cool story babe go make me a sandwich

So as most of you probably already know I work in a bakery as a store assistant during the weekend and today a guy came in with a shirt saying “cool story babe, now go make me a sandwich”. It’s 2017, I thought these type of guys were extinct by now.

So I was laying down in bed with an excruciating headache when my boyfriend offered to make me a sandwich and I was like yeah sure please and then for some reason he got distracted and started to talk about something else and my head was pounding so I said “Cool story, babe. Now go make me a sandwich.” and he just literally looked at me with his mouth open before he finally said “You win this time” and went out to the kitchen

At long last after years of hearing this annoying joke coming from men’s mouths and overpriced shirts I get to say it to a guy.

Here’s a photo of the lil bitch where he belongs.

The living lowest-hanging fruit that is the Venn diagram between “Superhero fans” and “Men’s Rights Activists” have recently lost their minds at the trailer for the upcoming CBS television show “Supergirl.” Alarmed that a female-led show might include such things as “romance,” “comedy” and – most offensive of all - “women” taking on controversial roles like “employer” and “sister” while men have been relegated to merely “all the other roles on the show,” they’ve vented their fury on the internet rather than merely choosing to not watch the thing, for some reason. 

Still, to give them an apparently much-needed ego boost, I’ve composed the following synopsis of a 13-episode half-season for Supergirl which is completely tailored to their priorities and which should alleviate every single one of their giant baby idiot concerns:

Episode 1: Pilot: Supergirl arrives on Earth, is informed that there is already a man flying around and saving people’s lives, realizes that it would merely be tokenism for her to star in her own show and immediately retires from superheroing. Rest of episode is dedicated to her male co-workers playing an epic all-night Call of Duty scenario.

Episode 2: The Parasite attacks downtown. Supergirl is rendered helpless when the power-leeching supervillain dons a shirt reading “Cool Story Babe Now Go Make Me A Sandwich.” Spends rest of episode making sandwiches.

Episode 3: Terra-Man attacks downtown. Supergirl is rendered helpless when he accuses her of being a “fake geek girl” who “doesn’t even know that Jimmy Olsen is supposed to be white.”

Episode 4: Vartox attacks downtown. Supergirl is rendered helpless by his constant fedora-tipping and use of the term “m’lady.” Because he is nice to her, ancient Kryptonian law dictates that she is required to be his girlfriend.

Episode 5: Supergirl discovers an amazing new power – she can make sandwiches with her mind. Spends rest of episode making sandwiches.

Episode 6: A band of Social Justice Warriors attack downtown. Supergirl tells them “This isn’t an S on my chest, it’s my family’s crest. It stands for ‘Not Your Shield’.” They disperse to make sandwiches.

Episode 7: The Galactic Golem attacks downtown. Supergirl can’t stop him because she’s sitting quietly in the same room as her boyfriend as he and the other male characters on the show play an epic all-night Call of Duty scenario.

Episode 8: Toyman attacks downtown. Supergirl is helpless to defeat him because the Teen Titans have been sending her dick pics and she’s too flattered to respond.

Episode 9: Feminism attacks downtown. Supergirl destroys feminism completely by declaring that it’s “a pretty extreme label,” then makes sandwiches.

Episode 10: Bizarro Supergirl attacks downtown. She and Supergirl “lez out,” which her boyfriend calls “pretty hot.” Photos are stolen from Supergirl’s phone and end up on Perez Hilton’s site, but she admits that she’s at fault in the first place for ever getting nude in front of recordable media. Is flattered by the attention.

Episode 11: Ultra-Humanite attacks downtown. Supergirl is mansplained into helplessness. She ultimately is forced to become Ultra-Humanite’s “waifu.

Episode 12: Misandry attacks downtown. Supergirl defeats it by chanting “Men are good, men are great, Feminism is a form of hate!” until it gives up, makes sandwiches.

