consumed by cake


First episode of Bake Off and the contestants have already learned to use booze to appease Mary Berry

1d as prisoners

harry: sells bracelets that he makes with macaroni which he stealthily takes from the kitchen (asks for them politely) for a quarter , best friends with all of the officers

zayn: requested to be moved to solitary the second day of his sentence

liam: pumps iron in the yard, terrible at basketball but thinks hes the best at basketball, punched a guy who tried to shank him and then apologized to him for 20 consecutive days

niall: was once fined heavily for consuming every snack cake in commissary, has family members smuggle him blonde hair dye during visitations

louis: often called “small but deadly”, doesn’t have a bunkmate because the last one was so afraid of him, wears 20 macaroni bracelets under the sleeves of his jumpsuit

on kevin’s birthday
  • he wakes up like its a normal day, but ofc neil knows his birthday, neil knows the size of the big toe on his left foot
  • “happy birthday” neil mutters, an offhand comment
  • andrew overhears, and he freezes like hes just remembered something. his eyes slide over to kevin. in that one exchanged stare, kevin sees his own demise predicted. empires rise and fell, fire reins, andrews eyes are glinting, kevin is fucking screwed.
  • the foxes think theyre coy, but theyre so fucking not. kevin doesnt comment, and they dont comment. (mostly they dont comment. nicky cant help it. he offers a birthday lap dance and kevin swings for his head)
  • fast forward, its 5 pm, and kevin is cautiously optimistic that the day will go by without—
  • “SURPRISE” is not a thing a grown man wants to hear shouted from a dark room when he gets home. since his exy racquet never leaves his hand, he is Ready To Go, and Nicky, being closest, has to duck for the second time that day to avoid having his head taken off
  • Dan forces him into a chair and puts a party hat on his head, then threatens to have him benched if he doesnt stay put
  • kevin slouches and sulks bc he is kevin & he will never be happy
  • the foxes give him a horrendous rendition of happy birthday, but instead of kevin they say “fuckwit” (this is the only word andrew contributes) and then he blows out candles
  • he wishes they would all go away & not talk to him again until they knew how to play exy
  • the cake is chocolate w/ white frosting, and everyone has a piece. for most ppl, that means, like, u know, a reasonable amount for the size of the human. andrew consumes about half of the cake on his own without comment.
  • wymack shows up w/ a bottle of vodka not even wrapped halfway thru cake
  • kevin doesnt take the hat off bc he doesnt want to waste time being yelled at by dan, but he rambles to allison for a solid 10 minutes about george washington bc they happen to share a birthday
  • at one point, she cant take it anymore and walks away while hes mid-sentence
  • they dont leave him alone or talk about exy, so hes crabby, but he also doesnt admit that its overall not the worst birthday hes ever had

anonymous asked:

HELP. Imbolc is tomorrow, and I can't go out and do anything because we have ten feet of snow. :( Any advice?

Hi lovely! Happy Imbolc!

Not to worry, there is lots of things you can do inside!

  • If it’s sunny where you are today, try sitting by a sunny window. You could also charge any tools or items for a spell under the sun for warmth, joy, and growth.
  • If you worship or work with the goddess Brigid, try a meditation with her involved, construct an altar for her, or do any other activities you normally do honor her. She was also the goddess of healing, poems and fire, so if you like, read some poetry or perform a healing spell.
  • Have a bath, to wash away negativity and the chill of winter to make room for warmth, coming of spring and growth.
  • Light a candle or two. (If you can’t burn things and have a wax melter or one of those wall-flower wax warmers, those work well too)
  • If you enjoy tea, make yourself some tea to enjoy! (Tea, spiced wines and milk traditionally correspond with Imbolc) If you are interested in divination at all, try reading your tea leaves. 
  • Other types of divination you could do are oracle/tarot readings, runes, a pendulum reading, or scrying with fire, clouds or even dirt. 
  • Any potted plants you have in the house would benefit from some extra love and attention today, and caring for them would be another simple way to celebrate.
  • Common foods that are made or consumed on Imbolc include breads, cakes, pastries in general, peppers, soups and stews, onions, raisins, seeds, and dairy products. (If you like soup, even canned would work fine)
  • I personally love to do some spring cleaning on this day. Sort of a cleansing ritual for myself. Usually I have some incense going to help cleanse the space too and music playing.

