control fear

Tips on dating for when YOU have BPD

I’ve seen so many articles and posts on “how to date someone with BPD”, or worse “warning signs your partner has BPD” or “how to recover from dating someone with BPD”. But I could only find ONE article giving advice to people WITH BPD in relationships. So, I’ve made my own. Here are some tips on maintaining a good relationship when YOU have BPD:

  • Be open. I know you’ll be scared that if you’re too honest, you’ll scare the partner away. But you need to be truthful, or you’ll end up bottling things up, and then they explode.
  • Saying that, sometimes it’s okay not to express your fears. Small fears such as how your partner hasn’t texted back as fast as normal, don’t need to be expressed when they occur. Once you’ve calmed down, take the time to express it. Say “It makes me a bit sad when you don’t reply fast, but I understand that sometimes that happens” This way, your partners understands your fears, but also knows that you understand their limits too. Sometimes our fears are small and go away if we wait, so take a minute to thing logically (if you can).
  • It’s okay to show symptoms! Don’t be mad at yourself if you have a mood swing in front of your partner, it;s not your fault
  • Avoid expressing when you’re splitting. It’s hard not to let every things out when we’re mad and splitting, but try not to if you can. Try and suppress for a little time and express your feelings once you’ve settled. This way you can express them neutrally, without bias, and make sense when you do so.
  • Keep reminders of your partner’s care for you. Screen shot texts and keep them in a folder. When you feel unloved or the person isn’t responding, read through these to remind yourself that they love you
  • Ask your partner to give you small reminders. Ask “every now and again, can you remind me you love me?”. This isn’t a big ask- a small text once a day is not manipulative or needy, and your partner should be ahppy to as this makes you happy
  • Set guidelines. It’s okay to have certain things you get paranoid about. Tell your partner that there are some things you don’t like- e.g. “I don’t like it when you use full stops, it makes me think you’re angry, could you avoid doing so? I understand if you mess up though.” A relationship is about caring for each other and making each other comfortable, so your partner should be ahppy to make small changes to make you happy, just as you’ll make small changes to make them happy!
  • Be prepared to compensate. Sometimes we get paranoid about things that we just have to let happen. We get worried when our partner talks about other people, when they see other people. It’s okay to express this, but we have to learn that we can’t stop our partners doing this. This is hard, and something I struggle with myself, but it’s needed to make our partners feel comfortable. If your partner is out doing something you don’t like, distract yourself. 
  • Find someone else, with BPD is best, to vent to. I have a close friend or 2 who I vent my worries to, and they have BPD as well. They understand and validate my fears, so that I don’t feel needy or mean. This way you can express these fears without controlling and hurting your partner. E.g. I say to my friends “My partner is seeing his ex today. I get that’s his right to but it’s pissing me off and I just wanted to tell someone.” 
  • Remind yourself it’s okay to express yourself. Telling your partner you’re scared they’re going to leave you isn’t automatically abusive or manipulative, it’s true.Tell them you feel suicidal isn’t manipulative, you deserve support and love.
  • When splitting, learn to distance yourself. If you notice you’re splitting for an unfair reason, it’s okay to distance yourself. It’s okay to walk out a room, to stop replying for a minute to compose yourself. This way, you won’t lash out, and you can avoid getting more angry. Inform your partner you are splitting, so they can give you space.
  • Don’t let yourself be invalidated. If your parter says something invalidating, mean, or hurtful, tell them. We get scared that if we tell our partners they hurt us they may leave, but it’s important not to let our partners hurt us.
  • Tell your partner about your BPD- and if not that- about your symptoms. Tell them you split (you sometimes hate people for no reason), tell them you have abandonment fears (get scared they’ll leave you). This way your partner can adapt and help you. Give them tips to help you. e.g. “If I’m scared you’ll leave me, tell me you love me, and tell me why you love me”
  • Learn to say sorry. Sometimes we lash out, sometimes we get irrational and hurt our partners. this may not be our fault, but it is our responsibility. Learn to say “I’m sorry I lashed out”.
  • You deserve someone who’s willing to help you. You deserve someone who is willing to send you little messages, who is willing to validate and support you. Don’t settle for someone who gets mad at you for your mood swings or invalidates your feelings.
    We deserve a kind, loving, supporting relationship as much as anyone else.

No offence, but American Idiot is a musical masterpiece that not only portrays a time in America when
people were completely controlled by fear-fuelled media, but brought together the punk and broadway scene to discuss problems such as bigotry and capitalism in post 9/11 America and it has been coMPLETELY UNDERRATED BY THE BROADWAY COMMUNITY WHAT THE HELL

Pluto is a complex little big planet with many facets. One being obsessions: which can also bring about great transformation

**Transformations can come from letting go of what you obsess over or try to control. Generally the need to control comes from a fear. And that fear can end up controlling you. Acknowledgment of this and Realizing you need a balance and letting go is what will set you free.

