content warning

Blocking without visiting a blog

In light of this tumblr user @allura-is-a-hoe situation, I just want to let people know that you can block a user without going to their blog (and potentially triggering yourself) by going to https://www.tumblr.com/settings/blog/[YourUrl] and scrolling to the bottom and adding the url manually

*I STRONGLY ADVISE THAT PEOPLE NOT VISIT THIS BLOG, IT’S FULL OF EXTREMELY DISTURBING AND GRAPHIC CONTENT. SIMPLY BLOCK AND MOVE ON*

Public School Is A Goddamn Disater, Part 2: The Lovecraftian Madness of Machismo

Part 1 here, AKA: the Mantisocalypse (you don;t have to read it to understand this one, but you should anyway)

Content Warnings: Mental Illness, Attempted Murder, Sexual Content, Stalking, Abuse, Animal Abuse Mention, Emetophobia, US Public Education, Military Industrial Complex.  I’ve been told this is my most disturbing story, even if it’s hilarious, so mind your health.  All the names in this story have been changed to protect the innocent and Not-So-Innocent.

This is the story of Recruiting Sergeant Scott VS. The Lacrosse Jocks VS. Yours truly.

To understand this story, you must understand the dystopian hellscape that is US Public High School- I went to the NICE high school in town, with the AP curriculum and new building, where the the kids were generally too obsessed with getting into the ivy league to do anything worse than occasionally smoke on the roof.  Not even weed, just regular cigs.  During their off-periods, so they’d have time to febreeze their clothes and arrive to their next class early.  You know, the most boring fucking kids ever.

AND STILL, we were subjected to the various scourges of US public ed, namely-

-on-campus police officers and regular “what to do in case of a columbine event” drill.  We had Officer Munoz, who was a wonderful Latina Woman with the good sense to focus her efforts on getting kids away from abusive parents rather than persecuting brown kids, but we were VERY lucky on that front.  Still, having someone walking around with a gun and technically the authority to kill you, and having to hide in the science cabinets three times a year fucks you up.  Remember Officer Munoz though, She is Important.

- A weird, cult-like, frankly masturbatory attitude regarding athletic achievement.  The arts and sciences were stuck doing bake sales for supplies while the gym got re-done two years after the school opened.  This was tempered in an odd way at my school in that literally all the sports teams unequivocally sucked, with the exception of 

1.Marching Band, which went to nationals twice in the first two years the school was open 

2.Knowledge Bowl, where kevin and I took the team to 3rd in state in our first year, and only lost because Kevin had an asthma attack so we decided to let the other teams fight over the ‘lesser’ medals 

3.Lacrosse, which didn’t actually didn’t GO anywhere, but was a “real” sport and beat our ‘rival’ school, so the team got to be Big Men On Campus, and get away with all kinds of nonsense like eating in class when everyone else was forbidden or skipping tests for ‘practice’.  The three worst offenders were Dustin, Jack and “Rattlesnake Pete”, all of whom were budding neo-nazis and thus signed up for German.  With our Jewish teacher.  Remember them too.

-On-campus military recruiters.  As in, people who are legally allowed to exaggerate, manipulate and actually lie to minors to convince them to join the armed forces.  Ours was Sergeant Scott, and as much of a skeevy rat as he was I honestly felt bad for him, because remember, academic magnet high school so he had three kinds of kids to work with:

  • Kids who made the physical standards for the armed forces and were all about honoring their country via physical labor, but were dumb as shit and couldn’t pass the written exam.
  • Kids who could pass the written exam and were totally ready to bully some people in the third world, but couldn’t do a pull up if you covered the gym floor in cobras.
  • Kids who passed the physical and mental portions but were uniformly rabidly anti-military industrial complex, to the point where 35 of them crammed into his cubicle in the office he shared with Officer Munoz and Janitor Wendy, so they could hold a sit-in protest of the Iraq war and chant “Impeach Bush” and “War is Murder” at him  Someone chucked red paint on him, because they’re furious immature teenagers.  It was his first day.

Poor bastard.  Remember Him as well.

Keep reading

Emotional Consent

I’ve always been hesitant to post about this because I’m worried people will take it as a personal offense and I just want to say in advance this isn’t “@ anyone” or a callout even

I just feel like emotional consent as a concept is rarely talked about and therefore it’s often breached unknowingly (hence why I don’t never get mad at anyone specific for breaching it), and also I think it’s important I make this post. I didn’t learn what it was till I was older, and most people don’t.

