coochy

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Real niggas do not care about coochie hair “I done walked through the woods…”

  • Me: Oh coochie coochie coo, waneenee. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy, c'mere my smol baby. Awe look at those eyes and those cheeks, such strong teeth. You're a really beautiful color, did you know?
  • Crocodile: *stares intently at me*
✨Hoe tips #1 -✨💆🏻

Hope you like my first hoe tips and beauty tips thread! These pearls of wisdom really help me a lot. Let me know what you think.


-💗 COCONUT OIL WILL TURN YOUR HAIR INTO SILK leave on overnight or if u don’t have time use a hairdryer to heat ur hair for 10 minutes for the oil to sink in. Wash with shampoo to make sure the oil is out and enjoy ur beautiful hair

-💗 tie your hair before you sleep and during sex, preferably in a ponytail or a very loose and low bun, if its damaged and tangles/frizzes easily in bed. Trust me this has saved my hair from breaking apart

-💗 chuck out ur foam and shave ur coochie with baby oil hell shave ur whole body with this beautiful oil just be careful not to apply it too close to the vaginal opening as u should only wash that area with water or a feminine wash

-💗 bicarbonate of soda or COFFEE granules are cheap easy and natural face scrubs/masks and will leave ur skin baby soft

-💗 for acne - sudocrem, witch hazel oil, tea tree oil are all cheap and effective

-💗 honey, lemon juice and olive oil mask for acne scars use everyday or every other day for half an hour and keep it up for a few months

-💗 don’t use coconut oil to moisturise ur face it has been proved it blocks ur pores which can cause acne

-💗 always leave spare clean panties, leggings/trackies and a top in ur car so if u stay round someone’s place u can sleep and chill comfortably n keep sexy underwear with u in ur bag just incase

-💗 a cup of apple cider vinegar in your bath will restore ur coochie’s pH to its normal state so less discomfort for u ☺️

-💗 for soft baby feet, pumice the dry heels then coat them with Vaseline and put clean socks over before u sleep and ur bae will be wanting to stroke them all day

-💗if ur into guys, carry condoms in ur purse at all times; don’t expect them to provide them all the time because truth is they don’t always n u don’t wanna be in that position where ur risking ur sexual health

-💗 combo of double wear foundation n urban decay all nighter setting spray is sex proof

-💗 coconut oil is good natural lube for giving head to guys , and the taste is good too.

More to come! ❤️

Taking care of your kitty.

Ladies, time for some self care advice.

Your coochie deserves as much attention as your face when it comes to taking care of it. Maintaining proper hygene and going the extra mile to ensure everything is perfectly healthy and balanced down there will minimize your risk of bacteria, infections, bad smell and dryness. Your partner will also thank you!

Here’s what you should do.

-Neveeeeeeeeer use soap/ bodywash on or near your kitty.                  The harsh chemicals and the high pH level will disimbalance the delicate flora of the vag and can cause long term issues as well as leave you exposed to threats like yeast infection. Vagina is a self cleaning organ. You can use a femine wash though I would advice for simple, plain water.

-Do not use hair removal creams!                                                                    I would avoid them all together but if its your preffered method of hair removal at least keep them away from your coochie as they will cause a yeast infection!

-Avoid douches at all costs!                                                                           They might make you feel fresher but they won’t help with odor or cleaness plus they actually increase the risk of infections.

-Drink your water!                                                                                           Do I even need to say more? Just do it… Jesus…

-Cranberry extract.                                                                                          You’ll find it at the drugstore, usually in a softgel form. Cranberries are very beneficial as they strengthen the urinary tract and prevent UTI. Also they will make your kitty taste and smell delish.

-Pinapple juice.                                                                                            This will also help with vag odor and taste.

-Probiotics.                                                                                                   Consume foods with probiotics like greek yogurt, kimchi, kombucha, etc… You don’t have to take supplements unless you feel extremelly imbalanced or you’re taking/recovering from antibiotics. If you seek supplements look for the ones that are suitable for the vaginal flora.

-ACV baths.                                                                                                  Once in a few weeks pour 1-2 cups of apple cider vingar in a warm bathtub and sit for 20 minutes or longer. This will help lower your pH.

-Always use a condom.                                                                                      If latex condoms make you sore or give you a rash switch to latex free.


Enjoy a healthier kitty babes.

Shaving 101: ultimate guide for extra sensitive skin.

Ladies gather up. For years I’ve suffered from ultra sensitive skin especially around my bikini area and inner thighs. I know a lot of you deal with the same problems so I’m making a very extensive post about NATURAL and SKIN FRIENDLY ways to combat these issues as well as share my personal shaving routine.

Firstly let me clear this up: DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, PUT ALCOHOL OR DEODORANT ON THESE SENSITIVE AREAS.

