control over your life

GEMINI: It’s really easy for people to criticize the choices you’ve been forced to make when they’ve never worn shoes as tattered as yours. The ground never seems rocky to anyone until they’ve personally experienced its brutality, and you’ve been braving the blood and the bruises for years without complaint. It’s okay to feel proud of yourself, for that. It’s okay to acknowledge the things that have made you who you are, even if those things haven’t always been beautiful or easy to talk about. Everything’s easier to appraise once it’s been given a voice.

CANCER: Stop convincing yourself that you don’t deserve the treasure chests that keep arriving on your doorstep. You’ve spent so long attempting to find the reason in your misfortune that you’ve incorrectly deduced that the only commonality between every pitfall is yourself. But you haven’t been factoring in how cruel the universe is, how angry it gets whenever something with a warm heart tries to touch what’s frozen. You’re finding all of this gold and compassion because it’s finally time for you to get what you’ve been giving to others. Take it.

LEO: You know, more so than anybody else, that it’s time to let go of the things that have hurt you, but there’s no easy way to say that you don’t know how to get rid of people that you’ve held so close to your chest. And maybe this says something about how much you try to give to others, all of the parts of yourself you’ve sacrificed for the comfort of soon-to-be-strangers. But the thing about leeches is that they drain you more often than they rid you of disease, especially in this season. And maybe this isn’t a leech yet, but it could become one, with time. Don’t let it.

VIRGO: It’s easy for you to ignore how much people truly care for you when you don’t feel as though you deserve it. The difficulty with this arises whenever you need help, as you’ve never learned how to ask for anything. So you let yourself feel distant from open palms and words of encouragement because you know you can do this yourself. While that’s true, you’re more than strong enough to conquer what’s been eating at you, it’s also true that the love that keeps getting shoved under your door is yours for the taking. It’s okay to pick it up. It’s okay to save it.

LIBRA: You’ve been peering out the window, comparing your reflection to everybody that passes by, and you seem to be forgetting that there’s a mirror right behind you. The only person that you need to measure yourself against is the person you were yesterday. I know it’s frustrating that progress too often moves like honey, and it’s impossible to see growth when you’re always with the thing that’s growing, but slow-motion is still motion. You may not be the person you want to be right now, but you will be. So turn around. Say hello to them.

SCORPIO: You were born with a shovel in your hand and you’ve been spending every moment since then dredging up the past. This is another way of saying that you have a lot of corpses buried in your backyard and despite the passage of time you’re afraid that they’re going to get up and walk away. Maybe come back as ghosts and haunt you, a reminder of what you’ve had to leave behind. But just because you’ve always had the tools to create self-doubt, it doesn’t mean you have to keep them on you at all times. It’s never too late to invest in a toolshed or try out gardening.

SAGITTARIUS: Have you found what you’ve been searching for, yet? Or, maybe a better question is “do you know what you’re looking for?” Because you’ve become an expert at donating your energy to a cause, any cause at all, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s all a distraction. If you’re struggling in the deep end and aren’t comfortable saying so. If you’re calling yourself a lifeguard because every atom of you is begging to be pulled out of the water. Baby, you’re so much more than a body that tries its best to save people. You’re worth more than what you’ve dragged out of the pool.

CAPRICORN: So many people that you care about have been falling into bad luck recently and it makes you feel so powerless. It’s as though you’re a minor character in your own life and you have to just sit back and watch the protagonist fuck things up in order to learn a lesson, or something like that. And I’m not going to lie and say that you’re able to have full control over every aspect of your life, because you never will. But remember that, despite all of this, every little thing you do to combat the world’s anger is a brave sort of rebellion. You are more than enough to the people you love.

AQUARIUS: There are a lot of people that you regret letting into your life and the memory of what you thought they’d be is making it hard for you to get out of bed. It’s okay to be sad, your feelings have only ever known the taste of validity, but know that nobody has the ability to ruin you. Someday they’re all going to regret setting fire to your bark when they realize how miraculous your leaves are in the summer heat, dancing in the breeze of late-night drives with people that want to keep you safe. Repeat after me: I am not damaged. I am not damaged. I am not damaged.

PISCES: I know that it’s hard to put faith in the moments of happiness you’ve been experiencing lately when so much of your life has been spent checking the clock and turning down the music, but you are not an airport or a train station. You’re a destination. And I know that you’re still getting used to the idea of being the subject of a travel brochure and that’s okay. It takes time to become comfortable with anything, even the good. Especially the good. The June air is buzzing and this is your time to shine. Don’t waste it.

ARIES: So, some eras of your life have been ending recently and that’s a little scary. Especially since you worked so hard to get what you’re holding. But they’re just making way for better adventures and happier moments and the only thing left for you to do is embrace that. Welcome change with open arms and it’ll be kind to you. I know there’s a voice in the back of your head saying “what if it all gets bad again” but you need to ignore that voice because it isn’t you. You are the person that’s endured and withstood and kept going. You’re the one that matters, here.

TAURUS: It’s been becoming more and more clear to you that out of all the people you’ve met and interacted with, there are very few you’d consider to be a “friend.” And I know that sometimes it feels like that’s all you’re ever going to get, but it isn’t. One’s hometown is, thankfully, never representative of the world in its entirety and there’s still so much you have left to see. Still so many souls that you’ll discover in the most mundane of places. You just have to keep your eyes open. I know it’s easier to sleep through the sadness, but you’re stronger than that urge, aren’t you? You are.
100 REASONS TO GET SKINNY THINSPIRATION


1. Imagine how you’ll look in tight clothes. No rolls no shame.
2. You’ll be delicate and small. No longer will you be the fat ugly friend.
3. Collarbones. Imagine having them to touch instead of just looking at them in thinspo.
4. You’ll have a thigh gap. No more chafing and no more disgusting fat just oozing off your legs.
5. Watching the scale go down every day instead of watching it go up and feeling disgusting.
6. Your sister will envy you.
7. Your friends will be jealous of your self control and tiny body. They can preach self love while secretly hating themselves all they want. It won’t matter because you’ll be thin and beautiful.
8. Thin hands and tiny wrists.
9. Delicate ankles and small calves. No longer will you be an elephant.
10. When you walk it will be virtually silent. People won’t hear you coming a mile away with disgusting hippo footsteps. You will be tiny and quiet. A shadow and a whisper.
11. People will ask how you got so thin. Oh they’ll be envious but none of them are strong enough to reach their goals.
12. For once you will be in control. No more binging, no more hunger after already eating. You will be powerful in your decision to achieve your ideal body.
13. You won’t be too embarrassed to draw yourself.
14. You won’t have to only date fat people.
15. In a relationship you will always be tinier than your partner. They’ll be able to pick you up and twirl you around.
16. People will give you piggy backs instead of you giving them.
17. Never again will you be too heavy for something.
18. You won’t be dictated by your fat anymore. Whatever you want, wear it! Everything looks good on thin.
19. Imagine how cute you’ll look in lingerie. Lace will just accentuate your tiny form.
20. Getting naked won’t be embarrassing. Let them stare. You’ll be beautiful.
21. It won’t always be unrequited love. People you didn’t have a chance with as a fat girl will love you. People need to get past the outside to see the inside. Nobody will bother getting past a disgusting fat outside.
22. Wearing makeup will be fun, not embarrassing.
23. You will be your own thinspo.
24. You’ll spend way less money on food. Food is temporary and a waste of cash. Instead spend it on games and clothes.
25. Looking in the mirror won’t make you want to break it.
26. A flat stomach is cute and tiny.
27. Your face will look thin and dainty. No more double chins and disgusting fat cheeks .
28. When people take pics of you it won’t make you want to cry. You’ll be the pretty one.
29. You won’t have to keep your hair short. Long hair won’t make you look like a greasy land whale.
30. Girls will envy you instead of pity you.
31. You’ll be the smallest person in your family. No longer will you be the fattest.
32. People will whisper about how thin you’ve gotten.
33. You’ll be light like a feather.
34. Food won’t control you. Eating is a necessity, not a crutch.
35. Think of bony shoulders. You’ll be defined and delicate instead of a shapeless mass of fat.
36. You’ll be able to count your ribs.
37. When you bend over people will be able to see the ridges of your spine. No more flubber.
38. You’ll have a tiny cute butt.
39. Thigh high socks will fit and look adorable.
40. Boots that travel up your calves will actually fit.
41. Shorts will look good on you.
42. Carnival rides won’t be embarrassing. The bar won’t touch your stomach. If anything they’ll worry you’ll slip out. You’ll be able to ride with anyone because your weight is barely anything.
43. Seat belts will fit easily. No more embarrassing struggle to strap yourself in while people silently judge you.
44. Any style will look good on you. Experimenting with fashion will be fun and interesting. Your body won’t hold you back.
45. You’ll be in the underweight category instead of the overweight one.
46. Your father won’t be ashamed of your weight. Your grandmother won’t keep getting shocked by how fat you’ve gotten. Instead she’ll fuss because you’ll be too thin.
47. There will be a huge difference in your before and after pics, and you’ll be proud.
48. You’ll finally get to fit your aesthetic. No more being ashamed of how you look. You’ll be the cute nerdy book girl instead of the fat gamer nerd slob.
49. Instead of eating you can follow hobbies like painting your nails, doing makeup, drawing, writing, and walking out in nature.
50. If you want some fun you’ll be able to hook up with someone of quality. No sloppy seconds. You’ll be first choice, not oh-my-god-never.
51. In a romance novel you’d be the beautiful thin one, not the tragic never loved fat one.
52. Shopping will be fun. You won’t have to keep looking for bigger sizes. Large will be too large.
53. If you want to you can shop at places that don’t carry plus sizes and be able to fit.
54. Changing rooms will be roomy and you won’t feel squished. Looking in the mirror to see how you look won’t be a disappointment.
55. You’ll fit in tiny spaces. No more bumping into walls when you go by.
56. Your breasts will be small and perky instead of fat.
57. Rings will look cute on your bony fingers instead of squeezing them like fat sausages.
58. The scale won’t make you want to cry.
59. Nobody will recognize you. They won’t be able to believe you went from whale to skinny.
60. Choker necklaces will look delicate and dainty on your neck. You won’t have double chins getting in the way.
61. Your jawline will be defined and sharp. No longer will you be soft edges and squishy fat.
62. You’ll be the pretty one.
63. Guys will actually like you instead of think you’re a blob of disgusting fat.
64. People will date you.
65. When you’re measured against other girls you won’t be the ugly one.
66. You’ll be able to love yourself.
67. At Halloween parties you can dress however you want and look good. No more ghosts or pumpkins.
68. Onesies. Just imagine.
69. Guys will chase you instead of you chasing them.
70. It will be okay to have something nice to eat every once in a while because you’ll be a pro at staying in control and if you do gain half a pound you can lose it just like that.
71. You could be princess carried without breaking someone’s back.
72. It’ll be “You’re so skinny” instead of “You’re not fat”.
73. When you’re at the gym you’ll be the one making people jealous and embarrassed.
74. Your feet will look delicate and dainty when wearing heels instead of like fat blobs.
75. Thinspo blogs will use your picture as thinspo instead of reverse thinspo.
76. ‘Cute’ will be the first word to describe you, not ‘nice’.
77. People will be concerned. Maybe they shouldn’t have called you fat and ugly all those years. Oh well, now you’re thin and beautiful.
78. You could be a model.
79. Crop tops will make you look cute, not fat.
80. No muffin top.
81. At family gatherings your snobby relatives will be blown away by how beautiful you’ve become.
82. Your exes will wish they’d never let you go.
83. You’ll be able to pull of cosplay like a pro. You won’t be the fat version of everyone you cosplay.
84. Every day will be exciting because you won’t hate the clothes you wear or looking in the mirror or stepping on the scale.
85. Shopping for a prom dress will be fun. You’ll look like an ethereal goddess instead of a sausage roll.
86. You’ll be able to pull off a bikini.
87. Going swimming won’t be embarrassing. You’ll be able to wear a sexy bikini without feeling like a joke.
88. You could wear baggy clothes and look stylish instead of like a slob.
89. You could wear your boyfriend’s shirt and nothing but panties and it would be the hottest thing he’d ever seen.
90. People will stare because they can’t believe you’re so beautiful, not because you look like you just crawled out of a gutter.
91. Unhealthy food will taste gross.
92. You’ll have a small stomach so when you eat small portions you’ll still feel full.
93. Eating will become so unimportant sometimes you’ll actually forget to eat instead of binging like a pig.
94. You’ll look like a ballerina.
95. If you’re eating less meat you’re helping the environment and saving animals lives.
96. No matter what else is going on in your life you will have control over your body. Nobody can take that from you.
97. Empty feels better than full.
98. Processed foods are extremely unhealthy. You’re doing yourself a favor by not eating them.
99. You’ll have so much more time and money if you’re not wasting them on food.
100. You will finally love your body.
☆Remember to stay safe. We want to be skinny, not dead. You can’t slay with a killer body if you’re decomposing six feet under. Be kind to yourself. Every pound is progress.

