have u two seen a toad? a boy named neville's lost one. oh. are you doing magic? let's see then. *clears throat* sunshine daises butter mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow *rat squeaks* are u sure that's a real spell? well, it's not very good, is it? of course i've only tried more simpler spells. but they've all worked for me. for example, oculus reparo. holy cricket, you're harry potter! i'm hermione granger. and, you are? i'm ron weasley ...pleasure. you two better change into robes. i expect we'll be arriving soon. you've got dirt on your nose btw. did u know? just there.
inspired by this video bc calum just looked so sad and tired and i just wanted to give him a big ol’ hug, my poor precious :((
(this is all gonna be lowercased because im too lazy and tired to do all those shifts and shit lololol)
as calum sat there between ashton and michael, he wondered how long this interview was going to take. he couldn’t do his day like this. the interview overall was going good until the interviewer took it a bit far. even though it wasn’t mentioned in the video as the boys watched it back, calum still remembered it, as it constantly replayed in his head.
“so calum, word has it that y/n won’t be joining you on the slfl tour. or even to any shows at that,” and there it was. calum’s mouth opened slightly and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his eyes starting to tear and his breathing start to hitch.
“y/n,” michael says bursting in, sitting up, allowing calum to cower back into the seat, “is a very successful person and even though we all wanted her to come, she can be really busy at time. we would really like her to come, but she has her jobs, like we do ours.” michael smiles and he leans back, wrapping his arm behind calum and patting his back, looking at him worryingly. calum smiles and nods his head, staring at the ground. the interviewer smiles and she moves onto the next question.
but, throughout the whole interview, calum couldn’t bother to answer any of the questions, let alone comment on any of the others. he was just too focused on her. too focused on them. he looks at his boot covered foot, resting on his right leg and he starts to zone out, slowly blocking out the boys sounds and slowly started to hear hers.
“calum, i told you i can’t come,” y/n says, sitting in her outfit, ready to leave. ready to leave him.
“but,” he paces about the room, tears in his eyes, his hands roaming through his nappy hair, “i can’t focus without you there.”
“you can barely focus with me there. plus, when i’m there, you normally block me out to be with the boys,” she says, tears falling down her face as she looks down at her glove covered hands.
“thats, thats not true, y/n.” calum rushes to her side, grabbing her knees, the cold touch that lingered through her leggings as she lifts her face up at him. “i can’t be without you. i can’t..” he starts to tear and he bites his lip, hoping to hold back the sob that was building in his throat. y/n takes a hand to his face, wiping the tear that slowly falls down the side of his cheek and grabs his t shirt, colliding into his body, burying her face into the crook of his neck, his face into her shoulder. calum wraps his arms around her, like a child clutching onto its stuffed animal for protection. calum tightens his grip, hoping to stay like this forever. y/n sniffles into his shoulder, inhaling the minty and musky aroma, and she slowly pushes him off, knowing she had to go. she had to leave.
“you’ll do amazing,” she says, smiling, starting to get up. calum’s face turns even more worried, his chest rising up and down, his mind filled with “no’s”.
“please don’t leave me,” he says, the tears now falling down his face. his hands start to shake and his legs started to feel weak as he watched her carry her duffel bag in hand.
“i would never,” she says. she gets on her toes and places a warm kiss upon calum’s tear stained cheek, secretly using her thumb to scratch at her index finger, a habit she picked up, to hide her pain and to keep her from sobbing. she then starts to walk down the cold hallway and out of the door, leaving calum in her apartment, the apartment she was going to leave behind for 7 months. he looks around and something in him just sparked, throwing picture frames against the wall, along with empty, dirty glass cups. tossing pillows and flipping over the couch, punching the walls multiple times, ignoring the physical pain. he just hoped to get rid of the emotional pain.
