consumed by cake

3

First episode of Bake Off and the contestants have already learned to use booze to appease Mary Berry

on kevin’s birthday
  • he wakes up like its a normal day, but ofc neil knows his birthday, neil knows the size of the big toe on his left foot
  • “happy birthday” neil mutters, an offhand comment
  • andrew overhears, and he freezes like hes just remembered something. his eyes slide over to kevin. in that one exchanged stare, kevin sees his own demise predicted. empires rise and fell, fire reins, andrews eyes are glinting, kevin is fucking screwed.
  • the foxes think theyre coy, but theyre so fucking not. kevin doesnt comment, and they dont comment. (mostly they dont comment. nicky cant help it. he offers a birthday lap dance and kevin swings for his head)
  • fast forward, its 5 pm, and kevin is cautiously optimistic that the day will go by without—
  • “SURPRISE” is not a thing a grown man wants to hear shouted from a dark room when he gets home. since his exy racquet never leaves his hand, he is Ready To Go, and Nicky, being closest, has to duck for the second time that day to avoid having his head taken off
  • Dan forces him into a chair and puts a party hat on his head, then threatens to have him benched if he doesnt stay put
  • kevin slouches and sulks bc he is kevin & he will never be happy
  • the foxes give him a horrendous rendition of happy birthday, but instead of kevin they say “fuckwit” (this is the only word andrew contributes) and then he blows out candles
  • he wishes they would all go away & not talk to him again until they knew how to play exy
  • the cake is chocolate w/ white frosting, and everyone has a piece. for most ppl, that means, like, u know, a reasonable amount for the size of the human. andrew consumes about half of the cake on his own without comment.
  • wymack shows up w/ a bottle of vodka not even wrapped halfway thru cake
  • kevin doesnt take the hat off bc he doesnt want to waste time being yelled at by dan, but he rambles to allison for a solid 10 minutes about george washington bc they happen to share a birthday
  • at one point, she cant take it anymore and walks away while hes mid-sentence
  • they dont leave him alone or talk about exy, so hes crabby, but he also doesnt admit that its overall not the worst birthday hes ever had
1d as prisoners

harry: sells bracelets that he makes with macaroni which he stealthily takes from the kitchen (asks for them politely) for a quarter , best friends with all of the officers

zayn: requested to be moved to solitary the second day of his sentence

liam: pumps iron in the yard, terrible at basketball but thinks hes the best at basketball, punched a guy who tried to shank him and then apologized to him for 20 consecutive days

niall: was once fined heavily for consuming every snack cake in commissary, has family members smuggle him blonde hair dye during visitations

louis: often called “small but deadly”, doesn’t have a bunkmate because the last one was so afraid of him, wears 20 macaroni bracelets under the sleeves of his jumpsuit

anonymous asked:

HELP. Imbolc is tomorrow, and I can't go out and do anything because we have ten feet of snow. :( Any advice?

Hi lovely! Happy Imbolc!

Not to worry, there is lots of things you can do inside!

  • If it’s sunny where you are today, try sitting by a sunny window. You could also charge any tools or items for a spell under the sun for warmth, joy, and growth.
  • If you worship or work with the goddess Brigid, try a meditation with her involved, construct an altar for her, or do any other activities you normally do honor her. She was also the goddess of healing, poems and fire, so if you like, read some poetry or perform a healing spell.
  • Have a bath, to wash away negativity and the chill of winter to make room for warmth, coming of spring and growth.
  • Light a candle or two. (If you can’t burn things and have a wax melter or one of those wall-flower wax warmers, those work well too)
  • If you enjoy tea, make yourself some tea to enjoy! (Tea, spiced wines and milk traditionally correspond with Imbolc) If you are interested in divination at all, try reading your tea leaves. 
  • Other types of divination you could do are oracle/tarot readings, runes, a pendulum reading, or scrying with fire, clouds or even dirt. 
  • Any potted plants you have in the house would benefit from some extra love and attention today, and caring for them would be another simple way to celebrate.
  • Common foods that are made or consumed on Imbolc include breads, cakes, pastries in general, peppers, soups and stews, onions, raisins, seeds, and dairy products. (If you like soup, even canned would work fine)
  • I personally love to do some spring cleaning on this day. Sort of a cleansing ritual for myself. Usually I have some incense going to help cleanse the space too and music playing.