The Venus signs’; Positives and Negatives

Aries Venus Positives: You put yourself out there and most of the time you are not afraid to fall flat on your face because what strangers think of you is really unimportant to your life. You love love, in fact you cherish love and any romantic connection that you have you hold near and dear. 

Aries Venus Negatives: When it comes to feelings you can become rash and impulsive. You may find yourself jumping in love relationships without full consideration and you do not consider your own feelings enough nor do you value yourself over the other person.

Taurus Venus Positives: Your true self really comes out best when you are in love. You have a commitment level which every one else aspires to have, You are loyal and reliable and you don’t run away when things get tough. Others also find you very comforting and collected. 

Taurus Venus Negatives:  Your mouth can work quicker than you brain and paired with your inborn sense of curiosity you can often attract unwanted drama. You deal negatively for confrontations and will often freeze up when it is time to redeem your behaviour. 

Gemini Venus Positives: Your charm and wit are above the rest and others will often end up in stitches from laughter after spending time with you. you are also undeniably a lot of fun and you spread excitement and energy out to everyone around you. 

Gemini Venus Negatives: It is arguable to say that change comes fair too easily to you. Commitment is not natural or easy for you and you constantly struggle to stay in one place in your life. You aren’t very sentimental and that is something you should aim to be 

Cancer Venus Positives: You do have high standards when it comes to love, which is a good thing because its not like you to rush into anything without consideration and confirmation is is the right thing to do. You are also very good at reading people and know what that want out of a relationship. 

Cancer Venus Negatives: You know that your emotions can often get the best of you. You expect things from people and sometimes instead of letting them know what you want you get down and upset that they don’t naturally want to do that for you. 

Leo Venus Positives: You are not afraid to fall in love. You are not afraid to to be affectionate and adoring in public. You are very well spoken and talented with your words and the way you word things, You are sensitive to others’ feelings and you are very accepting ad understanding. 

Leo Venus Negatives: You are not exactly a friend to change and development, Once you are happy any differences make you feel uncomfortable and out of place. you are not good when you are alone for too long. Usually you try to be in a love relationship at all times because that’s where you are comfortable. 

Virgo Venus Positives: You are definitely a person of little things, In love and friendships you are the one who will leave little notes and text “good morning” and will stay up until midnight just to be the first to wish you happy birthday. You are also very practical when it comes to love and you don’t rush. 

Virgo Venus Negatives: You are far too careful when it does to relationships, love and friendship. You don’t want to get hurt so you lack the ability to put yourself out their. This often results in quite anti social behaviour and sometimes a development of insecurity about yourself. 

Libra Venus Positives: Being sociable is you key and best trait which others will often envy about you. You have a way with people and making friends comes so naturally to you. Simply you are a true romantic, flowers, chocolates and walks on the beach are often your go to. 

Libra Venus Negatives: When it comes to love your head can often be stuck in a fairy tale idea of love and you are often very idealistic and it takes time for you to actual confront relationship problems that you are experiencing due to fear of losing all the positive stuff. 

Scorpio Venus Positives: As a friend and as a partner you are undoubtedly loyal. You are very understanding to the feelings of the other person involved. You are incredibly attentive with strong commitment, when you are with someone they have all of you. 

Scorpio Venus negatives: You often lack trust. Not everyone is out to get you, not every talks behind your back, not everyone is the same. You like to jump to conclusions, its not even that you just do jump to conclusions but you actually choose to because you want an answer quickly and someone to blame. 

Sagittarius Venus positives: Open describes you perfectly. you are open to anything, including anyone’s view and any new idea you haven’t know before. You are very optimistic and joyful. You are outgoing and adventurous with yourself and with love and relationships too.

Sagittarius Venus negatives: You find yourself getting overwhelmed to quickly and easily when it comes to people and especially when it comes to commitment, Clingy is something that repels you like bug spray because you live in fear that you can’t keep up pleasing people all the time. 

Capricorn Venus positives: You are charming and good at making people feel good about them selves. You are sensible and responsible when it comes to your feelings and the feelings of others. You are calm, cool and collected which is a very attractive feature to many.

Capricorn Venus Negatives: you crave control over your life, anything that seems a little too spontaneous is unwelcome in your path. You struggle to let people in and you enjoy alone time a little too much sometimes. You are afraid of change and you do not welcome the unknown. 

Aquarius Venus positives: You are open minded and you are not afraid of what is coming, in fact you often welcome the future with open arms. You are very social because you often put yourself out their to meet new people and spend time with your friends. 

Aquarius Venus negatives: You often get thrown off by the smallest of limitation of problem that arises in your life. You are known to let emotions and the opinions of other get to and overwhelm you quite a bit. You often find yourself falling in love a little too easily. 

Pisces Venus Positives: You are a timeless romantic. you want to ensure the people that you love loves you equally and that they know that they means o much to you. You treat people well and go by the motto “treat others as you want to be treated”

Pisces Venus negatives: You often let people walk over you because you values their feelings miles above yours, You often find yourself changing for people to please them and going against who you actually are. Sometimes you are also too quick to forgive. 

what the rising signs value in life

Your rising sign is how you see the world and how you interact with and experience it.

Aries Rising: You prefer to always be busy and active, liking to be on your feet and doing things. You face life with enthusiasm and good energy. You value independence and like to keep motivated and to motivate others.

Taurus Rising: You like to take your time and be patient. You are very stable and like to have things stay the same. You face life with patience and responsibility. You value security and loyalty.

Gemini Rising: Naturally curious and inquisitive. Always wanting things to be new and fresh, changes of scenery can be really good for you. You face life with optimism and cleverness. They value intellect and flexibility.

Cancer Rising: You are very sensitive and in tune with your emotions and surroundings. You face life with sweetness and imagination. You value kindness and caring for others.

Leo Rising: Magnetic and charismatic. You are very self aware and aware of your surroundings and others. You face life with courage and pride. You value creativity and speaking your mind.

Virgo Rising: You can be quite shy or introverted, but you are also very soothing to be around. You are very adaptable and will go out of their way to help people, especially friends. You face life with hard work and modesty. You value dependability and practicality.

Libra Rising: Extremely friendly and easy going, being polite is very important to you. You face life with grace and compromise. You value your appearance (not just in your looks, but in how you appear to others) and being considerate.

Scorpio Rising: Strong and ambitious, you have an unmistakable aura. You like to have power over yourself or your situation. You face life with control and passion. You value dedication and observation.

Sagittarius Rising: You can be restless throughout life, wanting to see the world or to have new surroundings. You face life with curiosity and philosophy. You value happiness and keeping things lighthearted.

