consuming misanthropy

I get in these mood sets where i know that when i die i’ll just… disappear. Sure a few people on the internet will wonder where i went, my family, friends and acquaintances will mourn but there are 7 billion people here and no more than 1000 even know i exist. 

Those moments are when I reach a level of understanding of why people follow through with such heinous crimes such as school shootings before killing themselves. They tend to be young minds believing they couldn’t contribute a lasting impression through positivity but didn’t want to be a nobody so they took the infamy route, scared to go out into the bigger world and fail usually had been pushed to their breaking point through bullying, mental illness; misanthropy consumed their brain therefore helping humanity was not a viable option to their logic. They couldn’t understand that violence was not the clearest way to make a change. I just want to grip anyone who feels that way by the shoulders and tell them that there is ALWAYS someone who cares and will cry over their death/ pain inflicted on others.

We would all love to be the next Leonardo da Vinci but doesn’t that destroy the concept of standing out? Make something with your life through love and peace; there is not enough room for hate. Sign a petition against animal abuse, volunteer for a homeless shelter; raise awareness about human rights issues; anything that seems small will add up in the bigger picture if we all try to be the best version of a human we can be and start small but aim bigger. If we all believe we won’t make a difference then yes, we never will.

Then i get sad as fuck because every single shooter/terrorist etc. had such potential to change the world in a positive light but they underestimated themselves, hurt innocent people and broke more people in the process and i end up screaming into my pillow at 3am because the world is so volatile.