zimbits. “Less homicidal thoughts about your annoying coworker right now, please. I’m in a meeting over here.” pLEASE
Charlie asked for this about 30 years ago but I’m just getting around to it now. It’s prompt from this list.
If he thinks I’m going to let a single tart anywhere near his ruinous Trump-sized hands he’s got another thing coming. Actually, no. He can have as many tarts as he wants. Kill ‘em with kindness, and arsenic worked into the whipped cream. I’d have to add more vanilla to balance it out but–
If Jack wasn’t in a sponsorship meeting, he would be inclined to promptly bash his head into the wood of the table. It had been like this for a few weeks ago, a voice filtering in at the most inopportune times, going on diatribes against who he was presuming was the voice’s coworker (”–even the way he counts out change is annoying. The Lord is testing me. We should’ve kept the antique register, it would have hurt more when I ‘accidentally’ shut the drawer on his fingers that he just licked to count out the bills. Yes, I would LOVE my spit covered change. THANK YOU.”)
Unfortunately, Jack thought it was unlikely that NIKE would appreciate their new brand ambassador actively giving himself a concussion, so he shot the representative across the table a smile and nodded to whatever was being said before reverting back inside his head.
As ambitious as your assassination attempt is, if you could keep it to yourself I would appreciate it.
There wasn’t even a moments pause before he got his reply.
Sterek + "it's you, it's always been you" thanks! :)
Stiles woke with a start, his heart racing. He wasn’t sure what had woken him, but he was surprised that Derek hadn’t put a calming hand on his chest and told him to go back to sleep. He rolled over to face Derek only to find an empty spot that was still warm to the touch.
He strained his ears but didn’t hear anything in the bathroom so he hauled himself out of bed to go find him. It was weird for Derek to leave without saying anything and Stiles wanted to make sure he hadn’t had a nightmare.
There wasn’t any light coming from under any of the other bedrooms, so he was extra quiet so not to wake the rest of the sleeping pack. They all had to work in the morning and Stiles didn’t want to face Erica’s wrath if she didn’t get her full 8 hours of sleep.
The light in the kitchen was on and Stiles walked toward it, expecting to see Derek drinking a cup of tea or hot cocoa. Instead he found Derek digging the cookie dough chunks out of Stiles’ pint of Ben and Jerry’s half baked.
“It’s you, it’s always been you!” Stiles whisper yelled from the doorway.
Derek dropped the spoon that had been in his mouth, eyes wide as he looked at Stiles, the pint of ice cream still in his guilty hand.
“You said that Isaac was eating my ice cream. You lied,” Stiles said, pointing an accusing finger at Derek, “I started stealing his Lucky Charms Derek, I was getting revenge on the wrong werewolf.”
Derek slowly put the lid back on the ice cream and put it back in the freezer before speaking, “In my defense, you’re very protective of your ice cream and it was kind of funny watching you plot revenge on Isaac.”
“Well now I’m going to have to get revenge on you,” Stiles said with a sigh, “We’re married dude, why didn’t you just tell me you were the one eating it.”
“You can do magic and you’re kind of scary,” Derek said with a smile. Stiles knew that Derek was buttering him up, but it was working.
“I expect you to replace all the pints you’ve eaten,” Stiles said, “And from now on stop picking the cookie dough piece out, that’s just evil.”
“Okay,” Derek said, stepping toward Stiles and pulling him into a hug.
“And I’m still going to extract revenge on you,” Stiles said, but he hugged Derek back, enjoying the warmth of his body, “And you owe Isaac at least 4 boxed of Lucky Charms.”
“Fair,” Derek said, kissing Stiles quiet. He tasted like cookie dough which should have been nice but instead it served to remind Stiles that he had married an ice cream thief.
“Sleep with one eye open Hale,” Stiles said as they walked back to their room.
“Around you I always do,” Derek said with a laugh as he flopped onto the bed.
Derek didn’t sleep with one eye open. The next morning both of his eyebrows had been dyed bright pink. Stiles refused to change them back for two days. It was a fair punishment for Derek’s crimes.
So my boss told me recently that we’re not allowed to explicitly say yes or no about allergens in food. If you ask me if there are nuts of any kind in our chocolate chunk cookies, I cannot tell you yes or no. I cannot even say “please refer to the labeling” even though the label says “processed in a facility with equipment that processed peanuts.”
I have to tell you, “I am not certain, but that information is available to you on the Jimmy John’s website.” And that’s all I can tell you regarding allergens in our food.
Because if I tell you, “No there are no peanuts in our cookies,” and you buy one for your kid with a peanut allergy and they have a reaction, you can sue us. And the people miles and miles above me in the company hierarchy do not like getting sued.
So I, the humble shift runner, have to look like a goddamned fool because telling you to look at the ingredients and nutritional information online means the responsibility is on you, and we’re not liable? Somehow?