•Pluto in 1st house• Obsessed with identity, body issues, attached to power issues. Transformed by letting go.

•Pluto in 2nd house• Obsessed with what you are able to acquire in a attempt to overcome the fear of never having enough. Transformed by possessions/finances(loss or gain or both).

•Pluto in 3rd house• Obsessed with being a seeker and finding the answers you seek. Also obsess over finding things that are hidden. Transformed by the mind, communications, siblings or maybe neighborhood.

•Pluto in 4th house• Obsession might come in form of using control and power to get their way. Comes on from having a possible turbulent childhood. Transformed by home environment, maybe by letting go of control of home environment.

•Pluto in 5th house• Obsessing could come in form of love relationships or lovers being obsessed with you. If you have children could obsess over them. Transformed by love, children, romance and gaming.

•Pluto in 6th house• Obsessed with perfection, hard work, routine, exercise and health. Need to relax. Transformed by allowing change and or breaking routines.

•Pluto in the 7th house• Obsessed with partnerships and can be very demanding or controlling of them or them of you. Transformation through close relationships.

•Pluto in 8th house• Obsessed with secrets, taboo and sex. Attracted to darker things. Use your knowledge of understanding people’s psychology to better people. Transformation through extreme childhood experiences.

•Pluto in 9th house• Obsessed with higher learning, your beliefs, possibly your religion. Careful in foreign places. By not get fixated on your ideas, Transformed by new adventures.

•Pluto in 10th house• Obsessed with drive to succeed. Transformed through workplace or with general public somehow.

•Pluto in 11th house• Obsessed with change in a larger group setting. Maybe some friends lost to death, creates more awareness for how to live. Transformation comes from friendships.

•Pluto in 12th house• Obsessed with helping humanity. Have the power to do so. Strong psychic tendency to the hidden lives of others and yourself.

Via Zahara star for insp

the blue notebooks

time travel au

pairing: jimin | reader
genre: fluff, angst
word count: 8.575
warnings: none
author’s note: this story will have a sequel since there is much, much more I want to tell, but I wanted to keep it under 10k and I figured this part worked well as a standalone. please enjoy :)


You meet Park Jimin after a particularly rough landing.

You wish time traveling was as easy as the books like to describe, or as beautifully romantic as the movies depict. It is a concept that’s been overly embroidered with advantages that do not exist — and even if normal humans see it as a fortuitous skill, one they long to have, they rarely realize that having a normal life is out of the question for your kind. Even so, there is no point in wishing for something that won’t happen in this lifetime, not with the time traveling genes burning strong within your veins.

Keep reading

Lilith - The Black Moon

Our Deepest Fears (x)

Aries: Fears unworthiness and can be prone to compare themselves to others. To overcome this, they should not measure their own success by other peoples, but to value themselves and others as unique individuals.

Taurus:  Fears scarcity and can be prone to indulge in compulsive consumption. To overcome this, they should not fill the empty void they feel with ‘things’ but should stretch themselves beyond their comfort zones in the material world by tuning into their spiritual nature.

Gemini: Fears rejection and can put too much emphasis on what other people think of them. To overcome this, they should express their own individuality instead of projecting their insecurities onto others, or accusing them of not doing the right thing.

Cancer: Fears abandonment and can be prone to feelings of loneliness and lack of support. To overcome this, they should learn to do things for themselves and practice unconditional love, instead of detesting other people that come across as needy or clingy.

Leo: Fears change and can be arrogant and self-centered, they are prone to project this part of themselves onto others that come across as overbearing or vain. To overcome this, the should give credit to others where credit is due and welcome the opportunities that present themselves by embracing the change that these opportunities may create.

Virgo: Fears failure and can be prone to self criticism and therefore projects this criticism onto others, feeling that they are not performing well enough, or are incompetent. To overcome this, they should not focus too much on flaws or errors and not to do everything in excess, it is not their responsibility to have to fix everything.

Libra: Fears loneliness and isolation and has issues forming boundaries. They are prone to criticize others, particularly how they appear, or seem. To overcome this, they should not have to have things so perfect and to find solace and comfort in being alone.

Scorpio: Fears loss and always has to win. They are prone to having a tremendous need to rescue others at any cost. To overcome this, they should learn how to accept closure and not be so competitive.

