A/N: FINALLY posting something. This is based off a recent even that happened in my life and I kinda needed to write it all down…let me know what you think! Especially since I haven’t written in forever!
Dean x Reader, Sam, Jody, Claire
Word Count: 1000+
Warnings: Angst, Swearing
The two of you had avoided each other for weeks.
What went from hurtful words spewed at you in the heat of
the moment, to you needing time, which then eventually led to the art of stonewalling
that the two of you perfected in. And now here you were with this awful knot in
your throat, your mind curled in on itself, two hands firmly holding the
steering wheel, driving in the middle of buttfuck nowhere. You couldn’t even
remember what the two of you had been arguing about in the first place, but the
overwhelming sense of not being of any use to him, of being an inconvenience, a
liability, was enough to have you putting as much distance as you possibly
could from Lebanon, Kansas.
Warnings: Cursing, mentions of death/murder, mentions of alcohol (extremely vague, but there), vague description of vomit
A/N: alright i tried (this is all based on this post for those in the general tag list that haven’t been here for all of this…mess). i know this probably isn’t really that good because all i know how to write is fluff, but hey. it’s here, whether it’s worth it or not! this will have at least another part, possibly two more.
“You really think
buying a house right across the street from
a fucking cemetery was a good idea,
Thomas rolled his
eyes and gave a laugh, crossing his arms.
“What’s wrong with it?” he asked, shrugging his shoulders. “You really think my house is gonna be
Joan sighed at the teasing
tone, pinching the bridge of their nose. “Whatever,
it’s your funeral.”
Hiya! How would lucio, hanzo, and mcree to finding out their s/o is pregnant? (They didn't say anything, but they're showing some pretty big signs of it).
Lucio gave a hum as he watched you, tilting his head slightly as he looked at your stomach. He scooted over and you rested on his chest, his hand subtly sneaking to feel your stomach.
“Man,” you said, leaning your head on his warm chest, “I feel really sick.”
“Did you see a doctor?” he asked and you shook your head.
“Do you think I should?” you asked and he pressed a kiss to your cheek.
“I can come with,” he said, noticing your stomach was sticking out slightly but he didn’t want to raise his hopes.
“Would you?” you said, smiling up at him and pressed a kiss to your forehead.
His dragons were agitated, sensing a change within you and getting protective. He had to stop them from leaving just to curl around you several times in the last week and he’s pretty sure he knew what happened. He wasn’t sure what to think about being a father, however.
You seemed unaware blaming the sickness on bad food or maybe the flu. He crouched to the floor as you vomited into the toilet, rubbing your back. You murmured your thanks as you rested your head against the cool toilet seat.
“Perhaps it is not an illness,” he suggested and you looked up at him.
“What?” you said, curling up into his chest and he pressed a kiss to your sweaty forehead, “you don’t think that I’m..”
You stared forward as you realised that you were indeed pregnant and Hanzo looked at you with amusement, continuing to rub your back.
You were just achy and irritable, having snapped at him earlier and then burst into tears as you feared he would leave him. McCree just pulled you close and you curled up into his chest, hiccuping as he rubbed your back.
He later asked if it was your time of the month, and you shook your head though it was late this time. The idea popped into his head and he tilted his head as he looked at you, crouching to peer at your stomach.
He rested his hand against your tummy and you peered down at him, raising an eyebrow.
“Doesn’t it seem bigger?” he murmured and you felt the urge to smack him.
“Are you calling me fat?” he shook his head and he murmured under his breath while stroking your stomach.
“Maybe you should take a pregnancy test,” he suggested and you froze, realising what he was saying.
Warnings: hella angst, mentions of depression, swearing
A/N: I’ve been in a bad headspace the past few days and I hoped writing would help (it did a little) ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
You’d been on the Enterprise too long now, and you were starting to feel it weighing you down despite the lightness of the artificial gravity. You had hoped your last shore leave would help center you again, but you took it in Yorktown, and the fake sun did little to warm the chill that seemed permanently settled in your bones. Where you used to marvel at the advancement of technology, you shunned it now, wishing more than anything to feel the old Earth’s sun on your face and its grass between your toes.
Everyone told you you were lucky to be stationed on the Enterprise - especially for a five year mission. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Something that has never been attempted before in Starfleet history. You were a part of something bigger now, and you weren’t sure you wanted to be. You missed your friends, your family. You missed so much.
Feyre’s head was throbbing like there was still loud music playing nearby. Her head felt so disconnected from her body she wondered if it was even still attached to her. That was until she tried moving an arm to cover her face from the faint light of morning and found that she was stiff and sore.
Feyre could have lied down, tucked into warm, clean sheets all morning if her mouth wasn’t as dry as a desert, and her tongue as rough as sandpaper.
Her hand blindly reached out searching for her bedside table where she normally kept a glass of water, and instead hit something soft and fleshy, and very much alive.
Feyre yelped and jolted upright. She relaxed when she saw Rhysand sprawled across her mattress, mouth open and eyes shut, clearly dreaming.
He was still fully clothed and had half kicked off the blanket he had taken from the end of her bed.
Feyre registered she was wearing a baggy, oversized t-shirt that was definitely not her own.