Episode 13: All of Supergirl’s enemies attack downtown. Supergirl has a period, however, and must stay home making period sandwiches. Male characters on the show band together to defeat the bad guys using skills they picked up playing all-night Call of Duty scenarios. Episode ends with Superman showing up to spray-paint over the word “girl” in show title, replaces it with “man,” throws the horns, a guitar lick plays, everyone crushes beer cans on their heads. Supergirl shows her boobs, Superman slams an energy drink and turns baseball cap backwards on his head. An epic game of beer pong is played. Everyone vapes. End of season 1. Men win.

Please have some advice

      So the 2014-15 school year is approaching fast (well it is for me anyway. 3 more weeks!) Freshman orientations will be soon, and you guys may or may not be excited to finally be in high school! (I know I was bc middle school sucked.)
     I know I’m only a sophomore and you upperclassmen will probably scoff at this and say “Wow, she’s giving advice? She was JUST  a freshman.” Well, yeah I realize that. But that’s the point. I was just a freshman. I still remember very clearly how I felt coming into freshman year. So here’s some tips about high school that I’ve learned (some the hard way) throughout my freshman year.

  • don’t be those people that stand in the middle of the hallways talking. people are trying to get to class. the hallways are crowded with people and it’s hard to move with people just standing there. if you want to talk, stay close to the walls or go to the bathroom or something
  • on that note, when you’re done at your locker, MOVE. Unless you go to a school where you have long lockers, there’s either someone above or below you. They need to get to their lockers too. I’ve been made late by the person in the locker above me standing there talking to her boyfriend.
  • pay attention in class. take notes. do extra credit. don’t be like me in geometry class and zone out every time a lesson starts. i’ve made bad grades on some important tests that would’ve been prevented by paying attention and taking good notes. and even if you don’t think you need it, do the extra credit. it won’t hurt your grade, but it may help it. 
  • don’t make fun of those kids that sit alone. i’ve been that kid. it sucks. instead, invite them to sit with you (unless you know that they enjoy sitting alone and prefer it). chances are you will make their day. and don’t just invite them once, invite them all the time! you’ll make high school much more enjoyable for them, knowing they have a group to sit with. and don’t, i repeat, don’tthink you are above them and won’t sit with them. that’s just fucking rude.
  • don’t make a teacher hate you/your class. this includes: being loud, goofing off, being on your phone, making fun of her, calling her a bitch when she gives you a bad grade, just being a plain fucking asshole. they get up there a teach a big group of teenagers for 8 hours. that shit’s tiring. the last thing they need is for someone to make it even harder. they’re just doing their job. and chances are, you probably deserved that bad grade. trust me, no teacher WANTS to fail you. bc that means they’ll have you again probably
  • some teachers will let you get your phone out in free time. don’t expect a teacher to, though. and if they do, it’s a PRIVILEGE. don’t abuse it.
  • don’t make fun of the marching band. they work just as hard as any other sport. as a band kid, i know it makes me feel fucking terrible bc band is the only thing that i feel makes me unique and to demean it really hurts. on the other hand, if you’re a band kid don’t go around feeling superior to the other sports. no one is better than anyone. i used to be that band kid. don’t be me.
  • join clubs if you can. they look awesome on college applications. but don’t overwork yourself. if you feel like you can’t handle it, or you’re gonna hate going to it don’t join. please. bc then you’ll be miserable every time you go, and it’ll rub off on the other members.
  • if you don’t like the school lunches, bring your lunch. pls don’t go without eating. your brain will function better if you eat. also, eat breakfast
  • a lot of times you’ll feel pressured to know what you’re gonna do after high school especially during the scheduling process. it’s okay to not know what you want to do. if you seem interested in the medical field, take the medical classes. same with fine arts, horticulture, etc. these classes, if you do end up going to college for whatever area you picked, will be useful. but you do NOT have to major in music just because you took fine arts courses in high school. i’m taking medical classes, but I don’t know if I want to be a doctor or a musician. and that’s okay.
  • also, don’t make fun of that one kid that knows exactly what they want to do with their life. there are some kids that start (As a freshman) taking their ACT/SATs. They start touring colleges and working every single minute of every year towards whatever they want to do. That’s okay. But don’t feel like you have to be that kid, either. 
  • read the literature that your English teacher assigns. don’t think you can just get off with reading Sparknotes summaries.
  • BE ORGANIZED FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IT’LL MAKE YOUR LIFE SO MUCH EASIER. keep extra pencils, paper, highlighters, etc. check before you leave home to make sure you have at least two pencils with you. 
  • if you need tutoring or just help with homework, please please please don’t be embarrassed to ask. ask questions in class. (most teachers will love you for asking questions bc that means you’re paying attention.)
  • if you’re the sexist asshole that wears the “cool story babe, now go make me a sandwich” shirt, i will personally come and make you a sandwich with the tears of lys on it.
  • the friends you had in middle school, might not be at the end of the year. people branch off and find different cliques. that’s okay. chances are if they left, you’re better off without them.
  • MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION. Dress casually nice for orientation and the first day.
  • if you’re the new kid, don’t worry. trust me you aren’t the only one (i myself am a new kid this year)
  • try to make friends with an upperclassman. (but don’t go up to one and say HEY CAN I BE YOUR FRIEND. be nice and friendly, not pushy and overbearing.) they’ll be able to tell you everything you need to know about teachers and clubs and classes and such.
  • just try to make friends if you can
  • get a map of your school and know your way around. figure out the path you’ll use to get to classes the fastest. if you have to, carry 2 classes worth of stuff. or put some books in a friend’s locker that is next to your next class. chances are, your high school will be larger than your middle school so don’t underestimate the 5 minutes in between classes
  • FOLLOW THE DRESS CODE. i know most dress codes have some pretty dumb restrictions (we can’t wear sweatpants at my school like wtf) but it’ll just be easier to follow it rather than be taken out of class every day
  • don’t think you’re “too cool” to be smart. i mean, seriously?
  • don’t be an asshole to your parents. yeah, you’re in high school, but they still cook and clean and give you rides. you aren’t too cool for your parents
  • don’t feel pressured to have sex. and if you feel like you’re ready, (which you should definitely put some thought into) you should make sure you know everything you need to know. if you are unsure of something, ask an adult or upperclassman. take precautions. 
  • on that note, don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to. 
  • aVOID DRAMA. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH
  • Make sure to always remember a teacher’s policy on food, gum, phones, drinks, etc. 
  • Please shower and be clean when you come to school bc the hallways are crowded and yeah.
  • DON’T BE LATE TO CLASS YOUR TEACHER WILL HATE YOU IF YOU DO IT TOO OFTEN. also after so many it’ll count as an absence 
  • keep a lock on your locker. you can never be too safe. 
  • don’t be afraid to go to a teacher or someone about bullying. they say nobody likes a snitch, but i would rather be a snitch than be tormented every day.
  • if you are paranoid about something being stolen, don’t bring it to school
  • you want your gym classes your freshman year trust me. it’s best to get them out of the way.
  • don’t underestimate yourself
  • don’t overestimate yourself
  • just don’t be a judgmental asshole