Here are some links that might be helpful too ^.^

Got7 as single dads

Jaebum:

Number of kids- 1 daughter (and don’t you dare touch her) 

Why they are single- Husband died of cancer when daughter was two.

1) That cup of coffee in the morning every weekday, no sugar, extra cream, 120°F exactly.

2) Reads the newspaper every Saturday, on his iPad or an actual paper while simultaneously watching CNN.

3) Wood works and and makes random items for around the house and in the backyard, probably carves birds in the garage at midnight.

4) Calls daughter Princess and loves her to death, would fight a bear like Leonardo DiCaprio to protect her.

5) Engineer, constantly burns coworkers with smart remarks, possibly will be promoted to boss soon.

6) Quizzes daughters possible dates, and is really, really protective.

7) Has a shotgun. Maybe two. 

8) Sweet but strict, makes sure his daughter does her homework, makes sure her skirt is not too high (finger tip rule), doesn’t let her go to parties.

9) Snuggles a lot, read bedtime stories, would stay home with her if she was sick, makes her green tea, kisses forehead.

10)  Daughters friends think he is hot, like really hot.

Keep reading

lulu-cake  asked:

Cupcake for Yasuo!! ʕ•ﻌ•ʔ≧∇≦

“…I ah… am not gonna lie… this looks pretty good but… if I had eaten everything that looked pretty good offered to me by strangers so far, well… I am quite sure I would be dead by now. I cannot accept your offer. Sorry.”

Dadbod: Part 3

For parts 1 & 2 click here

I stood up to face Kevin. Our mouths were inches apart and I could feel his hot beer breath on my lips. I placed my hand on his cock and began rubbing his now fully erect dick through his board shorts.

“You want my cock don’t you twink boy?” He said.

I nodded my head.

“Then get on your knees and prove it.”

I got down and undid the Velcro on his shorts. I let them fall to the ground to reveal a thick uncut cock dripping with precum. A dense bush of black hair surrounded it. My mouth started to water as I began to lick and suck on his cock. He moaned as my pace quickened. He shoved my head harder and harder until I was deep throating. My nose was jammed into his pubes and I could smell his sweaty summer musk.

Eventually he pushed me back onto a lounge chair and began stripping off my clothes. I peeled the skin tight wife beater off to reveal a hairy belly and chest glistening with sweat. He sucked on my cock for a bit before lifting my legs and moving down to my hole. He rimmed me for the longest time, taking breaks to bite and smack my ass cheeks. He seemed to like eating ass just as much as he liked eating food. He was talented with his mouth and the stubble on his face rubbing against my ass drove me wild.

My dick was throbbing as his tongue explored every inch of my ass. I was oozing more precum than I knew I could produce. He stood up and slowly slid into me. As he began thrusting, his distended stomach rubbed against my cock driving me wild. I let out an uncontrollably large moan as his pace quickened. A moment of worry that the neighbors might’ve heard me, or even worse- be watching us, flashed through my mind. My worries dissipated as Kevin leaned in closer and bit onto my neck while pounding me. I could hear the beer and food sloshing around in both of our bellies as we fucked.

The words “Fuck me you fat pig,” uncontrollably slipped out of my mouth and a few seconds later Kevin was grunting and moaning in ecstasy as he filled me up with cum. He pulled out and forced me to suck the cum and shit off his dick. I was so turned on and in desperate need of an orgasm myself when, to my dismay, he began putting his clothes back on.

“I’m going to the store to buy an ice cream cake,” he said. “When I get back, you’ll be sitting in the same spot. Naked. You’ll watch Dad pig out on cake and then it’s your turn to fuck my fat ass.”

