contemplations

I swear sometimes I think I’m the only person who likes recurring storylines.

I get it, I do, sometimes it can be repetitive, but other times… it makes it real to me? You don’t just fix a personality flaw in an instant, it takes a lot of work, a lot of trying. But each time it crops up again you deal with it a little differently, or it becomes more of a frustration to those around you, and to yourself.

A bone of contention, something to work towards.

It shows growth, and weakness, and human nature. And I kind of love it.

Andai kita tidak tahu bahwa Allah akan memintai pertanggungjawaban pada apa yang kita tuliskan, mungkin kita tidak akan berpikir panjang ketika hendak membeberkan seluruh emosi dan perasaan dalam kalimat-kalimat bernada negatif yang terlontar di akal, tertulis oleh jemari, dan berakhir pada selembar tulisan.

Andai kita tidak tahu bahwa Allah melihat apa yang kita tuliskan dengan lebih teliti daripada siapapun yang membaca tulisan kita dengan seksama, mungkin kita tidak akan malu untuk mencurahkan semua keburukan melalui barisan-barisan kata yang menyatu menjadi sekumpulan kata, sekumpulan makna.

Andai kita tidak tahu bahwa Allah menugaskan Raqib dan Atid untuk menyertai segala yang kita lakukan, mungkin kita akan dengan ringannya menuliskan lembar-lembar tanpa makna, tanpa ada nasehat kebenaran yang mengajak untuk mengingat Allah dan keberadaan hari akhir di dalamnya.

Tapi, kita tahu semua itu, bukan? Kita tahu!

Kita tahu bahwa seluruh yang kita tuliskan tidak hanya akan berakhir pada lembaran tulisan, tapi akan berakhir di pengadilan terbesar. Kita tahu bahwa Allah Maha Teliti pada setiap yang kita tuliskan, kata demi kata, tanda baca demi tanda baca. Kita tahu bahwa apapun yang kita lakukan, kita dibersamai oleh dua malaikat setia, Raqib dan Atid. Bagaimana kiranya kita bisa berpura-pura tidak mengerti? Maka, kita bisa berupaya untuk mendidik diri, agar setiap karya yang terlahir tak akan jadi bumerang di Hari Perhitungan nanti.

Lihatlah sejarah mengabarkan kepada kita tentang sahabat Rasulullah, Abdullah bin Rawahah. Rawahah, sang penyair yang disukai Rasulullah, menyairkan kata-katanya di jalan Allah. Melalui syairnya, ia produktif berkarya, menyemangati orang-orang yang berperang, berusaha membela dan mengukuhkan sendi-sendi agama Allah, dan bahkan ikut mengupayakan kejayaan Islam. Jasadnya meninggalkan bumi, tapi ruhnya tersenyum menghadap Dzat Yang Maha Tinggi.

Sahabatku, kita masih bisa mengganti arah pena. Atas tenaga dan waktu yang dengan rela kita curahkan, mengapa tidak kita wujudkan sebagai bentuk pengabdian kepada-Nya?

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Picture Source: Pinterest

Long term relationships are based on compatibility. I believe that human beings invented being engaged as a trial period, and conservatives people, stupid traditions and religion totally ruined it. You need to spend months with the person you’re in love with, you need to move in with him/her, get familiar with how she looks like in the morning, how comfortable you are together, sleep in a bed together, get to know her baggage, her deep dark and twisted issues, whether you can live with each other emotionally, intellectually, socially, financially. Whether you’re sexually compatible. Whether you have great chemistry together. You need to actually share your lives.

Butterflies in your stomach eventually fly away, your brain stop flooding you with endorphin when you see her from afar, and Bill Murry even suggested that if you both survived traveling together, then you’re meant together. Then, and only then, can you even begin to know whether you have potential to go on. Cause loving her is about wanting to be with her, but having a relationship with her, is about being able to do so.

I think if i stayed where i am, i’m fucked, my standards are almost impossible, I want her to be fluent at English, doesn’t give two shits about religion or traditions, mocks relationships dynamic in Egypt, open about her sexuality, open minded, compatible sense of humor, loves movies, doesn’t see the world exactly like me.

So basically, given the compatibility rule and my standards, i want to marry Adèle Exarchopoulos.

But, um, I think I’m too late?

The thing is, if you think about it - Sam never had 15 years of experiences to think about anything else. It makes sense that he went right back into Avery’s treasure because he had 15 years to himself and trying not to die in a cell to think about it. He didn’t know he was going to be released sooner than later, so all he had was time to think “what if we found what our mom was talking about?”

Nate had 15 years, as well as three ancient cities, a girlfriend, then a wife, Sully and so many people and all the time to move on from what happened. He never talked about it and never looked back on Henry Avery. When Sam came back that was all he cared about. He didn’t care about Avery’s treasure, he was done with that, but he did it for Sam.

At the end when he found out that Alcazar was a lie, all he wanted was to go home. Sam on the other hand was in sight of the treasure he was looking for and thinking about his entire life. The treasure his mother was looking for, the treasure they built up towards as a family, him and nate, they were so close to the most sentimental thing in the world for him and he wasn’t going to let it slip.

So I don’t think it was greed or selfishness that drove Sam. He is way more complex than that.

the good thing I like about myself right now is that I dont have real expectations from this life any longer. These almost last two years have humbled me in such a way that I do not wait for anybody to win my heart, I don’t dream about any big career, I don’t have something that might shatter me if I don’t get it anytime soon. This does not mean that I am not working on myself, that I am not studying or never plan to get married. I am just kind of okay alhamdulillah with the things I have and if I get more in the future, then alhamdulillah for that and if not, alhamdulillah as well because I didn’t expect it from this life anyways.

I’ve read a few posts about how the stuff that happens against Cronus will affect the teens later in their lives with PTSD and serious changes in personality, but like. It’s already happened. The Phantom Rising parts are about Theresa snapping and taking it out on the gods. Not to mention, Herry resorted to physically torturing Cronus to get information and Jay agreed. 

“Anger is just anger. It isn’t good. It isn’t bad. It just is. What you do with it is what matters. It’s like anything else. You can use it to build or to destroy. You just have to make the choice.“

"Constructive anger,” the demon said, her voice dripping sarcasm.

“Also known as passion,” I said quietly. “Passion has overthrown tyrants and freed prisoners and slaves. Passion has brought justice where there was savagery. Passion has created freedom where there was nothing but fear. Passion has helped souls rise from the ashes of their horrible lives and build something better, stronger, more beautiful.”

—  Jim Butcher
(“Contemplations” newsletter from First Universalist, Denver)