Here are some links that might be helpful too ^.^

phosphorescent-naidheachd  asked:

Happy (belated?) birthday! *hands you digital sweets of your choosing & tosses confetti* Hope that this coming year will be a good one for you.

Originally posted by itadakimasu-letmeeat

15th, officially 😊  
many thanks! 

iamyourtrigger  asked:

Lowkey headcanon of my boi L on an edible.

- I could imagine him eating a pot brownie accidentally, and he just doesn’t realise and everyone around him is like oh shit

- everyone is too afraid to say anything because they know he wont be too pleased. They’ll all have to keep a close watch over him, who knows how he’ll react

- at first everything seems pretty normal, he isn’t acting out of the ordinary. He begins consuming a lot more cake and sweets but that isn’t particularly extraordinary

- then he starts spacing out a lot, opting to stare at the desk rather than his work. His mind is racing with new thoughts and ideas, he almost feels overwhelmed

- he feels more relaxed than he had in months 

- starts speaking in a far more profound way, as if he is mesmerised by his own words an begins talking with everyone about whatever pops into his mind really

- when he speaks to you his eyes are penetrating, he stares into your soul

- becomes quite giggly, every few minutes he’ll just kind of chuckle to himself in the corner

- as the affects begin to wear off, he realises what must have happened and becomes very cold, not speaking much at all

- feels embarrassed and is afraid he made a fool of himself

- decides to go to bed until he feels himself again

Secret Love

I sigh as the door opens. I hear people talking which gets louder as I get out of the car. I hold my dress up so I don’t trip and embarass myself.

The lights start flashing, blinding me. You think I’d be use to this by now, but here I am, struggling to find my place. All I can see are black spots because of those damn cameras. I smile even though I’m slightly irritated. Just a few more minutes, then it’ll be over.

The yells bring me back to reality. I look towards where my name is called out. I glance at the entrance and see their car roll in. My manager motions for me to move along. I let out a much longer sigh.

I get into the arena and walk to my seat. I take my phone out of my purse and keep myself preoccupied until the awards start.

I lock my phone as the lights dim down a bit. Why can’t we sit together? I would enjoy this night much more with him right here.

I patiently wait for the category that I’m nominated in to come around. A few awards are given and performances play out, then Best Female Artist is about to be awarded. I look and there they are, dressed so nicely while presenting what could be my award. My heart races and my palms start to sweat. This is the moment I’ve been anticipating. With the envelope in hand, Connor opens it saying “and best female artist goes to…” My name is announced and the clapping gets loud around me. I stand up and make my way to the stage.

The sadness that once was present disappears as I look at Brad, he looks so handsome in his suit and his hair all done up. He smiles proudly at me and I smile back. I die a little inside. James hands me my award and hugs me. “Thank you”, I say. The boys step to the side as I begin my speech. Wow, there are a lot of people. I breathe in, not letting my nerves get the best of me.
“I want to thank my fans because without them I wouldn’t be here today and to be able to do what I love. I also want to thank my team, label and family for their endless support. Thank you!” I say.
I walk with the boys and we all head backstage. As soon as we’re off stage, Brad turns around to me.
“Congrats love! I told you that you were going to win”, he beams.
“Thank you, I never doubted you.”
He puts his arm around me and I wrap my free arm around his waist. He grabs my hand and we interlock our fingers together. He lets go as soon as my manager walks up to us.

