cook one for me please!

archiveofourown.org
The Plague of Iscariot, Chapter 24
EVERYDAY_IM_PREACHING
By Organization for Transformative Works

This fic is rated M for Mature

This fic is set in a supposedly alternate universe where vampres exist

Being a vampire sucked.
And no, that wasn’t a fun pun or silly little joke. Being a vampire literally sucked; especially if you’re turned at a young age.
Turned in the year 1800, Dipper Pines has walked amongst mortals for over 200 years as an awkward sixteen year old. Alone and embittered, he found no reason to get involved in human affairs, preferring a solitary existence.
Until now.

Hot Heads (Rocket Raccoon)

word count: 1, 671

request: Do you write for Rocket? If si could I request an imagine of him? I don’t care about the plot, I just want to read something with him, please

+

request: Can you do a Rocket x Reader just as crazy as him

requested by: anons

a/n: Continuing the gotg vol. 2 inspired fics. I missed writing for marvel 😩. Reader isn’t as crazy as Rocket, but almost. A part two might even make reader crazier than him.

Keep reading

I need a Sanji in my life because I’m the type of person that needs constant attention and I know that he would be more than willing to provide that.

Also I like to fucking eat, but I can only cook like three things.

Sanji, please.

anonymous asked:

No offense, but as a popular blog who has so many followers you kind of have a responsibility to use cultural appropriate pictures in your graphics. When someone is informing you that you used the wrong pictures it is not your place to ridicule that with wrong sarcasm. Grow up.

No offense, but fuck off. 

anonymous asked:

If you could meet the Paladins in real life, name two things (one funny, one serious) you would tell each one.

Ooh this is such a cool ask??? Thank you?? This should be one of those ask memes or whatever, where people ask this about teams from a bunch of different stories (like the Golden Trio or the Pines family or w/e). Hmmm here’s my thoughts:

Shiro:

Funny: You’re going to give Keith an aneurysm if you don’t stop disappearing on him seriously just STOP

Serious: You aren’t Atlas. The weight of the world is not yours to carry alone.

Hunk:

Funny: Please stop putting unidentified alien food in your mouth, it’s going to come back to bite you one day. But also please teach me to cook.

Serious: You inspire me. You ever notice how easy it is for smart people to become assholes? And yet, you are both one of the smartest and one of the kindest souls in the universe. You never look down on anyone, and you care so genuinely for the ones you love, even if you’ve just met them.

Keith:

Funny: Where is your bathroom WHERE IS IT

Serious: Your story reminds me that we make our own destiny. What comes behind us, while it informs the person we are, it will never be as important as where we decide to go next.

Pidge:

Funny: You would sell Voltron out for a cool robot and we all know it and the only thing that’s going to save us all is that Voltron is already the coolest robot in the universe

Serious: YOUR DAD IS EVIL RUN GIRL RUN

(More seriously: I admire your courage and your unwavering ability to stay true to yourself and yet adapt and learn at the same time. You remind me that I am enough as I am, so long as I continue to accept growth and change.)

Lance:

Funny: Please just tell Keith how you feel because the poor boy’s never going to understand unless you hit him over the head with it

Serious: I know something about missing people from far away. And I’ve never had to be totally cut from all contact like you, but this is what I do know: the ones you really love, who really love you back, the ones really worth keeping close - no matter how long you’re apart, when you see them again it will be like no time has passed. You may be different, and they may be different, but you will find familiarity in the sound of each other’s laugh, in the safety of a hug, and in the comfortable silence that falls in the lull of a conversation. No matter how much time passes, some of the most important things stay the same.

This kind of turned into an inspirational thing which, I’m not really sure if that’s what you were after, but hopefully it was interesting! Again, thank you so much for sending this ask, this was such a cool thing to do!!!

anonymous asked:

I'm just asking because that post you reblogged really confused me and I'm not sure what it's supposed to mean. It's the one about a man proposing and then a man being married. Does it mean how it's weird (and sexist) that traditionally men are the ones to propose marriage but then married men often complain about how "awful" marriage is?

That’s absolutely what it means. I truly don’t understand this thing where men are expected to act like being married is *so terrible*. It’s a CHOICE. And frankly even in relationships where the woman is pushy, American culture dictates that it’s the man’s responsibility to take the step from dating to marriage. Women don’t usually propose. And even if they did, the man would still be allowed to say no.

