constant-screaming

Depression

Depression is like a monster entering your soul and overtaking it. Filling you with hatred and sadness, but most of all, emptiness. You try to fight it but its useless. You feel yourself going insane in consquence of the constant battle of voices screaming inside your head. You can’t escape it, so you take pills to try and ceace the void which you never knew where it came from to start with. You forget how to sleep, how to smile, how to feel. No one knows what’s going on inside you, and you start to feel like no one cares. You feel alone so you pick up the blade. It feels right. For an instant you forget about everything and you realize you’re alive because it hurts. You start liking the pain. You see the blood dripping down and you feel alive. That emptiness that overtook you once, is gone.
Then, it all starts again and you’re lost. Every day is the same, and after a while you can’t seem to distingish the difference between sadness and happiness because hate is all you know now. You see people laughing and loving and you can’t comprehend why. You feel tired as hell, even though you’ve slept for 14 hours strait. You forget what’s the point in life and you start questioning your own life. You know you’ve hit rock bottom, yet you start feeling at home there, like you belong there.

Depression is wierd, even thought you feel empty all the time, its an emptiness full of beautifull darkness.

-BMS

Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday, Awesome whatever you celebrate! 

-

Another year was coming to a close and her hand felt no heavier for it. She had left every hint she could think of this year-not just her usual routine on stage. Bridal magazines on every surface, a ring catalogue left beside the sewing machine, watching wedding dress shows at all hours. None of it had helped.

She’d tried to start a conversation about it with the Hatter, tried to ask where their relationship was heading. He had bolted from the room and avoided her for a week. She had to enlist Thackery’s help to get him calmed down.

It was disappointing, coming to the realization that she may never get the ring she craved.

Though she wanted to cry, she kept her disappointment hidden. Regardless of how she felt about her lack of engagement, she was very much in love Tarrant. Pressuring him had done nothing but threaten to drive him away. She couldn’t bear the thought of that.

“Alice?”

She looked up from the vanity, watching the tall man sit on their shared bed and glance to the spot at his right. She rose to join him.

“It’s Christmas Eve.” He mused, tucking her against him.

“ We should sleep. No doubt you’ll want to be up early for presents.” Alice said.

“Do we really have to wait until tomorrow?”

“Tarrant,” she said, “We’re not going down to open them at this hour. You have to wait until morning.”

“For all of them?”

“Yes.”

“Not even just one?”  He pressed. She started to shake her head, but he shoved a box at her. It was wrapped in an array of colors that was so Tarrant she couldn’t help but smile.

“It can wait-“

“No!” He shouted, then lowered his voice. “I’d rather you open it now. I’d like to be the only one who sees you open it.”

She raised a brow but gently worked the paper, until she reached the little black box beneath.  Her breath caught in her throat and she tore it open, marveling at how the dim light reflected off cut diamond.

“I’m sorry I made you wait but this is the time of year you’re meant to get the things you want the most, right? I wanted to do it properly and, Alice will you say something?”

She slipped the ring onto her finger, feeling the weight of it lighten her heart.

“Yes.”