I’ve seen many posts online about girls that use alcohol as a toner, or apply cream deodorant and Nivea aftershave balm to prevent razor bumps. While these products will help alleviate the symptoms they will harm your skin in the long run. So stay away!

In my experience there are two types of problems:

Immediate: these appear during or directly after shaving. (Pain during shaving, cuts, irritation)

Post shave: these appear hours or days after shaving (irritation, bumps, ingrown hairs)

So let’s take it from the start.

Baths and soaks: now this is not a totally necessary step but soaking in warm water prior to shaving will help soften both the skin and the hair and provide a more pleasant experience.

Avoid using any body wash or bubble bath as it will disturb your ph levels and is especially unhealthy for your vagina.
Prefer ingredients like salts(detoxifies, provides minerals), baking soda(detoxifies), apple cider vinegar (balances ph), herbs & teas (soften skin, smooth, hydrate, calm and so on), milk (hydrates skin, mildly exfoliates, softens), honey (hydrates, softens)

Exfoliation: this is an essential step if you suffer from ingrown hair and additionally helps give a closer shave.

You have a few different options. You can either use a glove/loofah/mitt/sponge or a scrub

Again avoid commercial scrubs as the chemicals in them are extremely unnecessary and unhealthy for your skin. Invest in a quality natural product or create your own with ingredients you already have in your kitchen in the fraction of the time and cost.

A simple scrub recipe I enjoy:

Sugar (brown or white)
Oil (I use coconut but any oil will work)
Lemon juice
Lemon zest

Add the desired amount of sugar in a container or mixing bowl. Put in the zest. Slowly pour in the oil until all sugar granules are coated but not saturated in it. Finally add the lemon juice until you reach the desired consistency.

Both the lemon juice and lemon zest are completely optional. The juice helps lighten any marks while the zest gives a refreshing smell.
You can substitute cinnamon and vanilla extract for a sweet, more wintery smell or just leave it plain.

Use the sugar scrub around your kitty but be extremely cautious not to get it inside as it might cause imbalances and yeast infections.

Do not substitute salt for sugar as it’s too harsh and will sting during shaving.

DO NOT USE BABY OIL. I can’t even believe that this is a product intended for babies! The ingredients are disgusting and extremely harmful.

Here’s why:

“Traditional baby oil is typically mineral oil, a petroleum-based ingredient. Mineral oil coats the skin just like a plastic wrap and messes with your baby’s natural immune barrier. This inhibits the skin’s ability to breathe and compromises its capacity to release toxins.”

Keep it away from you and your coochie.

Shave: if you chose a scrub just rinse off the granules with lukewarm water but DO NOT wash off the oil. It will protect your skin from the blades and prevent burns, cuts, irritation and discomfort. If you are using an oil free option to exfoliate you will need to apply oil afterwards. (Again choose the oil that suits you best.)

Choose a men’s razor with four blades (My favorite is Gillette fusion pro glide) and change the blades often.

Typically the oil is more than enough. If though you have supah sensitive skin and especially if you are shaving for a second day in a row you might wanna try shaving UNDERWATER. Yes you read that right. This method saved me!! Just sit as comfortably as you can in the tub and submerge the parts you want to shave in the warm water WITH THE OIL ON and shave.

Aftercare: use a gentle body wash to remove the oil from your body and a feminine wash or plain water to rinse your kitty.

Use a clean towel and pat the shaved areas dry.

I use alcohol free witch hazel as a toner on the areas where I’m prone to breakouts and bumps to naturally and gently disinfect the skin and close the pores. You can also mix apple cider vinegar with water in a 1:3 ratio and use that instead.

As a second step I like to slather on some aloe Vera gel to hydrate and smooth the skin.

Once it’s soaked I top everything off with some natural aftershave balm (my favorite is the bulldog original aftershave balm, it’s super cheap and all natural)

The following days: you can apply some moisturizer or oil with a few drops of tea tree oil on the areas where you get razor bumps and post shave breakouts to eliminate them. I like to use Aloe Vera gel consistently to moisturize and smooth sensitive areas.

This is it ladies! I hope it’s helpful!!

Post about vagina care coming soon!! Follow @diamondbabes for more 😉

Hoe tips #2 💗🌟

Hi beautiful ladies, I’m here with more tips from my experiences and to help u with day to day hoeing and health n beauty tips 💜 enjoy ur day

✨- every hoe who drives should have a car ‘kit’ in the glove compartment or somewhere to store:
-backup contraception and condoms (sexual health is 🔑)
-baby wipes
-deodorant
-gum
-tampons
-water bottle
-both spare sexy panties and chill panties
-chill clothes than can double as pj’s (tracksuits, leggings, vest etcetera)
-lotion

✨- use shimmer body lotion to make ur skin n limbs look radiant n a lil sexier than they already do (beautiful hoes come in all shapes n sizes💜) even a cheap one like dove or VS does the trick n ur skin feels soft to touch too

