consumed by cake


First episode of Bake Off and the contestants have already learned to use booze to appease Mary Berry

1d as prisoners

harry: sells bracelets that he makes with macaroni which he stealthily takes from the kitchen (asks for them politely) for a quarter , best friends with all of the officers

zayn: requested to be moved to solitary the second day of his sentence

liam: pumps iron in the yard, terrible at basketball but thinks hes the best at basketball, punched a guy who tried to shank him and then apologized to him for 20 consecutive days

niall: was once fined heavily for consuming every snack cake in commissary, has family members smuggle him blonde hair dye during visitations

louis: often called “small but deadly”, doesn’t have a bunkmate because the last one was so afraid of him, wears 20 macaroni bracelets under the sleeves of his jumpsuit

Imagine throwing a birthday party for your immortal s/o and watching the surprise and bafflement on their face. They go along with it anyway, wearing a party hat and blowing out their candles (you put 10 on there. You’d need over a thousand if you were going to be realistic, and frankly they wouldn’t all fit.)

“Make a wish,” you tell them, appreciating the way their horns stick out either side of that little hat.

“Okay. Why?”

“Well, it’s your birthday. You can make all of your dreams come true.”

They look just as confused as ever, frowning slightly. “But they already have.”

The moment is only slightly ruined when they try to consume the cake whole, getting chocolate everywhere, but you don’t mind. You couldn’t think for anything more to wish for either.

on kevin’s birthday
  • he wakes up like its a normal day, but ofc neil knows his birthday, neil knows the size of the big toe on his left foot
  • “happy birthday” neil mutters, an offhand comment
  • andrew overhears, and he freezes like hes just remembered something. his eyes slide over to kevin. in that one exchanged stare, kevin sees his own demise predicted. empires rise and fell, fire reins, andrews eyes are glinting, kevin is fucking screwed.
  • the foxes think theyre coy, but theyre so fucking not. kevin doesnt comment, and they dont comment. (mostly they dont comment. nicky cant help it. he offers a birthday lap dance and kevin swings for his head)
  • fast forward, its 5 pm, and kevin is cautiously optimistic that the day will go by without—
  • “SURPRISE” is not a thing a grown man wants to hear shouted from a dark room when he gets home. since his exy racquet never leaves his hand, he is Ready To Go, and Nicky, being closest, has to duck for the second time that day to avoid having his head taken off
  • Dan forces him into a chair and puts a party hat on his head, then threatens to have him benched if he doesnt stay put
  • kevin slouches and sulks bc he is kevin & he will never be happy
  • the foxes give him a horrendous rendition of happy birthday, but instead of kevin they say “fuckwit” (this is the only word andrew contributes) and then he blows out candles
  • he wishes they would all go away & not talk to him again until they knew how to play exy
  • the cake is chocolate w/ white frosting, and everyone has a piece. for most ppl, that means, like, u know, a reasonable amount for the size of the human. andrew consumes about half of the cake on his own without comment.
  • wymack shows up w/ a bottle of vodka not even wrapped halfway thru cake
  • kevin doesnt take the hat off bc he doesnt want to waste time being yelled at by dan, but he rambles to allison for a solid 10 minutes about george washington bc they happen to share a birthday
  • at one point, she cant take it anymore and walks away while hes mid-sentence
  • they dont leave him alone or talk about exy, so hes crabby, but he also doesnt admit that its overall not the worst birthday hes ever had

anonymous asked:

Don't worry, Ollie, I like your costume! Also: Happy birthday, Googs!

“Happy Birthday!”

Google looks around at his office and actually smiles. It’s not what he was expecting. No ridiculous streamers or pointless pointed hats. Ollie and the others have set up the couch to play video games with tons of Lucky Charms, and Google is genuinely surprised and happy.

“This is from me,” Ollie says, presenting Google with a blue sweater with “G” sewed onto the front. “And this is from Anti.”

Google unwraps the box to find a knife inside. Apparently Anti gave one to each of the Googles “for protection” he told Ollie when the bot tried to give it back.

“And this is from me,” Green mumbles self-consciously as he hands Google a portable charger. “I put it together myself. Should give you another three hours of battery life when you need it.”

Red frowns and looks down at his present. “I just got you socks…” He hands them to Google unhappily, but the blue droid takes them with a smirk.

“Thanks, I’ve been needing some.”

Red’s face lights up a little, but he hides it well. Then Anti, still in his metal dragon, comes in with a Lucky Charm cake balanced on his head. They consume the cake, and then drop onto the couch to play video games until the morning hours.

It’s Googles’ best birthday yet.

Girls’ Night

Absolutely none of this is my work - I read this little scene in another favorite series of mine (Black Dagger Brotherhood by JR Ward and her spin-off series Black Dagger Legacy - I cannot recommend them enough!) and thought it would be great if our favorite characters from ACOTAR (by Sarah J Maas) were in it.  This part is specifically from JR Ward’s book, Blood Kiss.  I hope you laughed as much as I did when I read this scene, and enjoy it with the ACOTAR characters!


