cookie jesus

BITCH I WAS HAPPILY WATCHING THE GOOD PLACE WHILE EATING SOME COOKIES AND THEN U CASUALLY THROW CHIDI AND ELEANOR NAKED IN BED AT ME AND THEN THEY’RE SAYING I LOVE YOU TO EACH OTHER HONEST TO GOD I LOVE YOU AFTER HAVING SEX HOW DARE U HOW VERY DARE U I SAW MY LIFE FLASH BEFORE MY EYES I THREW THE COOKIES ON THE GROUND JESUS WEPT I MAY NEVER RECOVER  *AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*

The Salt Must Flow

I wasn’t going to make this post because 1)I’m opening myself up for some Discourse™ 2)It’s going to take forever to write. But whatever, I’m salty as fuck right now for lots of more important real life reasons so I’m just going to spread it around on this.

ANYHOW. This post is my longass response to seeing comments like “I don’t understand why people ship Desus, they’ve had zero meaningful interaction” or “Desus shippers are all straight girls who want to watch two guys make out, there’s absolutely no other reason” and then in the very next sentence say “Anyway, Jesus is going to get with Aaron, the fact that you don’t ship this 110% canon ship is just because you fetishize gay men :)“

So I’d thought I’d explain, with visual aids, why I prefer Jesus & Daryl to Jesus & Aaron at this particular point in time. Warning for length, my god did I ramble on, what is wrong with me.

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Tom Hiddleston is an actual 5 year old pass it on

  • <p> <b>Some puzzle-piece-heavy, ad-heavy, spam-filled website called BrightTots:</b> The child who responds to, "Do you want a cookie?" with "Do you want a cookie?" may or may not want a cookie. This is the bewildering world of immediate echolalia for the parent or teacher.<p/><b>Me:</b> fucking hand them a cookie<p/><b>Me:</b> what kind of consummate jackass are you that you can’t figure out whether a child wants a motherfucking goddamn cookie jesus christ i am so embarrassed for all of you rn<p/></p>

listen up fuckos. no food is bad food. eat a fukin cupcake. eat whatever the fuck you want in moderation. balance it out. eat some fruit and veg. stop promotion not eating for unhealthy periods of time, it’s not funny & cute whoopsies. eat things you enjoy, it’s not “treating yourself”. food isn’t a treat. it keeps you alive.

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EDIT: HAPPY DDADDS RELEASE DAY!! Jo / Mary(nvm) / Joan Christiansen, Dream Mommy. Or adult Christie Christiansen ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i was questioning why i had all of Joseph’s stuff, but i questioned no longer, and made this costest. my giant eyebrows really came in handy this time. now who wants to make some cookies and talk about jesus? EDIT: the game is great, it has its flaws but overall jokes are 👍👍👍

anonymous asked:

“I think our friends are catching on that we’re dating. Let’s mess with them.” with Jin :))))

SECRET RELATIONSHIP PROMPT #4: “i think our friends are catching on that we’re dating. let’s mess with them.” / everyone thinks we hate each other and we keep that front up in public, so we have hilarious pretend fights and squabbles and pranks

Originally posted by myloveseokjin

genre: fluff

word count: 826

― seokjin x reader [office au] 

request a prompt here


     “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” Your boss and literal spawn of Satan, Kim Seokjin, angrily waved papers in your face. “You call this a goddamn storyboard, Y/N? I’ve seen children on the streets make a better pitch for their goddamn boy scout cookies.”

“Jesus fuck, I get it. It sucks. You don’t have to be a complete shithead about it!” You tried say it without yelling, failing miserably. 

“I wouldn’t be a total shithead about it if you just did your job!” 

“Asshole!” 

The employees of BigHit Corp. collectively sighed, just another typical Thursday. The squabbling of Head of Advertisement, Kim Seokjin, and his direct subordinate, Y/N, was infamous. They always seemed to find something new to bicker about each day. It was honestly starting to get a bit ridiculous. 

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