This is the reason I can’t stand sitcoms. The stereotype of the poor oppressed man who’s stuck in a lifelong prison sentence with a nagging wife?? Seriously? YOU made the choice to marry THAT woman, and YOU make a choice daily to ignore her when she asks for your help around the house. So this whole idea is literally a man convinces a woman that he is madly in love with her, then after she marries him he treats her like a burden, and then he makes her ask him multiple times for help maintaining THEIR home and calls her nagging for it- and THEN he gets pissed off when she won’t jump into bed with him every single time he’s in the mood. 

Here’s a thought- if you don’t want to have the responsibilities of a married adult human, don’t get married! If you consider marriage to be an end to all fun, don’t get married! If you think a wife is a ball-and-chain who’s primary purpose is to drag you down and destroy your life, don’t get married! If you can’t have honest adult conversations with a female human about sharing the workload of running a home, division of resources, long-term planning, and sex, for the love of sanity, do nOT GET MARRIED. I promise you, no woman wants to be attached to a manchild who considers her a burden because she doesn’t like being his 2nd mom. 

tl;dr IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN FOR YOUR ENTIRE LIFE DO NOT MARRY ONE

luckysee12  asked:

For grease, usually I just turn on the hot water for about a minute, strain whatever meat is cooking so the grease goes down the drain, then leave the tap on for another two minutes or so. Using the hot water makes it so it wont congeal in the pipes

It’s gonna congeal somewhere! Just because it doesn’t clog up right there at the top doesn’t mean it can’t create problems somewhere else. Plus, this is a huge waste of water.

DO NOT POUR GREASE DOWN YOUR SINK.

7 days to Christmas: You don't like Christmas

Hey guys! Welcome to our Christmas Countdown. Hope you like it:) xx-Z.

Ashton
“What’s up with you this year?” Ashton nudged your leg. You’ve been lying on the couch for days, too lazy to do anything.

“I don’t feel like Christmas. Let’s just skip it…” you mumbled into the pillow.

“Nope. No way. Get up. We’re getting you into the Christmas mood,” Ashton ordered and left the room to make some calls. When he returned he had two costumes in his hands.

“One for you, one for me,” he chuckled and pushed a green costume into your lap. It was an Elf costume and as much as you didn’t feel like doing it, it was better than Mrs Clause.

“If we’re going to walk around and try to get other people into Christmas spirit, I’m going to strangle you,” you threated him, but he gave you a secretive grin and promised you that it was going to be worth it.

“This is so tacky,” you complained as you pulled your Elf costume on. Ashton was in the bathroom struggling with his costume. When he opened the door, his head hanging low, his cheeks flooded red with embarrassment, you couldn’t help but burst into laughter. He was wearing a Santa Clause costume and while he still looked surprisingly hot, he was even more ridiculous than you.

“Stop laughing! It’s itchy okay!!!” he complained, but the corners of his lips were already twitching up into a grin so you crossed the bedroom floor and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Honey, you’re the hottest Santa I’ve ever seen,” you murmured against his lips and gave him a deep, encouraging kiss.

“Wait until you see me in action,” he winked down at you and pulled you out of the apartment. After a short ride, throughout which Ashton insisted on singing every single Christmas song he could think of, you arrived to the destination. He still wouldn’t tell you where you were going and since he parked at the back side of a big white building, you couldn’t really make out what the building was. Then a nightmarish thought was born in your mind:

“Please don’t tell me we are going to listen to kids’ wishes in a big shopping mall,” you begged him as you got out of the car. He opened the back door for you and grinned.

“Nope, better.”

The moment you stepped through the door, the smell revealed where you were. You hated the smell, but this time it didn’t make you want to puke. It brought tears to your eyes so you turned to Ashton and hugged him tightly.

“A hospital? Your heart is golden,” you mumbled into his chest and he kissed the top of your head. He knew exactly how to bring Christmas to you.

“Yup and later we are visiting an orphanage. We bought a few gifts for them btw, I hope you don’t mind,” he said carefully and you shook your head against his sweater. You wanted to give your every gift to these kids. You didn’t really need anything and they deserved a happy Christmas.

Calum
“What’s this?” Calum asked when he barged into your apartment without announcing himself. You gave him a key long ago, but you didn’t expect him to get back for Christmas. He was supposed to be still on tour and while you were happy to see him you knew he was going to throw your holidays upside down.