Nesta looked over at the archway from the library desk she had been stuck at for the past two weeks.  She never realized being the Emissary of Prythian for the Human Realm would entail so much work.  Standing together in the archway were Feyre, Elain, and Amren, glasses of wine and plumed pens in their hands.

“We’re prepared to scribe up and help with the invitations,” Feyre said.  “And then we’ve asked for dinner on special service, because we’re doing girls’ night with a movie upstairs in the theater.”

“Magic Mike XXL just came out on DVD,” Amren chimed in.  “We have a moral obligation to support the arts, even if they’re just the human ones.”

“I haven’t seen the first one,” Elain murmured.  “They tell me his pelvis is double-jointed.  Is that true?”

Amren came forward and took the paperwork out of Nesta’s hands.  “Come on, you look like you need a girls’ night.  Cresseida and Mor are joining us.  So are Viviane and Nuan.  We’re getting all of us together - it’s about time.”

For a split second, Nesta felt guilty about easing into the friendship that was being offered.  It seemed….too frivolous when she thought about all she wasn’t able to do for everyone else.

Feyre leaned in.  “We’ve told the males that they can’t come in.  Mostly because if they see that Channing guy up on the big screen - “

Amren finished, “ -we’re going to need to do a remodel after they’re done with things.”

“Back to the double-jointed business,” Elain kicked in.  “I mean, how does he walk?”

“Very well, sister.”  As Feyre answered, she put an arm around Nesta’s shoulders.  “Very, very well.”

Then they began setting down ink jars and papers and handed Nesta a glass of wine, who began to blink fast.  Part of the emotion was relief at a break from all the work she had been buried under.  The other half was a gratitude so great, her chest could barely contain the emotion.

“Ladies,” she said, putting her arm around Feyre’s waist.  “Let’s do the addressing quickly - so we can get to the undressing.”


“I’m sorry….they’re doing WHAT?”

As Cassian spoke, he looked at the males-only group sitting around the mansion’s dining room table.  Not one of his brothers or any of the other males were laughing or talking loudly.  The bunch of sad sack losers was just sitting in front of half-eaten plates and untouched glasses of vodkas, bourbon and whiskey like a roll call of basset hounds who’d lost their anti-depressants.

Not what he’d expected to find as he came late to dinner.

When Nesta had texted him and told him she was working with the females on something, it had seemed like a good idea to take care of some trainee stuff.

He hadn’t banked on this funeral thing just because the ladies were doing a project.

“Hello?”  he demanded.  “You guys lost your hearing along with your sac or something?”

Rhys inhaled like he was about to break the news of a death in the family.  “They’re having a movie night.”

Cassian rolled his eyes and went over to his chair.  Yeah, it was a little weird to sit down without his Nesta by his side, but for Cauldron’s sake, it was nothing to go Prozac over.  Besides, he was glad his female had friends in the house-

“They’re watching Magic Mike,” someone said.

“Is that a children’s show?”  He started filling his plate with heaping piles of lamb.  “Varian, pass the salt over here, would-“

Cassian stopped talking as he realized the entire table of males was looking at him.  “What?”

“You haven’t heard of Magic Mike?”  Lucien demanded.

“No.”  He leaned back again as Azriel handed him a drink.  “Thanks.  Is it like Barney?”

“It’s about strippers,” Lucien countered.

Cassian frowned and lowered his glass from his lips.  “I’m sorry?”

Kallias came in from the pantry with a scowl like somebody had shot his favorite fox courier.

“Naked,” Kallias muttered as he sat where Nesta should have been.  “Buck-ass naked.  And they’re humans.  Cauldron, it’s like being shown up by a pack of dogs.”

“In thongs,” someone else bitched.  “Dogs in thongs.”

Cassian followed through on taking a drink this time, swallowing the burn, welcoming the heat in his gut.  Okay, fine, it was a bit of a surprise to find that he kept going until the glass was empty, but hey, he had a lot to think about.  On one level, the fact that his mate was watching a movie with her buddies, even if it did involve some nakey, really wasn’t a big deal.

On another level, he wanted to find the electrical box and cut the power to that part of the mansion.

Then torch the DVD.  And the screen.

And take his mate to bed just to show her all the tricks he had over some actor in a - oh, Cauldron, a thong?

“It’s fine,” he heard himself say as he motioned to Az for a refill.  “I mean, first of all, they love us - and second, it’s not like it’s an X rated -“

“They show a cock pump,”  Helion said with a wide smile, like he was helping.  “And in action.  You know, it’s on a cock and it’s pumping-“

Kallias unsheathed a dagger from somewhere and pointed the thing a Helion’s head.  “You keep talking like that and I’ma trim your hair.  With my eyes closed.”

Helion laughed.  “Yeah, whatever, big boy.  I thought you had more mojo than to get worked up over something like this.  You really that insecure?”