✨- don’t forget to castor oil ur eyebrows every night

✨- be a confident hoe.. Smile more n sit with good posture n u will appear more confident n approachable

✨- warm n wet camomile tea bags help get rid of eye infections n eye bags really well and it works amazingly for tired puffy eyes too lay down for a while and place them on ur closed eyes

✨- WATER n green tea, drink them both (skip the tea if ur caffeine sensitive)

✨- if u self tan like me, get you some exfoliating gloves. Actually everyone get them, they revolutionised my skincare routine n now I don’t need to buy or make body scrubs unless I wanna treat myself on the odd occasion

✨- always wear spf on ur face and under ur makeup even when it’s cloudy

✨- always wash ur face in cool or lukewarm water n avoid doing it in the hot shower as the heat n pressure can upset the skin

✨- as tempting as it is to make it smell like ur shower product for when ur getting head, don’t clean ur coochie with ur shower gel it can upset the pH n cause infections such as thrush and BV as well as parched skin

✨- spray ur pressure points (behind ears, insides of elbows n knees, inner thighs, décolletage, wrists) n ur perfume will linger all day

✨- exfoliate ur lips too! Make ur own white sugar scrub (or buy from LUSH) or use a wet flannel or an old toothbrush n rub very gently

shiv

///


November 14th.
In the coffee shop,
the man in the
Make America Great Again hat
smiles at me, so I take this
as an invitation.


“Pardon me, but I have to ask—
do you think Trump’s
ideologies keep every person
in this country safe?“


He doesn’t hesitate.


“Ma’am, I can’t get wrapped up
in identity politics, all I can
worry about is how
I’m going to feed my girls.”


///


At my 40th birthday party,
an acquaintance asks
why we have “so much
Mexican art in the house.”

“It might be because I’m Mexican,” I say.

“No,” he laughs, “you’re not Mexican.”

“Yes. I am.”

“No,” he continues, reassuringly,
“and if you are, you’re only, maybe, 17%.“

The winter air stiffens between us.
An old, familiar pain.


///


There was a time when I
would have thanked him.


The early years,
when I wanted only to pass,
to rid myself of my last name—
the dead giveaway,
its muddy lineage


crawl out from the burying shame
that held me down every time
my father picked me up
from school in our shitty car,
his bushy mustache
& brown face
magnified by the sun.


///


A local white woman
posts a photo of her new tattoo:
a Mayan god etched eternal
on her flesh. When I point out
the disrespect, she assures me
she speaks Spanish fluently,
spent three years
in South America.


For the next six hours,
I argue with her friends.
They demand I quit being so
divisive. Judgemental. Close-minded.


“We have a racist running for President,
and you’re complaining about a tattoo?”
asks the white boy, who spray paints
murals all over this city
with impunity.


O, to be permitted the luxury
of only worrying about one thing at a time.


O, to be white in America,
to wake up knowing every god is your god.


///


When you never see yourself,
you search for yourself all the time.


You know the white girl
in the sombrero isn’t you.
The bro dude in Calavera makeup
isn’t either, not the ponchos
and glued on mustaches,
not the lowrider Chevy
in the Disney movie
or the hoochie-coochie
sex pot on the Emmy
award-winning television show.


Maybe you are only this:


the scorched bird pulled
from the chimney,
covered in soot.
Not the actual bird,
its velvet sack
of jigsaw’d bones,
but the feeling
of recognition.


The ash of knowing.


///


A white comedian tells this joke:
“I used to date Hispanics,
but now I prefer consensual.”


The audience laughs.
And you do, too.
Until the punchline hardens,
translates into a stone
in your throat.


You swallow it, like you always do.


You don’t change the channel,
but you also can’t remember
a single joke she tells after that.


A few months later, the comedian’s career
blows up. She’s so real. So edgy.
Such a hardcore feminist.
When someone writes an essay on
her old stand-up routines—
noting her blindspot when it comes to race,


her response is:


“It is a joke and it is funny.
I know that because people laugh at it.”


///


If two Mexicans are in a car, who is driving?
A police officer.


How do you starve a Mexican?
Put their food stamps in their work boots.


What’s the difference between a Mexican and an elevator?
One can raise a child.


What do you call a Mexican baptism?
Bean dip


How do you stop a Mexican from robbing your house?
Put a help wanted sign in the window.


What do you call a Mexican driving a BMW?
Grand theft auto


What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?
Unemployed


What do you call a building full of Mexicans?
Jail


How do you keep Mexicans from stealing?
Put everything of value on the top shelf.


What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running downhill?
A mudslide.


Why don’t Mexicans play Hide ’n Seek?
No one will look for them.


What does a Mexican get for Christmas?
Your TV.