“are you alright?” he saw ashton mouth in his peripheral vision. he didn’t answer. he just didn’t want to talk to anybody, really. he also saw ashton give up, sucking at his cheek, knowing that calum really didn’t want to talk. but it was just too obvious. he knew he zoned out for a whole minute, and the thing that took him out of that trance was michael poking him in the back, smiling at him. he let out a sigh and uncrossed his arms, watching the interviewer start to put up her notebook, knowing this was going to be the end.
“well thank you for having this small interview with us, and asia looks forward to see you on your world tour,” she says, standing up to shake the boys’ hands as they walked back to their dressing room, ready to leave for the next interview/show they had to be at.
“hey cal,” ashton said, running up to calum, who was far ahead of the others, ready to leave.
“yeah what’s up?”
“what’s up? you were as dead as roadkill, mate. what’s wrong?” ashton says, opening the door to their room, watching as calum goes over to his stuff and starts to pack up, ignoring the question.
“hey, i know it’s hard,” ashton says, placing his hand on his shoulder. that was it. calum sniffled and shook his head, tears starting to form.
“fuck man, i just…” he said, his voice cracking, trying not to cry in front of his best mates. he turns around and punches the wall behind him, groaning at the pain, luke coming up behind to calm him down.
“hey man, it’s going to be alright,” luke says, patting calum on the back. calum shook his head and laughed at luke’s cliche attempt to make him feel better.
“it’s never going to be alright.” he said, sighing, continuing to pack up his bag.
“she wanted to come,” michael said, the others going to pack up as well.
“THEN WHY DID SHE LEAVE?” calum yells, not even bothering to hold it in. he grabbed the attention of all the boys and bryana, who stood quietly beside ashton. calum didn’t even notice she was in there. “IF SHE WANTED TO COME, SHE COULD’VE CAME. she…” his slams his hands onto his suitcase and turns around, his legs resting on the table, his hands roaming over his face and through his hair.
“calum,” he heard bryana’s small voice say. he looked up to see her worried, her hand on his shoulder, “you know she wanted to come. she begged to come. but, that school in england is strict. you know that. she couldn’t leave.” bryana was right, but calum wanted her to be wrong. he knew he let his selfishness come through, but he didn’t care. he didn’t want anything more than to sit down with her, her hair constantly falling onto her face, her “sweet pea” fragrance from bath and body works filling his nose as they cuddled together on the plane.
he turned away from bryana and closed his suitcase, zipping it shut. “are we going yet?” he said, all of the others worriedly looking at him. ashton nods his head and they all continue to pack, ready to leave.
Aries: a week for every month they were together, but will make it seem like they’re having the time of their life
Taurus: two days for every month they were together, sad and heartbroken at first but will learn to be optimistic and rely on friends and family
Gemini: an hour for every month they were together, probably has random reoccurrences of heartbreak though until they find someone new
Cancer: four weeks for every month they were together, they will clear out all the traces of that person being their lover reluctantly or not and will spend entire days utterly heartbroken
Leo: two days for every month they were together, probably makes a big scene when it happens and makes sure they rub it in their ex’s face that they’re single and loving it
Virgo: three weeks for every month they were together, good at putting a mask on relatively soon after the break up but they are constantly replaying moments in their mind and quietly crying about it often
Libra: four days for every month they were together, very sad at first but they’ll find someone new in a heartbeat
Scorpio: two weeks for every month they were together, will likely fixate on the anger and vengeful stage of grief, refusing to acknowledge there was any good in their relationship but they will eventually move on
Sagittarius: two days for every month they were together, they’ll do a lot of thinking and be alone for long periods of time but come back stronger and clear minded
Capricorn: will try to minimize it as much as possible but really a week for every month they were together
Aquarius: one day for every month they were together, will either find someone new soon after or stay single for a long period of time
Pisces: never fully gets over someone, will always hold a piece of them in their heart and likely keeps relics of their relationship for the nostalgia and memories
Request: Hey, Could you please do one where the reader has really low self-esteem and doesn’t really like herself but Bucky or Clint helps her and shows her how much she means to them and the team? Thanks! Hope you enjoy this story, anon!
