gai, tearing up and holding up a terrible drawing:
look at my rival's fursona! it perfectly captures how cool he is!! and like a dog, my eternal rival is swift and smart, which he captured perfectly in this art. look at---
I don’t even know why I’m tying this, but I wanted to share something with you guys. Have you seen my Grey’s lessons meme? It all started because of that Mark Sloan scene telling Jackson that if you love someone you gotta tell them regardless of the consequences.
That is something I have always struggled to do, sharing my feelings (of any kind, but specially when they made me vulnerable). Last year I built up the courage to say to someone that I liked them (really, really liked them - to quote Arizona 😂). It may sound stupid, but I had never done it. I had always waited for the other person’s reactions and signs before I even attempted to open up a little. Anyways, even though things with this person didn’t work out in the end for other reasons, it was totally worth it.
Anyways, I’d be a complete hypocrite if I didn’t continue following that idea…and all because I have gotten hurt in the past? To quote myself last year, “having feelings for someone is beautiful in itself - regardless of what the other person’s feelings might be. Even if they’re not reciprocal, no one can ever take that away from you.” So yeah, I still believe some things are worth being said, and I’ll never change my mind on that.
So here I am, torturing myself because I’m about to put myself in that position again, that vulnerable position in which someone can make you feel completely worthless. I know and agree that whoever doesn’t want/value you for who you are isn’t worth your time, but heck, it hurts. At least for a while, right?
But I’d rather be heartbroken for a while than wonder why I didn’t fucking do anything about a situation I have control over. I can’t control other people’s actions, but I can control mine. So if I think something is worth saying, why not say it?
The point is, even if you think your world will collapse when/if someone doesn’t give you the answer you expect, even if you fear you will shut down before you can even utter a word…you still build the courage to do it. There’s no sense in worrying over something that hasn’t happened yet. And even if things don’t go your way, you still did your part.
***Also, this is very stupid but I just realized yesterday I have never asked anyone out? And now that I’m about to actually do it, I have been wondering if I should just take a step back and wait for things to magically happen (aka wait for the other person to do it). But why the hell should I do that? It’s the 21st century and I’m a grown woman. If anyone is ever intimidated by that or my asking, well, that’s not my problem really 😌
To summarize: don’t let fear hold you back from doing the things you feel like doing. Don’t let other people’s reactions hold you back. Walk tall, even if you fight and lose. WALK TALL 💪🏻
Everyone, meet my new gardener friend!! I came across him on a street near the beach. he was cutting a long branch and getting rid of its twigs so I asked him what he was going to do with it. apparently, as he told me, he has many fruit orchards and he’s going to use the stick as a support to one of his trees. he’s a graduate of agriculture and we had a loong chat about plants and crops. he has a lot of precious knowledge about nature. he gave me some tips about how to make weather predictions by observing animals (seaguls and a local bird whose name I forgot). He told me about how long some seeds take to germinate. and he asks me how long does parsley take and I said “idk, around three days??” and he got so offended. like “whatt??? three days? really? it takes(insert correct info here, 17 I think) and that’s how long it takes me. it will take you 21” okay okayyy . I’m a stupid child😂 anyway then we talk about fruit trees and he talks about how he picks the mulberries, how he tried grafting a fruit tree with the wild variety but failed (but his dad used to know how to) and where he gets all the herb and veggie plantlets that he sells (and which ones do I want and how many) and he talks about his grandchildren. his first wife who was Italian and lives in Italy now (who was an amazing person but he didn’t treat her right and is very sorry about it). where her daughter is working. how he walks all day long on the seaside and to many other places. Apparently he has many regular customers (like this professor who comes for the particular local edible and the other who asked for the etc but it’s not their season anymore and so on). anyway then we got something to eat at the end. I really enjoyed our conversation. I guess he did too coz he promised to save a whole fig tree’s fruit just for me:3 (there’s this local type of quirky figs in İstanbul) anyway, I already feel like I’ve had all the figs on the tree^_^ ❤️🌿