“Congrats! You’re still up for the after party, right?” my manager asks.
I nod.
“Okay good. You are going to leave first so again, it looks as though, well you know.”
“Yeah, that we didn’t leave together”, I mutter.

We get to the after party, but I lose all hope when I’m told that my boyfriend and I can’t celebrate together because of the people here. I have to hang out with people that I could care less about. I look across the room and see him with the boys, having fun. The anger and frustration started to build inside throughout the night. Thank God I didn’t stay long or I else I wouldn’t have lasted anymore in there.
“Sorry for the inconvenience”, my manager says.
“It’s fine, I get it.”
“Don’t worry you can go with him”, she says, restoring some happiness in me.

“Hey”, Brad says running to me.
I hug him tightly. I hate being apart from him. “Lets go home.”
I get in the passenger seat and he closes my door. He gets in and as we drive off, I had to fight back some unexpected tears.

We arrive at my house. He walks me to my door. “Did you enjoy the after party?” he asks.
“No. It wasn’t fun without you by my side..” The tears escape, I can no longer hold them back.
“I’m here right now. Shh”, he comforts me. He wipes the tears that roll down my face while holding me tightly.
I look up at him. “I hate this. I can’t take it anymore Brad! I don’t want to hide anymore, I don’t want us to be a secret. It’s consuming me! Tonight takes the cake…I didn’t want to arrive to the red carpet alone, I wanted to say your name in my speech, I wanted to dance with you at the after party. When we’re out, why can’t I hold you in the street? At parties, why can’t I kiss you on the dance floor? When I’m being asked about my relationship status, why can’t I say that I’m in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops”, I sob angrily.

“I want the whole world to know that I am in love with the most incredible, caring, loving, talented, beautiful woman. I want everyone to know that I’m gladly taken. I don’t want to be known as the lead singer, the only member with no significant other. I want every soul on earth to know how every piece of you just fits perfectly with me. I hate this just as much as you do. I don’t want you to hurt anymore, it kills me. Fuck the contract! I don’t care if I lose my job! I don’t want to be kept away from you, I don’t ever want to lose you”, he says then kisses me passionately.

Originally posted by teaftoreo

Got7 as single dads


Number of kids- 1 daughter (and don’t you dare touch her) 

Why they are single- Husband died of cancer when daughter was two.

1) That cup of coffee in the morning every weekday, no sugar, extra cream, 120°F exactly.

2) Reads the newspaper every Saturday, on his iPad or an actual paper while simultaneously watching CNN.

3) Wood works and and makes random items for around the house and in the backyard, probably carves birds in the garage at midnight.

4) Calls daughter Princess and loves her to death, would fight a bear like Leonardo DiCaprio to protect her.

5) Engineer, constantly burns coworkers with smart remarks, possibly will be promoted to boss soon.

6) Quizzes daughters possible dates, and is really, really protective.

7) Has a shotgun. Maybe two. 

8) Sweet but strict, makes sure his daughter does her homework, makes sure her skirt is not too high (finger tip rule), doesn’t let her go to parties.

9) Snuggles a lot, read bedtime stories, would stay home with her if she was sick, makes her green tea, kisses forehead.

10)  Daughters friends think he is hot, like really hot.

Keep reading

lulu-cake  asked:

Cupcake for Yasuo!! ʕ•ﻌ•ʔ≧∇≦

“…I ah… am not gonna lie… this looks pretty good but… if I had eaten everything that looked pretty good offered to me by strangers so far, well… I am quite sure I would be dead by now. I cannot accept your offer. Sorry.”


⚖   ❝Is it really that bad?❞

Mutsunokami was making a face, and it seemed to be caused by consuming the sweet cake that Leah had finished baking not but a moment ago…

Well, it was a bit of an experimental recipe, but the gun enthusiast was just as much of a pastry enthusiast, so he was to be the best judge of such a thing. 

Quickly, the raven haired woman scurried over to grab a small waste basket and held it out in front of the male, 

     ❝W-wait, you don’t have to force yourself to eat it, here, spit it out!❞

Though she was having a hard time holding back from bursting out laughing, actually.