“(Y/N), you didn’t jeopardized the mission. It wasn’t your fault,” Clint tries to insist as the both of you walk into the Avengers Tower, but you shake your head, your mind constantly replaying your mistakes.
“I should’ve been able to neutralize the threat. I was being reckless and I should’ve thought everything out thoroughly and prepared myself for possible scenarios,” you argue as your eyes begin to water, your chest tightening. “I was acting stupidly and I should’ve…”
years of internalized trauma from physically and emotionally violent events over the last 5 years?
generalized anxiety? increased recurrence of panic attacks? increased recurrence of dissociation? desperately trying to attain a better healthier lifestyle after living for years using recreational drugs heavily? still mourning the death of a 3 year relationship? had a chidhood friend pass away last year as well? and even tho my dad returned from walking out on my family, i never really addressed the feelings or damage it inflicted on me and my relationships bc i’m in a constant mode of self preservation and survival?
idk man. i’m not depressed ABOUT things, I struggle WITH depression and anxiety. it’s not so much how dramatic events in my life are, or when they occur, it’s that my brain is constantly replaying the worst moments i’ve experienced every day, and warping any new situation into a parallel of those situations. it gets in the way of my relationships, my eagerness to explore life, and to engage with the world.
so like idk why my brain is depressed, but i’m working on it in therapy and i do think it helps a lot.
about 7:00 at night, and this day has been a whirlwind for you. A
lengthy road trip to Seuol to visit relatives, and having your younger
siblings annoy you as you tried to sleep. Nothing seemed to be going up
for you—that is, before your older cousin Hoseok dragged you along to
meet his friends. It was no secret in your family that Hoseok was
talented and a rising star, everyone saw it coming. Now that he’s in a
group—which you enjoy very much—BTS, he hasn’t been home alone due to
working. Childhood memories of you two playing in dirt replay
constantly, reminding you of how much you missed your cousin while he
was away. Now that he’s home, he wants to make up for all the missed
phone calls and texts you sent over the past months. As said previously,
he brought you to meet his group mates. He introduced them all to
you—knowing that you were fully aware of who they were, but didn’t want
to embarrass you—and warned them to not lay a paw on his cherished
little cousin. Which really doesn’t make sense if he didn’t want that to
happen considering the circumstances you’re in right now: Alone in the
dance room with Yoongi. They ran out to get dinner, and left you and him
there: Yoongi because he was in the mood to not even be talked
to—making mistakes in the choreography too much—and you because it was
dark out, and they wouldn’t want to take the chance of you being hurt.
It had been about five minutes since they left, and this has been the
most long in your life. Yoongi was silent, still panting harshly and
hitting his legs with his fists. He tangled his fingers in his hair in
frustration, growling in his throat as he looked in the mirror at his
defeated position on the floor.
You stand up, and grab a water bottle from the case they had gotten
earlier. “Cool down,” You broke the silence, handing it to him.
“I don’t need water.” He didn’t even look at you, still staring at his mocking reflection.
“By the looks of it, it seems as if you do. You have a huge mirror right in front of you, don’t you? If you’re still upset-”
“Of course I’m still upset!” His voice rose, “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I just wanted to help..” Your breathing slowed down, and your
eyelids felt heavy with guilt and slight hurt. Continuing to look at the
ground and turning away you ask, “What’s the move?”
“It’s this hand movement thing,” He said. You heard him get up, so
you turn to face him. “I gotta put my hand here, and move like this.” He
tried explaining, but focused more on having another go at it.
Somewhere along the way, he stopped speaking and just focused on
dancing. “Ugh!” He stopped his foot, “I messed up again.” He sat back
down, putting his hands in his face.
“You have to move your body where your hands are?” You walked over to him again.
“Yes. Apparently, my body can’t do what I tell it to: a simple dance
like this.” He pressed his knees against his chest, and rested his
tiresome head on them.