I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I simply nodded.

Twenty minutes passed before I heard the front door open. I prayed it wasn’t his wife and kids. To my great relief, Kevin stepped outside; wife beater riding up, a cake in his hands, and a look of hunger in his eyes.

“You like watching men my age turn into sloppy fat pigs? Huh boy?”

I nodded. Kevin proceeded to grab a giant mixing spoon and began to shovel the cake into his mouth. He probably consumed half the cake in five minutes before he began to slow down. I stayed on the lounge chair and began to jerk off. It was apparent he was starting to struggle to to get more food down his throat. He began to moan, grunt, and rub his belly with each bite. I got up and began to massage his gut, which seemed to re-invigorate his appetite. He ditched the spoon and began to shove hunks of cake into his mouth with bare hands. I noticed he was hard again and I began to rub both his cock and belly. About to burst, he leaned over and devoured the rest of the cake- no hands. He then stood up and laid down on a lounge chair. I had never seen such a distended stomach. It looked like he was going to explode.

“Feed me beer, boy.”

I did what I was told and cracked a can of PBR and poured it down his throat.

“Now feed piggy your cock.”

Once again, I did as I was told.

After I fucked him, we each cracked another beer and sat in silence for several minutes. Kevin was the first to speak:

“Next month, my wife is taking the kids to a summer camp and then staying with her parents for a few days. During that time you will turn me into a swollen hog. Here’s my number. Don’t come to this house unless I tell you to.”

“Yes, sir,” I said.  

Spell Glossary

this is a list of the spells used by characters in the game wizardess heart. in the future, we might include fan-created spells. hopefully having these all in one place will help people when using magic in their fan creations

note: this post will be periodically edited, and reblogged as needed. it is also one of the pages available in my blog’s navigation

Canon Spells and Magic

Aqua - summons water, used in water magic spells

Apareo speclum - summons a large mirror

Apareo umbra - summons an umbra, a shadow copy of the caster that has the personality of its caster

Barrier magic - barriers protect the caster or trap enemies; they can be created in elemental forms, where water barriers protect from fire, earth barriers protect from water magic, and so on.

Black magic - the opposite of white magic; it is a category of magic that includes curses, attack spells, debilitating spells, and other magic considered generally malicious

Cooking magic - spells can be incorporated into food and consumed; such as cake that makes the consumer float, soup that makes the consumer extra warm, and so on.

Funus captis - creates chains of light

Globus flau - summons fireballs

Globus lumen - creates rays of light, rays can form a ‘whip’ and attack

Magical incantation - the words spoken to cast a magic spell; generally, the greater the skill of a wizard, the fewer words they need to speak when casting a spell

Magic note - an enchanted note where the writing disappears once read 

Magic wand - wands are necessary to cast spells and often their design reflects a wizard’s personality; breaking a wand can destroy a magical seal if that wand was used to cast it

Nox - creates a wisp of darkness; if strong enough, it can blanket an entire area and create a false night

Primitive spell - ordinary conversation is imbued with a burst of magical power; spell strength cannot be controlled

Sanatio aura - key part of the healing incantation, ‘o sacred wind, grant us a breeze and mend this wound, sanatio aura!’; a healing spell that is wind based

Time magic - some people can travel through time with magic; this type of magic is quite rare

Turbo ventos - summons a vortex, or small whirlwind

Ventos - summons a gust of wind, used in wind magic spells

White magic - the opposite of black magic; white magic is category of magic that includes astrology, healing, time, and medical spells, along with other spells types considered generally ‘good’  


Canon Magical Tools

note: when using magical tools, a wand is not necessary. the wielder of the tool charges the tool with their magical power. 

Persona Mirror - invented by walter goldstein, this mirror is a special tool that reveals a person’s heart, or true thoughts and personality

Light of Apollo - a magical tool that brings forth sunshine and banishes rain; its counterpart is the tears of undine. the necessary incantation is ‘sun, come forth!’ 