“You want insecure,” Kallias said.  “I’ll make you-“

“Okay, okay,”  Cassian cut in.  “Leave it, Kallias.  It’s fine, it’s great - they’re just enjoying themselves.  What’s wrong with that?  It’s not like they’re sleeping with the guy.”

“You sure about that?”  Helion smiles.  “You don’t think they’re fantasizing about-“

The collective growl that rose up from the males was so loud, it managed to agitate the crystals in the enormous chandelier hanging over the table.  And the Lord of Day Court was an idiot, but he wasn’t stupid.

Moving slowly, like there were multiple guns pointed at him, he put his hands up in submission.  “Sorry.  Whatever.  I’ll stop before all this lame-ass uncomfortability you bunch of morons are sporting kills me.”

“Wise choice,” Cassian said dryly.  “Not that I wouldn’t mind hitting you right now.  Although that’s not specific to this sitch.”

Helion went back to eating, shoving food in his face.

The other males weren’t so quick to do a reset on things, those narrowed eyes still trained on the male with the big mouth.

“Come on, boys, it’s fine.”  Cassian said.  He cut a piece of lamb off and put it in his mouth.  “Mmmm.  Delish.”

In reality, the stuff tasted like cardboard, but he made a show of the yummies.  He couldn’t keep it up, though.

Two minutes later, he was shoving a full plate away and nursing his second whiskey.  “Really.  They should have a little independence.  They don’t need to be locked at our hips.  It’s about time they do something just for them.  This is great.”

Next to him, Kallias glared.  “Is it.  You like the idea of Nesta looking at some other male’s junk?”

“It’s not X-rated-“ As his voice squeaked, he cleared his throat.  “I mean, it couldn’t be…no, it’s not-“

“I already checked,”  Lucien muttered.  “They have the DVDs - they’re probably watching the extended, uncut versions.”

“So the strippers aren’t circumcised?”  Helion put his palms up again before the growling got even worse.  “Cauldron, you guys are SO damn touchy.”

Cassian shook his head and decided the prick was on his own.  “So, yeah, I mean, a little gyrating - a pec pump or two.  It’s nothing to get worked up over.”  Gesturing to a servant by the door, he said, “Can I have a refill over here?”

“Of course.  Would anyone care for dessert?”

Cassian glanced at Varian.  “What do you say there, Vari?”

When Varian just swished his ginger ale around in his glass, Cassian cursed and said to the servant, “This one here will have some even if no one else does.”

“Bring me the dessert,” Varian spoke up.

The servant bowed.  “But of course, sire.  I shall fix you a plate-“

“No.  I want the whole dessert.  All of the cake and all of the ice cream.”

Annnnnnnnnnndd that was how Varian ended up with a morose audience of however many playing witness to his consuming fifteen small chocolate cakes and two gallons of vanilla ice cream.  

It was like watching paint dry, except there was no chemical smell and the room was the same color before and after.

The good news was that the booze was doing its job, fuzzing out Cassian’s mind, making his body both numb and horny.  “May I have another?” he asked a passing servant who was removing the final chocolate-smudged plate.  “Thank you very much.”

When his glass came back, he pushed his chair away from the table.  “I’m out.  I’ve got some work to do.”

And no offense to any of them, but hanging around their vibe was just making him more depressed.  Any more of this and he was going to start braiding the noose.

Walking out, he paused in the grand foyer.  Looked up the stairs.  Tried to imagine his Nesta ogling some actor in his underwear.

“Really, it’s fine.  Good for her.”

He took his phone out and called up their text string.  Hesitating, he thought he’d just send her something, you know, to remind her that….


In years past, he would never have given a shit about something like this.  Nesta wasn’t only the love of his life; she was a female of worth who would never cheat on him.  And hello, it wasn’t like she’d checked into a seedy motel with the guy, for fuck’s sake.  She was hanging with her friends just like he hung out with his.

This was ridiculous.

He was NOT the jealous type-

The sound of boots approaching had him glancing over his shoulder.  It was Varian, and the male had a frothy glass of Alka-Seltzer in his hand.

Varian looked up the stairs.  And dollars for dipshits, he was thinking exactly what Cassian was.

“I’m going up,” the male announced.

“Now wait, wait, wait.”  Cassian grabbed that males huge forearm and squeezed. “It’s not like you can just burst in there.”

“Why not?”

“It’s girls’ night.”

“So I’ll put on a dress.”

“Fucking hell, Varian.  REALLY?”

Next out were Kallias, Lucien and Azriel.  And then everyone else, including Rhys and Thesan, who, in spite of not being officially mated, was right there along the hound-faced rest of them.

“We are NOT going up there,”  Cassian announced.  “We’re going to go play some pool, and get drunk, and talk about all the training we accomplished at the camps.  We’re going to have a great fucking day - night, whatever the fuck it is.  Now pick your balls up off the floor and let’s start behaving like men.”


“He has skills.  I’m just saying.”

As Viviane spoke up, the captivated audience that was focused on the big screen was in total, very unmuted agreement.

Nuan let out another of her now-trademark wolf whistles.