Dadbod: Part 3

For parts 1 & 2 click here

I stood up to face Kevin. Our mouths were inches apart and I could feel his hot beer breath on my lips. I placed my hand on his cock and began rubbing his now fully erect dick through his board shorts.

“You want my cock don’t you twink boy?” He said.

I nodded my head.

“Then get on your knees and prove it.”

I got down and undid the Velcro on his shorts. I let them fall to the ground to reveal a thick uncut cock dripping with precum. A dense bush of black hair surrounded it. My mouth started to water as I began to lick and suck on his cock. He moaned as my pace quickened. He shoved my head harder and harder until I was deep throating. My nose was jammed into his pubes and I could smell his sweaty summer musk.

Eventually he pushed me back onto a lounge chair and began stripping off my clothes. I peeled the skin tight wife beater off to reveal a hairy belly and chest glistening with sweat. He sucked on my cock for a bit before lifting my legs and moving down to my hole. He rimmed me for the longest time, taking breaks to bite and smack my ass cheeks. He seemed to like eating ass just as much as he liked eating food. He was talented with his mouth and the stubble on his face rubbing against my ass drove me wild.

My dick was throbbing as his tongue explored every inch of my ass. I was oozing more precum than I knew I could produce. He stood up and slowly slid into me. As he began thrusting, his distended stomach rubbed against my cock driving me wild. I let out an uncontrollably large moan as his pace quickened. A moment of worry that the neighbors might’ve heard me, or even worse- be watching us, flashed through my mind. My worries dissipated as Kevin leaned in closer and bit onto my neck while pounding me. I could hear the beer and food sloshing around in both of our bellies as we fucked.

The words “Fuck me you fat pig,” uncontrollably slipped out of my mouth and a few seconds later Kevin was grunting and moaning in ecstasy as he filled me up with cum. He pulled out and forced me to suck the cum and shit off his dick. I was so turned on and in desperate need of an orgasm myself when, to my dismay, he began putting his clothes back on.

“I’m going to the store to buy an ice cream cake,” he said. “When I get back, you’ll be sitting in the same spot. Naked. You’ll watch Dad pig out on cake and then it’s your turn to fuck my fat ass.”

I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I simply nodded.

Twenty minutes passed before I heard the front door open. I prayed it wasn’t his wife and kids. To my great relief, Kevin stepped outside; wife beater riding up, a cake in his hands, and a look of hunger in his eyes.

“You like watching men my age turn into sloppy fat pigs? Huh boy?”

I nodded. Kevin proceeded to grab a giant mixing spoon and began to shovel the cake into his mouth. He probably consumed half the cake in five minutes before he began to slow down. I stayed on the lounge chair and began to jerk off. It was apparent he was starting to struggle to to get more food down his throat. He began to moan, grunt, and rub his belly with each bite. I got up and began to massage his gut, which seemed to re-invigorate his appetite. He ditched the spoon and began to shove hunks of cake into his mouth with bare hands. I noticed he was hard again and I began to rub both his cock and belly. About to burst, he leaned over and devoured the rest of the cake- no hands. He then stood up and laid down on a lounge chair. I had never seen such a distended stomach. It looked like he was going to explode.

“Feed me beer, boy.”

I did what I was told and cracked a can of PBR and poured it down his throat.

“Now feed piggy your cock.”

Once again, I did as I was told.

After I fucked him, we each cracked another beer and sat in silence for several minutes. Kevin was the first to speak:

“Next month, my wife is taking the kids to a summer camp and then staying with her parents for a few days. During that time you will turn me into a swollen hog. Here’s my number. Don’t come to this house unless I tell you to.”