Of all the boys, to you he was the cutest. His smile, the way he
carries himself, his verses—and now, his perseverance that was clearly
displayed before you. “Practice makes perfect?” You reluctantly said,
sitting next to him cross legged.
“What does it look like I’m doing?” He retorted, actually looking at you this time.
“It looks like you’re over working yourself, and need a break.”
“I can’t take breaks—I’ll never learn the dance.” He shot back, glaring at you.
“You can pick it up later, tomorrow—whenever. You’ll eventually get
the hang of it, and it doesn’t have to be right this second.” He stood
quiet, and kept his eyes on his shoes while he hugged his legs. “Have
some water,” You attempted to hand him some again, to which he also
repeated the last time and ignored. “Please? I don’t like seeing people
so stressed out, especially you; you work hard enough already.” Again,
nothing. “Yoongi~” You sang, shaking the bottle in front of his face.
He sighed heavily, retrieving the plastic from your hand. “Do I have to take a break?” He complained, unscrewing the cap.
“It would make you feel better, so yes.”
He was busy chugging down the water to say anything, “If I do, you
try dancing.” He pulled the opening away from his plump lips, leaving
them as soaked as his body is. “It’s a deal, and I promise I’ll take it
easy only if you agree.”
“No!” You exclaimed, pushing your body away from his.
“Oh well,” He screwed the cap back on, standing up again. “Guess I’ll
just have to keep going.” He threw the bottle in your lap, and winked.
“Don’t enjoy the show too much, kid.”
“Hm?” He fought a smile.
“What dance?” You asked louder, turning your head to the side.
“I still have to decide,” He towered above you, “Look at me.”
“Why?” You didn’t budge.
“So I can know what I want you to do,” He lifted you up with both of
his hands on your sides. “Sheesh, you’re short.” He snorted, ruffling
your hair. He stood back, scanning your body. “You know the song No More
“Good. You’ve seen the music video I take it?” You nodded, “So you
know the part where Jimin lifts his shirt up and does that dance,
Your stomach tightened, “Y-Yes.”
“I wanna see you do it,” He told you boldly, “I’ll show you how.” Why
you? Why this particular dance? You gulped as he stood behind you, and
positioned you right smack in the middle of the room. “Let’s start where
you hold your arm out,” He lifted your right arm, placing it in front
of you. “Bend down a little, you know what I’m talking about.” It’s
true, you do know what he’s talking about..but why? You did as you were
told, and he did the exact same. “Good, good.” He complimented, “Now
move your hips forward; thrust like how we did.” By now, your face began
growing hot as Yoongi’s body pressed against yours so closely—now he’s
telling you to thrust.
He cuts off your stuttering, “I’ll show you; don’t worry.” He holds
his arm out next to yours, and the other on your hip. “Follow my hand,”
He pushed you forward, and thrusted slightly himself. “Want me to do it
slower, or again?”
“Again: follow my hand.” He repositions you back to the original
stance, and repeats his steps. “You gotta make sure your hips do it
smoothly..” He breathed in your ear, looking down at the nonexistent gap
between your bum and his crotch area. “Smoothly.” He said slowly,
matching his movements with it. “Now try it,” You did as he showed you,
and he clapped. “Great, now again.”
“This is so weird..” You covered your face.
“It’s not like I’ll make fun of you,” He rolled his eyes, “Come on, (Y/N).”
You did it again, shutting your eyes tightly. “D-Did I do it?”
“Yes, you did.” Yoongi smiled proudly, “Now for the turn.” He stood
behind you again, “Don’t mind my hands.” When you were about to ask what
he meant, his hands clutched your hips. Just as he did before, he
demonstrated every single bit of that move too. He held your waist,
moving along with you once you got it down. He breathed a laugh, the hot
air hitting your neck as he was bent down to look at your body. “You’re
a good dancer.”
“Thank you,” You blushed.