Amren cursed and threw more Milk Duds at the image, yelling, “Damn, son, you get that shit!  You get it!”

Nesta just laughed again.  She couldn’t decide what was more amusing, the movies or the company - probably the company.  Although the humans were not hard on the eyes, she had to admit.

And then it was time for another round of hooting and hollering.

Cauldron, she couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed this hard.  There was something about being with the girls that made the jokes both worse and better at the same time, and the giggling louder, and the silliness more stupid.

All of which was a very beautiful thing, as it turned out.

It also reminded her of how great it was to be accepted for exactly who she was, no external expectations laid on her, no shortfalls she hadn’t volunteered cutting her down.  No judgement, just love.

Plus a number of naked guys who were almost as hot as her male?  Not a hardship.

When the final scene was over and the credits started to roll, they clapped like the actors could hear them all the way out in California.

“Can you teach me how to whistle like that?”  someone asked Nuan.

“You just put two lips around your fingers and blow,” the female replied.

“Isn’t that a line from a movie?”  somebody else chimed in.

“Are they doing a third one-“

“Magic Mike Ginormous-“

“We need to watch one and two again first as prep - we’ve got a tradition to uphold-“

“Anybody see Nine and a Half Weeks lately-“

“What’s that-“

One by one, they stood up from the padded leather recliners and stretched in the dim, windowless room, backs cracking, shoulders unknotting.  And it was funny - Nesta felt the urge to cut through the conversation and say something profound and meaningful, just to acknowledge the space they’d been in.  But the right words didn’t come.

Instead, she said, “Hey, can we do this again?”

Then again, maybe that was exactly what she meant.

Well, what do you know, the peanut gallery was so on board: The rousing cheer was as loud as the hoots at the dance scenes, and the idea that this special time wasn’t a one-off made her feel a piercing kind of relief.

“I think we need a Chris Pratt marathon next.  Guardians of the Galaxy,” Feyre said.

“Is that the guy with the brother?”  Elain asked.

“That’s Hemsworth,” someone answered.

Starting the line for the departure up the middle aisle, Nesta wadded her empty Milk Duds box and made a rim shot with it into the trash.  Abruptly, she realized that she couldn’t wait to see Cassian - and not because of all the scenes of half-naked bodies.  She missed him - which was ridiculous, considering neither one of them had gone anywhere.

Heading for the door by the glass display of candy bars, she was smiling as she pushed open the -

“Dear…..God,” she blurted as she recoiled.

The hallway beyond was filled with the males of the house, all sitting on the floor with their backs to the bare walls, their legs stretched out, propped up, crossed at the knees or crossed at the ankles.

Apparently there had been quite a bit of drinking going on, empty bottles of vodka and whiskey littered around them, glasses in hands or on thighs.

“This is NOT as pathetic as it looks,” her Cassian pointed out.

“Liar,” Kallias muttered.  “It so fucking is.  I think I’m going to start knitting for reals.”

As the females emerged with her, each one of them registered shock, disbelief, and then wry amusement.

“Is it me,” one of the males groaned, “or did we just perform our own mass castration out here?”

“I think that just about sums this shit up,” somebody agreed.  “I’m wearing panties under my leathers from now on.  Anyone joining me?”

“Helion already does,” Kallias said as he got to his feet and went to Viviane.  “Hey.”

While the other pairs found one another, Cassian smiled as Nesta came over to him and put out her hand to help him off the floor.  As they embraced, he kissed her on the side of the neck.

“Are you out of love with me now?” he murmured.  “Cuz I’m pussy-whipped?”

She leaned back in his arms.  “Why?  Because you pinned after me while I was watching a dirty movie with my girls that wasn’t all that dirty?  I think it’s actually - and brace yourself - really pretty cute.”

“I’m still all male.”

As she rolled her body against him, she let out a mmmmmm as she felt his erection.  “Yes, I can tell.”


Thank you, @sparkleywonderful and @feysandsmut for the advice!

anonymous asked:

HELP. Imbolc is tomorrow, and I can't go out and do anything because we have ten feet of snow. :( Any advice?

Hi lovely! Happy Imbolc!

Not to worry, there is lots of things you can do inside!

  • If it’s sunny where you are today, try sitting by a sunny window. You could also charge any tools or items for a spell under the sun for warmth, joy, and growth.
  • If you worship or work with the goddess Brigid, try a meditation with her involved, construct an altar for her, or do any other activities you normally do honor her. She was also the goddess of healing, poems and fire, so if you like, read some poetry or perform a healing spell.
  • Have a bath, to wash away negativity and the chill of winter to make room for warmth, coming of spring and growth.
  • Light a candle or two. (If you can’t burn things and have a wax melter or one of those wall-flower wax warmers, those work well too)
  • If you enjoy tea, make yourself some tea to enjoy! (Tea, spiced wines and milk traditionally correspond with Imbolc) If you are interested in divination at all, try reading your tea leaves. 
  • Other types of divination you could do are oracle/tarot readings, runes, a pendulum reading, or scrying with fire, clouds or even dirt. 
  • Any potted plants you have in the house would benefit from some extra love and attention today, and caring for them would be another simple way to celebrate.
  • Common foods that are made or consumed on Imbolc include breads, cakes, pastries in general, peppers, soups and stews, onions, raisins, seeds, and dairy products. (If you like soup, even canned would work fine)
  • I personally love to do some spring cleaning on this day. Sort of a cleansing ritual for myself. Usually I have some incense going to help cleanse the space too and music playing.