Lumen Cloak - an invisibility cloak crafted by an unknown creator. a prism was transformed into thread and spun into this cloak, so it functions by bending light as a prism does. it renders the wearer transparent.  

Ring of Metamorphose - the wearer may transform themselves into any shape they wish by placing the ring on their third finger of the right hand; this ring has an amber-colored gem in the band

Talismans - similar to lucky charms, talismans are enchanted objects that offer protection to those who carry them; also, talismans can be made with a certain person or purpose in mind, such as protection from rain or bad weather. the talismans can be paper, stone, jewelry, etc. gemstones are popular.

Tears of Undine - gemstones that allow the wielder to summon rain showers; the incantation is ‘rain, come forth!’. it is very sensitive to the amount of magic provided by the wizard, and creates a storm of corresponding strength, from gentle rainshower to raging typoon. its counterpart is the light of apollo


Canon Magical Classes

the following are classes taught at Gedonelune Royal Magic Academy: 

- Astronomy 

- Barrier Magic

- Contracting Magic

-  History of Wizardry

- Magical Creature Biology

- Magic Potion Pharmaceutics

- Medical Magic


All of Me

Anonymous Prompted: I want something with a fat/overweight Belle. Where is my adorable/pudgy librarian who’s in love from afar with the town monster, Mr. Gold, who little does she know thinks she’s the bees knees and is in love with her right back? Where’s my fat girl who was made fun of for being a nerd, for being odd, for not being skinny, who gets the rich guy and lives happily ever after? Where’s the Gold who loves Belle just the way she is and not because he’s a chubby chaser?
Rating: T
A/N: After months of wrestling, here’s the first chapter of what I affectionately call “Chubby Belle.” Thank you to the Anon who inspired this and to @magnoliatattoo – for everything! This story is very personal for me, so thanks for allowing me to share my heart. Warnings for dealing with body issues.

ON AO3

“‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you.”
All of Me – John Legend


Thank the Lord it wasn’t bathing suit weather.

Belle French scowled down at the beach from the boardwalk, cradling a container of pasta salad. She was running late for Henry’s birthday clambake, and if there was one thing Belle hated, it was making an entrance. People looking at her, watching her, judging her.

Slinging her bowl under one arm, she smoothed her free hand over her Kelly green sundress and peeked down anxiously at her red sandals. She’d already double-checked her lipstick in the car mirror. Stalling, Belle. You’re already late, remember?

At least she could feel confident in her potluck offering—she was a pitiful cook, but Marco? His pasta creations would make angels sing.

Keep reading

Thoughts After S2 Finale

Some of my thoughts and where my theories are going following the Season 2 finale. 

So far, the general consensus seems to be that Mona started the A games pre-season one to torture Alison because of the way she tortured her, then continued it for the next two seasons because she was jealous of Hanna’s friendship. There’s even been a personality disorder thrown into the mix for Mona. But I don’t think Mona was “A” for Season One or Two. Bare with me, as I do not have .gifs or videos for all of this compilation. 

Now, for someone who was supposedly so desperate to spend more time with Hanna that she would become “A” in her jealous rage…she really doesn’t seem to help herself when it comes to Hanna. She starts fights with her, criticizes her for playing nice with Lucas, apparently has some kind of conflict going on with Caleb, and doesn’t really seem to pay it any mind when Hanna tells her over and over how awful she is. I know I’ve mentioned this in one post before, but I wanted to bring it up again: Mona is acting a lot like Alison. At first, I bought into her act of desperation. I thought, perhaps, she was acting like Alison to attain favor with Hanna as well as the others because of how much they all loved her. But, obviously, I think differently now. 