Capricorn Rising: You are reliable and hard working, and take things quite seriously. You face life with success and reservation. You value wise advice and being rational.

Aquarius Rising: You like to be individual and stand out, even in the littlest of ways. You face life with new ideas and revolution. You value education and acceptance.

Pisces Rising: You like to go with the flow, seeing where life takes you. You face life with softness and compassion. You value creativity and positive energy.

50 Philosophical Questions
  • Send Me a Number and I'll answer that Question!
  • 1: Is it worse to fail at something or never attempt it in the first place?
  • 2: If you could choose just one thing to change about the world, what would it be?
  • 3: To what extent do you shape your own destiny, and how much is down to fate?
  • 4: Does nature shape our personalities more than nurture?
  • 5: Should people care more about doing the right thing, or doing things right?
  • 6: How can people believe in truths without evidence?
  • 7: Where is the line between insanity and creativity?
  • 8: What is true happiness?
  • 9: What things hold you back from doing the things that you really want to?
  • 10: What makes you, you?
  • 11: What is time?
  • 12: Is mind or matter more real?
  • 13: Do you make your own decisions, or let others make them for you?
  • 14: What makes a good friend?
  • 15: Why do people fear losing things that they do not even have yet?
  • 16: Who defines good and evil?
  • 17: What is the difference between living and being alive?
  • 18: Is a “wrong” act okay if nobody ever knows about it?
  • 19: Who decides what morality is?
  • 20: How do you know that your experience of consciousness is the same as other people’s experience of consciousness?
  • 21: What is true strength?
  • 22: What is true love?
  • 23: Is a family still relevant in the modern world?
  • 24: Where do thoughts come from?
  • 25: What is beauty?
  • 26: How do you know your perceptions are real?
  • 27: How much control do you have over your life?
  • 28: What is freedom?
  • 29: What is infinity?
  • 30: What happens after we die?
  • 31: What defines you?
  • 32: Is it more important to be liked or respected?
  • 33: Do we have a soul?
  • 34: Where does the soul live?
  • 35: How should people live their lives?
  • 36: If lying is wrong, are white lies okay?
  • 37: Is trust more important than love?
  • 38: Is it easier to love or be loved?
  • 39: Is it better to love and lose or never to love?
  • 40: Do aliens exist?
  • 41: The structure of DNA appears to be intelligently designed, what are the implications?
  • 42: Is there a reason to life?
  • 43: Is life all a dream?
  • 44: When does consciousness begin?
  • 45: Do dreams mean anything?
  • 46: Can we have happiness without sadness?
  • 47: How did the universe begin?
  • 48: Is there a supreme power?
  • 49: Do soulmates exist?
  • 50: What is a normal person like?
Whatever difficulty you face today, cry out to God. Pour out your heart to Him in prayer and lay all of your pain at God’s feet. Be honest with and let Him take all control over your life. He will guide you through it.

The great tragedy of Anakin Skywalker is he never got a chance to be free.


Think about it. He’s born into slavery. He lives 9 years as a true slave. Even if Watto was the “best” owner ever that is still a horrific circumstance to spend your FORMATIVE YEARS. Even if Watto was a saint, there is so much trauma in having no freedom or control over your own body, in knowing the PRICE of your life. Not to mention secondary trauma, which is NO LESS TRAUMATIC, btw.

Then, he’s “freed” by a Jedi. But the Jedi frees him with the implied condition that Anakin be taken in and trained by the Jedi order. As soon as he leaves Tattooine, all choice is stripped from him. The counsel evaluates him and finds him wanting. His entire future is thrown into jeopardy because the man who bought him is dead and the new owners may want to return him. When they finally do induct him into the Jedi Order, it is with suspicion and a lot of conditions (cough, being the Chosen One, cough)

Once again he’s in a situation where he must call the people in charge MASTER.

(But it’s Different, someone might say. Yeah, well, when you’re 9 a cucumber looks like a zucchini, and patterns of thoughts, how the world works, worldview, that doesn’t change just because someone tells you some pretty words)

In the Jedi Order, Anakin loses the autonomy of his choices. He loses the option of getting married and having children (which, btw, is one of the rights traditionally stolen in slave cultures). He loses the right to chose where he goes and what he does EVEN AFTER HE REACHES ADULTHOOD. And, he loses the right to his own emotions.

Even as a slave, emotions are the one thing they can’t truly take from you. They can try to break you, they can punish you, but as long as you can think you can feel, you can hide what you’re feeling. You can be angry, sad, happy, in love even if they don’t want you to. But in the Jedi order, not only are these emotions bad, but it is an entire organization of psychics who vocally criticize and police you out when you’re struggling to “let go” of anger and hate, even or especially hate that is justified!

Then, this Order begins using SENTIENT HUMAN SOLDIERS who have been BRED AND RAISED AND SOLD TO BE AN ARMY. Soldiers who’se MINDS have been stripped to make them more obedient. And the Jedi don’t even hesitate to put them to use. The Jedi Order legitimized slavery. How do you suppose THAT felt for the former slave boy?

So, in the movie, you see a progression as Anakin struggles for power. Because, if he’s the master then HE WON’T BE THE SLAVE.

Lastly, after THREE YEARS OF TRAUMA AND WAR AND SLOWLY SLIPPING TO THE DARK SIDE (don’t tell me it was just Padme’s death that caused him to fall), Anakin fall’s and turns to the only Authority Figure who has treated him with full respect and told him that he is powerful, he is in control – Darth Sidious. Who then ENSLAVES HIM UNTIL THE DAY HE DIES.

Anakin only got 30 minutes of true freedom and he was dying.

And that just kind of kills me.

Planets and their associations

The Sun

Energies: self-confidence, success, vitality, courage, authority, dignity, fame, self-knowledge

Colors: gold, orange, yellow

Day: Sunday

Star Sign: Leo

Number: 1

Metal: gold

Stones/materials: diamond, citrine, yellow jasper, topaz

Deities: Ra, Apollo, Helios, Lugh, Isis, Diana, Brigit

Herbs: angelica, ash, bay, calendula, chamomile, celandine, eyebright, frankincense, juniper, mistletoe, rosemary, saffron, safflower, Saint-John’s-wort, sunflower, tormentilla, walnuts

Seal of the Sun


The Moon

Energies: psychic knowledge, dreamworking, childbirth, fertility, past life recall, imagination, the subconscious mind

Colors: lilac, silver

Day: Monday

Sign: Cancer

Number: 2

Metal: silver

Stones/materials: pearl, abalone, moonstone, selenite

Deities: Selene, Nuit, Luna, Artemis, Sin, Inannur, and Khonsu

Herbs: almond, anise seed, cabbage, camphor, cucumber, fennel, iris, jasmin, lettuce, lily, lotus, moonwort, mugwort, pumpkin, violet, watercress, white sandalwood

Seal of the Moon


Mars

Energies: victory, aggression, achievement, energy, action, assertiveness, strength, sexual desire

Colors: Red

Signs: Aries, scorpio

Day: Tuesday

Number: 5

Metal: iron and red brass

Stones/materials: garnet, ruby, carnelian, bloodstone

Deities: Ares, Hercules, Tiw, Minerva, Maeve, Pallas Athena

Herbs: aloeswood, asafoetida, basil, broom tops, briony, cactus, cayenne, cumin, dragon’s blood resin, galangal, garlic, gentian, ginger, hawthorn, horseradish, honeysuckle, mustard, nettle, peppercorn, red sandalwood, rue, safflower, sanicle, tobacco, wormwood

Seal of Mars


Martian energy is intense, and most of the time Mars’s herbs and oils are used in conjunction with the energies of other Planets to intensify their effects, rather than in a “simple”—a formula that uses only one Planet’s herbs. Here are some examples of how a touch of a Mars herb can act with and upon other Planetary energies to enhance their effectiveness:

Sun with Mars

Sun is confidence, personal power, health, and self-expression. Add a little Mars and increase your control over your life, enhance your ability to express your interests and goals with even greater success, or enable yourself to stroll through life with energy, health, and personal charisma.

Moon with Mars

Lunar energies keep you in touch with your emotions, your psyche, and your subconscious. Add some Mars to quicken the development of your psychic abilities, motivate yourself to transform bad habits into good ones, or add vitality to your system if you are working on fertility issues.

Mercury with Mars

Eloquence, intelligence, and business endeavors are some of the energies of Mercury. Combining Mercurial herbs and oils with an herb or oil belonging to the dominion of Mars will help you to be more persuasive, have an even quicker mind, and be charmingly assertive enough to get the job you deserve.

Jupiter with Mars

Expansion, honor, authority, and growth all belong to Jupiter. Add a Mars energy to grow and expand faster in an area of your ambition, garner recognition of your accomplishments, intensify your authority in any area of your life, or expand your understanding of the best ways to accomplish your goals.

Venus with Mars

Romance, beauty and the arts—what’s not to love? Combining Venusian energy with a touch of Mars will add passion to the romance, help you to express yourself confidently as an artist, and make people look twice when you pass.

Saturn with Mars

Protection, understanding of karma, endurance, self-discipline, and control are the areas where

Saturnian herbs are used. Add strength and energy with a Saturn-Mars combination to protect your home if you live in a particularly dangerous area, to work through karmic debt, to vitalize yourself in a situation which requires hard work and endurance, or to accomplish a difficult task requiring much self-control.

Neptune with Mars

Neptune is the Planet of out-of-body experiences, creative genius, and the mystical. Bringing a little Martian energy into the equation will help you to harness and express the creativity residing in your subconscious, master astral projection more quickly, and experience more intensely any meditation, trancework, or altered state.

Uranus with Mars

Intellectual genius, innovative thought, and transformation of thought patterns fall under the dominion of Uranus. Mars will increase the workings of your mind to higher levels, bring action to your original thoughts, and hasten your ability to change the way your brain works, taking you out of any thought doldrums.