What do you call the Arizona man shot to death
by his white neighbor, screaming, “Go back to Mexico!”
Juan Varela


///


November 29th.
For weeks, I’ve avoided
eye contact with strangers.
My face is a closed curtain.
My mouth, the most
decorated knife.
I pay for groceries,
grab the receipt &
let my half-hearted
thank yous trail like smoke.
I no longer want to see
who refuses to see me.


Anyone is everyone.


///


December 1st.
I keep waking up.
There isn’t anyone
white enough to stop me.


Pantomime the living until
the body remembers:
wicked bitch. Bloodwhirl.
Patron Saint of the Grab Back.


Still. Still. Still. Still. Still. Still here.


///


I etch my own face upon my wicked flesh.
I am my own devastating god.

 


Rachel McKibbens, Dec. 2016

I Hate You (Harry Hook X Reader)

Originally posted by lavendertitties

A/N: I was actually really happy with how this one turned out. I hope you guys like it xxx
Request: Yes!
What about about something with Harry and the daughter of Meg and Hercules? Idk with that wit I feel like they would be a good pair ya know!
Words: 3700 (Holy shit this was a lot longer than planned)
Warnings: Swearing and Fluff


“Ben! I said no. Which word don’t you understand?”
“Come on Y/N, I’m desperate. What am I supposed to do? Turn him away?”
“Come to think of it that’s not such a bad idea”
You knew something was up when Ben called you to his office that morning, he only had meetings there when he wanted something from you. And sure enough, there you were, being sucked into some plan you wanted nothing to do with.
“Y/N it’s not permanent! Just until we make some other arrangements” he said, looking at you with wide eyes, a tactic that usually caused you to cave in.
“I don’t see why it always has to be me!” You fired back, crossing your arms over your chest in protest.
You refused to back down. Being the daughter of Hercules and Meg meant you were fiercely competitive in a way that was often confused for blatant stubbornness, and felt less than enthusiastic to take orders from somebody else. You liked to make your own rules.
“Well, you’re the only student left who doesn’t have a room-mate”
“Fine. Then I’ll take Uma. She seems to just want to keep to herself which is perfectly fine by me.”
You didn’t mind really compromising too much, you’re mothers nature as much of a part of your personality as your father’s.
“She’s rooming with Mal and Evie”.
You spluttered and tried to stop yourself from laughing, knowing full well that living arrangement wouldn’t last for long.
“Queen of hearts daughter?”
“With Lonnie”
You rolled your eyes and sighed
“Okay then, never mind. What about Gil? Gil seems pretty harmless”
“With Jay and Carlos”
“Leah Gothel?”
“Staying with Jane”
“Come on Ben, work with me! What about… um … I don’t know … Hayley Facilier?”
“She’s with Audrey. Look Y/N, I’m only asking because there’s no other option. We’re all out of rooms!”.
You tapped your feet, there was no way you were giving up that easily.
“I swear there’s a rule about boys and girls having separate rooms”
“ Y/N, I’m King, I make the rules”
You huffed once more, taking another deep breath before making a decision you knew you’d regret.
“Okay fine! I’ll room with the pirate!” Ben’s eyes lit up  "What did you say his name is again?“
“Harry. Harry Hook. Thanks Y/N! You won’t regret this!” He said, grabbing your shoulders and pulling you to your dorm.
‘Hmmm” you answered, not entirely convinced the King was right.

You stopped and turned to Ben one more time before opening your dorm door.
“This is going to end badly,” you said flatly.
‘You’ve already said that"
“Yeah, well it seemed worth repeating”.
He chuckled at you, clearly thinking you were joking. You weren’t.
“Come on. He can’t be that bad,” Ben replied, opening the door for you and peering inside your dorm. He nearly jumped out of his skin. “Oh ..wow! This is, well… Different”.
Different was an understatement. You felt your blood start to boil as a you were faced with a tall, red leather jacket clad brunette, swing from your light fitting, painting a red line onto the ceiling that travelled down the walls and across the floor. Most of the walls were tagged with black and red graffiti reading “We ride with the tide” and the floors were already cluttered with miscellaneous pirate paraphernalia. It was safe to say you lost your cool.
“WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY ROOM!” You screamed charging towards the boy, leaving Ben sheepishly in the doorway.
He dropped from the ceiling so he was stood in front of you, twirling a paintbrush in one hand, a silver hook in the other.
“I decided to make some, how do I put this, improvements. Didn’t think yeh’d mind” He grinned at you taking another step towards you, putting his face uncomfortably close yours. “The names Harry Hook … And you are?”
“GOING TO KILL YOU!” You pushed him backwards “Get this off my walls right now!” You yelled gesturing to the spray paint covering every surface as you charged around the dorm.
“Aren’t ye just a ray of bloody sunshine” he retorted, whistling an unfamiliar tune as he strutted over towards you. “Oh, and seeing as we are skipping the introductions, I thought I’d tell yeh, you’re on my side of the room darlin’ ”.
Your eyes darted towards the pirate, to Ben, and then to the red line, separating one section to the other room to the other. He couldn’t be serious.
“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me” you muttered, starting to square up to Harry who was still grinning at you like a lunatic. He reached forwards, biting the air in front of you.
“Trust me when I say that I don’t do jokes” he replied, barely above a whisper, pushing his hook into the centre of your chest. You shoved it away.
“Ben!” You yelled expecting the King to say something, anything that would be of any use to the situation. He didn’t.
“Well, I’ve got to be going” Ben replied nervously, starting to walk away “I’ll leave you two to… um.. work things out for yourselves”
“Ben! Don’t you dare walk away from me right now!” You shouted after him but it was too late, he was already gone.
“I wouldn’t waste your breath princess, he’s gone”
“I’m not a princess” you growled, charging towards the door after Ben “I’m the daughter of Hercules which makes me a goddess” you added pointedly.
“Ooo, I’m so incredibly sorry your Royal highness. Do forgive me for forgetting to bow down” he replied sarcastically pretending not to have heard you, waving his hook flamboyantly before curtsying.
“I’M NOT A FUCKING PRINCESS! Now look! In fact you know what.. Forget this.”
You charged out of the room but stuck your head, back around the door frame. “This isn’t over Hook”
“Ready for round two when you are…” He paused for a second and smirked “… Princess”
You screamed at him as you stormed down the hallway, knowing full well that life just got a whole lot more difficult.