First of all, Mona outed herself.
She was the one who wanted to go with Spencer to that room. She didn’t try to steer her away from it or suggest otherwise. She purposely left those clues in that room so that Spencer would figure it out. If the “A” team is just Mona, or Mona and Lucas, and Mona was in control of the whole operation- why would she need to confess? All she had to do was just stop doing it. Instead, she lures Spencer away, lets her figure it out, and threatens her: join the A team, or disappear. Now, if you think that Mona is A and that the clues were really just poorly hidden, this could easily be something Mona did to keep Spencer’s mouth shut. But remember that Mona is supposed to be the one who was giving the girls all the evidence they had, acting as A. She knew what would tip Spencer off. It wouldn’t have been that hard to keep throwing her off; Mona wasn’t even under suspicion by any of the girls when she wasn’t getting the “A” texts. In other words, the only reason for her to confess to this is that she was forced to. 

I also declare that she was setting herself up to be caught by the girls from before now. She started setting herself up with the cashmere sweaters if not sooner. Then, when she went through the trouble of getting Emily back on the team, she tried to make it so obvious that she was “A”- hoping that Emily would catch on. I think, maybe, she had hopes that Emily would be able to figure it out because of all the girls, Emily was the first one to recognize her mistake and apologize (except possibly Hanna- I haven’t seen that backstory yet). She clearly doesn’t want to be “A” anymore- but again, why not just stop? Furthermore, during this episode where Mona gets Emily back on the swim team, Mona declares Emily to be her friend and later shows up to her swimming finals to support her. A few episodes prior, she spoke with Spencer about Noel’s alleged break-up with her and-whether it was a true story or not- she showed some definite vulnerability to Spencer and was treated with encouragement. A few episodes later, all the girls (fucking FINALLY) invite her to eat lunch with them. Hanna is no longer her only friend. Yes, her friendly feelings towards them could have been a lie- but why? Again, she wasn’t even a suspect; there was no trail to throw them off of (they were still following dead-ends from the video clips). And is there an actual reason why she would accept Hanna’s friendship, but not theirs? Not to mention that I really don’t think she has a personality disorder (”That was so, like, two personalities ago”- she knew what was going to happen, the whole thing was planned; it’s not a hint. Someone with multiple personalities isn’t likely to know about their condition so forthrightly, and it’s extremely, extremely rare; most multiple personalities come from repeated, prolonged sexual abuse…). Then let’s add to that the fact that they all got closer to “A” after Mona started helping them, not further away. This is a girl who could fake not only multiple other peoples’ deaths, but could figure out how to fake her own murder. She already wanted to be caught- because getting caught meant she could stop playing the game. So she had to set the girls up in a way that exposing her would be their next logical step. 

It’s kind of hard to figure out what was being used against Mona that would force her to continue this on. My only thought is that maybe those texts she was getting were a clue. Maybe they weren’t fake texts she sent to herself. If you listen to the way she tells her personal life story to Emily, she describes Hanna as her first friend after the hell she went through in junior high. Hanna was also her only friend for a while (and a frankly shitty one at that, in my opinion). I think Mona really did love Hanna as a friend and the whole thing with confessing that she stole the necklace was either some kind of truth (she really was being targeted) or she set herself up with just that text in particular so that she would have a chance to say “Hanna, I care about you, I promise I would never do anything to hurt you and I’ve done everything in my power to help you. Please understand that.” So, maybe the threats against Mona were more like threats against Hanna and Mona was trying to help. 

Mona’s “personality change” (as I mentioned, she begins acting an awful lot like Alison) can be attributed to whomever was controlling her- most likely CeCe Drake. It makes sense if you think of it that way. I think CeCe as an integral part of all this because there were things sent to Hanna in those texts that I sincerely doubt she would have told Mona (like when Alison suggested she throw up after consuming a whole cake)- but Alison may have told CeCe. 

Another thing I think while I’m at it is that Mona was never actually mad at Hanna on the day of her birthday party. Mona knows about Hanna’s family being in dire straits with cash at the time, so she purposely caused the fight so she could uninvite Hanna so Hanna wouldn’t spend that money on a gift.

Anyway, that’s my story so far and I’m sticking to it until I can’t anymore.