constant need

i tried to warn you
i’m a fucking disaster
i’m a hurricane
a tornado
a tsunami
a natural disaster
obliterating everything in my path
there is nothing beautiful about tragedy and destruction
i am destruction
and mayhem
and chaos
i warned you
loving me might destroy you
because i am a fucking mess
a travesty with dark eyes
and unsteady hands
and a heart that beats too hard, too fast
i am misery that breathes
i am struggling to breathe
i am unable to get out of bed for days at a time
i am in need of constant reassurance
i am tears
and blood
and nightmares
and “i’m sorry"s 
and mistakes
i am pain
i hurt myself
which hurts you
and i don’t know how to stop
i am promises
and apologies
and broken
broken
i am broken
i warned you
that you would get cut on my edges
—  Anonymous said: could you please write something about leaving the person you love due to your life being in pieces and depression taking over?
(cc, 2017)
2

He has a 99.99% chance of stealing yo girl

to whom loves her next there are a few things you should know.
she doesn’t open up easily or for that matter at all. please do not get offended by this. and if she isn’t talking for a while or says short words when texting you don’t get upset, she’s just lost in her head. she’ll come back to you. she always will. even when you break her heart for the first time, she comes back. and the second time.. she always comes back. she never knows when to stop loving, just like she never knows when to stop over watering plants because she’s so afraid they aren’t getting enough. she also needs constant reassurance so please don’t get annoyed when she wants attention or constant reassurance through out the day. she’s been hurt so many times it’s hard to believe that people could be so cruel to something so beautiful.
she loves to take photographs and she loves to read. she starts reading a book and then she finds another book and starts reading that one cause she’s just so excited and forgets to read the end of the other book so don’t ask why she does that, cause she doesn’t know. she loves animals more than anything so yes that means her two horses, three dogs and chinchilla come first. she’s vegan so make sure you check to see if there’s any milk in the chips or cookies if you buy them for her at the grocery store, which you should. she loves cooking but doesn’t like to clean up the kitchen mess. she HATES dirt. she loves the sky and stars so please make sure you stop to look at sunsets whenever you’re together. she doesn’t talk about her dad but she always wants to. she has a love hate relationship with her mother even though her mother doesn’t know it. child birth scares the crap out of her so she’d rather adopt. she claims she hates kids but once you see her with her little cousin who’s like her little brother the smile she’s wearing when they hug says different. she’s amazing with kids even though she thinks they are annoying. she has big dreams like wanting to end world hunger or becoming an activist. she cries when she see’s animals on the street. also, she’ll bring home animals from the street. she loves her family and friends even though she keeps to herself. she hates stickers and she loves traveling. and when you find her crying into her calms on the bathroom floor at 3 am please do not yell at her and tell her to get over it, instead sit next to her and just hold her hand, she doesn’t want to talk about it. please make sure she takes her medication. in fact stand right there in front of her until she takes it cause if you leave she won’t. she’ll call you an ass and get mad but she’ll love you for it. she loves flowers, especially yellow tulips. she misses her dad everyday. she has a sadness inside her that will never go away so please be there for her even when she pushes you away. her favorite color is blue even though she doesn’t have a favorite color, blue was her dad’s favorite color so when you ask she always says blue. she loves nature and hiking but make sure to make her drink water because she always forget and then feels like shit later on in the day. she hates doing the dishes but doesn’t mind cleaning anything else. she’s an old soul but she has a young spirit and personality at the same time. she has like 10 different laughs and they are all cute but she hates them so please tell her that they are your favorite. please tell her you love her every day because she will say that you don’t. so to the one who loves her next please know she is something so extraordinary that if you lose her you will spend the rest of your life regretting. i know because i am.

yuri is selfish. it’s how he’s been able to get this far, by putting himself first when no one else would. so when he can no longer take the heavy ache in his chest, the dull and constant need for more than gentle touches and soft reassurances, yuri cuts otabek out. 

skype requests get rejected, text messages ignored, & it takes all of yuri’s willpower not to let otabek’s warm voice filter into the quietness of his room after the fourteenth missed call that night. yuri needs to let go, needs to purge from his body the longing that he knows goes unanswered. 

and then, it all stops. yuri notes with bitterness that this is the part that hurts the most. the part where they become strangers again, where otabek walks past him at worlds without sparing a second glance, the part where yuri realizes that despite everything he is still stupidly in love with someone he cannot have. 

Benedict C.–in any role–in that deliciously breathless moment before the Kiss

reblog if you agree

You know, if Soma does die, at least Ciel will finally experience some fucking consequences for his actions. It’ll be the first time since the Jack the Ripper arc that Ciel will have to deal with people close to him dying suddenly without his consent. What with this on top of Lizzy’s unwillingness to return home and her implied knowledge about the contract, it seems like this’ll be the arc where all of Ciel’s platitudes about “standing on a pile of dead allies” will finally be put to the test.

Sportacus is autistic

Here’s why:

• in some cases, autistic people have moderate to severe trouble differentiating relationships (i.e. it’s hard for them to tell the different between an acquaintance and a friend, that sort of thing) which is why sportacus is so kind and amiable with robbie, cos he just doesn’t get why he wouldn’t be
• sporp needs constant stimulation, which usually comes in the form of exercise, and that’s his method of stimming
• his special interest is anything athletic
• he doesn’t have many friends his age, instead choosing to hang out with the kids as he gets along with them well
• he’s got a tendency to be very literal, not taking well to figures of speech, sarcasm, or tone signals

please add more if you have anything!