“I think that’s enough now,” He pulled away gently, “Come sit down.”
He pulled you to where you two sat before. “You dance?” He asked,
sipping some water and handing it to you.
“No. Hoseok has taught me a few things, though.” You sipped as well.
“That explains it,” He chuckled, “He’s the best dancer.”
“You’re a really good dancer too,”
“Not as good as him,” He laughed looking down.
“He worked hard, danced everyday, and never gave up—there’s no doubt
he’d be a great dancer.” You felt a tingle of pride when speaking about
your successful cousin.
“He’s told us stories about when he was starting, and where he would dance.”
“Oh yeah, he takes pride in it—not too much, of course.” He looked down again, “Are you ticklish?”
“Why?” You scooted backwards.
“Ah, you are.” He laughed, lunging towards you.
“I’m not, I swear!” You squealed, pulling away.
“I think you’re lying,” He finally gripped your hand, and straddled
you. “This is gonna be so much fun.” He said, making his fingers dance
all around your abdominal area.
“S-Stop!” You managed to say through your messy laughter.
“Stop!” He mimicked you, giving you no mercy. “Who was the one who
said I should take a break?” He raised his eyebrow, struggling to hold
you wrists together. “Stop squirming!” He said holding you in one hand
now. “Again, who said I should have a break?” He tried calming down.
“I did.” You looked up at him.
“Is this a break?” His voice lowered, and he looked down at you.
“I think so..”
“I hope it is..” He trailed off, finding your eyes. He leaned down,
closing his eyes lightly. Your eyes closed as well, just before the
impact of his lips on yours. One wasn’t enough, so after that peck ended
he deepened it. His free hand made its way to your cheek, holding it as
he pressed his lips against your hungrily. His tongue carefully brushed
your bottom lip, but by his body movements he was begging for you to
let him in—so you did. Normally, people would fight for dominance—but
you didn’t even have the chance to. Yoongi’s tongue overpowered yours
quickly, and he took control over you now. His tongue traced over yours
repeatedly, just right so you lightly moaned in his mouth. You felt his
smirk as he pulled away, but not without tugging your lip on the way.
“Would you say this is a break?”
“Mhm.” You breathed, your eyes dreamily staring into his.
“You know Hoseok would kill me if he found us like this, right?” He kicked his lips, leaning down to your face again.
“I know.” You stole a kiss.
“And you wanna keep going?” He chuckled against your neck, “I like
your style, but I don’t want to make him mad.” He said before kissing
your skin, “I like this, I really do (Y/N).” He progressed to nipping at
you, and sucking before letting go. “If you want to continue this with
the risk of the guys busting in here,” His kissing trailed down to your
collarbone, “We could.” He kissed your exposed collarbone, doing exactly
what he did to your neck. “I didn’t figure you as that kind of girl,”
His hand lifted the hem of your shirt, leaving your stomach to him. “What kind of girl is that?”
“The one who gets turned on by danger, doing things the wrong way,
and getting man handled.” He mumbled against you, giving you goosebumps
as he made his way up towards your breasts. “It’s a pleasant surprise.”
He lifted your bra up next, not wanting to take it off because of the
time you two had left. Licking around your nipple, he took it in his
mouth suckling on it gently while pinching the other. “I really hope
they don’t walk in, I want time for other things if that’s alright.” He
looked up at you, still doing his work.
“If you hurry they won’t,”
“Hm,” He laughed shaking his head, “Now why would I do that? I want
you to beg for me to be in you, not just say it nonchalantly like that. I
want you to scream,” He said, pulling your legs apart and putting his
hips in between them. “I want to make sure you get exactly what you
deserve: a good, long, hard-”
A roar of laughter was heard in the hall along with whining from a deep voice, “Give me it back!”
“It’s a toy!” Another voice annoyingly responded.
“Get up, get up!” You whisper yelled, hitting Yoongi’s shoulder
repeatedly. He tumbled backwards, pulling his shirt down and looking at
the ceiling. You tugged desperately on your bra, and shirt.