Here are some links that might be helpful too ^.^

Bed and Breakfast: Chapter 5

Ryan wanted to go down for dinner together, but I declined. I was embarrassed and didn’t want Rico and Sandy to think we were a couple. They knew I was gay, but not that I had a propensity for well-padded men. I let Ryan go down first and then I followed a few minutes later. It just so happened that all the seats were taken except for the one next to Ryan, so we ended up sitting together anyway.

Besides Rico and Sandy, the only other guests were a family of three. The father was a muscular man who had begun to slightly soften in the midsection. He always cleaned his plate but never went for second or thirds like Ryan and I did. The mother was dowdy with bleached hair and wide thighs. Their teenage son was lanky and pimpled. As a whole, the family kept to themselves and didn’t speak much the entire night.

I sat directly across from Rico who I now realized was in the best shape of his life. I could see the carved shape of muscles under his loosely draped T-shirt. Rico had always been fit, but he had really been working out lately. I began to feel even more ashamed at my now flabby physique. I wasn’t that fat, especially compared to most people around these parts, but apparently I was big enough that Rico felt compelled to say something. As I sat down next to Ryan I sucked in and then slowly exhaled as the waistband of my jeans dug into my stomach. This was going to be a long dinner.

The appetizers, pizza bites with spinach and sausage, were served. Marcie made small talk with Rico and Sandy for a bit and I sat mostly in silence. I only ate one pizza bite. It was delicious and I was ravenously hungry so this was not an easy feat. Furthermore, Ryan was scarfing them down like they might run away if he didn’t eat them fast enough. He consumed the majority of the plate, at least a dozen. When Scott came to clear the table, Marcie chimed in.

“Alex, is that all you’re eating?” She turned to Rico and Sandy, “this one is usually such a big eater. Just the other night these two had an eating contest at my request! It goes without saying who won.”

I turned beat red.

“Yeah Alex,” Rico started, “you’ve gained a bit of weight since college. What did it to yah?”

“Oh! You know each other?” Marcie exclaimed. “How fabulous.”

“Well, uh,” I stuttered. “You know I write for a living. So. Not much exercise.”

Scott then emerged from the kitchen with several plates of salad loaded with bacon, chips, and dressing. Out of nerves and hunger I began shoveling it down. At least if I filled up on salad I wouldn’t be stuffing my face with desert. Once I finished, I was a tiny bit full and my pants felt even tighter. I prayed there would be no tearing or button popping before I got them off.

The main course were beautiful pork chops slathered in butter. My mouth began salivating the moment I saw it. Ryan leaned back and rubbed his stomach in anticipation. I was envious of his freedom to be a glutton. The meal was delicious and once I began eating I couldn’t stop. The pork was gone before I knew it and then I moved on to the potatoes and stuffing. I no longer could hold back my appetite. I licked the entire plate clean, not a single morsel was left. I then continued to consume what was left of my salad and before I knew it chocolate cake was served.

My shirt was now skintight and I could feel the bloat setting in. I reached for my glass of water and heard the fibers of my shirt begin to tear. I was momentarily alarmed but lost all inhibition once the cake was in front of me. Who cares if Rico judges me? I want to be fat. I consumed the cake in maybe four bites and before I knew it Scott had an even bigger piece in front me. I swallowed that one down just as quickly. I noticed Rico staring with a look I couldn’t quite decipher.

“Could I get one more slice, Scott?” I asked.

“Now that’s the appetite I’m familiar with!” Declared Marcie.

My clothes were now suffocatingly tight from neck to ankle. I was reveling in my gluttony and allowed a drip of chocolate icing to land on my bloated belly. I scooped it up with my finger and sucked it clean. It didn’t take long before the third slice of cake was fully consumed.

My mind had become clouded with lust and adrenaline while I’d been eating and I felt like I was coming out of a fog. I exhaled and leaned back. To my surprise and ultimate embarrassment the back of my shirt slightly ripped and the button of my pants flew off. Rico yelped and jumped back from the table. The button had flown straight against his knee cap.

“Maybe you need to slow down there bub,” Rico, irritated from the pain, exclaimed.

“Oh, I’m, uh, sorry,” I fumbled. “I should’ve… these pants were so… sorry.”

I felt embarrassed and ashamed of my unabashed gluttony. My stuffed and distended belly was no longer a source of eroticism, but an unfriendly reminder of how my fetish made me an outsider. I quietly excused myself from the table and exited. My pants were so tight that I didn’t have to worry about them falling off with no button. I tried to hide the tear in my shirt, but undoubtedly everyone saw it and at the very least heard it.