Pluto with Mars

Karma, unconscious behavior patterns, letting go, facing fear, and your Shadow Self are all Plutonian in nature. Partnering Pluto’s herbs and oils with an herb or oil of Mars will help you open those scary “memory boxes” in the back of your mind that make you so uncomfortable, break through barriers when you are working in psychotherapy, recognize karmic debt, and enable you to actively work to release it. This is not a fun combination, be warned. It is very intense, and if you choose to work with this combination, expect dramatic changes that will rock your life.


Mercury

Energies: communication, divination, business success, intellectualization, learning

Color: yellow

Day: Wednesday

Sign: Virgo, Gemini

Number: 7

Metal: quicksilver

Stones/materials: quartz, opal, Herkimer diamond, yellow calcite, optical calcite, yellow jasper

Deities: Janus, Hermes, Thoth, Ogma, Maat, Shesat, Calliope

Herbs: bergamot, caraway, cinnamon, dill, ephedra, gum arabic, gum mastic, horehound, lavender, licorice, marjoram, mouse-ear, mullein, papyrus, peppermint, star anise, savory, thyme, woodruff

Seal of Mercury


Jupiter

Energies: expansion, career, ambition, luck, material success, spiritual growth, humor

Color: Blue

Sign: Pisces, sagittarius

Day: Thursday

Number: 6

Metal: tin

Stones/materials: sapphire, turquoise, blue topaz, lapis lazuli

Deities: Zeus, Llyr, Thor, Hera, Gaea, Rhiannon

Herbs: agrimony, borage, carnation, cedar, cinquefoil, dandelion, figs, fir, hyssop, linden, magnolia, maple, meadowsweet, oak, oak moss, pine, poplar, saffron, sage, sassafras, sumac, rosin, wood beton

Seal of Jupiter


Venus

Energies: love, friendship, artistry, attraction, music, pleasure, sensual delights, beauty, balance, compassion

Color: green

Day: Friday

Sign: Taurus, Libra

Number: 3

Metal: copper

Stones/materials: emerald, malachite, apatite, green fluorite

Deities: Aphrodite, Aradia, Persephone, Eros, Cupid, Faunus

Herbs: catnip, cherry, coltsfoot, damiana, feverfew, lemon verbena, lilac, maidenhair, mandrake, myrtle, orchid, passionflower, peach, periwinkle, plumeria, rhubarb, raspberry, rose, spikenard, tansy, tonka bean, vanilla, vervain, violet

Seal of Venus


Saturn

Energies: form, stability, karma, discipline, occult knowledge, protection, patience, endurance

Color: black

Sign: Capricorn

Day: Saturday

Number: 4

Metal: lead

Stones/materials: jet, onyx, hematite, smoky quartz

Deities: Kronos, Dionysus, Anubis, the Cailleach, Danu, Ceres

Herbs: asafoetida, balm of Gilead, bistort, boneset, comfrey, cypress, dill, fumitory, garlic, hawthorn, hemlock, hyssop, patchouli, petitgrain, rosemary, Solomon’s seal, Saint-John’s-wort, valerian, vetivert, wolfsbane, yew

Seal of Saturn


The rest of the planets do not have seals because they are not the seven classical planets used in witchcraft.  So many people many not agree with the rest of this lecture, but here is the rest and what the majority of people use.  


Neptune

Energies: illusion and imagination; useful in hypnosis, trance, dreamwork

Color: green-blue

Number: 11.

Stone/material: seashell, amber, labradorite, cat’s-eye, lemurian crystal

Deities: Poseidon, Apa, Dylan, Tiamat, Ceridwen, Nimue

Herbs: cannabis, datura, lobelia, lotus, orange blossom (also known as neroli), peach, poppy, skullcap, wild lettuce, willow, wisteria


Uranus

Energies: enlightenment, objectivity, technology, genius, eccentricity, breaking free from old patterns and electrical impulses of the brain

Color: electric blue

Number: 22

Metal: white gold

Stones/materials: quartz, rutilated quartz, kunzite, amazonite

Deities: Merlin, Shu, Ur-annu, Prometheus, Urania, Varuna

Herbs: allspice, betel nut, chicory, clove, coffee, elemi, guarana, mahuang


Pluto

Energies: death, alchemical transformation, regeneration, decay, the deep unconscious, catharsis

Color: smoky black

Number: 13 or 33 to some

Stones/materials: ash, lava stone, obsidian, black opal, apache tear, black tourmaline, bismuth

Deities: Arawn, Pwyll, Osiris, Demeter, Rhea, Astarte

Herbs: barley, black cohosh, corn, damiana, fly agaric, galangal root, mushrooms, myrrh, oats, patchouli, pomegranate, psilocybin, rye, saw palmetto, wheat, wormwood, yohimbe


*Disclaimer: I do not suggest the use of herbs for medical purposes and I suggest you research each of them throughly before use.  


As Always

-Robin

Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers

** I decided to just post this directly on the blog because I believe every person who has an abusive mother should read this.

1. Everything she does is deniable.

There is always a facile excuse or an explanation. Cruelties are couched in loving terms. Aggressive and hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Selfish manipulations are presented as gifts. Criticism and slander is slyly disguised as concern. She only wants what is best for you. She only wants to help you.

She rarely says right out that she thinks you’re inadequate. Instead, any time that you tell her you’ve done something good, she counters with something your sibling did that was better or she simply ignores you or she hears you out without saying anything, then in a short time does something cruel to you so you understand not to get above yourself. She will carefully separate cause (your joy in your accomplishment) from effect (refusing to let you borrow the car to go to the awards ceremony) by enough time that someone who didn’t live through her abuse would never believe the connection.

Many of her putdowns are simply by comparison. She’ll talk about how wonderful someone else is or what a wonderful job they did on something you’ve also done or how highly she thinks of them. The contrast is left up to you. She has let you know that you’re no good without saying a word. She’ll spoil your pleasure in something by simply congratulating you for it in an angry, envious voice that conveys how unhappy she is, again, completely deniably. It is impossible to confront someone over their tone of voice, their demeanor or the way they look at you, but once your narcissistic mother has you trained, she can promise terrible punishment without a word. As a result, you’re always afraid, always in the wrong, and can never exactly put your finger on why.

Because her abusiveness is part of a lifelong campaign of control and because she is careful to rationalize her abuse, it is extremely difficult to explain to other people what is so bad about her. She’s also careful about when and how she engages in her abuses. She’s very secretive, a characteristic of almost all abusers (“Don’t wash our dirty laundry in public!”) and will punish you for telling anyone else what she’s done. The times and locations of her worst abuses are carefully chosen so that no one who might intervene will hear or see her bad behavior, and she will seem like a completely different person in public. She’ll slam you to other people, but will always embed her devaluing nuggets of snide gossip in protestations of concern, love and understanding (“I feel so sorry for poor Cynthia. She always seems to have such a hard time, but I just don’t know what I can do for her!”) As a consequence the children of narcissists universally report that no one believes them (“I have to tell you that she always talks about YOU in the most caring way!). Unfortunately therapists, given the deniable actions of the narcissist and eager to defend a fellow parent, will often jump to the narcissist’s defense as well, reinforcing your sense of isolation and helplessness ("I’m sure she didn’t mean it like that!”)


2. She violates your boundaries.

You feel like an extension of her. Your property is given away without your consent, sometimes in front of you. Your food is eaten off your plate or given to others off your plate. Your property may be repossessed and no reason given other than that it was never yours. Your time is committed without consulting you, and opinions purported to be yours are expressed for you. (She LOVES going to the fair! He would never want anything like that. She wouldn’t like kumquats.) You are discussed in your presence as though you are not there. She keeps tabs on your bodily functions and humiliates you by divulging the information she gleans, especially when it can be used to demonstrate her devotion and highlight her martyrdom to your needs (“Mike had that problem with frequent urination too, only his was much worse. I was so worried about him!”) You have never known what it is like to have privacy in the bathroom or in your bedroom, and she goes through your things regularly. She asks nosy questions, snoops into your email/letters/diary/conversations. She will want to dig into your feelings, particularly painful ones and is always looking for negative information on you which can be used against you. She does things against your expressed wishes frequently. All of this is done without seeming embarrassment or thought.

Any attempt at autonomy on your part is strongly resisted. Normal rites of passage (learning to shave, wearing makeup, dating) are grudgingly allowed only if you insist, and you’re punished for your insistence (“Since you’re old enough to date, I think you’re old enough to pay for your own clothes!”) If you demand age-appropriate clothing, grooming, control over your own life, or rights, you are difficult and she ridicules your “independence.”


3. She favoritizes.

Narcissistic mothers commonly choose one (sometimes more) child to be the golden child and one (sometimes more) to be the scapegoat. The narcissist identifies with the golden child and provides privileges to him or her as long as the golden child does just as she wants. The golden child has to be cared for assiduously by everyone in the family. The scapegoat has no needs and instead gets to do the caring. The golden child can do nothing wrong. The scapegoat is always at fault. This creates divisions between the children, one of whom has a large investment in the mother being wise and wonderful, and the other(s) who hate her. That division will be fostered by the narcissist with lies and with blatantly unfair and favoritizing behavior. The golden child will defend the mother and indirectly perpetuate the abuse by finding reasons to blame the scapegoat for the mother’s actions. The golden child may also directly take on the narcissistic mother’s tasks by physically abusing the scapegoat so the narcissistic mother doesn’t have to do that herself.


4. She undermines.

Your accomplishments are acknowledged only to the extent that she can take credit for them. Any success or accomplishment for which she cannot take credit is ignored or diminished. Any time you are to be center stage and there is no opportunity for her to be the center of attention, she will try to prevent the occasion altogether, or she doesn’t come, or she leaves early, or she acts like it’s no big deal, or she steals the spotlight or she slips in little wounding comments about how much better someone else did or how what you did wasn’t as much as you could have done or as you think it is. She undermines you by picking fights with you or being especially unpleasant just before you have to make a major effort. She acts put out if she has to do anything to support your opportunities or will outright refuse to do even small things in support of you. She will be nasty to you about things that are peripherally connected with your successes so that you find your joy in what you’ve done is tarnished, without her ever saying anything directly about it. No matter what your success, she has to take you down a peg about it.