“Yah, just give Tae his stupid toy back.” Namjoon grunted, opening the door.
“It’s not just a toy!” He snatched it from Jimin and his devilish smile.
“We’re finally back,” Hoseok said, coming in with bags of food.
“Time to eat!” Jin cheered happily, skipping inside.
“He’s been excited the whole way here,” Jungkook glared at him.
“Here (Y/N),” Jin handed you a styrofoam box, “Oh, you have a
little..” He pointed at his neck, “Cover it and I won’t tell.” He smiled
sweetly. “Yoongi,” He shook his head, “Here.” He patted his back
roughly, sending him forward a little.
“Thanks,” He grabbed his meal, making sure his shirt was down.
“Ugh, Yoongi..” You pouted, fixing your shirt and hair. “Is it covered?” You pointed to where Jin said the ‘little’ was.
He bursts out in laughter, making some of the guys turn their
attention to him. “Not even close,” He whispered, “Here, have my
sweater.” He grabbed a sweater lying on the ground next to the wall. He
sat closer to you, glancing at the rest of the guys then back to you.
“It’s not little, I’ll tell you that.” He pecked your cheek lovingly,
“Don’t worry about it, this’ll cover it.” He stood up, helping you in it
as you raised your arms.
“How big is it exactly?” You worriedly asked, fixing your hair.
“Mm, hold on.” He reached in the sweater’s pocket taking his phone
out. “I’m gonna move your hair out of the way, but I’ll put it back.” He
brushed your hair over your shoulder, and some lose strands behind your
ear. Looking down he chuckled, bringing his phone to it. You heard a
light shutter sound, and he held it out to you.
“Yoongi-!” He covered your mouth knowing you’d scream.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” He looked over your shoulder, “I’m
sorry, okay? Do you forgive me?” He looked at you in the eyes, smiling
cutely. “Please, (Y/N)?” He held your hands, “Please, jagi?”
You sighed in submission, “Alright.”
“Thank you,” He pecked your lips, but but his while quickly checking
if anyone saw. “Whew,” He touched his forehead, “Eat up.” He poked your
stomach, then fixed your hair.
Once everyone finished eating and were done messing around, it was
time Hoseok took you back to his house where your mothers were probably
blabbering. “(Y/N) said she really liked you guys,” He smiled, putting
his arm around you to look at the guys lined up.
“You guys are really nice, and funny.” You awkwardly said, swinging
your arms. “Thank you for treating me to food, and thank you for keeping
me company Yoongi.”
You looked over to him with his arms behind his back smiling, and nodding. “I had fun with you, too.”
It’s been over 4 years and I still think about Forward Unto Dawn and how wonderfully unique its portrayal of Thomas Lasky was.
This is a 16 year old who lost his brother to the war with the Insurrectionists and has no idea how to deal with it. He tortured himself every night by rewatching Cadmon’s last messages to him and constantly replayed the same chess game they had going.
He had to deal with this all by himself, on top of his worsening physical condition - his allergic reaction to cytoprethaline, the drug used to prevent cellular damage during cryo sleep - which qualified him for medical discharge.
And yet, despite having every reason to, he did not hate the Insurrectionists.
He made himself unpopular with his peers (who verbally and physically harassed him) and his teachers because he dared to question the war between the UNSC and the Insurrectionists. He dared to understand things from ‘the enemy’s’ point of view and argued that the UNSC has very much been at fault - which obviously isn’t going to fly in a prestigious UNSC military academy meant to prepare the next generation for way against these people.
This did drive him to negatively impact his squad as a whole as he disregarded orders and ignored his classes, which is obviously bad - but he was a teenager who was dealing with grief at the loss of a close family member (his only close family member, as Audrey was constantly away due to having her own duties to the UNSC and she’s implied to be a single mother) and his physical health practically by himself.