wow this is very long but i hope you can start high school with a little more understanding and you aren’t completely overwhelmed. maybe i’ll update it as i think of more things? also if you read all of this ily okay? also if any of you actually liked this, would you like me to make a masterpost of educational stuff to help you through school? pls let me know. I wish you all luck with your first year of high school. If you need some help with something send me a message I’m always happy to help! xoxo

I’m wearing my “this is what a feminist looks like” tshirt and I just accidentally bumped into a guy wearing a “cool story babe now go make me a sandwich” shirt and let me tell you the look I gave him was the most unforgiving thing

anonymous asked:

i'm so mad my school is banning tank tops/t shirts for girls because for some reason guys will get distracted by our arms?? idk about you but unless a dude's getting a raging boner i'll avoid my long sleeves for the summer okay sorry for bothering you bye

I fuckin hate that rule like schools are legitimately letting the fact that guys sexualize virtually all parts of a girls body decide what girls can and can not wear which is SO fucked up, because not only does it limit the freedom of teen girls, who are at the time where they can discover themselves, but it also makes girls feel like their body is just an object and guys are allowed to decide what you can do with it and it makes them feel self conscious about their own body, something everyone has. but guys can wear shirts that say sexist ass shit like “cool story babe, now go make me a sandwich” like nah if we are literally allowed to wear misogynistic filth around school, you can show your shoulders.