So if you or your child or someone you’re getting food for has a severe food allergy, and this is the kind of nonsense response you get from the person at the register or on the phone, it’s the same nonsense response you’ll get from the person running that shift and the same nonsense response you’ll get from the general manager. We can’t say anything else because the people above us do not want to be sued.
Which I think is stupid. We had nutritional sheets with all the calorie/nutritional content and allergy warnings on it to give to customers but they got taken away for unknown reasons. Revision? Not putting enough liability on the customer? Who knows. Not me, the shift runner who does not get paid enough to deal with this bullshit.
I don’t want to accidentally send someone to the hospital because of a life-threatening allergic reaction from food I sold and prepared for them, and I have not excessively studied the labels and ingredients of all our stuff and I’m not a doctor or nutritional scientist nor do I have a ton of experience with people who have food allergies and intolerances, so I don’t feel confident saying yes or no just because human morals.
But the reason we can’t say yes or no definitively and have to refer you to the stupid website is because my boss’s boss’s boss’s boss’s boss doesn’t want to go court. I also assume the employee who told a customer yes or no about a certain allergen would be in a lot of trouble and probably get fired if it led to the company getting sued. So we look stupid for a reason, even though it’s not a very good reason and it’s not very helpful to people dealing with food allergies.
the prompt: can you make prince!jungkook into a series (or mini series?) pleaseee? Your writing is so good and prince jungkook is so adoring I love it!! the au this is based off of: i’m supposed to inherent the throne but really I’d rather own this tiny bakery with you.
author note: i had a really good time writing this and delving back into prince jungkook. pls enjoy this lil continuation!
You can’t help but stare in amazement. You’ll admit it, you’re freaking out just a tiny bit. You turn to Bruce, because you just can’t think of your husband as Batman. Even with the cowl, yhe cape, and the armor, “Okay this place is amazing. It needs some work, but it’s amazing.”
Dick comes flipping by a moment later, “What are you talking about Mom? This place is great. There’s a ton of room, and have you seen this computer system?”
You smile, “Yes, it is amazing. But it just needs a few homey touches, especially if people are going to be living here.”
Dick grins, and you wish you could see his eyes, “You planning on booting me out?”
You pull him in for a hug, noting how much he’s grown in the past few years. He’s short for his age group, but he’s not that skinny little kid anymore. It makes you just the tiniest bit sad, your little boy is growing up.
He hugs you back, squeezing extra tight, and as always you wait for him to let go first. Then he’s cartwheeled out of the room a second later. You turn to Bruce and say, “That kid has entirely too much energy. We’ve got to cut out the sugar cereal or something.”
Bruce’s arms surround you from behind, and his voice takes on its normal tone, “Alfred only lets him have sugar once in a blue moon.”
Your hands cover his, “You’re right. It must be those chocolate bars you slip him when Alfred isn’t looking.”
Bruce just chuckles before kissing your cheek, “Have I mentioned how nice you look in your mask?”
You turn to face him, “Not yet,” You kiss him.
“Well, you look amazing. It’s very Batmom.”
“Well that’s what I was going for with the jeans, and the sweater, and the boots, and of course the mask.”
He kisses you one more time, before pulling back and putting some distance between you. A moment later the loud speaker comes on and announces J’onn, Ollie, Arthur, and Barry. You greet each of them with a smile, and a hug. The leaguers had long become regular house guests at the manor.
“Alright, where are the kids? Where’d you hide them?”
Barry just laughs as he picks you up and spins you around with a wink. You can almost feel Bruce’s glare at the man, “They’re just behind us, J’onn is keying them in now.”
You can’t seem to wipe the smile off of your face, “Good to know. I can’t wait to meet them.”
“Let’s see if you’re saying that after the first week,” Ollie teases.
You ignore the comment, “Any word from Roy?”
The look in his eyes tells you everything, you just give him a sad smile, and say, “He’ll come around eventually. It’s just growing pains right now. He needs a little independence. It happens with all teenagers.”
Ollie just nods as the computer announces the arrival of the kids. You bring two fingers to your mouth and let out a shrill whistle, and a moment later Dick comes running in. He skids to a halt right in front of the Zeta tube.
You smile as you watch him interact with the team. He’s never been all that great at making friends with the kids at his school. They simply come from two different worlds, so it’s nice to see him joking around with kids his own age.
When Superboy and M’gann come into the room, you quietly slip out of the room as Bruce begins the informational session. You begged him to not be too harsh. You make yourself at home in the kitchen. You’d ordered a ton of materials and cooking utensils. You do your best to start organizing things.
You keep yourself busy until the gaggle of kids comes in. You laugh to yourself as Wally and Dick fight for M’gann’s attention. They don’t seem to notice you until you purposefully drop a pan. The kids all jump as they turn to face you, and you just smile. “So what’re you kids up to?”
Wally’s eyes brighten as they land on you “Aunt …” He stops just short of saying your name and turns to Dick for help.
Dick just grins, “Guys, this is my mom. Codename Batmom.”
As you expected, Wally bursts into laughter “Please tell me the big bad bat thought of that.”