He still had the courage to stand up to his peers (despite the immense pressure there was to fit in) and say that what the UNSC was doing wasn’t right, that the violence between both sides was something that needed to stop.
And that’s Lasky in a nutshell.
In a universe where you’re a supersoldier typically fighting against technologically superior aliens, this shift in tone and scale with Forward Unto Dawn and Halo 4 accentuated a much quieter kind of heroism which got the Reclaimer Saga off to a much more mature start.
It makes me wonder what kind of role Lasky would have played if 343 had actually followed through on the human Great Schism that was set up for Halo 5 with the rise of the New Colonial Alliance…
“I know you love him,
And whoever crossed your mind when you read that, maybe they know how you feel or don’t. Maybe they had a chance with you but broke it. Maybe they swept you off your feet only to drop you suddenly without warning.
Maybe they hurt you so bad yet you ache for them during the cold nights when you get scared or lonely. Maybe you sit in your room at 2 a.m. crying over texts that he sent you months ago telling you he was leaving, trying desperately to find where it all went wrong.
Maybe you dream of him constantly, and replay over and over the memories of when things were perfect, only to wake up and realize the reality that he’s gone. And maybe you blame yourself for falling for him. You knew what would happen and yet you did it anyway.
I have that person too. I still love him and it hurts. But one day it won’t.
I know you love him,
But you don’t need him anymore. You never did.”
—s.g // excerpts from a book ill never write #56
I was dreaming about Jurassic Park and that velociraptors were attacking me but the really tall guy that plays Chief Bromden in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest was protecting me but he ended up getting killed because the velociraptor found his tickle spot but then when I woke up I had the Harry Potter theme music replaying constantly in my head and felt like I was a wizard
What I’m finding lately is that if my mind is not otherwise occupied, I frequently find myself getting caught up in the current of my inner monologue. I have a lot of trouble not running hypothetical scenarios. I catch myself playing out conversations and situations in my head constantly. I replay moments from my day, imagining different outcomes. I even think of things I would like to do or places I would like to visit and imagine what it would feel like to be there. I work through decisions that I need to make in this way too, ruminating over all possible consequences. I have to actively realize that I am doing it, ground myself and try to quiet my mind of the noise. If I’m not careful, I can spend hours in this state. While I actually quite admire my ability to see things from many different angles and the scope and capabilities of my innermost thoughts, I sometimes wish that I was able to live more in the present and be in the moment instead of imagining all that has been or could be.
I don’t think there is ever a time when I’m not thinking about you. I think of when you took me out on our first date, when you first held my hand, and when you first kissed me. My mind is like a broken record player, but I don’t mind those memories constantly replaying.
Making your way into the bathroom; you couldn’t quite believe yourself how easily that
moment between the two of you just passed. There was a constantly replaying of
that moment in your head; your cheeks feeling hot at the mere thought of it and
to say it was difficult to calm yourself down again, was an understatement.
Perhaps a cold shower would help, you figured. Because for the time being you
would have to set aside your lustful thoughts containing Bobby and simply
accept the fact that, until tonight, you weren’t going to be able to touch him
like that again. Or rather: have him touch you like that. His touch really was
like magic to you. Even the smallest stroke of his fingers over any of your
body parts with that look of him, ahh, even the thought of it was driving you
your clothes and leaving yourself completely undressed; you leaned forward into
the shower to put on the water and see if it was of a decent warmth already.