5. She demeans, criticizes and denigrates.

She lets you know in all sorts of little ways that she thinks less of you than she does of your siblings or of other people in general. If you complain about mistreatment by someone else, she will take that person’s side even if she doesn’t know them at all. She doesn’t care about those people or the justice of your complaints. She just wants to let you know that you’re never right.

She will deliver generalized barbs that are almost impossible to rebut (always in a loving, caring tone): “You were always difficult” “You can be very difficult to love” “You never seemed to be able to finish anything” “You were very hard to live with” “You’re always causing trouble” “No one could put up with the things you do.” She will deliver slams in a sidelong way - for example she’ll complain about how “no one” loves her, does anything for her, or cares about her, or she’ll complain that “everyone” is so selfish, when you’re the only person in the room. As always, this combines criticism with deniability.

She will slip little comments into conversation that she really enjoyed something she did with someone else - something she did with you too, but didn’t like as much. She’ll let you know that her relationship with some other person you both know is wonderful in a way your relationship with her isn’t - the carefully unspoken message being that you don’t matter much to her.

She minimizes, discounts or ignores your opinions and experiences. Your insights are met with condescension, denials and accusations (“I think you read too much!”) and she will brush off your information even on subjects on which you are an acknowledged expert. Whatever you say is met with smirks and amused sounding or exaggerated exclamations (“Uh hunh!” “You don’t say!” “Really!”). She’ll then make it clear that she didn’t listen to a word you said.


6. She makes you look crazy.

If you try to confront her about something she’s done, she’ll tell you that you have “a very vivid imagination” (this is a phrase commonly used by abusers of all sorts to invalidate your experience of their abuse) that you don’t know what you’re talking about, or that she has no idea what you’re talking about. She will claim not to remember even very memorable events, flatly denying they ever happened, nor will she ever acknowledge any possibility that she might have forgotten. This is an extremely aggressive and exceptionally infuriating tactic called “gaslighting,” common to abusers of all kinds. Your perceptions of reality are continually undermined so that you end up without any confidence in your intuition, your memory or your powers of reasoning. This makes you a much better victim for the abuser.

Narcissists gaslight routinely. The narcissist will either insinuate or will tell you outright that you’re unstable, otherwise you wouldn’t believe such ridiculous things or be so uncooperative. You’re oversensitive. You’re imagining things. You’re hysterical. You’re completely unreasonable. You’re over-reacting, like you always do. She’ll talk to you when you’ve calmed down and aren’t so irrational. She may even characterize you as being neurotic or psychotic.

Once she’s constructed these fantasies of your emotional pathologies, she’ll tell others about them, as always, presenting her smears as expressions of concern and declaring her own helpless victimhood. She didn’t do anything. She has no idea why you’re so irrationally angry with her. You’ve hurt her terribly. She thinks you may need psychotherapy. She loves you very much and would do anything to make you happy, but she just doesn’t know what to do. You keep pushing her away when all she wants to do is help you.

She has simultaneously absolved herself of any responsibility for your obvious antipathy towards her, implied that it’s something fundamentally wrong with you that makes you angry with her, and undermined your credibility with her listeners. She plays the role of the doting mother so perfectly that no one will believe you.


7. She’s envious.

Any time you get something nice she’s angry and envious and her envy will be apparent when she admires whatever it is. She’ll try to get it from you, spoil it for you, or get the same or better for herself. She’s always working on ways to get what other people have. The envy of narcissistic mothers often includes competing sexually with their daughters or daughters-in-law. They’ll attempt to forbid their daughters to wear makeup, to groom themselves in an age-appropriate way or to date. They will criticize the appearance of their daughters and daughters-in-law. This envy extends to relationships. Narcissistic mothers infamously attempt to damage their children’s marriages and interfere in the upbringing of their grandchildren.


8. She’s a liar in too many ways to count.

Any time she talks about something that has emotional significance for her, it’s a fair bet that she’s lying. Lying is one way that she creates conflict in the relationships and lives of those around her - she’ll lie to them about what other people have said, what they’ve done, or how they feel. She’ll lie about her relationship with them, about your behavior or about your situation in order to inflate herself and to undermine your credibility.

The narcissist is very careful about how she lies. To outsiders she’ll lie thoughtfully and deliberately, always in a way that can be covered up if she’s confronted with her lie. She spins what you said rather than makes something up wholesale. She puts dishonest interpretations on things you actually did. If she’s recently done something particularly egregious she may engage in preventative lying: she lies in advance to discount what you might say before you even say it. Then when you talk about what she did you’ll be cut off with “I already know all about it…your mother told me… (self-justifications and lies).” Because she is so careful about her deniability, it may be very hard to catch her in her lies and the more gullible of her friends may never realize how dishonest she is.

To you, she’ll lie blatantly. She will claim to be unable to remember bad things she has done, even if she did one of them recently and even if it was something very memorable. Of course, if you try to jog her memory by recounting the circumstances “You have a very vivid imagination” or “That was so long ago. Why do you have to dredge up your old grudges?” Your conversations with her are full of casual brush-offs and diversionary lies and she doesn’t respect you enough to bother making it sound good. For example she’ll start with a self-serving lie: “If I don’t take you as a dependent on my taxes I’ll lose three thousand dollars!” You refute her lie with an obvious truth: “No, three thousand dollars is the amount of the dependent exemption. You’ll only lose about eight hundred dollars.” Her response: “Isn’t that what I said?” You are now in a game with only one rule: You can’t win.

On the rare occasions she is forced to acknowledge some bad behavior, she will couch the admission deniably. She “guesses” that “maybe” she “might have” done something wrong. The wrongdoing is always heavily spun and trimmed to make it sound better. The words “I guess,” “maybe,” and “might have” are in and of themselves lies because she knows exactly what she did - no guessing, no might haves, no maybes.


9. She has to be the center of attention all the time.

This need is a defining trait of narcissists and particularly of narcissistic mothers for whom their children exist to be sources of attention and adoration. Narcissistic mothers love to be waited on and often pepper their children with little requests. “While you’re up…” or its equivalent is one of their favorite phrases. You couldn’t just be assigned a chore at the beginning of the week or of the day, instead, you had to do it on demand, preferably at a time that was inconvenient for you, or you had to “help” her do it, fetching and carrying for her while she made up to herself for the menial work she had to do as your mother by glorying in your attentions.

A narcissistic mother may create odd occasions at which she can be the center of attention, such as memorials for someone close to her who died long ago, or major celebrations of small personal milestones. She may love to entertain so she can be the life of her own party. She will try to steal the spotlight or will try to spoil any occasion where someone else is the center of attention, particularly the child she has cast as the scapegoat. She often invites herself along where she isn’t welcome. If she visits you or you visit her, you are required to spend all your time with her. Entertaining herself is unthinkable. She has always pouted, manipulated or raged if you tried to do anything without her, didn’t want to entertain her, refused to wait on her, stymied her plans for a drama or otherwise deprived her of attention.

Older narcissistic mothers often use the natural limitations of aging to manipulate dramas, often by neglecting their health or by doing things they know will make them ill. This gives them the opportunity to cash in on the investment they made when they trained you to wait on them as a child. Then they call you (or better still, get the neighbor or the nursing home administrator to call you) demanding your immediate attendance. You are to rush to her side, pat her hand, weep over her pain and listen sympathetically to her unending complaints about how hard and awful it is. (“Never get old!”) It’s almost never the case that you can actually do anything useful, and the causes of her disability may have been completely avoidable, but you’ve been put in an extremely difficult position. If you don’t provide the audience and attention she’s manipulating to get, you look extremely bad to everyone else and may even have legal culpability. (Narcissistic behaviors commonly accompany Alzheimer’s disease, so this behavior may also occur in perfectly normal mothers as they age.)


10. She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain.

This exceptionally sick and bizarre behavior is so common among narcissistic mothers that their children often call them “emotional vampires.” Some of this emotional feeding comes in the form of pure sadism. She does and says things just to be wounding or she engages in tormenting teasing or she needles you about things you’re sensitive about, all the while a smile plays over her lips. She may have taken you to scary movies or told you horrifying stories, then mocked you for being a baby when you cried; she will slip a wounding comment into conversation and smile delightedly into your hurt face. You can hear the laughter in her voice as she pressures you or says distressing things to you. Later she’ll gloat over how much she upset you, gaily telling other people that you’re so much fun to tease, and recruiting others to share in her amusement. . She enjoys her cruelties and makes no effort to disguise that. She wants you to know that your pain entertains her. She may bring up subjects that are painful for you and probe you about them, all the while watching you carefully. This is emotional vampirism in its purest form. She’s feeding emotionally off your pain.

A peculiar form of this emotional vampirism combines attention-seeking behavior with a demand that the audience suffer. Since narcissistic mothers often play the martyr this may take the form of wrenching, self-pitying dramas which she carefully produces, and in which she is the star performer. She sobs and wails that no one loves her and everyone is so selfish, and she doesn’t want to live, she wants to die! She wants to die! She will not seem to care how much the manipulation of their emotions and the self-pity repels other people. One weird behavior that is very common to narcissists: her dramas may also center around the tragedies of other people, often relating how much she suffered by association and trying to distress her listeners, as she cries over the horrible murder of someone she wouldn’t recognize if they had passed her on the street.