When you returned to your room later that night, you vowed to prepare for an all out war. Harry Hook was by far the most snarky, inconsiderate human being you had ever met and despite the fact that, yes you found him wildly physically attractive, you wanted him as far away from you as humanly possible. Your plan, as genius as it was, was relatively simple. Annoy the shit out of him until he had no choice but to leave. It was going to be fun.

“Y/N, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING! IT’S 3AM”
The pirate pulled himself up from his from his bed, clutching at his ears, glaring at you through the darkness. Struggling to stand up properly, he reached for the light switch, flooding the dorm room with light. There you were, casually vacuuming the carpet in the middle of the night, making sure to create as much noise as humanly possible.
“I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW THE PLACE COULD DO WITH A LITTLE CLEAN UP,” you yelled, competing for your voice to be heard above the whirring of the vacuum.
You smirked to yourself, the look on Harry’s face was priceless, a mixture of anger and pure confusion.
“TURN IT OFF”
“Nope!” You said in a sing song voice, continuing to move the vacuum up and down across the carpet.
“Y/N I said turn it off now!” Harry growled, charging towards you and taking it from your hands.
“You know, I don’t find you at all intimidating while you’re stood in pyjamas with tiny pirate ships on them” you cooed at him, squeezing his cheeks “Coochy Coochy coo!”
Harry looked down at himself, bare chested wearing only a pair of rather embarrassing shorts. You chuckled at his scowl.
“I could hurt yeh” he said, pulling himself closer and teasing through your hair with his hook “My enemies don’t usually last this long before I hook their pretty little faces”
“Oh how sweet of you! You must really love me then because the last time I checked my face was still in tact”.
You placed a piece of gum you were chewing on the end of his hook and danced on back to bed.
“You’ll regret doing this Y/N,” he said bitterly, pulling the vacuum chord and trudging back over to his bed.
“Sure I will. Right, well I do love having these little chats with you but I have an important meeting with Fairy Godmother in the morning so I’m going to sleep”
With that the lights turned out and you collapsed backwards into bed, feeling slightly accomplished.
“You don’t know what you’ve started princess” whispered the pirate inaudible “You don’t know what you’ve started”

King Ben didn’t really know what to expect when he trudged back up to Y/N’s dorm room the following morning. There had been noise complaints all night from neighbouring rooms on the same wing so he had guessed they still hadn’t worked out their very apparent  differences. He knocked on their door but after no reply he pushed it open himself. He had no idea what to say when he walked in on you pelting Harry with your shoes.
“I swear down Hook where are they?” You howled, picking up a flip flop and throwing it in Harry’s general direction.
He dodged it, virtually crying from laughter as you continue to stomp about.
“I have absolutely no idea what yeh talking about Y/N” he chuckled, clearly lying, catching a high heel and lobbing it back towards you.
“Harry! Please! I have to go, where are my shoes?” You begged, trying to reason with him.
“They’re all over the bloody place!” Neither of you had even noticed Ben standing there observing your thought-provoking behaviour.
“YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW THAT! THEY’RE ALL LEFT SHOES! THERE ARE NO FULL PAIRS”
Harry convulsed with laughter again until a ballet pump hit him in the face mid-flight.
“Now was that really necessary Princess?”
“I’M NOT A PRINCESS FOR THE LAST TIME!” You yelled at him, finally deciding that you would just have to go barefoot.
You spotted Ben “I told you this was a bad idea” you said, waggling your finger at him. The poor King was speechless.
“Prin-cess, prin-cess,prin-cess…” Harry started chanting in a whisper, causing you to shoot round and glare at him. He was still smirking.
“It’s okay Harry,” You said as you left with Ben, “Because last night, after I finished vacuuming, I fed your pirate hat through the paper shredder”