Only to be surprised by the sound of the door opening behind you.
escaped you: standing upright and your eyes widening as Bobby quickly entered
and closed the door behind him. He looked as frozen as you did; only he wasn’t
really staring at you in a way that showed surprise; more so shock at the fact
that he was actually doing this and.. well the sight of your naked body. Once you
seemed to recover from the shock, you noticed how his eyes were now gliding
over the profile of your naked body; standing there right in front of him. What
was he up to?
what…?” you started but his rambled response caught you off guard; “I guess we
can always say your flight was delayed or we had a terrible traffic jam, right?”
he brought out so quickly, showing clearly how he was trying to convince
himself of the fact that this was the right thing to do. Meanwhile, he had
removed his shirt and pants as well; leaving him with an obvious erect member
visible in his boxers as he nervously bit his pants and looked at your body
once more. “I just… I really don’t want to wait any longer.. I.. I want you… I need you.” Bobby spoke and you felt a
jolt of both love and passion well up inside of you before you moved into the
shower cabin; finger curling at him as you told him to join you right then and
there. And so he did.
Jensen grins and hides the faint blush blooming on the tops of his cheeks. “Yeah. What about it?”
It’s only been 10 minutes since he gave him that stupid card and along with the glitter sticking to his hands, clothes, wherever the fuck, the memory of Misha’s gummy smile and sweet voice replays constantly in his mind.
Everybody else had left the green room almost right after the video was over. Not surprising since, somehow, the floor is now covered in glue, glitter and pieces of stray paper. Looking back over his shoulder, Jensen’s eyes soften as he notices the redness on Misha’s cheeks.
“Nothing. Just… Really nice is all.” Misha hangs his head and picks at the stray string of fabric hanging off the cuff of his shirt. This is different. It always is with them. They weren’t very subtle with their attraction to one another, they’ve been told time and time again. The attraction though, grew into something else entirely as they spent more and more time together. Shyness on the other hand was something that both of the men had to experience when they were alone with one another. That was never going to change. The blush on both their faces were evidence enough.
“Mish, are you blushing?”
Snapping his head up, Misha scoffs. “Wha- what no! No it’s just a nice things to say is all.” The slight smile on Misha’s face turned downward while he brings a hand up to nervously roll the fabric of the collar at his neck. “Interesting choice of words.”
Oh. He’s not upset that I wrote ‘Love Yourself’ and not ‘love Jen’ is he? Jensen frowns at the small twinge of pain in his chest. How could he think I don’t love him?
“You know I said that for a reason right?” Misha shrugs but stays silent, eyes looking everywhere but at the man in front of him. Reaching out, Jensen grabs Misha’s hand in his, pulling him closer and into his arms. Faces inches away from each other, Jensen can see the hurt in those blue eyes and his chest tightens again. “I said ‘love yourself first’ because you are so quick to believe in and love all the people around you but when it comes to you- you doubt yourself.” Jensen feels Misha’s head being slowly placed on his shoulder and he squeezes the man tighter. It’s comfortable and warm and he never wants to let the older man go. This is what he wants forever. How could Misha not see that? “I love you Mish… I only hope you know that and you do too. You deserve too.”
Misha lets out a small noise against his neck and buries his head deeper into Jensen’s shoulder, fingers digging into his back as he pulls him closer. “Oh you son of a bitch.”
Feeling a shuddered intake of air from Misha, Jensen brings a hand up to his hair and plays with the few soft strands at his nape. They stay that way for a while, rocking ever so slightly. Just enjoying the feel of one another.
“I- I don’t know what to say.”
“Have I rendered you speechless? If only I knew saying I love you would shut you up, I would’ve said it sooner.” Misha chuckles softly into the smooth skin on Jensen’s neck and lightly smacks his back in retaliation.
Leaning back, Jensen puts on a stern face. “Hey now. I gave you a lovely card and all I got was a hug, I don’t think I’m the dick here.” Jensen cracks a grin and Misha leans in, kissing the corner of his mouth.
“I love you, Jen.”
Jensen’s eyes close as Misha kisses him softly. Moving away from his lips, Jensen kisses a slow trail up to Misha’s ear. “Happy Valentine’s Day, babe.”
Humming, Misha leans into Jensen, breath increasing slightly. “You’re still a dick.”
Laughter fills the room and Misha smiles fondly at the man he loves. The con can wait for a moment, Misha decides as his hold gets tighter, but this can’t.