11. She’s selfish and willful.

She always makes sure she has the best of everything. She insists on having her own way all the time and she will ruthlessly, manipulatively pursue it, even if what she wants isn’t worth all the effort she’s putting into it and even if that effort goes far beyond normal behavior. She will make a huge effort to get something you denied her, even if it was entirely your right to do so and even if her demand was selfish and unreasonable. If you tell her she cannot bring her friends to your party she will show up with them anyway, and she will have told them that they were invited so that you either have to give in, or be the bad guy to these poor dupes on your doorstep. If you tell her she can’t come over to your house tonight she’ll call your spouse and try get him or her to agree that she can, and to not say anything to you about it because it’s a “surprise.” She has to show you that you can’t tell her “no.”

One near-universal characteristic of narcissists: because they are so selfish and self-centered, they are very bad gift givers. They’ll give you hand-me-downs or market things for themselves as gifts for you (“I thought I’d give you my old bicycle and buy myself a new one!” “I know how much you love Italian food, so I’m going to take you to my favorite restaurant for your birthday!”) New gifts are often obviously cheap and are usually things that don’t suit you or that you can’t use or are a quid pro quo: if you buy her the gift she wants, she will buy you an item of your choice. She’ll make it clear that it pains her to give you anything. She may buy you a gift and get the identical item for herself, or take you shopping for a gift and get herself something nice at the same time to make herself feel better.


12. She’s self-absorbed.

Her feelings, needs and wants are very important; yours are insignificant to the point that her least whim takes precedence over your most basic needs. Her problems deserve your immediate and full attention; yours are brushed aside. Her wishes always take precedence; if she does something for you, she reminds you constantly of her munificence in doing so and will often try to extract some sort of payment. She will complain constantly, even though your situation may be much worse than hers. If you point that out, she will effortlessly, thoughtlessly brush it aside as of no importance (It’s easy for you… / It’s different for you…).


13. She is insanely defensive and is extremely sensitive to any criticism.

If you criticize her or defy her she will explode with fury, threaten, storm, rage, destroy and may become violent, beating, confining, putting her child outdoors in bad weather or otherwise engaging in classic physical abuse.


14. She terrorizes.

For all abusers, fear is a powerful means of control of the victim, and your narcissistic mother used it ruthlessly to train you. Narcissists teach you to beware their wrath even when they aren’t present. The only alternative is constant placation. If you give her everything she wants all the time, you might be spared. If you don’t, the punishments will come. Even adult children of narcissists still feel that carefully inculcated fear. Your narcissistic mother can turn it on with a silence or a look that tells the child in you she’s thinking about how she’s going to get even.

Not all narcissists abuse physically, but most do, often in subtle, deniable ways. It allows them to vent their rage at your failure to be the solution to their internal havoc and simultaneously to teach you to fear them. You may not have been beaten, but you were almost certainly left to endure physical pain when a normal mother would have made an effort to relieve your misery. This deniable form of battery allows her to store up her rage and dole out the punishment at a later time when she’s worked out an airtight rationale for her abuse, so she never risks exposure. You were left hungry because “you eat too much.” (Someone asked her if she was pregnant. She isn’t). You always went to school with stomach flu because “you don’t have a fever. You’re just trying to get out of school.” (She resents having to take care of you. You have a lot of nerve getting sick and adding to her burdens.) She refuses to look at your bloody heels and instead the shoes that wore those blisters on your heels are put back on your feet and you’re sent to the store in them because “You wanted those shoes. Now you can wear them.” (You said the ones she wanted to get you were ugly. She liked them because they were just like what she wore 30 years ago). The dentist was told not to give you Novocain when he drilled your tooth because “he has to learn to take better care of his teeth.” (She has to pay for a filling and she’s furious at having to spend money on you.)

Narcissistic mothers also abuse by loosing others on you or by failing to protect you when a normal mother would have. Sometimes the narcissist’s golden child will be encouraged to abuse the scapegoat. Narcissists also abuse by exposing you to violence. If one of your siblings got beaten, she made sure you saw. She effortlessly put the fear of Mom into you, without raising a hand.


15. She’s infantile and petty.

Narcissistic mothers are often simply childish. If you refuse to let her manipulate you into doing something, she will cry that you don’t love her because if you loved her you would do as she wanted. If you hurt her feelings she will aggressively whine to you that you’ll be sorry when she’s dead that you didn’t treat her better. These babyish complaints and responses may sound laughable, but the narcissist is dead serious about them. When you were a child, if you ask her to stop some bad behavior, she would justify it by pointing out something that you did that she feels is comparable, as though the childish behavior of a child is justification for the childish behavior of an adult. “Getting even” is a large part of her dealings with you. Anytime you fail to give her the deference, attention or service she feels she deserves, or you thwart her wishes, she has to show you.


16. She’s aggressive and shameless.

She doesn’t ask. She demands. She makes outrageous requests and she’ll take anything she wants if she thinks she can get away with it. Her demands of her children are posed in a very aggressive way, as are her criticisms. She won’t take no for an answer, pushing and arm-twisting and manipulating to get you to give in.


17. She “parentifies.”

She shed her responsibilities to you as soon as she was able, leaving you to take care of yourself as best you could. She denied you medical care, adequate clothing, necessary transportation or basic comforts that she would never have considered giving up for herself. She never gave you a birthday party or let you have sleepovers. Your friends were never welcome in her house. She didn’t like to drive you anywhere, so you turned down invitations because you had no way to get there. She wouldn’t buy your school pictures even if she could easily have afforded it. You had a niggardly clothing allowance or she bought you the cheapest clothing she could without embarrassing herself. As soon as you got a job, every request for school supplies, clothing or toiletries was met with “Now that you’re making money, why don’t you pay for that yourself?” You studied up on colleges on your own and choose a cheap one without visiting it. You signed yourself up for the SATs, earned the money to pay for them and talked someone into driving you to the test site. You worked three jobs to pay for that cheap college and when you finally got mononucleosis she chirped at you that she was “so happy you could take care of yourself.”

She also gave you tasks that were rightfully hers and should not have been placed on a child. You may have been a primary caregiver for young siblings or an incapacitated parent. You may have had responsibility for excessive household tasks. Above all, you were always her emotional caregiver which is one reason any defection from that role caused such enormous eruptions of rage. You were never allowed to be needy or have bad feelings or problems. Those experiences were only for her, and you were responsible for making it right for her. From the time you were very young she would randomly lash out at you any time she was stressed or angry with your father or felt that life was unfair to her, because it made her feel better to hurt you. You were often punished out of the blue, for manufactured offenses. As you got older she directly placed responsibility for her welfare and her emotions on you, weeping on your shoulder and unloading on you any time something went awry for her.


18. She’s exploitative.

She will manipulate to get work, money, or objects she envies out of other people for nothing. This includes her children, of course. If she set up a bank account for you, she was trustee on the account with the right to withdraw money. As you put money into it, she took it out. She may have stolen your identity. She took you as a dependent on her income taxes so you couldn’t file independently without exposing her to criminal penalties. If she made an agreement with you, it was violated the minute it no longer served her needs. If you brought it up demanding she adhere to the agreement, she brushed you off and later punished you so you would know not to defy her again.

Sometimes the narcissist will exploit a child to absorb punishment that would have been hers from an abusive partner. The husband comes home in a drunken rage, and the mother immediately complains about the child’s bad behavior so the rage is vented on to the child. Sometimes the narcissistic mother simply uses the child to keep a sick marriage intact because the alternative is being divorced or having to go to work. The child is sexually molested but the mother never notices, or worse, calls the child a liar when she tells the mother about the molestation.


19. She projects.

This sounds a little like psycho-babble, but it is something that narcissists all do. Projection means that she will put her own bad behavior, character and traits on you so she can deny them in herself and punish you. This can be very difficult to see if you have traits that she can project on to. An eating-disordered woman who obsesses over her daughter’s weight is projecting. The daughter may not realize it because she has probably internalized an absurdly thin vision of women’s weight and so accepts her mother’s projection. When the narcissist tells the daughter that she eats too much, needs to exercise more, or has to wear extra-large size clothes, the daughter believes it, even if it isn’t true. However, she will sometimes project even though it makes no sense at all. This happens when she feels shamed and needs to put it on her scapegoat child and the projection therefore comes across as being an attack out of the blue. For example: She makes an outrageous request, and you casually refuse to let her have her way. She’s enraged by your refusal and snarls at you that you’ll talk about it when you’ve calmed down and are no longer hysterical.

You aren’t hysterical at all; she is, but your refusal has made her feel the shame that should have stopped her from making shameless demands in the first place. That’s intolerable. She can transfer that shame to you and rationalize away your response: you only refused her because you’re so unreasonable. Having done that she can reassert her shamelessness and indulge her childish willfulness by turning an unequivocal refusal into a subject for further discussion. You’ll talk about it again “later” - probably when she’s worn you down with histrionics, pouting and the silent treatment so you’re more inclined to do what she wants.


20. She is never wrong about anything.

No matter what she’s done, she won’t ever genuinely apologize for anything. Instead, any time she feels she is being made to apologize she will sulk and pout, issue an insulting apology or negate the apology she has just made with justifications, qualifications or self pity: “I’m sorry you felt that I humiliated you” “I’m sorry if I made you feel bad” “If I did that it was wrong” “I’m sorry, but I there’s nothing I can do about it” “I’m sorry I made you feel clumsy, stupid and disgusting” “I’m sorry but it was just a joke. You’re so over-sensitive” “I’m sorry that my own child feels she has to upset me and make me feel bad.” The last insulting apology is also an example of projection.


21. She seems to have no awareness that other people even have feelings.

She’ll occasionally slip and say something jaw-droppingly callous because of this lack of empathy. It isn’t that she doesn’t care at all about other people’s feelings, though she doesn’t. It would simply never occur to her to think about their feelings. An absence of empathy is the defining trait of a narcissist and underlies most of the other traits I have described. Unlike psychopaths, narcissists do understand right, wrong, and consequences, so they are not ordinarily criminal. She beat you, but not to the point where you went to the hospital. She left you standing out in the cold until you were miserable, but not until you had hypothermia. She put you in the basement in the dark with no clothes on, but she only left you there for two hours.