When Feyre tried to remember the bar last night, all that came up was her and Rhys playing their game with Amren, and Nesta beating Cassian at drinking. Much of whatever happened afterwards was a blur.
A rising sense of nausea and a sickly heat had Feyre scrambling from the bed and running to the bathroom as her stomach punished her for all the alcohol she had consumed.
Feyre sat huddled over the toilet bowl as her sweat slicked hands gripped the bowl until her vomiting subsided.
She thought she had been quiet until a soft padding of footsteps told her otherwise. A warm hand pulled back her hair while the other rubbed her back and shoulders soothingly.
“Morning.” Rhys said sleepily, while quickly planting a kiss on the top of Feyre’s head.
Feyre groaned back in response which made Rhys chuckle.
“If it’s any consolation, I think Cassian is having an even worse time than you.” Rhys laughed.
Cassian’s room was near Feyre’s and they shared the same bathroom wall, which meant that Cassian could probably hear her throwing up right now, if Cassian was even conscious.
Feyre wiped her face with some toilet paper that Rhys handed her.
“You did this to me.” Feyre said groaning, as she rested her forehead on the cool outside of the toilet bowl.
“I never did anything to you, this is your own fault.”
Feyre went silent before asking, “Did you change me?”
“As fun as that would have been, no. You insisted you could do it yourself and I had to leave the room. It took you three times to finally get it on the right way, and not inside out.”
“Is this your shirt?” Feyre asked, eyeing the gray material.
“Maybe.” Rhys shrugged.
“You asked to wear it, and I obviously didn’t mind.” Rhys said, glancing down at her exposed legs.
Feyre groaned at how embarrassing her drunk self was. “Sorry, I guess I must have been a handful last night, huh?”
Rhys just smiled at her softly, “It’s repayment, for you looking after me the other night and making sure I didn’t do anything stupid.”
“Did I do anything else… stupid?”
“You were fine. Perfectly well behaved.”
“Really?” Feyre asked surprised.
“No.” Rhys laughed. “When I got you home you refused to go to bed until I’d made you pancakes. You then dropped the entire bag of flour and decided to paint with it. You also kept touching my hair and saying how much you liked it.”
Feyre curled into a small ball on the floor and hid her face from Rhys. “You can just kill me now. It’s okay I’m ready.”
Rhys instead pulled her to her feet and convinced her to go to the kitchen and try to eat some food.
In the kitchen Feyre was surprised and a little afraid to see Amren and Nesta sitting together and talking easily.
Amren offered them a small wave when they entered but otherwise ignored them for her conversation. Nesta however, looked up and locked eyes with Feyre before her eyes flitted to the shirt she was wearing and how it was so obviously not her own.
Feyre tugged at the hum of the shirt self consciously and wished that she had changed into something else before coming down but it was too late now.
“How’s Cassian?” Rhys asked.
“He wakes from a coma long enough to hurl his guts up before slipping back under.” Nesta grinned at them.
“I’m glad someone taught him a lesson for once.” Amren muttered.
“Maybe I should go ask if he wants a coffee or something?” Feyre asked.
Behind the counter, and out of view of Nesta and Amren, Rhys wrapped an arm around Feyre’s waist and tugged her closer.
“He’ll be fine, he just needs to sleep it off.” Rhys said into her ear.
Feyre blushed as she felt Nesta’s eyes lock on them again.
“What happened to you two last night?” Nesta asked suspiciously.
Amren cut a glare at the two of them. “Well I know what they were doing before they disappeared.”
“No hard feelings Amren?” Rhys said winking, which Amren pointedly ignored.
“I didn’t see you leaving the club.” Nesta tried again.
“That’s because you were too busy drinking flammable liquids.” Feyre quipped back.
“Feyre was a bit tipsy so I brought her back home to sleep.” Rhys added when Nesta looked like she would question further.
“I suppose she also doesn’t own her own pyjamas, so you brought her some of yours too?” Nesta asked with a sardonic grin.
At that Rhys sputtered and Nesta turned to Amren who grinned back at her.
“Are Mor and Az home?” Feyre asked quickly.
“Yeah, they came back just before dawn.” Amren answered.
Just then a news report came on the television that had everyone racing to get closer.
A headline was flashing across the screen as well as a photo of Tamlin which read, “Tamlin claims abuse rumours made up”.
“This ought to be good.” Amren rolled her eyes.
Feyre’s eyes were glued to the screen as Tamlin appeared on camera being interviewed by a reporter.
“Were you and Feyre in a relationship?” The reporter asked.
“Yes, we’d been together for several months.” Was Tamlin’s monotone response.
“And did you attack her?”
“Absolutely not. I loved her.” Tamlin’s response was adamant.
“Then why would she spread these accusations?” The reporter pushed.
“Because she was using me for my money. I was supporting her family who lived in another town and I recently stopped, she must have gotten mad and decided to get revenge.”
Feyre’s blood was boiling as she witnessed Tamlin lying on national television. She reached out to take Rhys’s hand for support which he squeezed back.
“She also mentioned that you were backing a deal which could potentially destroy a whole community?” The reporter asked.
“That’s ridiculous, why would I take part in anything like that knowingly?”
