What if humans are the only species that gets "mystery" bruises? How weird would it be to aliens that we can sustain an injury that leaves a mark lasting days or sometimes weeks but don't remember how we got it?
I love it!
Humans are already terrifying enough, but then it gets injuries like contusions (which is deadly to several species mind you!) and it doESN’T EVEN KNOW WHY?!?!?!?
At first the interspecies council thinks it’s a joke. Yes, it has already been established that a human just plain won’t die (with very few exceptions, like decapitation) and contusions aren’t that dangerous for most species. That it’d be unsuccessful at killing a human wasn’t surprising, but that they some times don’t even know how they’ve gotten the contusion? No that has to be a joke.
It’s ruled as another myth until a member of the council travels with a ship with a few human crew-members. Trofaxiq the Elder had taken a stroll around the ship a few days into the voyage when he heard two humans talking.
“Maybe you walked into something?” The tall, highly pigmented one said, inspecting something on the slightly shorter, less pigmented one.
“Yeah, you know I’m clumsy, but the position’s weird, isn’t it?” The shorter one said, looking down at their own appendage.
“So maybe you got it in your sleep?” The tall one suggested as the short one spotted Trofaxiq the Elder and jabbed its appendage into their fellow human’s sternum. A less experienced Froentir would have mistaken it for an attack, but Trofaxiq the Elder knew enough about human behaviour to know it was called a ‘nudge’ and was socially acceptable.
After the normal exchange of greetings and pleasantries, Trofaxiq the Elder eventually asked the humans what they had been discussing. The tall one, Fatima, said the short one,
had gotten a bruise, but couldn’t remember how. Unsure what a bruise was, Trofaxiq the Elder asked, but quickly came to wish they hadn’t as they saw the large contusion on the humans appendage.
Less than one rotation later, the human guide had been updated, and a suggestion had been made to add a classification so they could mark humans down as more dangerous than the previous “extremely dangerous, do not approach in the wild”
The only problem was how useful humans could be to expeditions. In the end, the suggestion wasn’t passed, to the worry of many council members.
In my 46 years of existence, I have been to Afghanistan twice, and Iraq five times and shot at many times. I have been in Sudan second civil war in the late 90′s also shot at. I have been through a minefield, I have been in a crash landing in a Blackhawk helicopter, I have woken up next to a bomb, I have been pushed down a flight of concrete stairs, I have been in multiple fights, even 4 on 1. I have been hit by a Toyota pickup truck while I was riding a bicycle, (This was an MP- Military Police who dropped hot coffee in his lap and he said that made him hit me on accident.) I have fallen out of a tree, been cut with a chainsaw, and in all that time I have never broken a bone in my entire body until two weeks ago, when I slipped on a motherfucking dryer sheet, and fell on my back and broke a rib which also caused a pulmonary contusion.
My wife tells me that you were in special forces, and a dryer sheet took you out.
Five Times Alfred Found Bruce Done™ and On the Floor
2007, thigh wound, parlor floor. Face down. Fire in fireplace described as comfy, patient complained he could not figure out way to move fire upstairs. Approx. 1 pint of blood; floors required refinishing.
2009, gunshot to shoulder. Kitchen, fridge open. Tile irreparably damaged. Patient insisted “was getting ice.” Found on back eating olives from an open jar.
2010, severe leg and arm lacerations due to Killer Croc or angry dog. Cave platform on grating, face down. Patient heard to sullenly complain, “I knew you were worried about another floor being ruined.” Fevered. Later cried about Lawrence of Arabia while being moved to medbay.
2012, stomach wound. Library. Persian rug beyond saving. Patient claimed to be researching treatment in medical encyclopedia, was actually half asleep with first edition Vernes. Claimed I was “bothering first good sleep in days,” threw up on second rug. Temporarily banned from library and science fiction.
2013, head and chest contusions. West wing, second flight of stairs. Patient insisted there were “more stairs than usual.” Blood blends in with stair runner, will not replace. Convinced to sleep off injuries on sofa, patient began Colombo marathon.
Summary: AU. Reader rushes to her ex-boyfriend’s side when he’s in an accident.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!reader
Word Count: 4,733
language, angst, referenced car accident/motorcycle accident, hospital, doctors, injury, fluff, more angst, more fluff, drunk driving mention, nothing gory, I’m not a damn doctor okay? Shonda Rhimes taught me this shit.
I have been loving this tag so much for so long, I think about it all the time. I especially love ones where aliens react to humans getting injuries that the humans are super chill about. What if a human on an alien crew did something and ended up getting a huge smack to the head? Like black and purple bruises, eye swollen shut, the works
Captain Kar’rim scuttled down the corridor as fast as he could. He had just got word that Kate, one of the three humans on the crew, had sustained major head injuries.