The saddest part of sexism is that girls my age laugh at the cool story babe now go make me a sandwich shirts, and they have been conditioned to believe shorts are inappropriate, and they ask what the girl was wearing when she was raped, and they think liking sex makes you a slut and I am worried for these girls I am terribly terribly worried

Things I’ve seen at the denver fireworks so far

-eagle fursuit
-somebody just fucking sobbing
-three children on leashes
-obligatory american flag speedo and nothing else but a backback. No shoes, no socks.
-some dudebro wearing a ‘cool story babe now go make me a sandwich’ shirt
-p!nk lookalike
-the band played blurred lines and it felt like it went on forever
-a middle aged couple has been straight up making out for 20 minutes and she doesn’t know that she has a spider on her leg.

Can someone please explain to me why kids at my school are allowed to wear “Cool story babe, now go make me a sandwich” shirts, shirts with marijuana leaves on them, and shirts so see through you can see their tits and why I can get in trouble for having my shirt “imply a foul word”?

My shirt isn’t see through. The sleeves are long enough. There’s literally nothing wrong with it other than saying SH_T.
I can wear this in my church and not get fussed at!

So I was wondering if you guys could help me out. For every reblog this gets, I’ll write down your URLs on a paper and talk to the school board about this unfairness.

I know people find certain things “unexcusable” and worth holding grudges over for 2 years, but let me just tell you some stories of some 15 year olds that go to my school, alright?

One has made countless rape jokes with not a single care in the world. When I confronted him about it, he asked why I was so upset.

One says that when men beat women it’s for a good reason and the women deserve it.

YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE HOW MANY MOTHER FUCKING TIMES I HAVE SEEN THAT GOD DAMN “Cool Story Babe, Now Make Me A Sandwich” SHIRT IT PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF

AND THEY ARE SO GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKING RUDE AND UNAPOLOGETIC.

YET I GET TOLD TO KILL MYSELF FOR LIKING NASH GRIER, AND CALLED A NASTY HO, AND GET MADE FUN OF BY ALL YOU THAT PREACH NON STOP ABOUT OPEN MINDEDNESS AND ACCEPTANCE OF PEOPLES DIFFERENCES.

FOR A 17 YEAR OLD BOY WHO SAID SOME STUPID SHIT WHEN HE WAS 15 AND TOOK DOWN THE VIDEOS, APOLOGIZED, AND HAS SINCE THEN CHANGED AND SHOWN SO DRASTICALLY

NO LET ME LOVE WHAT THE FUCK I LOVE AND YOU CAN GO WALLOW IN ALL YOUR HATE FOR HIM SOMEWHERE ELSE

You know what worries me more than men being sexist? Women going along with it.

The other day, I was walking with some friends at school and my friend turned around and went, “Oh my God, that girl had the best jumper ever. It was so sexist, but it was so funny!”

“What was it?” I asked.

And she said, “Cool story babe, now go make me a sandwich.” She laughed. “It’s fabulous.”

I just looked at her for a minute, and so did my other friend. “That’s not funny,” I said.

She looked uncomfortable, like maybe I was taking it too seriously. “Well-”

“I mean, even if it wasn’t sexist, I’ve never understood why that’s even a joke. How is it funny? Like, what’s actually funny about it?” My other friend agreed with me.

She looked more uncomfortable now, maybe considering my point, but still thinking that I wasn’t seeing the funny side of things and that I was just being oversensitive.

“I mean,” I continued, “this is why sexism is still a thing. Not just because men won’t see it our way, but because some of us don’t see it our way. They can still can away with thinking that there’s nothing wrong with being sexist.”

She didn’t say anything else. We moved on.

But it worries me, to be honest. If girls can’t see why misogynists have got it wrong, then it makes it harder for us to make them see it themselves. I know sometimes my friends think I take feminism too seriously but as far as I see it, standing up for human rights isn’t just something silly that you can go over the edge with just by talking too much about it. Sometimes my friends say sexist things without realising that they’re sexist, and I think that we need to keep calling people out on it (politely, obviously) because how can we fight for equal rights if lots of people don’t know where the boundary is?