Feyre was disgusted and made to turn off the tv when it switched to footage captured on a cell phone of her and Rhys leaving Rita’s. She watched in horror as she was clearly drunk and unable to walk, with Rhys swinging her into his arms before they disappeared from view.
A voice over from a reporter cut in, “Clearly Feyre Archeron attracts the attention of very wealthy and influential men, seen here leaving a night club last night with Rhysand. Can we really trust her word?”
“What just happened?” Feyre asked in shock when a new segment started.
Amren quickly shut off the tv, leaving them in silence.
“He’ll pay for this.” Rhys growled, still staring at the tv as if he could see Tamlin.
“No. Getting into another fight isn’t going to help anyone.” Feyre said rubbing her temples.
Quick footsteps from the hallway alerted them to Mor and Azriel entering.
“We just saw the news!” Mor said horrified. “Feyre I’m so sorry this has happened.”
“It’s fine. We knew this could happen.” Feyre said trying to remain calm, but her voice broke on the word fine.
“We just need to discredit him further.” Azriel suggested.
“Yeah, find someone, a witness maybe?” Mor agreed.
Feyre listened to them all argue it out while she retreated into her own thoughts. The reporters didn’t have to use the words that everyone would now associate her with. Gold digger. Man eater. Slut.
She sat down on the couch and stared numbly at the ground trying to sort out how she felt.
Rhys continued to talk to the others, shooting her worried glances, but giving her some space to think.
When the doorbell rang everyone jumped.
“I’ll get it.” Azriel said.
They all listened quietly as Azriel answered the door. He spoke so quietly that Feyre couldn’t hear what he was saying but she thought she heard him dangerously growl “Get out”.
Eventually two sets of footsteps echoed down the hallway and Azriel reappeared looking angry but wary.
When Azriel stepped out of the way Feyre saw why. Standing behind him was Hybern.
Rhys was immediately in front of Hybern, standing face to face with him as he did everything but outright snarl and bare his teeth.
“You are not welcome here.” Rhys said growling.
Hybern simply smiled slowly. “How nice it is to see you again Rhysand. Shame about your house, but I am actually not here to see you.” Then Hybern turned his dark eyes to look directly at Feyre.
Rhys noticed the look and took an impossible step closer to Hybern, practically nose to nose.
“Leave her out of this.” He said dangerously.
“I just want to talk to the lovely Feyre.” Hybern smiled sweetly.
The compliment only angered Rhys further who looked like he was one word away from throwing a punch.
“Rhys it’s okay. I want to hear what he has to say.” Feyre interrupted.
Rhys whipped his head to look at Feyre and the moment he saw her, his eyes softened and he stiffly nodded, moving away to stand back by her side.
“Impressive.” Hybern whistled. “Do you know how many years I have tried to train that mutt?”
“It isn’t too late for me throw you out of here. Say whatever it is that you want, and then leave.” Rhys warned.
Hybern held up two hands in surrender. “Alright. I simply wanted to ask Feyre to drop her ridiculous allegations.”
Amren scoffed. “And why would she do that?”
“Because I asked her very nicely.” Hybern smiled sweetly at Feyre, but Feyre could see the rottenness underneath, and the threat that was thinly veiled.
“…And if I don’t?” Feyre challenged.
“Well. I’d lose a lot of money if Tamlin was unable to fulfil his part of our deal due to… unforeseen circumstances. It would be quite terrible for my staff. Some you may even know.” At this, Hybern smiled wickedly and Feyre had an uneasy feeling in her gut.
“Either tell us what you mean, or get out.” Rhys snarled.
“Manners Rhysand. I know your mother taught you, what would she say if she could see you now?” Hybern taunted, and it broke Feyre’s heart to see Rhys’s composure break a little.
“Enough. Tell me whatever it is you came here to do or I’ll call the police.” Feyre asked angrily.
Hybern sighed dramatically. “If you kept a closer eye on your own family members Feyre, you would already know.”
Feyre’s heart plummeted. She glanced at Nesta confused. Nesta had her brow furrowed and looked like she was furiously trying to solve something.
“Just tell me already!” Feyre practically shouted.
“Tamlin was so very kind to give me some details when I mentioned I needed a new receptionist. Elain is a very diligent worker.” Hybern bragged.
Feyre started shaking in anger but it was Nesta who spoke to Hybern.
“If you hurt her-”
“I would never hurt an innocent girl. Neither would any of my business partners. But, as I said, bad things happen when I lose money. So many workers lost.” Hybern said sadly, and turned on his heel to stride back out the front door.
Under the Weather (a Leonard McCoy x Reader fanfiction)
Ok, this fic originally started off as a joke but then turned kind of serious and fluffy. Idk I don’t make these stories up, lol. Anyway, here’s a sweet ill!reader x Bones fanfiction.
Word count: 2787 Rating: teen Warnings: swearing (mostly Bones) and like one f- bomb, sick reader
**NOTE: Re-uploading this because I realized after taking it down that I wanted this to be on my feed, I am proud of any writing that I do regardless of what others opinions are. But I did make a few edits. Mostly the same, however. Just ignore my drama kids, and enjoy the story!
based on a number of conversations with the ever so lovely @rocketdocket. this fic is based on my own personal experience with antidepressants and is by no means true for all people who take medication for mental health issues.