I sat in my room devastated, alternating between tears of shame and indignation at social standards. It wasn’t long before Ryan entered and took a seat next to me. He leaned in and gave me a meaty hug, his belly spilling out of the bottom of his shirt. Despite my slight arousal, I said:

“I think I’m going to lose the weight.”

Sandy Beaches (Jared x Reader)

W/C: 1024
Warnings: None
Requested by anon- Jared that’s kinda hourglass shaped, just a little pudgy
A/N: this was fun to write as an advocate of the Jared Protection Squad lmao

Your boyfriend didn’t hate the shore. He liked the sun, and the sand, and the boardwalk especially. Even so, it took him half a year to agree to go to the beach with you.

“I can’t believe that this is what we’re doing for our six months anniversary.” Jared shrugged as you pulled into the parking lot. “I mean, not that I’m complaining, but what happened to Xbox and chilllll?” He wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

You scoffed with a chuckle. “Jared Kleinman, you’re the biggest virgin I’ve ever met. Shush.” You put a finger to his lips, despite both of you knowing all too well that it wasn’t true.

Rolling his eyes with a goofy side smile, Jared slid out of the car. He’d decided to wear a flowery Hawaiian shirt, one that he’d bought ages ago insisting that “You never know when you might need a Hawaiian shirt”. Admittedly, it fit his personality well, and complimented his crimson swim trunks even more nicely.

Slinging your beach bag over your shoulder, you laced your fingers with Jared’s happily.

“We should hit the beach first!” You urged, bouncing eagerly. Pushing his glasses up his nose, your boyfriend shifted uncomfortably.

“Uh, well, I thought we could start at the arcade, and you know, I’ve got tickets from last time I was at the boardwalk…” Jared started, looking down at his flip flops, “….and, er, not to mention, you don’t wanna do the wet stuff first. Then we’ll be all sandy and damp all day,” he added reluctantly.

You considered his argument, nodding slowly.

“Arcade it is!” You smiled at him, and he pulled you into the dim, air conditioned arcade on the boardwalk.
Jared bought a shit ton of tokens, and that was an understatement. He was determined to beat you in whatever he could. When it came to your relationship, everything was a little competition. It didn’t matter whether it was cooking or Call of Duty.

“Shit, babe, you’re good at this,” he mumbled, rolling another ball.

“You’ve always known I’m better at Skeeball. I dunno why this time would be any different,” you laughed softly.

The pair of you walked out of the arcade with a large stuffed ostrich and big smiles.

“We should put Esteban in the car, so that don’t have to carry him,” Jared thought out loud. You raised your eyebrow with a giggle.

“Who?” You asked.

“Ya know, Esteban!” Jared held up the ostrich. You nodded.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll wait here,” you kissed Jared’s cheek and sat down on a bench across from the arcade.

Meanwhile, Jared was freaking the fuck out.

“Esteban, what am I gonna do? [Name] is gonna wanna swim, and I’m gonna have to take my shirt off, and-” He ended the sentence with a groan.

Esteban stared at Jared with big eyes, as the other people in the vicinity were starting to. After all, he was yelling at a stuffed ostrich.

Jared huffed, gently placing Esteban the front seat. He may or may not have buckled the seat belt before doing a once over and leisurely making his way back to you.

“I have returned,” Jared slid his way through the crowd to you, planting a kiss on your nose. “J-Rad in the hiz-ouse!” He nodded, lowering his glasses to look at you with a grin.

“Jared!” You flashed a smile. “So, wanna catch some waves now?” You asked, your voice laced with hope. 

“What about rides and boardwalk pizza and fried oreos?” He took you by the shoulders, swaying you a little bit.

Your mouth formed a bit of a line, but you kissed his cheek with a nod nonetheless.

Many hours and dollar bills later, the two of you were both exhausted beyond belief. You’d consumed three funnel cakes, and gone on every single attraction at least twice.

“Beach. Now.” You said softly. Before Jared could say anything in protest, you grabbed his wrist and tugged him toward the sand.

Setting out your towel and shedding your shirt, you realized what Jared was doing. Rather, what he wasn’t doing. Instead of getting ready for beach activities, your boyfriend sat idly on the sand, literally twiddling his thumbs.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” You sat beside him, the salty air brushing your faces.
“Nothing!” He smiled, biting his lip.

“You’re a terrible liar, with really easy tells,” you call him out with a solemn smile.

“Idontwannatakeoffmyshirt,” Jared refused to meet your eyes, but instead focused on picking the the dirty from under his nails.

“Jared, what?” You tilted up his chin, forcing him to meet your eyes.

“[Name], I don’t wanna take off my shirt,” he sighed on defeat.

“Wait…do you think you’re…fat?” Your eyebrows knit together at the thought.

Jared shook his head.

“I know I’m not fat, but like, I’m not exactly skinny,” he pouted.

You rubbed his back gently.

“So what if you’ve got a little bit of chub? We all do. And it’s nothing I haven’t seen before…” you kissed his ear.