Essentially “emotional consent” is a mutual understanding and willing agreement between both parties when discussing directly emotional or potentially emotionally loaded questions.

I’m going to start with examples, and I know it might feel bad at first if you recognize you do some of them (it’s okay, we all do from time to time), but please keep reading because I promise I’ll get onto alternative dialogues and solution

Here are some examples of what a breach of emotional consent can look like- not all the ways of course, but the major ones off the top of my head:

  • Venting to someone without warning or established boundaries this can look like starting a conversation by venting, or detailing graphic information seemingly out of nowhere and without effective trigger warnings. This can put people in situations where they feel like they have to respond, even if they’re not emotionally equipped, if they’re busy, or if they don’t have the spoons. Of course, usually this wasn’t the intent of the venter, but still has the same effect. FYI- this includes celebrities, social media icons, and people you admire. 
  • Talking graphically about sex, masturbation, or anything in that range without warning or established boundaries this can look like anything from sharing a funny sexual escapade with your friends, and dirty jokes, to sexual harassment and telling someone hows bad you want to fuck them despite not knowing how they feel about it. Sometimes in these scenarios, people can appear visibly comfortable in attempt to fit in and not seem prudish, or to avoid awkward confrontation. This can also be especially sensitive because this is a topic that can very easily and unexpectedly bring up traumas and insecurities along with the discomfort, and it can perpetuate rape culture.
  • Using pet-names and romantic implications, even platonically, without established consent this one was tough for me to swallow at first because I love pet names and I love using them platonically to show love. But even more, I want the people I love to feel comfortable and safe around me. Some people have deeper more negatively charged, or more intensely charged feelings around pet names than I do, and I wouldn’t want to subject them to that. Some people are also comfortable with certain pet names and not others. Also things like calling platonic meetups dates, cuddling, and platonically holding hands mean different things to different people, which is important to respect.
  • Showing people media or sending articles or news with heavy emotional content either without warning, or with the expectation of discussion part of this is about including trigger warnings, and making sure viewing triggering content is optional in spaces and interactions we have control over. Another part though, is the fact that we often expect people to have interactions and discussions with us about emotionally charged topics, including politics, crime, oppression, natural disasters, etc. without fully understanding how this can affect the other person.
  • Telling someone they’re the only person you feel comfortable telling something to, or be open with this one sucks because it usually (except in cases of abuse) comes out of genuine care and wanting to make the other person feel special. That being said, no matter how you phrase it, it can put a massive responsibility on the person that similar to my first example, can make them feel obligated to help even when they’re not in an appropriate place to. 
  • Expecting people to share personal or intimate information a lot of times we ask emotionally loaded questions because we care about and are interested in the lives of our loved ones. That being said, if we’re not careful people can really feel obligated to share information they’re not prepared to, or don’t want to process at the moment. This can look like “How’s your health been?” “How are you handling [life event]?” and “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

so now the more pleasant part! What can it look like to prioritize emotional consent instead- these correspond in order of initial bullets

  • Starting vague and asking if it’s okay an example dialogue could be “I’m feeling crappy about [blank] are you up to listen to me talk about it?” I also love to add “or should I try [alternative coping method/talking to someone else right now?]” to the end of that if I have one so the other person knows if they say no I have something to turn to. Another example could be “Would it be alright for me to vent right now? FYI it may include mentions of [possible triggers] so if you’re not up for it right now I understand?” or simply “Are you comfortable with me talking about [blank?]”. Also talking to a celebrity or idol “You really helped me with [blank]. I don’t know if you’re comfortable with detail so I won’t elaborate, but I really appreciate it.” or “You really helped me with [blank.] [An explanation about what specifically helped or inspired you in more detail rather than graphic description of the event.]”
  • Again! You can just ask example dialogue can include “Can I mention something about my sex life?” “I have a joke but it’s dirty so I want to make sure thats okay with you” “Can I say something nsfw?” “Is everyone here okay with sex mentions?” 
  • Asking still works! Example dialogue can be “Thanks [petname] (are you okay with me using that or would you rather I don’t)” “Are you okay being called [petname]?” “Are you comfortable with [intimate platonic act]?” “Do you want to [intimate platonic act]?” “I’d like to [intimate platonic act] if you’d be okay with that”
  • Ask/Warn ahead of time or clarify you don’t need response example dialogue “I want to process [news event] but I know it’s heavy so I wanted to ask first” “Jsyk this article contains [possible triggers] so don’t read it if you think it’d be harmful to you]” “Can I ask your opinion on [charged topic]. If you’d rather not, I understand” “[thought or link to article] FYI no need to respond. I just wanted to share.]”
  • Show you’re appreciation in other ways using phrases that show appreciation but don’t implicate responsibility like “Thanks for being here for me whenever you’re able to” “I really appreciate being able to talk about this with you” “It means a lot to me that I can feel so comfortable and open with you” “Being able to talk about this with you has been really helpful for me and I’m really glad I was ables to.”
  • Asking with an easy out or optional response examples include “Hey, I know you’re dealing with as lot and grieving right now so I absolutely don’t need a response, but I wanted to remind you if you need support in any way I’m available and have time right now.” “Do you want to talk about [emotionally charged life event] or would you rather talk about something else right now?” “I know it’s hard to talk about these things and I understand if you can’t, but I want to remind you that when you can and want to I’m available and won’t judge you.” “Would venting be helpful or draining right now?” “What’s the best way I can support you, or are you not sure right now?”