PACKAGE LEAFLET: INFORMATION FOR THE USER
Citalopram 20 mg and 40 mg tablets
What Citalopram is and what it is used for:
Citalopram belongs to the group of so-called SSRIs (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors) and is used to treat depressive illnesses (episodes of major depression). People who are depressed have lower levels of the substance serotonin in their brain than others. Citalopram may help by increasing the levels of serotonin.
‘It’s been almost an hour,’ Aaron says, slumping back on the sofa and crossing his arms over his chest. A quiz show plays on the television in front of him. ‘Are you sure they got the order?’
‘Yes I’m sure,’ Robert says, settling down on the sofa, handing him a beer. He sits close to Aaron, their knees and elbows touching. It’s a casual closeness that Aaron wouldn’t have believe to be possible a year or so ago.
‘Well where are they then?’ Aaron asks, tugging up the tab on his beer. It snaps off in his hand. ‘Well that’s just bloody brilliant and all.’ He gets up to fetch himself a fresh one.
‘There’s more in the fridge,’ Robert says, taking a sip of red wine from his glass. Aaron can’t understand why he likes that stuff. It tastes like watered-down vinegar. ‘And pass me my phone while you’re up, it’s in my jacket. I’ll give them a call, see where our curry has got to.’
‘What did your last slave die of?’ Aaron grumbles, but extracts himself from the sofa as instructed. He pads over to the dinner table taking Robert’s jacket from the back of one of the chairs and fumbling around in his pockets. When he pulls the phone out, a crumpled slip of green paper falls to the floor. Without thinking, Aaron crouches down to pick it up.
It’s a prescription. Aaron’s chest constricts.
‘What’s this?’ He says, barely managing to keep his tone casual.
Robert looks over his shoulder. When he sees Aaron holding the prescription his face hardens. He’s up from the sofa like a shot, rushing over to Aaron and snatching the paper from his hands. The motion is so sudden that Aaron actually takes a step back.
‘What the hell was that?’ Aaron asks, watching as Robert crumples up the prescription and shoves it into the pocket of his jeans.
‘Doesn’t seem like nothing. You practically tore my hand off trying to get it.’
Robert shakes his head, turning on his heal and heading for the staircase. He doesn’t shut Aaron down like this anymore. Not unless something is really wrong. Aaron’s vision clouds with tears as he watches his husband go.
‘Are you ill?’ Aaron asks, his voice cracking. Robert stops in his tracks, one hand rested on the bannister. He turns to face Aaron, who expects him to still be wearing that impenetrable mask he always wears at times like this, but he isn’t. His expression has softened.
‘I’m not ill,’ he says, turning to Aaron. He crosses his arms and uncrosses them again, like he’s unsure what to do with them. ‘Not exactly.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
Robert closes his eyes, his expression pinched. He sinks down onto the stairs, one hand massaging his forehead.
‘What’s wrong?’ Aaron demands, his voice far too loud now. Liv can probably hear him over the music that thuds through the floor above them, but in that moment, he can’t make the space in his head to worry about that. ‘What’s so bad that you can’t even tell me about it?’
‘They’re antidepressants,’ Robert says, his voice low and resigned. ‘Citalopram is an antidepressant. The doctor prescribed me it yesterday.’
‘Why?’ It feels like a stupid thing to say, but Aaron can’t help it. Robert has been in counselling for three months now, and he’s seemed okay. He has his moments, they both do, but nothing Aaron would have thought warranted meds.
Robert actually laughs at that. A gruff noise that is supposed to suffice for some kind of answer.
‘You don’t know why?’
‘Of course I know why,’ Robert snaps. His voice is quick and sharp like a slap across the face. ‘My counselor doesn’t know what’s wrong with me. She wants me to get a proper psych consult so she contacted my GP about it. He put me on the waiting list but it’s as long as a piece of string so he gave me the prescription to tide me over until then.’
Aaron feels himself relax slightly. It’s okay. Robert is okay. Well, okay as he always is, anyway. He’s not dying of some kind of terrible ailment that’s so horrific that he decided to keep it from him. This is fine. He’s fine.
‘I’m not going to take them, though.’
‘What? Why not?’ Aaron says, frowning.
‘Because they’re antidepressants. It makes this, y’know,’ Robert waves one of his hands in an abstract motion, ‘a thing.’
Aaron pinches the bridge of his nose.
‘You needn’t look so pissed off either,’ Robert says. ‘You probably wouldn’t take them either.’
‘Yes I would.’
‘No, you wouldn’t. You’re stubborn.’
‘Pot, kettle, black.’
Robert brings his feet up onto the bottom step and props his chin up on his hand. It’s only now that Aaron notices how tired he looks. He looks older, like something is draining his life force.
‘I don’t want any of this to be a thing,’ he says, staring at Aaron’s feet. ‘Like counselling is one thing, and that’s taken me long enough to get used to, but meds? Psych consults? I don’t know if I can do that. It’s too much.’
Aaron crouches down in front of his husband, taking one of his hands in both of his own. It’s cold and clammy, a sign that Robert is far more upset about this than he’s letting on.