22. She blames.

She’ll blame you for everything that isn’t right in her life or for what other people do or for whatever has happened. Always, she’ll blame you for her abuse. You made her do it. If only you weren’t so difficult. You upset her so much that she can’t think straight. Things were hard for her and your backtalk pushed her over the brink. This blaming is often so subtle that all you know is that you thought you were wronged and now you feel guilty. Your brother beats you and her response is to bemoan how uncivilized children are. Your boyfriend dumped you, but she can understand - after all, she herself has seen how difficult you are to love. She’ll do something egregiously exploitative to you, and when confronted will screech at you that she can’t believe you were so selfish as to upset her over such a trivial thing. She’ll also blame you for your reaction to her selfish, cruel and exploitative behavior. She can’t believe you are so petty, so small, and so childish as to object to her giving your favorite dress to her friend. She thought you would be happy to let her do something nice for someone else.

Narcissists are masters of multitasking as this example shows. Simultaneously your narcissistic mother is
Lying. She knows what she did was wrong and she knows your reaction is reasonable.
Manipulating. She’s making you look like the bad guy for objecting to her cruelties.
Being selfish. She doesn’t mind making you feel horrible as long as she gets her own way.
Blaming. She did something wrong, but it’s all your fault.
Projecting. Her petty, small and childish behavior has become yours.
Putting on a self-pitying drama. She’s a martyr who believed the best of you, and you’ve let her down.
Parentifying. You’re responsible for her feelings, she has no responsibility for yours.


23. She destroys your relationships.

Narcissistic mothers are like tornadoes: wherever they touch down families are torn apart and wounds are inflicted. Unless the father has control over the narcissist and holds the family together, adult siblings in families with narcissistic mothers characteristically have painful relationships. Typically all communication between siblings is superficial and driven by duty, or they may never talk to each other at all. In part, these women foster dissension between their children because they enjoy the control it gives them. If those children don’t communicate except through the mother, she can decide what everyone hears. Narcissists also love the excitement and drama they create by interfering in their children’s lives. Watching people’s lives explode is better than soap operas, especially when you don’t have any empathy for their misery.

The narcissist nurtures anger, contempt and envy - the most corrosive emotions - to drive her children apart. While her children are still living at home, any child who stands up to the narcissist guarantees punishment for the rest. In her zest for revenge, the narcissist purposefully turns the siblings’ anger on the dissenter by including everyone in her retaliation. (“I can see that nobody here loves me! Well I’ll just take these Christmas presents back to the store. None of you would want anything I got you anyway!”) The other children, long trained by the narcissist to give in, are furious with the troublemaking child, instead of with the narcissist who actually deserves their anger.

The narcissist also uses favoritism and gossip to poison her childrens’ relationships. The scapegoat sees the mother as a creature of caprice and cruelty. As is typical of the privileged, the other children don’t see her unfairness and they excuse her abuses. Indeed, they are often recruited by the narcissist to adopt her contemptuous and entitled attitude towards the scapegoat and with her tacit or explicit permission, will inflict further abuse. The scapegoat predictably responds with fury and equal contempt. After her children move on with adult lives, the narcissist makes sure to keep each apprised of the doings of the others, passing on the most discreditable and juicy gossip (as always, disguised as “concern”) about the other children, again, in a way that engenders contempt rather than compassion.

Having been raised by a narcissist, her children are predisposed to be envious, and she takes full advantage of the opportunity that presents. While she may never praise you to your face, she will likely crow about your victories to the very sibling who is not doing well. She’ll tell you about the generosity she displayed towards that child, leaving you wondering why you got left out and irrationally angry at the favored child rather than at the narcissist who told you about it.

The end result is a family in which almost all communication is triangular. The narcissist, the spider in the middle of the family web, sensitively monitors all the children for information she can use to retain her unchallenged control over the family. She then passes that on to the others, creating the resentments that prevent them from communicating directly and freely with each other. The result is that the only communication between the children is through the narcissist, exactly the way she wants it.


24. As a last resort she goes pathetic.

When she’s confronted with unavoidable consequences for her own bad behavior, including your anger, she will melt into a soggy puddle of weepy helplessness. It’s all her fault. She can’t do anything right. She feels so bad. What she doesn’t do: own the responsibility for her bad conduct and make it right. Instead, as always, it’s all about her, and her helpless self-pitying weepiness dumps the responsibility for her consequences AND for her unhappiness about it on you. As so often with narcissists, it is also a manipulative behavior. If you fail to excuse her bad behavior and make her feel better, YOU are the bad person for being cold, heartless and unfeeling when your poor mother feels so awful.

anonymous asked:

Could you possibly, if it's no trouble, do dialogue between Solas and Zevran? I've always wondered how that would go. Thank you

Zevran: You are a rather quiet fellow, aren’t you?
Solas: I do not feel the need to speak simply to fill silence, if that is what you mean.
Zevran: I see. Should I take this to mean you are shy? In need of someone to lavish you with attention? Bring you out of your shell? I can be very encouraging in that regard.
Solas: Hmm.
Zevran: You do not speak much.
Solas: You speak more than enough for the both of us.
Zevran: A-ha! Yes, true. But what fun is talking if you don’t have a partner to do it with?
Solas: I’m sure you will let me know eventually. 


Zevran: How long have you traveled alone, Solas?
Solas: For quite some time. I have kept more familiar company in the Fade for many years. Why?
Zevran: Then it must have been some time for you.
Solas: Some time since what?
Zevran: Since you last had a lover.
Solas: What?
Zevran: Assuming you’ve had lovers, of course.
Solas: That’s… That is not important right now. We have far greater concerns at hand.
Zevran: Very true. Only it helps in times of trouble to seek… release, does it not?
Solas: I prefer to focus on our current goals. Such distractions would… complicate matters.
Zevran: Suit yourself.


Zevran: You do not approve of my line of work?
Solas: Death may sometimes be necessary, but the decision to end a life should never be taken lightly. Never for reasons as shallow as greed.
Zevran: No need to sound so angry, my friend. I understand the nature of my craft. Am I to be shamed for not properly mourning the lives that I take? I would rather not waste my time feeling guilty for something I cannot change. At least now I have the power to choose who I kill - and more often than not, it’s Crow’s blood I’m spilling.
Solas: For revenge? Or in order to eliminate the competition?
Zevran: Can’t it be both?


Solas: You were enslaved by the Crows?
Zevran: A slave? I would not exactly call myself as such…but yes, I suppose that is accurate.
Solas: They owned you, held complete control over your life. And then you escaped. You sought your freedom.
Zevran: You make it sound so noble. I am flattered. Though perhaps the story is less impressive if you consider my survival depended on sweet talking the person I had just attempted to kill while trying not to spill my guts into the dirt. It was less of an escape and more… knowing how to see an opportunity when it presented itself. I’ve had to end a number of lives since in order to maintain my independence from my former employers. But it makes it so much more satisfying, doesn’t it? Killing for your own purpose, instead of someone else’s.
Solas: I am not certain… but I understand your meaning.


Solas: Assassinations are common in Antiva, I take it? If they were not, the Crows would not be such a formidable organization.
Zevran: It makes the process so much easier when you simply eliminate the competition, no?
Solas: It may be efficient, but it is a shortsighted approach. A leader is nothing without his people and fear can only be an effective tool for so long without breeding chaos. One may require death as a means to an end, but to do so simply in the pursuit of more power…
Zevran: The fallout was never my concern or my specialty. I was always long gone with coin in hand by that point.
Solas: Have you ever wanted something more than that? To have your work strive towards a greater purpose?
Zevran: (laughs) Why do you ask? Is it possible our humble apostate is in the market for an assassin?


[Romanced Solas]

Zevran: She is quite beautiful, isn’t she?
Solas: Who?
Zevran: Come now, Solas. We both know who I am speaking of. Just as we both know precisely where your eyes were lingering a moment ago…
Solas: I’m certain you are mistaken.
Zevran: I cannot blame you. Admittedly, I’ve been enjoying the view myself. Quite an ample handful, no?
Solas: Please, for once, resist the urge to keep speaking.


[Romanced Solas]

Zevran: You know the Inquisitor well, don’t you?
Solas: I would like to think so.
Zevran: Tell me… What does Lavellan look for in a lover?
Solas: Excuse me?
Zevran: How would I woo her, if I were so inclined? Does she favor dashing good looks? Passionate embraces? Someone to sweep her off of her feet? 
Solas: (annoyed) No. I would not say she cares for such things.
Zevran: Oh, Solas. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.
Solas: What?
Zevran: Do you not think yourself handsome? A desirable lover? I could teach you some things that may bolster your confidence in that regard.
Solas: This is not a conversation I wish to have. Least of all with you.
Zevran: (laughs) Do not worry, my friend. I only tease the people I like. Most of the time, anyway.

[banter for Solas + Merrill]
[banter for Fenris + Solas]
[banter for Fenris + Romanced Solas]

You don’t want to lose control over your life. You are afraid to rely on another human being, to make them your everything because you know they will betray you eventually. But the truth is the most beautiful things happen when you let go of your fears and live life like there is no tomorrow.
—  far-cry-from-normal, Just let go.
🌊 Healing Through Astrology: The 12th House 🌊

Sun In The 12th: Using your alone time to reflect and discover yourself instead of just using it to escape from the world will heal you. Self love and self awareness don’t come easy but it’s what will get you through anything that life throws at you and you will never feel more free then you will in the moment that you embrace this and not let the opinions of others affect you.

Moon In The 12th: Taking the time to dive into your subconscious and finding out what you are feeling and what you truly need is what will heal you. Your deep and porous emotions can be used for good once you are aware of your feelings. Being able to let go of past hurts will wash away all of the negative feelings that you carry along with you on your shoulders and will make you feel new. 