You and Harry refused to speak to each other until the next morning, when you continued your plan to irritate Harry until he had no choice but to move out. Subtlety was key in your opinion, so all of your moves were small and calculated.
“Morning Harry” you said as sweetly as you could manage, “I made you coffee”.
The boy, furrowed his eyebrows, confused by the gesture but took the mug anyway.
‘You ever hear of a little bit of gratitude?“ You mumbled as you made your way into the bathroom to brush your teeth.
“Apparently not. Please, enlighten me. Give me the benefit of ye vast wisdom” he replied sarcastically, following you.
“Keep rolling your eyes Hook, you might find your brain back their”. You ran your toothbrush under the tap as he winked at you through the bathroom mirror.
He took a sip of his coffee.
“Did you?” He spat the whole thing out “Ye petty little shit. Replacing sugar with salt. I bet ye finding this so very funny aren’t yeh” Harry said completely deadpan.
“Hilarious actually” you remarked, putting the toothpaste onto the bristles and starting to brush your teeth.
“You know what’s even more hilarious?” He started, so you turned your head to face him. The corners of his lips tugged up into a smirk. “Last night, I used your toothbrush”        

“Ben I can’t do this anymore!” You complained to your best friend as you headed to the Tourney fields.
“What do you mean?”
“I woke up this morning to find that he had covered the entirety of my side of the room in pink post it notes, including me, when I was sleeping!” you said, throwing your hands up in the air
Ben gave you a stern look.
“Y/N you’re even worse. Yesterday, when you took his hook, he spent the whole day traipsing around campus with a pirate map you gave him, trying to find it. After all that you’d hidden it under his bed!”
“That was pretty funny though” you said, trying to contain your giggles.
“See you’re just as bad as each other. If I didn’t know any better I’d think you even liked him”
You punched the King in the arm playfully. As much as you wanted it not to be true, you had a sneaking suspicion that Ben was right. All you could think about was Harry, whether it was good or bad, and in some very strange way you began growing fond of the pirate. It was very worrying and you wanted more than anything for it to stop
“Ben you don’t know anything”

You returned back to your room that night, carrying the next stage of the plan. Smiling to yourself as you propped open the door with one hand, cradling Harry’s surprise with the other.
“Honey I’m home!” You screeched jokingly.
“Aren’t I just over the moon” Harry replied, jumping up from the sofa holding one of my dresses which he had cut holes into.
Then he looked at me.
“What the hell are ye holding?”
“Oh this,” you said, setting it down on the floor “This Harry is a cat.”
The kitten looked at me before darting off, springing up onto the window sill and curling up into a ball to sleep.
“I know it’s a fucking cat Y/N.  I want to know why ye brought it into our room” he said, quieter than you would have expected, bringing his face extremely close to yours again. You could feel his breath against you skin.
“Do you always use flirting as an intimidation technique or is it just me who’s personal space you invade on a daily basis”
“Y/N! I’m allergic to cats”
“Oh really! I never knew that.” You lied.
Of course you knew, that was the whole reason you got the cat in the first place.
“Mr Shnookem’s is staying exactly where he is”
“I’m telling ye now Y/N, the first time you take yeh eyes of that thing I’ll…”
You pushed your index finger to his lips, taking him by surprise.
“ Shhh I don’t want to hear it Harry”
You dropped your hand and walked to Mr Shnookem’s, just as he sneezed hysterically, giggling to yourself as you felt his eyes burn into you.