‘I don’t know how I got to this point,’ Robert continues, unable to look Aaron in the eye. ‘I don’t know how I spiralled out of control to the point that I can’t trust my own mind anymore. It’s like I have this massive cut on my leg and I don’t remember how I got it but it’s getting all infected and disgusting and it hurts and no one can bear to look at it. That’s how my brain feels right now.’
Aaron takes a moment, running his thumb over the back of Robert’s hand and considering.
‘Would you let them give you antibiotics?’ he asks.
Robert pulls his hand back. ‘What do you mean?’
‘If you did have a big, gross, infected cut on your leg, would you let a doctor give you antibiotics?’
‘It’s not the same thing.’
‘How isn’t it the same thing?’
Robert covers his face with his hands and sighs. ‘It just isn’t.’
‘If you can’t think of reason that it’s different, then it probably isn’t different.’
‘People don’t think you’re crazy if you take antibiotics.’
‘For God’s sake,’ Aaron sighs, trying to fight down his frustration. ‘Who the hell cares? If it’s going to help you feel better than you do now, then who cares?’
‘What if it doesn’t help?’ Robert says, uncovering his face. He’s not crying, because when does Robert ever cry about anything? He just looks resigned. ‘Nothing seems to help.’
‘Then you can come off them again and try something else.’
Robert falls into a silence that is only broken a minute later when the doorbell rings. Aaron gets to his feet. He presses a kiss to his husband’s forehead, feeling relief wash over him when he leans into it.
‘That’ll be the curry, at last,’ he says, giving Robert a small smile, silently trying to convince him that they can carry on as normal in spite of this. ‘Just think about it. We can get your prescription filled first thing tomorrow, if you want. Or the next day. Or the day after that. Just think about it.’
Just a little something I wrote in the Seduce Me universe with a Hanahaki twist. NGL I cried writing this so, I hope you enjoy!
Seeing them smile, their arms around their wives, Mika felt the flowers press against her closed lips, the earthy taste mixed with bile. Forcing the petals back down, she faked a smile, pretending to listen to whatever story Erik’s wife was going on about at the moment. Her mind was an empty buzz, a defense mechanism she picked up when the flowers began to appear, just in case Damien was listening. But, of course, he wasn’t. None of them were.
Mika was an outsider now, trespassing upon the happiness of the five men she loved the most. They had loved her, once. But she wasn’t enough to hold their attention. Their love began to wane, as Diana had warned her, finding others to love and cherish. Mika faded to the background, becoming nothing more than an old friend that the boys owed so much to. She assumed that was the only reason she was even invited to these weekly dinners the brothers used to catch up with each other as they lived on in the human world. She had been to every wedding, every important party and event the brothers had, fading into the background so effortlessly that everyone began to forget she even went, recounting stories only to be interrupted with a pained “I was there, you know.”
Soon, it was too much, and Mika had to excuse herself to the bathroom for the fourth time that night, vomiting rose petals helplessly. She had long ago made up some excuse about a chronic illness that ran in her family, hoping to keep the boys from becoming too suspicious. It had worked better than she anticipated, causing ripples of pain across her chest. The petals seemed to never end this time, and Mika had no idea how long she stayed in the bathroom. She only knew the taste of unrequited love, and the stars that she could never reach. Eventually, lucidity left her, leaving her alone in the bathroom of James’ house as she leaned against the cool porcelain of the toilet. She couldn’t remember who she was at this point, or why she was crying. She just stayed there, eyes unfocused and wet, until the petals stopped. Even then, she didn’t move, covered in roses of all colors and sizes.
Voices filtered into her headspace, helping her to regain some semblance of who she was, though all she did was stare at the door helplessly, unable to move. It sounded like the wives, most likely Damien’s and Sam’s having come to the bathroom to gossip, or to fix something of their appearance, which was always flawless. A fear gripped Mika, suddenly worried about being discovered. She willed her body to move, to hide the flowers, but she had reached her limit. The doorknob turned, and her heart pounded in her chest as the door began to open. The more Mika struggled to move, the harder it was to stay awake. Black began to consume her vision as she heard gasps and a yell for the boys.
Mika woke in a bed, in a room to nice to be in a hospital. Her throat burned, and her chest ached, and all she wanted to do was cry.
“She’s awake.” A voice said from outside the door. She began to taste earth and bile, but it was weak and had no promise of blooming. The door opened, and her eyes unfocused momentarily. When the world came back into view, Mika could see five men stationed around the bed, and five women fretting about the doorway. Mika didn’t care to see the worry and pity on the men’s faces, but it was like she couldn’t look anywhere else. She coughed, and a wilted petal landed on her lap, gaining the attention of the boys.
“We’re sorry.” James’ low voice began, and Mika screwed her eyes shut.
“Don’t.” Her voice was raspy and pained, and the pain of her throat became secondary to the pain in her chest, her stomach, and her heart. “Just, don’t. I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” She said robotically, willing them away. This was a sick dream, and she would be awake soon, rid of the tormentors that haunted her every thought. Though her eyes were shut, she knew Damien winced at that, and a bitterness rose up in her, finding enjoyment that he felt some of her pain.
“This is no dream.” His soft voice reminded her, and her eyes only opened to glare at him.