Mercury In The 12th: Speaking up and overcoming your fear of speaking your mind is what will heal you. Your shyness and quietness sometimes doesn’t let others notice you easily. You use writing and art to convey your feelings instead of speaking about them and learning to speak about your ideas and dreams will let you become more noticed and appreciated.

Venus In The 12th: Showing your true loving nature and knowing when to leave toxic relationships is what will heal you. You tend to look over the flaws of others and fall victim to many toxic partners and friends and being able to simply walk away and save your love for people who deserve it will make you more willing to open your heart and love unconditionally.

Mars In The 12th: Standing up for yourself and not letting people walk all over you will heal you. You let your anger boil inside of you for so long or it comes out without you even being aware of it. When you don’t let your anger go inward and you assert yourself you will become stronger and more empowered than you think.

Jupiter In The 12th: Branching yourself out to the world, developing new beliefs and having new experiences will heal you. You have a low faith in others and you fear change and isolate yourself from others from fear of change and craving of safety. When you are able to go out and experience everything the world has to offer, you will be less afraid of it and you can live your life to its fullest.

Saturn In The 12th: Letting go of the past and not feeling guilty or scared in every move you make will heal you. You feel guilt and fear very often and you don’t even know where it comes from and you isolate yourself from everyone to not make any mistakes or expose yourself to the reality of the world. When you are able to forgive yourself from the past and become productive instead of restricted in your alone time, you will finally have learned your lesson and be able to let go of your past self and move on.

Uranus In The 12th: Accepting your uniqueness and going off on your own path through life will heal you. You feel different and isolated from the world and you feel like you can’t connect to anyone fully. Embracing your individuality and not following norms in order to please others will make you less passive and increasingly independent and innovative.

Neptune In The 12th: Facing reality and using your deeply emotional abilities for helping yourself and others will heal you. You tend to escape any kind of possible hurt that comes your way and you have a hard time distinguishing your own feelings because you feel everyone else’s without trying. When you are able to face hardships head on and subject yourself to your own feelings as well as the feelings of others, you will not only be able to help and heal others, but become someone who is openly compassionate and empathic instead of an escapist. 

Pluto In The 12th: Channeling your inner power and intensity and transforming yourself will heal you. You feel powerless and helpless frequently and you bury your feelings inward and try to stay cold and detached instead. Being able to find your inner strength and gaining control over your life will help you transform into a more powerful and formidable individual.

okay but what nobody tells you is that the symptoms of trauma keep changing as you go on, at first it might be just you refusing to think about certain things and feeling numb and dissociated and have a strong need to avoid certain issues and turn your head away and refuse to consider certain things or dismiss certain topics as if there’s nothing to talk about, and then there might be flashbacks and pieces of memories coming back and then you desperately try to push further into denial and forget because the mere possibility that those memories are real is too terrifying and nobody would believe you and there’s just no way to deal and make things right and it’s even hard to accept that for a part of your life you were ignorant and wrong of certain things and maybe you even told some really awful things to others that you believed were true and you feel guilty and then there can be entire storm of panic attacks and nightmares and shaking and re-living it over and over again, you could be getting triggered by anything and unable to feel safe or okay even for a second, there might be outbursts of anger and grief, your body might start hurting in certain areas, you might start experiencing pain and symptoms you didn’t feel during the original trauma, you might have lived your entire life feeling nothing but suddenly it’s a burst of pain and fear, you might have been feeling detached from your body and like it’s not even yours and sudden bursts of pain might remind you what was done to it and why it’s so hard to bear the thought that you still live in the body that was done to, you might have been living your life under secret rules that you didn’t even realize were there, you might have been stopping yourself from doing certain things without understanding why, just felt that doing those would be very very bad and wrong and dangerous, you might have always been alert to other’s feelings and opinions as if their thoughts can destroy you but not understanding why and worrying you’re too sensitive, you might have been living a life filled with obsessions and weird fixations that felt just normal to you at the time but looking back you now realized you were doing all that you could to distract yourself from the pain, you might have been feeling empty and senseless and like you’re a mistake and your life is a failure even though you couldn’t pinpoint just what did you do wrong and nothing made any sense whatsoever but it was all somehow your fault, you might have been feeling incredibly ashamed of certain things without managing to pinpoint why and just felt like something about you was awful and disgusting, you might have struggled getting how certain people can act the way they do and how are others able of functioning in the ways you can’t, you might have felt like you were lacking in something without being able to explain it, you might have fought for certain things without understanding why you felt so strongly about them, your moods might have been going crazy because of triggers you never realize were triggers, you might be desperate for a while for someone to help you direct and manage your life, or you might be desperate for your own control over your life, realizing you never had any before.

Even if some of those are subtle, all of these are signs of trauma, if you are not feeling the full cptsd symptoms right now it doesn’t mean you’re not traumatized, any of these is worth looking into your life and taking the time to figure out just what happened to you.

Dating Wonder Woman would include...

The only headcanons I wrote was about Wolverine (here), and since I never received any other requests about head canons…I’m very glad to write another one with Wonder Woman yo ! Though I’m not sure I’m doing it right, I made it way longer than most headcanons I saw around I think, and also cut it in more than one part…I hope it’s ok. So here we go, hope you’ll like it

(My masterlist blog here : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com)

__________________________________________________

How you met, how you two fell in love, the first “I love you” : 

✶ You first met Diana when your brother, Bruce aka the goddamn Batman, dragged you to the Justice League’s Watchtower (against your will). You were already a Gotham’s vigilante just like him, the next big step was obviously the League, though you didn’t like the idea of being in a little “super club”…

✶ You quickly changed your mind when you met Diana though. She’s the first one who talked to you, and though your brother told you many things about the Mighty Wonder Woman, you weren’t impressed. 

✶ That’s what made her fall in love with you. Because you accept her just as she is. And you couldn’t care less about the fact that she’s a Princess, or one of the most powerful being on Earth.

✶ The way you’re never afraid to tell people what you think, even if sometimes it’s almost rude, is also another reason she fell for you. She loves the fact that you’re independent, and don’t take anyone’s shit, including hers. You keep her grounded when she gets a bit too cocky or something. 

✶ Another thing that made her fall for you : even though you went through a lot of bad things during your life, you always saw the bright side of everything, and Diana understood why Bruce always referred to you as his “personal sunshine”. You didn’t have any super-power, but hey, the ability to make anyone (even the Batman) smile and laugh was even better. 

✶ Your brother shipping you two even before you started to both flirt with each other like crazy. 

✶ Your brother calling you “an idiot” when you decide to not reciprocate the flirting after a while, afraid to bring her in your chaotic life. “She’s Wonder Woman, as if anything could actually hurt her”. 

✶ Diana being somewhat depressed while your avoiding her…And the League having an “intervention” to convince your stubborn ass to talk to her again. 

✶ You not resisting for very long, because…Well, she’s Diana Prince, and if you’re honest with yourself, you’ve been in love with her ever since you first met. Her not being even remotely mad at you for your sudden coldness toward her, on the contrary, being over the moon because you finally came back.

✶ Your brother giving you relationship advices : basically, do the opposite of what he would do. Best advice ever. 

✶ Becoming very close from each other because it seems you two are just hand made for each other. Conversation is always flowing just right, you don’t always agree with each other but always listen etc etc…A match made in heaven. 

✶ Diana knew she was doomed and totally in love with you the day you punched your brother AND Superman in the face because they dared to say you needed protection. “If I can punch you two idiots without you stopping me, then clearly, I’m fine without protection !”. Yup, she was definitely doomed.

✶Her knowing you hate when people protect you, but not being able to not do it…and you letting her protect you, because you love her, and if it can make her happy, then so be it. 

✶ Surprisingly, she’s the one that said “I love you” first…Right before what should have been a “suicide mission”. Needless to say it gave you a reason to fight like Hell to have the chance to tell her you love her too. 

✶ You never even had time to tell her, as when the battle was finished, and you two were still alive, she crashed her lips on yours. The rest of the League applauded when you were finally able to whisper, breathless : “I love you too D”

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The Price of Privilege - Part 6 (A Kyungsoo Series)
Murderer.

The word repeated again and again in your mind, taking its own path through your consciousness, it swerved and ducked between what ifs and flat out denials until it faded into obscurity and lost any semblance of meaning.

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The Fitting (Part 12)

(You respond to Jungkook’s request that you start dating for real.)

WARNINGS: 8500 words of angst.  That is all.



The message notification on your phone jolted you awake and nearly caused you to fall out of bed.  You were lying right at the edge of the mattress with Jungkook’s body pressed tightly against your back.  When you first fell asleep, you were both lying in the center of the large bed, but as the night wore on, you would roll an inch away from him to sleep more comfortably and give yourself some breathing room.  Although he was sound asleep, Jungkook somehow sensed your movement away from him and his body would immediately close the gap between the two of you until, eventually, there was no more room left to move.

Carefully, you slipped out of bed, grabbed your phone, and headed towards the bathroom.  As expected, the text message was from your cousin checking up on your date last night.

10:17am (Seulji)  How did it go?  Was it fun?  Did you fall in love with him yet?

10:20am (You)  It went fine, he’s a fun guy but it’s just not the right time for me.

10:21am (Seulji) What?  Why?  I need details.

Details.  You wondered if he would tell your cousin about the fact that you were seeing someone else or if he would just let it go.  You didn’t even want to think about the conversation you would have to have with Seulji once she found out that you had another man all along.

10:23am (You) I have to jump in the shower right now.  I’ll talk to you about it later.

You set the phone, face down, on the counter and could hear two more messages come through but you didn’t bother looking.  Instead you turned on the water extra hot and stepped into the steaming shower, hoping to wash off your lingering guilt.

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