*Short time skip to the end of the week*

“HAROLD FUCKING HOOK!”
“Geez Y/N, with the amount of times you scream my name a day next door probably think we are…”
“What have you done with him?”
You had woken up to find Mr Shnookem’s was no longer sat at the foot of your bed like he did every night, and had spent the whole morning searching for him. You had checked everywhere the kitten could have wander off to, to no avail, with Harry being the only logical culprit for his disappearance.
“Yeh not seriously talking about that mangey cat are ye?” He asked barely looking up from the bowl of cake he was eating
“That cat never did anything to you” you spat “Well, tell me! What have you done with him?”
Harry raised an eyebrow at you, still not moving.
“I didn’t touch the stupid thing. Ye probably scared it off with ye non-stop scre…”
“I HATE YOU!” You slammed your hands down on the table Harry was sat at.
You loved that cat and were becoming more concerned and annoyed at Harry every second he refused to tell you where it’d gone. Harry slammed his bowl full of cake down and stood up, to stare you in the eye.
“Oh, ye hate me?” The pirate began “Join the club! There are weekly meetings at the corner of Fuck You Street and Kiss my Ass Boulevard”
“And to think I was finally warming up to the idea of becoming friends with you,” You said, but the tone was far more dispirited than you had expected it to be.
You turned and started to trudge away, before the pirate could see you tear up.
“Can ye stop accusing me for one min… Wait, are ye crying?” Harry’s voice softened towards the end of his sentence, a hint of confusion etched into the Scottish accent.
As much as you tried, you couldn’t help but cry. You looked back at Harry with blurry eyes, watching his shift in demeanour as he tried to work out what to do about the situation.
“I want my cat back!” You wailed like a toddler, your face crumpling as you wiped your running nose, no longer caring what he thought of you.
Harry dropped his smirk and instinctively pulled you into a hug, wrapping his strong arms around, and stroking the back of your head.
“Ye know I really didn’t do anything to him” he started, squeezing you a little tighter. “But if that stupid cat means that much to ye, I’ll help ye find it”
You shuffled backwards a little, looking up at Harry who towered slightly above you.
“Thanks,” you said meekly “I’d like that”.

Harry took your hand as you scowered the grounds of Auradon Prep for the runaway cat, purposefully ignoring your gaze as your palms brushed beside one another. It had become dark by now so the two of you began calling out for the kitten, pointing a torch in the direction of any trees or bushes where he could have been hiding.
“MR SHNOOKEM’S!” Harry called out, “Ye couldn’t have picked a more ridiculous name now could ye?”
“Hey! I think it’s cute,” you defended “Ridiculous, yes, but cute. MR SHNOOKEMS!”
“Sounds like somebody I know” the pirate mumbled.
“Did you jus…”
“MR SHNOOKEMS!” Yelled Harry cutting you off mid-sentence.
Your eyes lingered on Harry’s face, fixated on the blue of his eyes. He caught you smiling at him.
“What?” He asked.
“Nothing it’s just, maybe you’re not as bad as I thought”
“Are ye softening up to me Y/N?” Harry joked, a hint of cheekiness leaking back into his accent.
“Shut it! The word bad is still in the sentence” You laughed, lacing your fingers tighter with his.
“Oh thank god! I would have had to cancel my war plans if not. Ye should see what I have planned for tomorrow”  
“Of all the possible villains, why did I have to get you?” You sighed theatrically, clearly joking.
'Of all the princess’s why did I have to get…“
At the mention of the word princess you shoved Harry backwards, causing him to stumble and fall head first into one of the flowerbeds surrounding the castle. You burst into hysterical laughter, before offering a hand to the pirate, who was whispering profanities to himself
“Yeh way stronger than you look ye kn… Well, well well, look what we have here!”
From the flower bed Harry pulled a very scruffy but easily recognisable Mr Shnookem’s, scooping it up in his arms and handing him you. Immediately, you nuzzled your face into the cats fur, wrapping it in a warm embrace. A beaming smile spread across both of your faces, as the two of you let out an ecstatic cheer, Harry grabbing one of your hands to twirl around in glee, celebrating at your success.
“We found him!” You giggled.
“I found him,” Harry corrected, sticking his tongue out at you and reeling you in closer with the hand he had been spinning you with
You pouted.
“I love you” you said, barely above a whisper.
“If ye tell that damn cat ye love him one more time, I swear I’ll…”
“I wasn’t talking about to the cat”
There was an uneasy silence that seemed to last a lifetime
“Y/N, your lip’s bleeding”
“How can that possibly matter?,” you said panicked at the confession you accidentally made and the fact that Harry wasn’t reacting “Did you not hear what I just sa..”
He didn’t give you time to react before he leaned in and kissed you, a subtle taste of metallic blood lingering across your lips. He ran his hand down your neck and along your collarbone, pulling away and blinking at you. You flung yourself into his arms, Mr Shnookem’s and all, letting go of the remaining reservations you had about the pirate boy . You ran your fingers along Harry’s cheekbones, down his chest and curving onto his back, tracing the contours of his shoulders blades. You felt him shudder slightly at your touch creating a the buzz of electricity. You reached for his hand, pressing your thumb against his wrist as he snuggled into your hair. You could feel the blood going through his veins, an indicator of how fast his heart was beating.
Neither of you moved until the kitten climbed between the two of you and began to lick Harry’s face. You laughed a little.
“See, Mr Shnookem’s does like you”
“I’m still allergic to the bloody thing” Harry shot back, pushing you playfully by the shoulder to get the cat away from him.
“It’s a good job I picked up these for you then,” You said, reaching into you back pocket and shaking a tub of allergy medication at Harry.
He titled his head at you, staring into your eyes with a mixture of curiosity and amusement.
“What?” You said, picking at a thread on your jumper nervously  "You forgot to pick up your prescription”
Harry let out a hearty belly laugh and wrapped you back into a hug, squeezing you until you have to pull away for air.
“Daughter of Hercules”
“Son of Hook”
“I. Love. You”. Harry brushed his lips gently against your forehead sending you into another fit of giggles.
“Does this mean we can get rid of the red line in our dorm room now?”
“Ye know what, that doesn’t sound like the worse idea”

Before u shave ur coochie/genital region, soak it in warm water or hold a warm cloth on it and then gently exfoliate the area. After u shave ur coochie/genital region, splash it with cold water and pat some witch hazel on it before rubbing in some coconut/avocado/jojoba oil. Keep the skin moisturized. Fuck a razor bump.