“This is ridiculous!” Sam’s aggression flared up, not knowing how to handle such an emotionally charged situation. “You’re not fine. You are never going to be fine. Why didn’t you tell us about this?” He barked. Mika could see the panic in his eyes, betraying his rough actions.
“It didn’t seem important.” Mika said blandly, voice void of emotion. James’ expression became indecipherable.
“It didn’t seem important?” He growled, trying to restrain his anger. “Mika, you could die from this. If you hadn’t been found, you could have died. What about that isn’t important?”
The bile that creeped up Mika’s throat was not accompanied by the taste of earth, but by rage that had been brewing in her stomach for years.
“It wasn’t important enough to tell any of you.” She spat, pumping her voice with as much venom as she could muster, still consumed with pain. “None of you seemed to care much, even before I began to hide it.” She snarled, thoughts flashing behind her eyes at a rapid rate. Damien began to feel sick, seeing everything she thought.
“Mika, don’t take this out on us!” Sam snapped back. But that only fanned the flames, earning a masochistic laugh from Mika. Erik and Matthew remained silent, their expressions only of sorrow and regret.
“Then who do I take it out on, Sam? Myself? That hasn’t seemed to do me any good.” Mika refused to look at him, letting her gaze drop to the sheets that covered her. “Years, you assholes. It’s been YEARS.” She let out a broken sob, clenching her fists tightly. “And not once have any of you noticed something was wrong. Or that I even still existed! Inviting me to things is only muscle memory for you now, and as soon as I arrive I am forgotten.” Another small petal made its way past her lips. She wanted to still be angry, to yell more and tell them how much she had suffered, because of them, but she couldn’t. Mika deflated, leaning against the pillows that propped her up in defeat.
“Mika-” Matthew began, but she cut him off.
“Just leave. Please. Just go. I need to rest, and then I’ll be out of your hair.” She said, her voice hardly above a whisper. Sam went to argue, but Erik put a hand on his shoulder. You felt a pang of thankfulness towards the second oldest, but shoved it down, preferring to bask in numbness. James looked like he wanted to argue as well, but he left the room, and his brothers followed his example. Damien lingered at the door, and looked back at her, pain twisting his expression. It broke Mika to see him like that, to see his face reflecting her pain.
“Go.” Mika commanded, pointing to the door. “Just go.” Damien nodded and left as well, closing the door behind him.
“I don’t get why we’re supposed to be here.” Sam murmured to himself, fighting off tears of his own.
“Because we’re partly responsible for this.” James said, silent tears already streaming down his face as he stared ahead through the rain. The fact that it had rained on the day of a funeral was a slap in the face to the boys, like the world was mocking their sorrow. Damien and Matthew were the first to break down, sobbing as they kneeled at the base of the headstone, the mud and rain ruining their clothes. Erik kept a stony expression, not knowing how to process such intense grief.
“We owe her everything, and she’s gone.” Matthew wailed, his throat tight with words unspoken. Damien sobbed quietly, his emotions intensified by the feelings he could sense his brothers emitting. The guilt, the grief, the regrets they all had when it came to Mika.
It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair at all.
After a while, James closed his eyes and sighed. “Let’s go home.” He said softly, helping pick up his youngest brothers from the ground, exhausted from sobbing. Four of the boys began to walk away, but one lingered.
“Sam,” James’ even voice called out. “You coming?”
“Just a minute. I’ll catch up.” Sam replied, his voice thick and gruff. He placed a gentle hand on the beautiful headstone, tracing the inscription with his eyes. “Doofus.” He said gently, his tears mimicking the slowing rain.
“Sam.” James said again, with a little more force. Sam looked at the sad words once again, before running after his brothers.
Lately I haven’t been feeling well. At first I thought I was sick,you know the common cold. But lately I have been feeling worse, and more symptoms wold pop up,that wouldn’t match the symptoms of the common cold. Some of the symptoms that I have are: getting nauseous around food, throwing up(all the time), and feeling tired all the time. I haven’t told my boyfriend Josh yet cause I don’t want him to worry about me. He has enough on his plate to worry about. He’s been home for a while, cause him and his best friend, Tyler took a two week break from their tour. I have missed him so much while he was away. We weren’t married(yet), but we have been dating for two years now, which is a very long time. We have talked about having kids in the future but we both agreed we would wait until we were married. It was way too soon for us to have kids. I was pulled out of my thoughts by the front door opening.
“Hey baby, I’m home! Where are you?.” I heard Josh yell.
“Hey babe, I’m on the couch in the living room.” I answered him.
I could hear him putting his stuff down on the island in the kitchen and making his way over. Once he got to the living room he walked over to me and pulled me in for a kiss. When we pulled away I lightly smiled at him. Josh then sat on the couch and put his arm around me.
“How was hanging out with Tyler?” I asked turning my head to look at him. It’s funny because even when their on break they still hang out with each other twenty four seven.
“It was good, Ty was really hyper today.” He told me with a laugh. “How was your day babe? Did you do anything fun?” He asked me with a small smile.
I lightly shook my head. “Not really. I just cleaned the house a little and layed on the couch watching movies.” I said with a small laugh. “Not fun at all.”
He shook his head and laughed along with me. After he stopped laughing he turned to look at me like he wanted to ask another question.
“What are we having for dinner?” He asked.