“Sure, you have, but they-” he gestured to the rest of the beach- “haven’t,” he insisted.

“Jared, have you actually looked around the beach? There’s so many different body types, and I’m sure some of them are self concious too!” You took his hands with encouragement. “Besides, a little chub just means there’s more of you to love!” You smiled.

Jared couldn’t help but grin.

“I love you. Like a lot,” he chuckled. Standing up, he pulled you into a hug.

“I love you too,” you hugged back, taking his top button between your fingers. “May I?” You asked quietly.

“Go for it,” he whispered back.

You began unbuttoning his shirt, trailing kisses down his chest. Shrugging the flowery shirt off of his shoulders, you both felt relieved.

“Thank you, [name],” Jared shot you finger guns, and starting running down the beach. “Catch me if you can!” He shouted, running down the beach in a fit of giggles.

Sand being kicked up behind you, and the ocean calling your names, you two chased one another for what seemed like forever without a care in the world.

This is my response from a workshop based around the theme of ‘consumer to producer’.

I chose to illustrate Nadiya Hussain’s journey from ‘The Great British Bake Off’ to now because it suits the theme well and I think she’s an inspirational person. 

Beginning to End (Part Three: The End)

Title: Beginning to End

Pairing: Noctis Lucis Caelum x Reader

Genre: Romance, (eventual) angst

Synopsis: Because every story has a beginning, middle, and end, right? How did you meet the prince? When did you fall for him? What happened during the journey to Altissia? Everyone has their story of their time with the prince but what about you? Takes place before, during, and after the events of FFXV.

Parts: 4/4

Part One Part Two (½) Part Two (2/2)

Author’s Note: FINISHED! Finally! I literally spent my entire day just to finish this chapter and I must say, I’m quite satisfied! Hope you all enjoyed this mini-series! Keep a lookout for future stories with our Chocobros! If yall really wanna get emotional, listen to the piano version of Somnus and Luna’s theme on the sad part and Noctis’s theme in piano format on the happy parts. Have fun!

Part Three: The End


           “Happy birthday, Y/N!” Prompto exclaimed loudly as he shoved a cake in front of your bewildered face as Noctis flicked confetti at you at the front door of his apartment. You blinked a couple of times before looking down at the sloppily made cake. “Happy 19th Birthday” was written in messy blue icing that you knew Prompto did. The cake must’ve just left the oven since the icing was melting off it and dripping onto the glass plate it rested on. A number nine candle sat slightly off center in the cake. You immediately covered your mouth with your hand to suppress a giggle.

           “Is this why you guys asked me to rush over here?” You giggled as you took the cake from Prompto.

           “Yes! You only turn 19 once!” Prompto grinned. “Taste the cake! Noctis and I worked really hard on it.”

           “I would ask the Gods for a blessing that you won’t die while consuming the cake first,” Ignis said as he appeared from the living room. “Happy birthday, Ms. Y/N.”

           “Thank you, Iggy, I’m sure my boys made a wonderful cake,” You smiled at the blond and raven-haired boys in front of you. Carefully balancing the cake, you leaned over and kissed both of their cheeks causing their faces to immediately turn a vibrant red.

           “Just make a wish and try it,” Noctis mumbled before flicking more confetti in your face. You snarled slightly at him before closing your eyes.

I wished to be with my friends forever.

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iamyourtrigger  asked:

Lowkey headcanon of my boi L on an edible.

- I could imagine him eating a pot brownie accidentally, and he just doesn’t realise and everyone around him is like oh shit

- everyone is too afraid to say anything because they know he wont be too pleased. They’ll all have to keep a close watch over him, who knows how he’ll react

- at first everything seems pretty normal, he isn’t acting out of the ordinary. He begins consuming a lot more cake and sweets but that isn’t particularly extraordinary

- then he starts spacing out a lot, opting to stare at the desk rather than his work. His mind is racing with new thoughts and ideas, he almost feels overwhelmed

- he feels more relaxed than he had in months 

- starts speaking in a far more profound way, as if he is mesmerised by his own words an begins talking with everyone about whatever pops into his mind really

- when he speaks to you his eyes are penetrating, he stares into your soul

- becomes quite giggly, every few minutes he’ll just kind of chuckle to himself in the corner

- as the affects begin to wear off, he realises what must have happened and becomes very cold, not speaking much at all

- feels embarrassed and is afraid he made a fool of himself

- decides to go to bed until he feels himself again

keyofjetwolf  asked:

Haruka and Usagi, you're the sweetest cherry in an apple pie.

OBVIOUSLY I’M DOING A SHIT JOB WRITING TODAY BUT I AM TRYING, and in fairness to me I’m intentionally picking tougher stuff to challenge myself. This is all Usagi being a beacon of love and light in a way I can theoretically live with, all for you you loser gumdrop muffin, 1,400 words and you owe me a drink. 

Haruka had a great many insecurities, most of which she denied vehemently as her cheeks grew red and she felt a twisting in her belly, but most of these fell to her intellect, or her class, or if they did somehow invoke her appearance, it had more to do with her tendency toward scrawniness than her general presentation.