“What?” you asked innocently looking around your empty apartment. Christmas was only a few days away and your apartment still looked like it did every other day during the year. You had no intention of putting the decorations up. You saw no point in that. Ever since you were little every Christmas was burnt into your memory with your parents fighting and you crying in the bedroom. You didn’t enjoy Christmas one bit and your tradition was to eat your sadness away through the whole winter holiday.

“Where is the tree?” Calum asked appalled, opening every single door, looking for at least one decoration. Even the cards you received, were stuffed in the trash.

“There isn’t one… Cal, c’mon. You see me after 3 months and all you care is about some stupid tree?” you asked a bit hurt.

“Um, yeah? I came to celebrate Christmas with you. C’mon, we’re going to buy a tree. A real one. And decorations and food and movies. C’mon, I will carry you if I have to!” he warned and when you crossed your hands on your chest, refusing to give in, he scooped you up into his arms and carried you out of your apartment. When he reached your car he opened the driver’s door for you and placed you in. He ran to the other side, got in and said.

“Drive, drive, drive.”

You obliged, but had a sullen face the whole way. He led you to the closest tree market where there were hundreds of Christmas trees standing around. The smell overtook you as you got out of the car. Calum smiled and sniffed the air.

“Do you think it’s going to snow? I really want it to snow.”

You grunted in response and followed him down the rows of trees. He wasn’t happy with any of them. Finally he spotted the right one and after a bit of arguing about the size, you finally gave in and let him buy it.

“Next stop, food and decorations.”

You spent the whole day going around the shops, following Calum who probably picked up a year’s worth of decorations and food. When you returned home you were knackered and all you wanted to do was go to sleep, but Calum had other things in mind.

“Okay, so we’ll start off slow and easy. A Christmas movie to get you in the mood. We’ll start with How the Grinch Stole Christmas just because you’re being the Grinch right now,” he complained and sat you down next to him on the couch. You rested your head on his chest and let him caress your back while the movie played out.

“This is so cheesy,” you mumbled after the movie was done and Calum chuckled.

“It’s Christmas, baby.”

The next day the annoying sound of Christmas carols woke you up and when you got into the kitchen Calum was already preparing ingredients for cookies, with his apron on and everything. You rolled your eyes and wanted to log on the internet but he seemed to have turned it off.

“Calum?” you asked, scowling at him.

“It’s Christmas!” he threw the flour in the air and ended up coughing when it got stuck in his mouth and nose.

“Stupid,” you muttered, but joined him in the kitchen. He sang along to every song.

“Did Santa promise you to marry you if you make me a Christmas fanatic?” you asked Calum sarcastically when he knew very well that Christmas has never been your cup of tea.

“Yup. Don’t you think I’m going to look hot in the Mrs Clause dress?” he wagged his eyebrows at you and you couldn’t help but smile at him. He was such a dork and no matter how grumpy you were he always managed to make your face hurt from smiling.

“You’d look hot in anything, babe,” you muttered, closing in on him. He took your hands tenderly and pulled you into the dancing pose. He twirled you around the kitchen as All I Want For Christmas Is You began playing on the radio. His eyes never left yours and his hands led you over the floor like you were flying above every cloud and every star. Halfway through the song you stopped him and turned down the radio. You closed your eyes and sang: “And I’m just gonna keep on waiting underneath the mistletoe.”

From behind your back you pulled up a mistletoe and kissed him. His expression went from shocked to surprised and excited. He deepened the kiss and ended the song by twirling you to the window.

“I think Santa gave me a perfect Christmas this year,” he whispered into your ear as he pointed to the snow whitening the world outside.

Luke

Luke invited you to spend Christmas with his family in Australia. He was always away from them due to tours and shows, so spending Christmas with them meant the most to him and having you along was supposed to be perfect. The only thing he didn’t plan on was you not really being into it. You grew up to snowy Christmas with cold and clouds, hot beverages and tacky clothes, but in Australia it was too hot for clothes and you could only dream about snow.

“I can’t thank you enough for coming here,” Luke murmured into your ear as he picked you up at the already decorated airport. You cringed at the sun outside and smiled at Luke. You were happy to see him, but you felt like a hypocrite for hating their Christmas. You could only hope to be able to play along until it was over. Next year it was his turn to spend Christmas with your family, so everything was going to be fine as long as you kept smiling.