Sorry this became a long ass post but I thought it was important. I should also add that the exception of course is therapists and counselors, crisis hotlines, or other people trained and already prepared to cope with these things. but besides that- try and emo responsibly. 

10

TOASTYSTATS: GEEKGIRLCON 2017

The above are the first half of the slides I presented at GeekGirlCon (along with some annotations to explain things I only said out loud :) ) – for the second half, read more below the cut.  I’ll also be sharing the slides from the other presenters here, too, as they’re posted!

The gender representation work is part of a longer analysis that I will be posting in full soon!

Beneath the cut are also a few additional slides that I would have presented with a bit more time – several of which address things that came up in the question session.  Edit: warning for some mature text content in the extra slides.  

Edit 2: Also, if you want more notes about when and how I collected this data (e.g., some of the data in the first section is a couple years old), you want clearer text/images, or you want to get at the raw data, check out the links in the speakers notes in my Google Slides

…And the extra slides (content warning for mature themes in text):

anonymous asked:

Why the hell do you ship wincest? By actively suporting it in the show you support it irl. You are harming naive and easily manipulative children into thinking something like that is ok. That makes it easier for incest to keep happening because they are desensitized and even view as a good or hot thing. As a survivor I need to ask you to stop. Its not cute, its disgusting.

This is an automatic feed. As in, a feed from a different website. In this case, an automatic feed from AO3, featuring a ship that has 23k fics to date. Fics that are posted to AO3, and get automatically posed here. 

Are you still with me? Good, cause this is the important part. 

When I say fan fiction, I mean fiction, as in - and I’m quoting the dictionary here - “literature in the form of prose, especially short stories and novels, that describes imaginary events and people,” and “invention or fabrication as opposed to fact.”

AO3 also has about 2-3k fics on bestiality, around 1k on necrophilia, and about 5k where the main attraction is people pissing on each other. Staggering 13k featuring rape, and solid 500+ fics where one or both people are extremely underage.

Now, stay with me, because this gets good. There are approximately 129 million books in the world. And they feature: bestiality, necrophilia, incest, torture, murder, rape, child abuse, drug use, suicide, child sexual abuse, animal abuse, bullying, eating disorders, bondage, Satanism, cult worship, human sacrifice, cannibalism, gangrape, ethnic cleansing, and so on and so forth. 

Can you guess why that is? No? Because it’s fiction. Because it’s not real. 

Now, if you want to restrict all those things, starting with incest and ending with idk, mass slaughter, you’re welcome to try. But may I suggest you start with the oldest printed book in the world, which features all of those things and more, and work your way up to AO3. 

I’m so tired of seeing anti’s take what Lauren said out of context. No she did NOT sink the sheith ship. She wasn’t even talking ABOUT Sheith. She was talking about shidge. Shidge is more of a mentor or older brother relationship. Nowhere in that video did she talk about Sheith so stop taking things out of context. 

Here is the video it starts at 15:30 where she talks about Shidge not Sheith

a post about a very abusive anti in people’s inboxes.

there is an anonymous anti - or someone that wants to look like an anti - going into sheith shipper inboxes on anon and sending asks calling shippers transphobic slurs, wishing sexual and bodily harm, and suicide baiting.

warning for potentially triggering language as this anon’s posts are shown at this link.

again: it might be worthwhile to currently keep anon off in your inboxes if you ship sheith. the anti movement has become very irrelevant lately, and therefore some lashing out seems to be happening.

why skyrim modding proves dude spaces understand content warnings-- they just hate ones that aren’t for them

The dude-dominant trend of mocking trigger warnings or content warnings and ‘safe spaces’ is obviously bullshit but let me tell you a story. (long post)

So my friend and I decided to publish a mod for The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim. They had been working on it for a pretty long time, and I helped out by providing some of the written materials, beta testing, and concept work. It was a pretty extensive mod, overhauling many aspects of the game and adding some entirely new ones.