Right as he said that I got nauseous, I felt like I was going to throw up. Just the thought of food is disgusting to me right now, that’s why I haven’t eaten anything all day today. Josh must’ve noticed the change in my expression because he frowned.
“You don’t look okay Y/N.” He told me seriously.
“I’m fine.” I snapped at him.
I didn’t mean to but I was so nauseous. Just as I finished speaking I could feel the bile making it’s way up my throat. As fast as I could I threw Josh’s arm off me and ran to the bathroom. I barely made it in time. I threw open the toilet bowl and started to throw up everything that I ate yesterday. As I was puking I heard Josh come up to me and kneel down. Then I felt his soft hands grabbing my hair to hold it in a pony tail so I wouldn’t get any throw up on it. I also felt his other hand rubbing circles on my back in attempt to comfort me.
When I was done I rested my head on the cool toilet bowl and tried to slow my breathing down. I could feel the sweat on my forehead. It was disgusting. As I was sitting there Josh decided to speak up.
“Are you feeling better? Are you sick? Why didn’t you tell my you didn’t feel good? I would’ve stayed home.” He asked me.
I lifted my head off the bowl and turned to look at him. As I look at him I noticed that his eyes where full of concern.
“I’m not sick.” I told him. He just looked at me in confusion.
“Of course your sick Y/N!” He practically yelled at me. “You just threw up for literally ten minutes and your trying to tell me your not sick!” He was looking at me like I was crazy.
I shook my head at him. “No, I’m definitely not sick, but….” I trailed off not knowing how to tell him. Earlier today I drove to our local drug store and bought a couple pregnancy tests just to see if my suspicions were right or not. And boy they were.
“But what, Babe?” Josh asked me wanting to know.
I took a deep breath and decided to get this over with. “I pregnant.” I blurted out to him.
At firs Josh was frozen. His mouth was open in shock and I could feel his hand that was on my back slowly being removed.
“W-what do you mean ‘your pregnant’.” He asked my, obviously in disbelief.
I just stare at him wide eyed. “I mean that I’m pregnant and we are going to have a child and were going to be parents.” I told him slowly so he would comprehend it this time.
I tried to read his facial expressions but I could. He wasn’t showing any emotion.
“You can’t be pregnant!” He yelled. “I can’t be a dad, we can’t be parents. Were too young!”
I was shocked. This was not the kind of reaction I was expecting. I mean obviously he was going to be shocked. I was expecting that, but what I wasn’t expecting though was for him to be mad.
“Well, I am pregnant and we have to be parents Josh! We can work this out. Everything will be okay.” I tried to calm him down. It seems like all I did was make him worse.
“Everything’s not going to be okay Y/N!” He practically yelled at me again. “This can’t be happening now, not when everything is so good.”
I was now confused. “What do you mean?” I asked him.
“Everything’s perfect right now. Having a baby is just going to mess it all up. I mean think about it Y/N. I’m going to be leaving in a week to go back on tour and you have to go to work. And what is everyone else going to think about this?” He explained to me.
I couldn’t believe him. Was he seriously worried about the baby messing everything up. I mean yeah it’s going to change things but in the end we still will have each other and we are going to be happy.
“Josh you can’t be serious right now!’ I yelled at him.
He just scoffed at me. “Uh yeah I am Y/N.” He shook his head. “I need time to think about this.” He told me, looking anywhere else besides my eyes.
I could feel my eyes well up with tears. What did he mean by that. He started to speak again. “I have to go.” He told me while standing up.
I watched him stand up and leave the bathroom. I could hear the front door opening and closing. Once I knew he was gone I started crying. I can’t believe he left. I can’t believe he left me and this baby. I was in shock. After a while of sobbing my heart out on the bathroom floor I decided to go to living room to lay on the couch.
Once I got to the living room I plopped down on the couch and sighed. Tears where still rolling down my cheeks and I don’t think they were going to stop anytime soon. I noticed through my tears that my phone was on the coffee table. I reached down to pick it. I turned it on and noticed that it was 7:30 already. I also noticed that I had a few missed calls, I had 2 from Jenna and 1 from Tyler that was just recently. It was disappointing, none from Josh.
I was curious as to why Tyler and Jenna called me so I swiped my finger on the phone to open it. I went to my contacts and clicked on Tyler’s number and put the phone to my ear. After about 2 rings he picked up.
“Hello?” He asked.
“Hey Ty, it’s me Y/N.” I told him. My voice croaky from all the crying that I did earlier.
“Hey Y/N, I heard what happened with you and Josh. I called you and wanted to know if you were okay.” He told me. He sounded like he genuinely meant it.
“Define ‘Okay’.” I told him with a light chuckle even though nothing was funny at all in this situation.
He sighed deeply. “Jenna and I are coming over.” He told me.
I shook my head. “No, it’s okay.” I told him. “You don’t have to come over, I’m fine.” I tried to reassure him.
He just gave a small laugh. “You are obviously not fine. “ He said. “And besides we are on our way over right now. I was getting worried when you weren’t answering your phone earlier.” He told me.
I sighed giving up. There was no use in fighting Tyler. He would have his way whether I liked it or not. “Okay, the doors unlocked.” I told him, my voice sounding tired.