“Yes, sir,” I said.  

the worst part of my Gluten Body is that the wedding cake was fucking horrible like i’ve consumed so much gluten free cake and all of it was better than that wedding cake like the wedding cake was so dry and flavorless and now i feel like i’m going to die because of it like the last time this happened it was over ben and jerry’s tonight dough that i stole at a fundraiser with these two old lesbians who were amazing (long story but anyway that was a good time that I Do Not Regret) two years ago and that was worth it but tonight…was not worth it

Spell Glossary

this is a list of the spells used by characters in the game wizardess heart. in the future, we might include fan-created spells. hopefully having these all in one place will help people when using magic in their fan creations

note: this post will be periodically edited, and reblogged as needed. it is also one of the pages available in my blog’s navigation

Canon Spells and Magic

Aqua - summons water, used in water magic spells

Apareo speclum - summons a large mirror

Apareo umbra - summons an umbra, a shadow copy of the caster that has the personality of its caster

Barrier magic - barriers protect the caster or trap enemies; they can be created in elemental forms, where water barriers protect from fire, earth barriers protect from water magic, and so on.

Black magic - the opposite of white magic; it is a category of magic that includes curses, attack spells, debilitating spells, and other magic considered generally malicious

Cooking magic - spells can be incorporated into food and consumed; such as cake that makes the consumer float, soup that makes the consumer extra warm, and so on.

Funus captis - creates chains of light

Globus flau - summons fireballs

Globus lumen - creates rays of light, rays can form a ‘whip’ and attack

Magical incantation - the words spoken to cast a magic spell; generally, the greater the skill of a wizard, the fewer words they need to speak when casting a spell

Magic note - an enchanted note where the writing disappears once read 

Magic wand - wands are necessary to cast spells and often their design reflects a wizard’s personality; breaking a wand can destroy a magical seal if that wand was used to cast it

Nox - creates a wisp of darkness; if strong enough, it can blanket an entire area and create a false night

Primitive spell - ordinary conversation is imbued with a burst of magical power; spell strength cannot be controlled

Sanatio aura - key part of the healing incantation, ‘o sacred wind, grant us a breeze and mend this wound, sanatio aura!’; a healing spell that is wind based

Time magic - some people can travel through time with magic; this type of magic is quite rare

Turbo ventos - summons a vortex, or small whirlwind

Ventos - summons a gust of wind, used in wind magic spells

White magic - the opposite of black magic; white magic is category of magic that includes astrology, healing, time, and medical spells, along with other spells types considered generally ‘good’  

Canon Magical Tools

note: when using magical tools, a wand is not necessary. the wielder of the tool charges the tool with their magical power. 

Persona Mirror - invented by walter goldstein, this mirror is a special tool that reveals a person’s heart, or true thoughts and personality

Light of Apollo - a magical tool that brings forth sunshine and banishes rain; its counterpart is the tears of undine. the necessary incantation is ‘sun, come forth!’ 

Lumen Cloak - an invisibility cloak crafted by an unknown creator. a prism was transformed into thread and spun into this cloak, so it functions by bending light as a prism does. it renders the wearer transparent.  

Ring of Metamorphose - the wearer may transform themselves into any shape they wish by placing the ring on their third finger of the right hand; this ring has an amber-colored gem in the band

Talismans - similar to lucky charms, talismans are enchanted objects that offer protection to those who carry them; also, talismans can be made with a certain person or purpose in mind, such as protection from rain or bad weather. the talismans can be paper, stone, jewelry, etc. gemstones are popular.

Tears of Undine - gemstones that allow the wielder to summon rain showers; the incantation is ‘rain, come forth!’. it is very sensitive to the amount of magic provided by the wizard, and creates a storm of corresponding strength, from gentle rainshower to raging typoon. its counterpart is the light of apollo

Canon Magical Classes

the following are classes taught at Gedonelune Royal Magic Academy: 

- Astronomy 

- Barrier Magic

- Contracting Magic

-  History of Wizardry

- Magical Creature Biology

- Magic Potion Pharmaceutics

- Medical Magic