot, and Michael works, they don’t really get to see each other all day)

who made the first move: Michael, and he did it with this absolutely adorable video game themed Prom-posal. Y/N said yes immediately.

who brings flowers home: Y/N. She just leaves them on the table in a vase, knowing that Michael gets home before her and will find them.

who is the best cook: Y/N usually cooks dinners. However, Michael is an incredible baker. (He took it up when he was high one time, and actually really enjoyed it.)

damien bloodmarch has the coolest name ever and is my dream daddy. i love my victorian goth vampire boyfriend a whole lot. i support his taxidermy hobby, will hold his hand during every scary movie, will find the best floral arrangements to show my love and gratitude, help him out with the good ol’ rebellious lucien, go to lots of cemetery strolls with him, and get some sicc victorian outfits to match with him when we go out on the town