One hand goes to your hip, as you do your best to harden your expression “No, Wallace West, I did. You know how the big bad bat feels about secret identities.”
He sobers up at that statement “Sorry Aunt Batmom, please don’t take away the sugar cookies.”
“Sugar Cookies?” Kaldur asks
Dick cuts in before Wally can “Mom loves to bake. She can’t cook to save her life, but she sure can bake.”
“Her sugar cookies are the best.” Wally add
Dick just shrugs “I like her double chocolate chip chunk cookies the best. But she has tons of different recipes and she’s always trying new recipes. And if you do your homework, and keep your grades up, she’ll let you lick the bowl.”
You ruffle Dick’s hair. “Speaking of which don’t you have an Algebra test on Friday.”
“I got it covered mom.”
“I know. So, what are you kids up to?”
“I was going to show everyone the bio ship.”
You face J’onn’s niece. “You must be M’gann. It’s so nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too.”
Then you turn to Kaldur, “You must be Kaldur. Robin’s told me a lot about you. And you must be Superboy.”
Kaldur greets you with the same reserved emotion his mentor had, and Superboy just nods. You can’t help but smile as they walk away, chatting, and laughing.
About an hour later, a hand slides across your hip. Smiling you turn to face Bruce. “You’re not wearing your cowl; doesn’t that go against the batcode? Do I have to write you a citation?”
He smiles “All of the cameras have been turned off.”
Your arms slip around his neck, as his wrap around your waist, and you kiss him “Well as long as we’re protected.” The kiss is interrupted a moment later by a loud alarm, and then Bruce is pulling away, and pulling his cowl back over his head, before he breaks into a sprint. You’re rushing after him not even a second later.
The two of you stop in the main cavern, where a screen shows all of the kids versus a robotic suit. “Bruce, what’s going on?”
“They took the ship out, and Red Tornado picked up a tripped alarm and sent the team after it. They’re not faring too well. I’ll …”
You place a hand on his arm, stopping him mid-sentence “How much danger are they in?”
Bruce hesitates for a moment before saying, “The danger level is low, and Tornado is nearby.”
You smile and say, “And they’ll have more dangerous missions than this one I’m guessing?” After a second he nods, “Then give them a chance, Bruce. You said it yourself, they have to learn to work as a team.”
Bruce relaxes into your touch, before saying, “I’m not there if something goes wrong.”
You go up on your toes to kiss his cheek, “You can’t always be there when something goes wrong. It’s better to let them get their feet wet when the situation isn’t dire.”
There’s a moment of silence before Bruce asks, “How in the world are you staying so calm right now? Whenever Dick comes home with a scratch you threaten to make me sleep on the couch.”
You cuddle into his embrace, “I just realized that Dick is growing up. He’s not eight anymore. I have to let him grow up, and in the meantime I will put all my fear and worry into my baking. Any special requests?”
Bruce just smiles, “Peanut butter, please.”
You kiss him one more time, “You got it Batman. I’ll even save a beater for you to lick later.”
He just smiles and says, “Sounds good, I’ll let you know when everything is done.”
You thank him and make your way back to the kitchen. You start in on three different batches of cookies. You’ve just put them into the oven when Bruce lets you know that all the kids are okay, and that he’s heading back to Gotham for the night. You send him on his way with a peanut butter cookie beater.
The kids storm the kitchen just as you’re pulling the cookies out of the oven. You set the cookies down on the table and listen as they chat about the mission. After they’ve cleared out the cookies, you set down the batter covered bowls. It’s as you’re rinsing the bowls and putting them in the dishwasher that M’gann approaches you, “Those cookies were amazing.”
You can’t help but smile, “Thank you. I’m glad you liked them,” There’s a moment of silence, before you ask, “Would you like me to show you how to make them?”
When her eyes light up you know that you’ve made the right choice in offering, “Really? That would be amazing! Are you sure you have the time?”
When she starts to float, you know that even if you didn’t have the time, you would have made the time, “I have more than enough time. How’s Wednesday sound?”
“That sounds perfect! Anytime is fine too! I have nothing going on.”
“It’ll have to be around four, is that okay?”
Her squeal of excitement lets you know that it’s perfect, and you leave the room when you’re done, allowing the kids their privacy. You wait for Dick in the lounge area. When he comes through, by himself, you smile, “All done for the day?”
He just smiles and sits down next to you, “Yeah, we’re done for the day. Thanks for the cookies by the way.”
You wrap an arm around his shoulders and give a squeeze, “I was happy to do it.”
“M’gann is really excited about the whole baking thing too.”
You laugh, “Yeah, I could tell,” There’s a moment of silence before you say, “I also noticed how your cheeks got just this hint of red whenever she talked to you.”
You just laugh and say, “Come on Boy Wonder, let’s go home. Agent A will have dinner on the table soon, and then there’s patrol tonight.”
Dick bounces off the seat and begins running towards the zeta tube, “Well then, let’s go. It’s Tuesday, that means a steak.”