From the brief report he had been sent, Human Kate, as well as one of the other humans, Vincent, had been spending their allotted recreation time playing what they called “baseball.” It was something they often did. It consisted of the two of them throwing a small white ball back and forth at each other at high velocity. It didn’t see like it was much of a game, but the humans assured Kar’rim that an actual game of this baseball was a favorite past-time among their kind.
Typical that such a dangerous activity would be considered a human past-time, he thought, clicking his mandibles in a mixture of annoyance and anxiety.
According to the report, there had been a slight miscalculation on Kate’s part of the trajectory of the ball. Instead of landing in her glove, it hit her in her face. HER FACE! Kar’rim had not yet lost a member of his crew on any voyage. A fact he was very proud of. He was not going to lose that record because of a human game of all things!
Kar’rim reached the medical bay. He spotted Demfar, the crew’s medic trying, unsuccessfully trying to use whatever tentacles could be spared to shoo an effyn and two humans away from a hospital bed.
“Demfar, how is she?” He could see the answer to his question as soon as he asked it. Human Kate lay on the bed, her face looked almost unrecognizable. Her cheekbone and brow were so swollen, he couldn’t even see her left eye. Alarming shades of blue and purple were spreading across the left side of her face. Demfar passed a small bag of ice to Kate, who moved it slowly across her injury.
“By all things bright and…Human Kate! Stay with us, you’re going to pull through!” Kar’rim wasn’t really sure about that last part, but it seemed like the right thing to say. It was positive. Reassuring. To both Kate and himself. It was a lie, nonetheless. He looked at Demfar, who was applying a copious amount of pungent oils to the human’s darkening skin.
How long does she have left to live? Kar’rim tried to send the question to Demfar silently, mentally willing the question to the medic’s brain. He didn’t want to ask aloud. It was rude to speak about death in front of the dying.
Neither Kar’rim nor Demfar possessed telepathic abilities, but Demfar seemed to pick up the question anyway.
“The humans have explained the situation to me. Human Kate will make a full recovery. As soon as I am finished checking for signs of a concussion, I will mend a few of the ruptured capillaries, and she will be free to go. The contusions and swelling should be gone in a day or two.” Having finished applying the oils, Demfar used a free tentacle to replace the lids to the oil vials and placed them in Kate’s hands. “Apply more of this whenever you get a chance until the ‘bruises’ fade.”
Kar’rim wasn’t sure if he heard the medic correctly. A day or two? Full recovery? Free to go? Had Demfar LOOKED at the patient?! He knew humans were hardy, but surely… these wounds?! The head trauma!? The report said the ball the humans had been “playing” with had been traveling an estimated 86 glatts per segment. An injury like that would have killed most species!
“What… what about her eye? Will she be able to see out of it again?”
“Ha, if not, it probably won’t affect her game any!” Laughed Vincent. Kar’rim turned toward him with surprise. “What happened to you being the starting catcher back home? You can’t even keep your eye on the ball!”
“You shouldn’t have thrown it if I wasn’t looking, ya’ chucklehead!” complained Kate as Demfar held a small humming machine up to the darkest part of her face. “I was distracted, Bett was on fire!”
“Bett is a booka, they’re almost always on fire,” laughed Vincent.
Demfar finished with the humming machine and straightened up. The darkest parts of Kate’s face were considerably lighter now. “You check out, you’re free to go.” Kate sat up and threw her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. “Don’t forget to apply the oils.”
“No prob, thanks Doc!” Kate called back as she left with her group. Kar’rim watched as they went, amazed. He knew humans were tough, their reputation was what had led him to eventually hire three onto his crew. What would have been a traumatic, life-threatening injury to many, humans seemed to see as just an inconvenience. With a sigh of relief, he muttered a phrase which had become very popular since the humans had joined the Galactic Alliance, “I’m glad they’re on our side.”
Stiles has a magical thingamajig that’s supposed to get him out of danger. Trouble is, it took him really, really far out of danger. Like, to the point where he isn’t in the same universe anymore.
“A part of Stiles had been thinking that he’d come home, and just go, ‘hey, Derek, are we mates and you just haven’t said anything about it?’ and Derek would reply, ‘now you mention it, we are indeed! Now come to my bedchamber, where we will have super hot sex and then cuddle after!’”
Derek plans to spend the rest of his life holed up in the woods after Laura dies. Then he meets a stubborn young fox, and the stubborn young fox meets an urn of Deaton’s magic powder, and his plans change.