This means that it would be incompatible with many other popular mods to install. This didn’t bother us because other overhauls of the same scale exist already, and they do well enough.

And it made hot files! It was pretty cool. We decided to provide involved support for it, especially after launch, as we still were fixing bugs and tweaking features. Their feedback also may be important for future updates.

However, because our mod made so many changes, we released a full readme with what types of things the mod changed, and what sorts of mods would probably not work with it. Our landing page gave a good sampling of the features within, way more detailed than most of the frontpages of whole video games on Steam.

But neither were good enough.

I can’t really presume their genders, but the heavily male-dominated culture over on NexusMods wasn’t comfortable with anything but a full spoiler list of every single tweak. Where to get every new item. Every change made, a full list of every available perk, beyond a simple summary. Previously secret or hidden surprises had to be spoiled, because how else would they know what they were getting?

The constant questions, ‘is this mod compatible with X’ despite pretty clear compatibility directions and restrictions continue. They want to know everything about the mod, every tiny detail of how it might interact with other mods we didn’t even consider, before trying it. And they’ll ask us before reading the readme or even the landing page and figuring it out themselves. 

This isn’t about content as sensitive as personal stories of trauma, disturbing content, or anything along those lines. This is, presumably, mature people not willing to try a mod for a video game without the creators themselves personally holding their hand and spoiling all the content’s details to them, or asking for 1:1 geek squad support over reading simple compatibility notes.

We’re not entitled to anybody playing with our work. That’s up to each person to decide. But as we published and then were faced with that we (mostly I) had woefully underestimated the need for total detail disclosure. It became clear to me that this is a level of detail that blows simple “CW: blood” out of the water.

And it’s normal for them. To them, media isn’t like the “back in the day, you read a book and whatever was inside was inside!” situation that a lot of them tout. It’s like buying a car. They want to know the mileage of the car. They want to know if the car can be tuned up or have parts swapped out. They want to know about the measurements of the car, its headroom, the width of its axles, how high it is off the ground. They want to know what noise the unlock of the car makes, its emissions, its safety rating, who else owns the car, and what other cars that it’s similar to.

And that’s not unreasonable, at least for a sensible level of detail. But the reality is, if you said “no, I won’t tell you, you need to find out for yourself” these people wouldn’t suck it up. They would pass up your product because they do not know if it contains something that is displeasing to them– whether that is in a technical sense that it would not work well with other modules, or a hidden message or piece of unmarked content that may insult or disgust them.

Plenty of shitty clickbait has been written about how content warnings, media ratings, and clear specifications of a product are different from the plague of ‘trigger warnings’ but so far the only observable difference between them is the audience that trigger warnings is intended to serve: people with mental health concerns.They are all notes that may be in varying detail, that forewarn an audience or consumer of the content of something presented before they commit to it fully.

That speaks to me that what trolls really mean when they say ‘suck it up’ is anything but– They do not want others to stop having feelings or stop being cautious of potential hazards, but to be subject to them on purpose. Meanwhile, they get all the level of information they want about what they care about. It solidifies them as a legitimate audience and their needs as legitimate, and others and their needs as less so.

What they really mean is, “I would rather you not be informed, or see you being informed.” They would, in a matter of speaking, prefer that women and people of color and PTSD sufferers be continuously sold a mystery car, even a shitty one. They do not want to hear that the car they like, or the mod they want, or the books they read, or the movies they watch, do not suit the needs of someone else. Because if they like something, and someone says that it just doesn’t work for them, then that thing can’t objectively be always worthwhile or ‘good content.’

They don’t get upset when their peers request if this extensive overhaul is compatible with any number of extensive overhauls that touch similar features (spoiler: it’s not). They aren’t special snowflakes for wanting to know, even if they are very annoying and obviously aren’t using their brain or even reading the content warnings before asking for personalized assistance. The opposite: they chime in and even help provide the information to their peers or advice to the media maker unasked-for, or even demand more detail so they can begin optimizing before they even download the content at all. 

They already are fluent in the idea of marking content according to the needs of a potential consumer– even entitled to more of that information than someone making media might want to divulge openly. What is despised is not somehow information cowardice or a potential echo chamber but that someone other than themself might have needs.

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(via Rescuing the world’s most annoying cat - YouTube)