consumed by your poison

3

i am someone no one falls in love with,
because when they do,
i break them and they scatter like the tiny bright stars showering the sky.

but darling, please, love me.
let my darkness destroy you,
let my madness maim you,
let my poison consume you,
etching and spreading itself into your veins.
let me give you my despairing soul.

let me love you so much that i burn my whole being into nothingness.
—  letter to persephone // m.n 

Skies are grey
You turned them that way
Clouds were crying
Were my body was lying
Swallowing my pride
Got no where to hide
Burying my sorrow
Fake smiles I borrow
I wasn’t giving you the satisfaction
Of seeing my reaction
I won’t let you tire me down
I won’t let you make me a clown
I won’t be another lifeless shallow
A trophy in your empty ghost town, a shadow
You may have fooled me
Had me down on my knees
But you can’t consume me
I’m over your poisonous disease
You played well with my demons
Cause you outrun all their evils
But now they’re angry and furious
At the way you played me , so hideous
You unleashed my monsters
You made me stronger
And for that you shall see
How setting me free
Your distraction it would be
And the burning flames will agree
I’m setting your ghost town on fire
Giving your black heart an early retire
You could no longer hurt an innocent flower
I’m stripping you off your great power
Now you’re left with the same worth
You made me feel before my rebirth
Now I’m in control of the game
I’m the rebel you can’t tame
Now the skies are blue
And you’re standing there like a fool
But there’s nothing you could do
Now you play with my rules
—  M.othman  

So, it’s over.

The mess of her tangled hair that used to hover over your fingers, teasing every single muscle in your palm.

The linen sheets now smell of a common detergent and of your tears, instead of her lavender shampoo and mysterious perfume.

The songs you used to love are now left unplayed, and you hate those movies you used to watch with her, arm in arm.

You take different routes to your regular places, and you order all the things she used to dislike at your favorite restaurant.

Who are you getting back at, dear human? Whom are you actually torturing?
You keep reminding yourself of memories that are an encryption in the pages of the past, and you keep drowning the present till it is nothing more than the base of your second last bottle.

You are destroying yourself slowly in the poisonous, self consuming moments of your first dance with her and the first kiss you planted on her lips.

Get up, and start sledging your body across, now.
It’s not late, but it is time.

Take baby steps and start arranging your parts in such a way that they reflect you, not her or both of you.

You are a person and you comprise of a whole self worth.

You’ll find someone who loves you for you, and will stay no matter what, but not if you keep your legs dangling in the torn pages of history that ought to be turned into ashes by now.

For now, start by caressing your soul and loving each cell of yourself.

The nights will help and the days will heal, only when you decide your mind is the Emperor, not a mere warrior.


-Oshee.