“You ain’t gotta be rich but fuck that 

How we gonna get around on your bus pass 

Before I put this pussy on your mustache, 

can you afford me? 

My niggas breadwinners, never corny 

Ambition makes me so horny 

Not the fussin’ and the frontin' 

If you got nothing, baby boy, you better 

Get up, get out and get some, 

shit I like a - lot of Prada, Alize and vodka 

Late nights, candlelight, then I tear the cock up 

Get it up I put it down everytime it pop up, huh 

I got to snap ‘em, let it loose, then I knock ya 

Feel the juice, then I got ya - when you produce a rock 

I let you meet momma and introduce you to poppa 

My - coochie remains in a Gucci name 

Never test my patience, nigga, I’m high maintenance

High class, if you ain’t rollin’, bypass 

If you ain’t holdin’ I dash yo…”

- Amil “Can I Get A…” (1998)

#MOOD

PSA HOE TIP

So this has been going around, and my grade A followers don’t deserve to be left out. I’m sure all of you know but CRANBERRY JUICE happens to work better than pineapple juice. Make sure it’s sugar free to get the full effect. Tired of cranberry juice? Pineapple juice does the trick but you’ll have to drink more. Of course you can drink as much juice as you want but if you don’t drink water you’re not doing much. EAT FRESH FRUIT AND INGREDIANTS! better for your coochie better for you. And the obvious, a few days before you get a head don’t eat red meat (try) and eliminate processed sugars for the best taste. Prepare to be praised🙏

4

Dear lord, please bless this poor woman with some edges, please grant her with some proper extensions so that her scalp doesn’t look like Chewbacca’s coochie or a chewed on barbie doll head, bless her poor, poor seaweed looking scalp lord, send her to a proper (black) hairdresser who can get them bracket shaped edges properly laid so one day, maybe they can be on fleek. Curse the person who did that to her and convinced her that she looked good. Guide her towards the light, and away from this bald eagle-looking darkness. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

Originally posted by seriouslyfunnygifs

Some uses of coconut oil ✨✨✨

In case you weren’t aware of how magical it is

- Use as a makeup remover
- Use as a facial moisturizer (use wisely as if you use too much it can clog your pores so be sure to test out what amount is best for your skin type)
- Nourishing oil for your hair: hot oil treatment, hair mask or simply just apply it as a spray or leave in conditioner💆🏽
- Body moisturizer (helps with extremely dry skin, eczema, and fungal infections)
- Natural highlighter (apply to areas you’d like a little more glo💫💫)
- Great to use instead of shaving cream - EVERYWHERE (leaves ya legs and coochie feelin baby soft)
- Can be used as aftershave too
- Take a spoonful to help with digestion
- Coconut oil is the second greatest source of Lauric acid after breast milk. This means it has a super high amount of HEALTHY FATS
- Coconut oil has anti-microbial and anti-fungal properties. Consuming coconut oil can aid in digestion issues due to inflammation or presence of “bad” bacteria. Applying coconut oil can help relieve fungus and bacterial infections on the skin
- Healthier alternative to butter in cooking and baking
- Can help improve your body’s absorption of magnesium and calcium
- Can be used as a lube during masturbation (does not upset vaginas natural flora), handjobs and blowjobs – however do NOT use with a condom because the oil will corrode the condom
- Natural mouthwash: “oil pulling” with coconut oil is extremely beneficial to oral health. Wish around one spoonful of coconut oil with a few drops of your fave essential oil in your mouth for 5 min. Spit out in the garbage (coconut oil will solidify at room temp so may clog your drains). Then brush your teeth. This can whiten and strengthen your teeth without the use of harsh bleach in whitening strips and will help with bad breath
- Can help with weight loss
- Make a natural deodorant with coconut oil, essential oil and arrowroot powder / cornstarch and baking soda
- Can be used as a sunscreen (low SPF)
- Mix with sugar and make a sexyy body scrub
- Can help relieve bug bites and post ivy/poison oak rashes
- Use with apple cider vinegar for natural lice treatment
- Balances body’s hormones
- Coconut oil with a few drops of peppermint oil can work as an insect repellent

These aren’t even all of the uses for wonderful coconut oil. If you think anymore feel free to add on or message me