“Hello darling, how’s everything?” Liz welcomed you with a hug. She loved having you around and you were sure that if anyone was going to notice how upset you were it was going to be her, so you smiled wider than ever and asked her about the dinner, kids and grandkids. She loved talking about every single one of them.

“Help me cook this, please. So many people are coming to dinner tonight, I can’t handle everything myself.”

You were more than glad to help her. It kept your mind busy and your sadness away from Luke.

“So what’s bothering you? Has Luke done something?” Liz asked when you were busy chopping the onions.

“It’s just the onions,” you pointed at your tears which weren’t only due to onion cutting, but Liz didn’t have to know that.

“Love, I know you and I can see something is wrong…” she pushed further and you gave her a tired look. You didn’t want to bother her with this so you came up with the closest and easiest excuse.

“It’s the first time I’m spending Christmas away from my family,” you told her and she gave you a worried, caring face, hugging you from the side. She was like a mum to everyone and you knew she was going to make sure the Christmas was perfect for you.

___

“Wanna go to the beach?” Luke asked you kindly after everything for the dinner was already prepared. Liz shooed you out of the kitchen so you didn’t really have a reason to say no.

“Sure,” you smiled and he took your hand. Ever since Luke had a license he loved driving you around so he made sure to drive you to the nicest beach in Sidney.

“How do you like Australian Christmas?” he nudged you in the ribs after parking the car as close to the beach as possible.

“It’s interesting,” you told him and stepped out of the car. The sun was about to set and you wanted to see it drop into the sea.

“Aren’t we going to be late for dinner?” you turned to Luke who was already standing behind you, his arms wrapped around your middle.

“No, Mum said we have good 2 hours,” he smiled and dragged you down the beach until you could see the sunset clearly. He pulled you down and gave you a deep kiss before letting you admire the sunset.

He told you stories about his childhood Christmas mornings and the way his brothers teased him. He told you why Australia means so much to him and when the sun was set, you felt guiltier than ever.

“Let’s go,” he kissed your temple and led you back to the car. When you got to the house, everything was dark, not a light on.

“What’s going on?” you were confused and scared. Luke seemed to be clueless as well so he stood in front of you, protecting you in a way that didn’t seem to brave but you still appreciated it.

“Is anybody home?” his voice echoed down the house, but an answer never came back. Luke hurried up the stairs, his hand gripping yours tightly. He motioned at you to keep quite as weird voices originated from his bedroom.

Luke cracked the door and pulled you closer. When you could see through the door, you gasped. The whole room was covered in pretend snow, little fairly lights placed all over the ceiling. Cold breeze shook your bones, but Luke was ready with a warm hot chocolate already in his hands. You snuggled into him and kissed the back of his hand.

“You’re incredible,” you told him and pulled him into the bedroom for a million kisses in the snow.

“No, I’m Santa,” he shot back with a smirk on his lips.

Michael

“Babe!” Michael’s voice sounded from the living room. You were trying to get some work done in the bedroom while he was relaxing with video games.

“Yeah?” you yelled back, not really bothered enough to stand up and go talk to him like a normal human being would.

“We should go Christmas shopping today,” he yelled back, cursing at his game.

“I don’t know, I kind of have a lot of work to do this year. We’ll probably not going to be at home at all so what’s the point in decorating?” now you couldn’t yell anymore so you walked through a few doors and leaned over the couch to touch Michael’s shoulders.

“I don’t know. Christmas?!” He argued back, obviously convinced he was going to have a Christmas.

“Fine, then go alone, I really have too much to do,” you told him placing a kiss on his cheek.

“Honey?” he cooed with an all-too-sweet voice.

You turned on the doorstep and murmured a “yeah?”.

“If I go buy decorations alone, instead of a star at the top of the Christmas tree, we’re gonna have a dick, and instead of baubles, we’re gonna have boobs of every size and colour - the soft ones that you can squeeze. I’m going to come to the Christmas dinner in my birthday suit instead of a Christmas sweater and just to make it a bit interesting I’m going to wear a Santa hat with a dick painted on…”

“Okay, okay, stop. I’m going with you!” you cut him off knowing he was very well capable of doing everything he mentioned. And even though you tried your best, you still ended up having a Christmas tree with one boob decoration and a penis one beside it. Michael never seemed prouder of anything in his whole life.