“Okay see ya in about 5 minutes.” He told me. “Okay.” I told him about to hang up the phone. Before I hung up though I heard Tyler call my name. “Y/N.” He called. “Yeah?” I said to him, my voice shaking. “Everything’s going to be okay.” He told me. I lightly smiled at this, not believing him. “Thanks Ty.” I paused. “For everything.” I could hear him chuckle. We hung up the phone and I waited on the couch.
The more that I waited the more time that I had to think, and the more time that I had to think the more time I got sad. The more time that I got sad the tears started to fall again but I couldn’t help it. It felt like I had just lost everything that was important to me in a mere 2 hours. And I had. As I was thinking about this and sobbing my heart out I started to get nauseous again. I groaned and looked down at my stomach. “Really?” I asked it. I did not feel like throwing up again. Just as I was thinking that I felt it coming. I quickly got off of the couch and made a beeline to the bathroom. The second that I got there I threw open the toilet seat and emptied everything for the third time today.
As I was busy puking my guts out I heard the front door open.
“Y/N?” I heard Tyler yell for me. “Where are you?” I tried to answer back but I was too busy puking at the moment.
Ty must’ve noticed that I was in the bathroom cause all of a sudden I heard a gasp.
“Oh, Y/N.” He sighed. I finally got a break from puking and looked up. When I looked up I noticed that Tyler was standing in the doorway of the bathroom with Jenna behind him. As soon as I made eye contact with Tyler I started crying harder. Tyler of course noticed this and rushed over to me. He neeled down on the tile floor and rubbed my back. I took a quick glance at Jenna and saw that her face was full of sympathy.
As I was looking at Jenna I started to feel more bile coming up my throat. I made a gagging noise and leaned my head in the toilet to throw up. My hear kept getting in the way so Tyler held it back for me. Once I finished throwing up for good I turned around to look at Tyler, tears still flowing freely down my cheeks.
“I’m sorry you had to see that.” I told him honestly. He just shook his head at me.
“It’s okay Y/N.” He assured me. I nodded at him and looked around the bathroom. As I was looking I noticed that Jenna wasn’t there anymore. I turned my head to look at Tyler.
“Where did Jenna go?” I asked him curiously.
“She went to go get you a glass of water.” He smiled at me. I nodded at him. We were in silence for a couple of seconds before I spoke up.
“So, Josh told you?” I asked him.
He nodded. “Yeah, he called me right after he left you.” He told me. “He told me everything that happened, when he told me he left you I was pissed at him. I cursed him out and told him that he should go back to you but he didn’t listen.” He took a breath and then continued. “I asked him why he left and he wouldn’t tell me why. I tried to pry it out of him but he just hung up the phone.” He sighed and shook his head, disappointed in his best friend. “He’s a real ass, Y/N. I don’t know what’s up with him, If I knew I would tell you but I don’t and I’m sorry for that.” He told me,
I sat there trying to take everything in. Finally I spoke. “It’s okay Tyler, It’s not your fault that Josh is an ass.” I told him honestly. “I just wish I knew what his problem was.” I sighed.
He nodded agreeing with me. “Me too Y/N, me too.”
Tyler was about to say something but he got interrupted by Jenna waling into the bathroom with a glass of water in hand. She neeled down on the floor to where Tyler and I were.
“Here you go, Y/N.” She told me while handing me the water.
“Thanks, Jen.” I told her taking it. I took the glass to my lips and started drinking. Before I knew it I drank the whole thing. Wow, I thought to myself. I must’ve been thirsty. I handed the cup back to Jenna and slowly stood up. As I was doing so I saw that Tyler and Jenna were getting up too. Once we were all up I spoke.
“I’m really tired.” I told them with a yawn escaping my lips. They both chuckled.
“Is it alright if I go to bed?” I asked them. “It’s kinda been a long day for me.” I told them with a laugh. They both just shook their heads.
“Of course you can go to bed!” Jenna said to me sweetly. Tyler just nodded.
“Yeah.” Tyler agreed. “You need the rest.” He told me. “Oh and by the way, we are staying over. Jenna and I don’t want you to be alone tonight.” He told me seriously.
I just nodded at him. “That’s funny.” I said. “I was just going to ask you if you wanted to stay over, cause I don’t wanna sleep in the house alone.” I told them with a laugh.
The both laughed. “Great minds think alike, Y/N.” Tyler said. I nodded agreeing with him.
“Well I’m off too bed.” I said to them. “See you guys in the morning.” I told them walking over to give Tyler a hug. As I was hugging him he gave me a kiss on the forehead. I smiled at him and then walked over to Jenna. Once we were done hugging and said goodnight I made my way to my room. I opened the door and went to the dresser to put on some Pj’s. Once I got some one I climed into bed. Once I was in bed and found a comfy position I closed my eyes. Before I could even begin to think about Josh or anything that had happened today I was asleep, not knowing what the my future had in store for me.
AN: Hey guys! Here’s part 1 of this request. I decided to make this into two parts because this part is so long. Anyway part two is coming Friday so be on the lookout. Thank you to the person who requested this, it was really fun to write and I hope you like it. Also sorry for the wait on this one, I had a really busy weekend. Hope you like it again! Have a great day/night:)