But there were nights, and moments, from time to time, where she wished she were not quite so very her, living between worlds, it seemed, not given to femininity but not longing to be a man either, the world desperately wanting her to to give in to either. Michiru liked her very much, just as she was, and Haruka believed her on that score, and it provided a bit of a shield from the way the rest of the world regarded her as something not quite right, from the idea that if she could have been a princess, or just been a man, her mother might have loved her, school might have been easy, and all things might have aligned in her favor.

Tonight was, nearly inexplicably, one of those moments, and one of those nights. Normally she felt so handsome and comfortable in the suit jacket Michiru had given her so long ago, the one she teased her for keeping from early in their courtship, neat grey cashmere lined in teal silk, a touch Haruka only realized years later was a mark of ownership. It felt nice to be wanted so badly.

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Secret Love

I sigh as the door opens. I hear people talking which gets louder as I get out of the car. I hold my dress up so I don’t trip and embarass myself.

The lights start flashing, blinding me. You think I’d be use to this by now, but here I am, struggling to find my place. All I can see are black spots because of those damn cameras. I smile even though I’m slightly irritated. Just a few more minutes, then it’ll be over.

The yells bring me back to reality. I look towards where my name is called out. I glance at the entrance and see their car roll in. My manager motions for me to move along. I let out a much longer sigh.

I get into the arena and walk to my seat. I take my phone out of my purse and keep myself preoccupied until the awards start.

I lock my phone as the lights dim down a bit. Why can’t we sit together? I would enjoy this night much more with him right here.

I patiently wait for the category that I’m nominated in to come around. A few awards are given and performances play out, then Best Female Artist is about to be awarded. I look and there they are, dressed so nicely while presenting what could be my award. My heart races and my palms start to sweat. This is the moment I’ve been anticipating. With the envelope in hand, Connor opens it saying “and best female artist goes to…” My name is announced and the clapping gets loud around me. I stand up and make my way to the stage.

The sadness that once was present disappears as I look at Brad, he looks so handsome in his suit and his hair all done up. He smiles proudly at me and I smile back. I die a little inside. James hands me my award and hugs me. “Thank you”, I say. The boys step to the side as I begin my speech. Wow, there are a lot of people. I breathe in, not letting my nerves get the best of me.
“I want to thank my fans because without them I wouldn’t be here today and to be able to do what I love. I also want to thank my team, label and family for their endless support. Thank you!” I say.
I walk with the boys and we all head backstage. As soon as we’re off stage, Brad turns around to me.
“Congrats love! I told you that you were going to win”, he beams.
“Thank you, I never doubted you.”
He puts his arm around me and I wrap my free arm around his waist. He grabs my hand and we interlock our fingers together. He lets go as soon as my manager walks up to us.

“Congrats! You’re still up for the after party, right?” my manager asks.
I nod.
“Okay good. You are going to leave first so again, it looks as though, well you know.”
“Yeah, that we didn’t leave together”, I mutter.

We get to the after party, but I lose all hope when I’m told that my boyfriend and I can’t celebrate together because of the people here. I have to hang out with people that I could care less about. I look across the room and see him with the boys, having fun. The anger and frustration started to build inside throughout the night. Thank God I didn’t stay long or I else I wouldn’t have lasted anymore in there.
“Sorry for the inconvenience”, my manager says.
“It’s fine, I get it.”
“Don’t worry you can go with him”, she says, restoring some happiness in me.

“Hey”, Brad says running to me.
I hug him tightly. I hate being apart from him. “Lets go home.”
I get in the passenger seat and he closes my door. He gets in and as we drive off, I had to fight back some unexpected tears.

We arrive at my house. He walks me to my door. “Did you enjoy the after party?” he asks.
“No. It wasn’t fun without you by my side..” The tears escape, I can no longer hold them back.
“I’m here right now. Shh”, he comforts me. He wipes the tears that roll down my face while holding me tightly.
I look up at him. “I hate this. I can’t take it anymore Brad! I don’t want to hide anymore, I don’t want us to be a secret. It’s consuming me! Tonight takes the cake…I didn’t want to arrive to the red carpet alone, I wanted to say your name in my speech, I wanted to dance with you at the after party. When we’re out, why can’t I hold you in the street? At parties, why can’t I kiss you on the dance floor? When I’m being asked about my relationship status, why can’t I say that I’m in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops”, I sob angrily.

“I want the whole world to know that I am in love with the most incredible, caring, loving, talented, beautiful woman. I want everyone to know that I’m gladly taken. I don’t want to be known as the lead singer, the only member with no significant other. I want every soul on earth to know how every piece of you just fits perfectly with me. I hate this just as much as you do. I don’t want you to hurt anymore, it kills me. Fuck the contract! I don’t care if I lose my job! I don’t want to be kept away from you, I don’t ever want to lose you”, he says then kisses me passionately.

Originally posted by teaftoreo