Sagittarius: Fears dishonesty and dislikes people that lie or come across as naïve. They are prone to doubting the things people say and always need proof. To overcome this, they should not get too caught up in persistently seeking the ultimate answer, but accept that the ‘truth’ comes from many different perspectives.

Capricorn: Fears neglect and is prone to controlling and attention seeking behavior. To overcome this, they should learn how to be comfortable when not in charge and to stand up for themselves in a 'self controlled’ way.

Aquarius: Fears powerlessness and are prone to reacting negatively when they don’t get their own way. They have issues with power struggles and have a great distaste for people that come across as weak or undisciplined. To overcome this, they should stop being so detached/stubborn and learn to control their need to overpower others.

Pisces: Fears vulnerability and has issues with trusting people that come across as too nice, they believe these people must want something from them. To overcome this fear, they should find the appropriate people to confide in and focus on themselves as much as they do others.

public service announcement:

Klaus Mikaelson uses violent and controlling behaviour to cover up the fact that deep down he is so vulnerable and so desperately just wants to believe that he is worth something and that there are people who truly love him. After growing up with a mother who cursed him to be a vampire, an abusive father who wasn’t even his real father and being the only werwolf in his family, making him feel like a worthless and disgusting outcast, he spent his childhood feeling weak and like he was never enough. He was made to feel like there was nothing good or valuable inside him. As he grew up he attempted to fill this hole he felt by lashing out violently and showing hateful behaviour to those around him. If they wouldn’t love him or appreciate him, then he would make them fear him. He surrounded himself with people who he could control and who feared him so that he would not slip back into the feelings of weakness and so he could try and make himself believe he was powerful and superior. There are so many moments in the Originals when for a small moment we suddenly can see Klaus’ true emotions and it is heartbreaking. When he meets his real father we see that really Klaus is still just a child. We look at this mans face and we see the beaten and weak outcast child who only ever wanted his father to see him as an equal. Klaus has such love inside of him for his siblings, Hayley, Caroline, Cami, Marcel and of course his daughter, who he loves more than anything else. Deep down Klaus Mikaelson is extremely gentle and loving and emotional and sensitive and his life has made him so vulnerable. He just wants to believe that there is good inside him and he wants something better for this daughter than what he had. WE MUST PROTECT KALUS MIKAELSON.

Little Bastard

Every year I ask my 2nd graders to draw a picture of whatever scares them most. We discuss the drawings in class. It helps the kids confront their fears and control them.

Sharks in the 70s. Clowns and nuclear bombs in the 80s. Serial killers in the 90s. Lately, guns and lockdowns. Some fears are silly, and others I can’t even bear to talk about. But since the beginning, one subject has appeared with astonishing regularity, two or three in every class.

Aside from slight variations in perspective and style, it’s always basically the same picture. A boy sits high in the trees that grow on the grounds of the middle school next door, on the opposite side of our playground fence. He’s flinging rocks at terrified children below.

“God help the little bastard I catch throwing rocks,” we teachers would say to each other.
But we never caught anyone. Middle schoolers are quicker than minnows. And the victims were no help, refusing to tattle or return fire. My colleagues believed it was a perverse rite of passage: smaller children endured the abuse until it was their turn to throw rocks at future generations.

In class each year, I’d hold up an assortment of the perennial drawings.
“What are these about?” I’d ask. “Bullies?”
The kids would shake their heads.
“Ghosts,” they’d say.

Here’s the weirdest part. They always drew that boy the same way. Red hat, one eye slightly bigger than the other, brown shoes. How was I supposed to explain that? I couldn’t. All I could do was give those poor kids my speech about bullies, and stuff their drawings into my desk drawer with the rest of them.

Then last summer, the middle school chopped down the trees and built a new gymnasium in their place. All the teachers were thrilled.
“No more rocks,” we said to each other.
No more ghosts, I thought.

So imagine my surprise when more than half my class drew that damn picture again this year. Sure, the trees were replaced by the gymnasium and the ghost boy was gone, but the rest was the same–children crying, bleeding, flinching, crouching in the dirt.

I spread out the drawings on my desk and called up Tanner, a kid I trust to be a straight-shooter.
“What is this?” I asked. “The boy’s gone. He can’t throw rocks at you anymore.”

“Not at us,” said Tanner, pointing at something in each picture. I dug out the drawings from previous years and Tanner went on pointing at those too. “He was aiming at her.”

A little girl. Lemon yellow dress. Hair in pigtails. I hadn’t noticed her before because she’d been cowering with the other children, afraid.
Not anymore. In the newest drawings she was standing tall, chin up. Smiling.

Tanner spoke in a whisper, almost too soft to hear.
“And now there’s nobody to stop her.”