Sooo.... What's the time you stole your middle school all about? You did say to ask.
+_+ I’ve only been dropping hints for months for someone to ask
ok ok so first of all i need to clarify this is going to be exactly and nothing like and episode of leverage. where in i did not, in fact, go “i need to steal the middle school” but did go “i gotta do something against the authoritarian regime i refuse to bow down to in this hell pit of a society called private school.” but first let me tell you a little bit about my middle school. it was fuckn tiny. there were 15 middle schoolers max. and middle school consisted of 7th and 8th grade. the poor 6th graders were still considered elementary level at this school and managed to escape open warfare that year mostly unscathed.
after my ice cream trade fiasco my parents sent me off to private school to avoid the bad influences. but i brought all the bad influences with me and honestly i think the next 5 years were hell on earth for my teachers. who mostly just let me get away with murder because tiny me was a terrifying monster who wasnt afraid of the consequences anymore and my mother was the devil and even more frightening than little me who might shank you with a paperclip. now i went to a montessori school which are good in theory and very rarely successful in execution. the entire theory is that the school mostly operates on “students learn at their own rate and need to be responsible enough to decide what and when they learn things.” and mostly i decided that i never wanted to learn anything ever and i wanted to spend the entirety of 7th grade reading books not on the reading list. which created conflict with my teachers who didnt know how to handle a smart kid that could talk circles around them to the point that when they came to my mother completely frazzled and out of their minds with dread they said things like “she’s so smart if she wasnt so stupid” and “i just want to shake some sense into her” which usually resulted in the devil peering down at them from her throne of hellfire and stealing their souls and damning them to hell on earth and the riot act and a general “just go to school and do what you want” blessing to me. which i, tiny hell spawn who just got my period for the first time that year and had a bone to pick with everyone, took entirely to heart.
now the middle school peerage was open combat from week one everyone hated one another and there was no escape when you’re all stuffed together in one room and the teachers prefer group projects to individual work. and i was queen bee last year in 6th grade ruling the roost of elementary and then all of the sudden they wanted me to be small man on the totem pole to the 8th graders??? that wasnt about to fly. id been running a long con scheme out of the snack bar for years and nothing could stop me at that point. so i was fighting everyone, and a few times literally fighting a classmate or two (did i get suspended even though i started at least one of those? i did not. did i get about two black eyes that year and a broken nose? yes i did.) this is all very important to my amazing episode of leverage which happened about half way through the year.
my school was in a small developing community and the houses were being constructed at an alarmingly slow rate around the building and my class had a door to the outside. so one day when i got so sick of life and my teachers telling me, yet again, “no you cant read comics you need to learn the history of the us government” and the stupid fucking 8th graders egging the teachers on about how we all needed to learn these things, i got up and left. walked right out the door and down the access ramp and over to the playground. i got yelled at pretty good but i realized something very very important that day. I could leave. Nothing could stop me. sure i had to go back in eventually but that wasnt nearly as important as the fact i could walk out those doors and take off whenever i wanted.
remember how i said a key point of the montessori education program was responsibility? well part of that responsibility was at lunch we self-monitored and the teachers usually pissed off to eat in the office away from the evil brats they had to teach. and like always, away they went at lunch and there we were all of us. eating without the careful adult eye lurking over our shoulders. and i dont remember why or what happened that day but i decided to use my new power of leaving (only used once so far, you can never be too careful with things like this) and said something along the lines of “bye guys I’m outa here” and probably one of my friends said something like “can i come with you?” and i definitely said something stupid like “yeah sure i cant stop you” and out we went. followed by the rest of the the 7th and 8th graders.
and this i do remember happening very clearly: the one bitch ass shithead i had problems with all year goes “guys you cant leave we have class” and i absolutely responded with the ever mature “you a fucking chicken? lets go already” and under the pervasive power of dropping the f bomb and the infuriating questioning of her honor she also came along. and now that i wasnt by myself i finally gave into temptation that the very slow construction sites circling the school had been offering all year. so i took my class adventuring.
meanwhile, all of which we later found out, my rebellion sent everyone into a tailspin back at school because 15 students were missing. the cops got called and kept very hush hush because no one actually wanted to admit to a hoard of what would be angry parents that their children were missing.
i of course set off to the largest house in the neighborhood and opened the unlocked door (unlocked because no one had installed the door handles yet) mostly because i heard a rumor that there was an indoor pool in the house and i wanted to see what kind of other bullshit a house with an indoor pool had. turned out it was mostly a lot of stairs and dust since it was, ya know, a construction site. the pool was very cool and we all mostly sat around the edge of a empty pool for a few hours before we all decided that going back to school so we could get picked up to go home was probably the most important thing to do. and of course before we left i swore everyone to secrecy about who left first since all of us went. and used the dirt i managed to compile on the fucking 8th grader who i hated to blackmail her into silence. and back we went ready to go home after a day of thievery for the greater good.
and since none of us where talking when we got questioned about what happened, where did we go, who went first– none of us got in real trouble. the school got in trouble for losing 15 students of course. and the teachers all knew it was me generally because i couldnt help the smirk of satisfaction™ anytime we made eye contact. but they couldnt do anything about it.
this also led to my fellow comrade and enemies alike realizing that the teachers couldnt really do shit to us since our parents mostly owned the place by way of a paycheck and that meant the spring semester devolved rapidly into hell once we all went back to the status quo of hating each other.
at the end of the year my mother was politely told that i wasnt invited back for 8th grade. and off i went back to public school with my bad influences leaving behind a legacy of greatness no other 7th grader has ever lived up to.