“to whoever loves him next there are a few things you should know.
he doesn’t open up easily or for that matter barely at all. if he isn’t talking for a while or replies with one word responses when texting you don’t get upset, he’s just lost in his head. he will come back to you. he always will. even when you break his heart for the first time, he comes back. and the second time.. he still comes back. he just never knows when to stop loving. he never knows . he also needs constant reassurance so please don’t get annoyed when he wants to make sure he is doing the best. he’s been hurt so many times it’s hard to believe that people could be so cruel to something so amazing. he loves to take photographs and show off what he is proud of. he doesn’t talk about his dad but he always wants to. he has a love hate relationship with his mother even though his mother doesn’t know it. he claims he hates kids but once you see him with his little cousins the smile he’s wearing when they hug says different. he’s amazing with kids even though he thinks they are annoying. he has big dreams like wanting to end world hunger or becoming an activist. He loves chocolate, especially with nuts. he misses his dad everyday. his favorite color is red and he will go out of way for dairy queen. he loves nature and hiking but make sure to make him drink water because he always forget and then feels like shit later on in the day. please tell him you love him every day because he will say that you don’t. so to the one who loves him next please know he is something so extraordinary that if you lose him you will spend the rest of your life regretting. i know because i am.”

-s.g // excerpts from a book ill never write #69

"What did you learn..."

(Note to myself)

Trust yourself. Love yourself. Choose yourself. Do not second guess yourself. Your feelings are valid. You’ve been through enough to know what false love looks and feels like. You know when someone or something is not genuine. Do not make excuses. For yourself or for others. Listen to your gut. The first time! And every time afterwards. When the universe speaks, listen. When the vibes are off, listen. When something doesn’t make sense, something is off. Do not make sense of it just because! Things make sense. Nothing is “just because”. No one is “just like that”. Love does not choose when it wants to work. You are NOT inadequate. You do not need to change. There is NOTHING wrong with you. You are not paranoid. You are not buggin the fuck out. There’s a reason you feel the way you feel… ALWAYS. Attention is NOT love!!! Again, Attention is NOT love… when someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. Choose to see people for who they are, not who they “can be”. Do not fall in love with potential. Trust actions and patterns before words! Emotional abuse is REAL. Do not allow anyone to USE you, or what you have to offer. You deserve respect. You are worth more than second thoughts and maybes. Emotional NEGLECT is even more real! NEVER. EVER. NEGLECT yourself. In any aspect and especially to fill a void in others. You don’t deserve to be lied to. You don’t deserve to be cheated on. You’re too good of a person to let that define you. You’re too good to be tainted. You have a BIG HEART!! It’s okay to care. You deserve the love you give. You deserve honesty. You deserve to be communicated with. You deserve loyalty. You deserve security. You deserve someone willing to love you. WILLING. And wanting. More than you love yourself. But love yourself MORE. Love your WHOLE self. You are EVERYTHINGGGGG. Anybody would DIE to be in the arms of a lover like you. You are selfless. You are SMART. Never discredit your instinct! Your intentions are always pure. Do not let anyone discredit your intentions, ever. You have never been malicious or ill-intended without proper cause. You never will be. You ARE love. You are beautiful. Do not change your image or feel like you are physically inadequate, for ANYONE!!!! You can love you AND love someone else. You never have to choose. And if someone makes you feel as if you do, CHOOSE YOU!!!! You are a man. Do not wait for someone to change. Do not give more than one to two chances. Stand up for yourself! Don’t love someone into loving you. Do not Love someone harder to get them to Love YOU harder. They will choose do that on their own (if they want to) and you can’t control that. You are JUST FINE alone. You are great on your own. Acknowledge when things are not okay. DO NOT IGNORE IT. Acknowledge! When something is wrong! Being angry is okay. Being confused is okay. Trust your questioning. Or don’t question so often. Look at why you’re questioning to begin with and start there. The “stay and try to work it out, no matter what” narrative ONLY BENEFITS ABUSERS!!! You don’t deserve abuse, in any form. Don’t allow love to make you blind to it! Be honest with yourself! Don’t do anything for an image or in fear or “looking dumb”. Don’t do anything driven by the perception of others. Know when you are a priority. Make YOU you’re own priority. Some people just aren’t who they say they are. You are not super man. You have no control over people and their decisions. Sometimes you just can not help the person you love. No matter how many times you think you’re doing the right thing by being there, by loving harder. Sometimes its not enough for them. But you are enough for YOU. Know that. Be there for you, especially when no one else isn’t! Being Unattached is a real thing. The battle is not yours. Don’t beat yourself up for wanting good. Don’t be mad at yourself for having a heart. Other people’s burdens are not YOUR burdens. And other people’s mistakes are certainly not YOURS. You are whole without anyone’s validation or presence. If someone doesn’t see your worth, YOU SEE IT! Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone else’s ability to see your worth. Please love yourself, Michael. Believe you are as perfect as you sometimes say you are. Be IN LOVE with you! Look at you!!! What’s not to love!!!

6am of my all nighter, take a look at my helltree